Sam awoke the next morning, eyes slowly adjusting to the light coming from the clock display inches from her face as she took a moment to make out that it was just past eleven. She felt no need to arise from her makeshift bed, allowing her head to plop back on her rolled up blanket she used as a pillow. She didn’t see any nightmares that night before, having already thoroughly lived her worst one to date. It was surreal waking up in one of Enrai’s hidden-away compounds, all the while knowing Sebastian and Kaylen were the only two people she had left with her.
She wished she could go back to sleep, only to instantly feel the surge and torment from several recurring regrets that would keep her awake a little longer.
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"Maybe being a lawyer is in my future, Mom. But I just don’t feel it right now. I’m twenty-five and you’ve spent the last decade planning my future without any of my input. If you want to lose me like you did Isaiah, you can keep this up, or you can just let me breathe.”
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Why didn’t I listen?! She’d still be at home, waiting for me to get my shit straight…
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[Well, look, I can promise this,] Dani then spoke in a more comforting tone as she held a pinky finger up. [If any of us Navarre’s get him first, we will let you decide what we’ll do with him. Deal?]
She understood the message, and was deeply appreciative of the offer, but was still baffled by what to do about the extended finger.
Dani chuckled, taking Sam’s right hand and pulled her pinky finger open and interlocked it with hers. [You don’t know this kind of promise?] She laughed in reaction once again, and this time it was loud enough to cause Sam to join her despite how awkward it was.
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Renzo had Sam’s sudden and uncomfortable attention, and it wasn’t the sudden uptick in turbulence from the updrafts the shuttle ran through. [No one needs to be sorry. At least temporarily, this is our life, isn’t it?]
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And now to think who I got killed… over someone they had no business dying over…
Tears began welling up again, and her sniffling spat that soon ensued elicited a reaction from across the room as the door opened up.
“I’m here, now,” Sebastian calmly spoke as he eased through the doorway without opening it too much as to let in unnecessary light. “I couldn’t sleep.”
Sam picked up all too well how much pain he had been trying to disguise as he sat by her side to comfort her. And nothing could hold her back from wrapping her arms around his waist as she squeezed him tightly, unable to speak for a long, painful moment. “I’m so sorry. I-”
“-We chose this life,” Sebastian heavily responded, cutting her off as he held her in return. “No one can be sorry. We just make choices. And we live with them, and everyone is suffering, not just me.”
It took a few moments after hearing that for Sam to gather the strength to pull herself upright, now able to see his face. Just as she was, his eyes were swollen, tired from crying, and dry of any tears left. The rest of his face wore proof of his lack of sleep, sunken and dark. This, she felt, was the breaking point she feared would show up, but it still paled in comparison to the fear of what would await her or the both of them if she walked away to cut her losses.
“Listen, Sam,” he calmly began, triggering an anxious jump from Sam. “They are letting me take my brother and sister back to Colombia tomorrow.” He tried to hold gazes with her, but found it too difficult as the painful memories tried hard to derail his thoughts. “I… have to put them to rest… properly. Come with me,” he then asked of her, now intently looking back at her with his sincere plea. “Please.”
Sam retreated instinctively to a more defensive posture, unable to look back immediately. “You know I want to, but there’s… I mean…” She dared not look to confirm how hurt her obvious reluctance would leave Sebastian, struggling frustratingly to find a proper response. “I don’t know what to do, Sebastian. Honestly,” she finished with a more emphatic tone, finally able to look back up at him to see he was surprisingly patient enough to let her think it through. “Sorry. I don’t know what I want to do right now.”
“It’s okay.” He smiled weakly in return. “Please think about it. We can’t leave until tomorrow, but I don’t want to leave without you, either. It’s a lot for me to think, too.”
A knock at the wall near the door caught their attention. Kaylen emerged from the doorway, looking away just enough out of respect. “Glad you’re up. Hexa’s on call. They need you right away, Knight,” she flatly spoke before turning to leave. “Follow me.”
Sam and Sebastian looked at each other as if to communicate: “We’ll talk about this later” before slowly getting up.
And knowing she’d need a moment to reset herself somewhat, she asked for a detour at the restroom, finding it fortunately empty and quiet. Making her way through the piles of boxes and other equipment leaned against the wall, she stood in front of the mirror, staring down at the old, antiquated sink basin before turning it on. After a quick splash to her face, an aggravated rub from both hands over her cheeks and eyes, and a wipe of most of the water dripping down, she stood there to see her reflection in a suddenly different light. It was like she was back at Colombia for the first time all over again. She felt a similar weariness, even down to the scrapes and bruises. She felt a similar mental exhaustion, albeit much deeper reaching this time. But beyond that door was a similar emptiness. Before, she had no one awaiting her as those perished were those she never truly knew. But this time, the tides were completely turned, and the darkness quickly encroached on her sanity still teetering on the edge, prompting her to wash her face again through heightened frustration and a muffled, futile cry for help.
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Adding to her desperation came that one video phone call she got from her mother, quickly tying into doubts that clouded her confidence on her choice to stay on Earth that day. But it was like she could only now see the genuine concern through her at-the-time seemingly harsh, uncaring stance. For that next moment as she caught her breath, she pondered in futility if that was the only way she knew how to show concern to anyone she loved.
And then Isaiah resurfaced. His face, his cold, judgmental gaze, and his voice all at once. And she remembered that instant what kept her moving at times she wanted to quit most.
