Corey sat in the cockpit and looked out at the mountains. They were a far more pleasant sight than the faces outside. A small army of locals and tourists alike had gathered to gawk at the alien spaceship that had landed in the plains outside their town. Overwhelmed local police were struggling to clear a path so that the crew could actually leave their ship -and to clear out protesters.

“Oh look, there’s another one holding a sign,” Kamak said. “Corvash, what’s that one say?”

“Earth belongs to humans,” Corey said, right before the protester got nabbed by a cop and dragged away.

“‘Earth belongs to humans’,” Kamak repeated. “I wasn’t aware anyone was trying to change that. You put in an offer, Farsus?”

“I don’t believe I could afford it,” Farsus said.

“The Galactic Council charter clearly states that no person or group can own a planet,” To Vo said. “Even uninhabited planets can only have leased commercial rights.”

“If nobody owns the planet, who the fuck are they leasing it from?”

“Do you have the fifteen drops it would take me to explain that?”

“Probably, but I still don’t want to hear it,” Kamak said.

“I kind of want to hear it,” Bevo said.

“It is a little boring,” To Vo admitted.

“If To Vo says the complicated legal code bullshit is boring then it’s really boring,” Tooley said. To Vo was absolutely enthralled by texts that would put other people to sleep. “Leave it.”

“Well I have to do something,” Bevo said. “I’m getting restless here, we’ve been waiting for cycles.”

“And we’ll wait cycles more until we get the all clear,” Kamak said. “I’d like to avoid causing another diplomatic incident.”

“Hunting a serial killer seems like it should expedite some processes,” Tooley grunted. The processes actually were getting expedited, and it was still taking a long time.

“It’s not like we know where Kor is,” Doprel said. “Technically we don’t even know she’s on this planet. Our plan is to explore and hope we flush her out.”

“You voted for the plan. It’s a good plan,” Kamak said.

“It’s a good plan under the circumstances,” Corey said. “Let’s not pretend this is some brilliant masterstroke.”

“It was your idea.”

To Vo La Su rolled her eyes. A few swaps ago she had missed traveling with Corey and the crew more than anything. She’d forgotten about the “endless inane bickering” part. Her patience was spared further testing by the sudden and welcome intervention of their communicator going off.

“Crew of the Wild Card Wanderer, thank you for your patience.”

“Of course, random government official,” Kamak said. “How long of a delay are we looking at this time?”

“As long as it takes you to descend that ramp,” the random government official said. “You’ve been cleared to disembark.”

“Oh.”

“Is there a problem?”

“I mean, I need to get my boots on,” Kamak said. “And, uh, some other stuff.”

“We’ve been relaxing here, give us a minute to get all formal again,” Corey said, before hanging up. “Let me get my lightsaber.”

“Okay, you’ve got the fancy sword,” Bevo said. “I’m not supposed to bring my axe though, right?”

“No axe, yes gun,” Kamak said. The axe was a little too intimidating for the civilians surrounding their ship, but this was still technically a combat mission.

“Okay, and should I wear the gun on my hip to look tough or try to hide it to be sneaky, or-”

“Can you not do both?” Tooley demanded, as she buckled up her flight jacket.

The narrative has been taken without permission. Report any sightings.

“I’ve only got one gun!”

“You’re a career bounty hunter and you’ve only got one gun?”

“I don’t have my own ship to store a whole arsenal on,” Bevo said. “Have to travel light.”

“You can have my gun if you need a spare,” To Vo said. She offered up a small service pistol that she meticulously cleaned and maintained on a weekly basis despite the fact that it had never been used outside of a yearly firearms test.

“No, you keep your gun,” Kamak said. “Nobody should be going into this unarmed. Except Doprel, but he could kill everyone on this planet with his bare hands anyway.”

“Don’t lead with that,” Doprel said. While everyone else scrambled to dress to impress, Doprel sat on the sidelines and watched the humans. He was walking around naked, as usual.

“Projecting strength may come in handy,” Farsus said. He struggled to button a coat over his broad chest. Going shirtless was not quite taboo on Earth, for men at least, but a coat still made him look more presentable.

“Please don’t threaten to squish anyone,” Corey said.

“Nobody’s threatening anybody. Except Kor,” Kamak said. He holstered his gun, made sure it was visible but not too obvious, and looked towards the ship’s exit. “I’m good. Everyone else good?”

“Getting there,” Corey said, as he too stashed a gun not quite out of sight. “Should be good.”

The rest of the crew fell in line. After a quick round of reminders on human cultural and social norms, Corey stepped up, and Kamak took a step back. They figured it would be better optics if the resident human took the lead.

“Okay, three, two, one…”

The boarding ramp opened, and Corey could already hear shocked gasps from the crowd outside. He ignored their reactions and focused on walking forward. The police had cleared a ten foot wide lane right through the middle of the crowd. Corey kept his head low and ignored them. His crewmates were a bit more curious.

To Vo was already cataloging the appearance of the crowd and trying to extrapolate statistics on demographics and genetic diversity. Farsus was taking a similar approach, though he was focused more on various genetic advantages and disadvantages in a way that would’ve been more than a little problematic if he said them out loud. Bevo was trying to decide whether humans were good-looking on average. Kamak, for his part, had absolutely no interest in any such examination of humans and was wondering how hard it would be to stock up on human vodka while he was here.

At the back of the crowd, Doprel tried his best to look small. He had not been foolish enough to expect a royal welcome, but he’d at least expected humans to be a little more open-minded. The vast majority of the crowd gawked at him like a freak, but there were far too many faces in the crowd staring at him with disgust and fear. After seeing the dozenth child avert their eyes and cling to their mother in fear, Doprel put his head down and focused on following his friends.

The long path through the crowd was lined on either side with police officers, and led to a small cadre of diplomats and local officials. Kamak restrained his commentary on their nervous, twitchy demeanors and shook a few hands. Bevo eagerly greeted everyone, pleased to have a chance to show off all the hand-shaking practice she’d done, and even Doprel managed to get in a few polite greetings, though he still noticed how sweaty palms suddenly got when held in his massive hands.

“Welcome to Earth, and to our city,” said a visibly sweating mayor. “We’re aware you’re here on important business, and we’re ready to help in whatever way we’re able.”

“Great,” Kamak said. “Who’s in charge of security here? We need eyes on any suspicious newcomers to the area lately.”

“Oh, that would be Captain Way here,” the mayor said, as he gestured to a nearby police officer.

“Great, you have any eyes on the situation?”

The police captain cleared his throat and eyed Kamak nervously for a second before nodding to the mayor.

“I’m deferring to the mayor’s authority here,” he mumbled.

“The mayor has taxes and stuff to worry about, you’re in charge of the police, aren’t you?”

The captain held on to his belt and stared blankly ahead.

“Are you in charge or not?”

Kamak stared into the captain’s eyes, and saw absolutely no recognition. He rolled his eyes and turned back to the mayor.

“He doesn’t have a translation chip installed, does he?”

“Not everyone is, ahem, eager to install a piece of alien technology into their bodies,” the mayor said.

“It’s completely harmless,” Kamak said.

“It does hurt pretty bad,” Corey whispered. Something about the human nervous system made installing the chip significantly more painful than it was for other species.

“Fine. Corey, you take point, tell his officers what to look out for,” Kamak said. “In the meantime, where’s that Kacey lady?”

“Ms. Farlow is often difficult to reach,” the mayor said. “But she’s been made aware of the situation, and should be in town to meet you by the end of the day.”

“Great,” Kamak sighed. Plenty of time for things to go wrong.

“In the meantime, we would love to invite you to our city hall, or community center,” the mayor said. Kamak could see the effort he was putting into remembering the script. “We’d love to have you address our citizens, help bridge the gap between our kinds, normalize the presence of interstellar visitors.”

“Normalize?” Corey scoffed. “Town hall meetings and special events don’t normalize anything. Makes aliens things to gawk at and ask weird questions to.”

“Excuse me, well, just as a preliminary stage, you understand,” the mayor said.

“If you want us being here to seem normal, we have to do normal things,” Corey said.

“Of course, you would be the expert,” the mayor said. “What do you suggest?”

Corey thought about it for a few seconds. He did have one idea.

----------------------------------------

“Hi, welcome to Olive Garden, how can I-”

The hostess froze in her tracks when she saw the wall of blue, carapaced flesh that was Doprel. After a few seconds staring at that, she started to gawk at To Vo’s fur, the colorful skin of Farsus, Bevo, and Tooley, and the pronounced dermal ridges of Kamak.

“Hi, party of eight,” Corey said. “I know there’s only seven of us, but-”

Corey pointed up at Doprel, who waved politely.

“-he’s big.”

The hostess stared for a few more seconds.

“I can see that.”