No, it’s different this time, Sam told herself as she rejoined Sebastian in the hallway. He took her under his arm as they followed Kaylen’s lead. Sebastian there by her side was one large part of the solace she found in her decision to keep moving, but she couldn’t put her finger on the other part she felt but couldn’t picture. Regardless, her feet continued pushing her along, gaze locked ahead. It’s just like Renzo and Dani said, she thought as she pushed welling tears back down forcefully. We all made our choices. We had- and will always have- our reasons, and I’m sticking to them.
She passed a wall mounted monitor along the way, catching sight of the local news showing a face, named “Oman Orsi,” alongside what appeared to be brief details of his death. All was with the added backdrop of the partially smoldering SAU Assembly Hall, which Sam instantly recognized. And as they passed the open doorway to the room immediately adjacent, she saw even more monitors up and showing several news broadcasts, all focusing on the same incident.
“Why that? These people already know everything,” Sam irritatingly mumbled aloud to herself.
“Well,” Sebastian offered. “I believe it is because they must keep knowledge of the public image of… well… everything. Everything we gain or lose, as long as we are with the Underground, no one outside will know,” he continued wearily. “And at the same time, everything the people of the public gains or loses, we have to know it all.”
“I guess so,” Sam trailed off as she regretted getting Sebastian started down a difficult path she knew couldn’t be good for either of them.
“This reminds me of home,” he added to her surprise as his voice continued towards a soft, choked-up strain. “The familia that I worked for. They worked the same way. We all worked the same way.”
Sam slowed to a stop as Sebastian found himself locked onto a news screen that showed Sam’s face and personal information. She wasn’t as fear-stricken this time around, however, but rather accepting, considering the damage she dealt around town. “Yep. Here we go again.” She then tugged at his arm to suggest moving along. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”
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Fear-stricken she was, however, once she entered the darkened communications room that had Vincent Vrey’s live feed on the central holographic display. She didn’t think moments ago to be fearful of the ramifications dealing with her Hexa ties. Not only was her identity fully outed, but her familial ties to Reaper was also outed. That alone might get her fired from what she figured in that instant she met his gaze. He didn’t look necessarily pleased, either, and now she feared the worst in that he would assume Sam knew this whole time and withheld such critical information.
But with a quick break of her gaze, glancing aside to avoid eye contact reflexively, she noted an unfamiliar face next to him. This man in particular looked concerned more than his boss figure in front.
“Samantha,” Vincent spoke as Sam was ushered to a seat at the large table. “We are pressed for time, so I will keep this short. But we are all so immensely relieved you and Mr. Navarre here are still safe.”
She initially felt relieved that he had no intent on admonishing her, but it quickly turned to discontent, now realizing he chose not to mention the same for Dani and Renzo, nor offer condolences for something he should have long been aware of. Those were his hand-selected employees as of recent, at that. “Yes, sir. Trying our best with what little we can,” she dryly responded, unable to put out her usual polite tone.
“And we’re extremely saddened by the loss of your mother,” Vincent added, much to her surprise and shock as her eyes shot wide open.
Sebastian even felt her gasp that exact moment.
“Your father had been off of our communication grid for weeks, then broke the news to us just hours earlier before disappearing completely once again. We fear he’s about to be involved very soon, and now we’re trying to help Enrai put a close to this as soon as absolutely and humanly possible.”
Wait, what?! Dad told them?! But why? Why them, and why would he bother after how they treated him?
“I don’t know what else I can do, though, sir,” Sam continued in her dry tone, unwilling to join in on whatever new game he had planned. She was too drained, and she knew Sebastian was the same. Without the Arondight- which was the whole reason she pushed forward with the previous plan as far as she had, she felt there was no light at the end of any tunnel he could prepare for them. And additionally, she now realized she had no reason to care what Vrey, or anyone at Hexa, thought of her as of now regardless of her situation with her brother.
At this rate, I hope they try to call me off or cut me loose. I suddenly feel like have nothing to gain from them anymore.
“Well, that’s why we called you and Mrs. Rodgers here. We needed to confirm your physical status, and now that we have, I can tell you two things,” Vincent continued, unaware of Sam’s averted eye contact. “One is that your father tried to convince us to get you to safety due to the circumstances. Two is us planning to do just that. Enrai has the protocol in place to get you and Mrs. Rodgers the Arondight and the Galatine as soon as tomorrow.”
Sam’s eyes widened once more, but this time in a different form of surprise. She was convinced the Arondight was a lost cause despite hearing it wasn’t a goner.
Vincent could tell he had her full attention now. “We spent too much on those units to trust them to any susceptible form of transportation. We are still in possession of them and are ready to move forward on the backup plan for delivery.”
Sam recalled feeling something helped push her forward moments ago, and this was it. When nightmares didn’t plague her subconscious, the warm glow from the advanced direct GUI of the Arondight called to her. She had logged so many intense, exhausting but bond-building hours for what she thought may have been for nothing. But in that one line from Vincent, she felt a new sense of hope surge from within. That was the one tool, the one equalizer she desperately needed in such times. “I’m ready to move forward with whatever you need me to do, sir,” she immediately responded without an ounce of hesitation.
Sebastian’s lips tightened, and Sam saw the distrust in his eyes when she turned to look for his reaction.
“We do worry about your spiritual state,” Vincent quickly added. “You’ve lost your mother.”
“And?” She uncharacteristically quipped, snapping back towards the holographic transmission. “With all due respect, sir, the Arondight is the only way I can make things right after all of my slip-ups and failures.”
“Sam,” Sebastian whispered from behind to no avail.
She now only felt the power to fight back with a power she had never imagined wielding nor desired to wield up until recent. And in this moment, it was stronger than she could have expected. And it was more addicting of a feeling than anything, and she though felt its toxicity she offered it no resistance. “I am absolutely ready to move forward. I appreciate the concerns, but my will is only solidified, not shaken.”