Hello Readers,
It’s been a journey. Sometimes a frustrating one and sometimes a rewarding one, but definitely a journey. I’ve grown a ton writing Halcyon Nightmares, and I’d like to peel back the curtain on my thought process while writing it, explain what I think worked and what I needed to work on as an author, and reveal some of my worldbuilding and notes in an abridged form.
In December 2022, I read Magical Girl Gunslinger and Stray Cat Strut. Both were amazing stories, but MGG, in particular, left me craving more. I subscribed to Mikasane’s Patreon to get more, but it wasn’t enough. They’d built such an incredible world, and Mai was a fantastic character. Nothing else scratched the itch.
Then I got an idea.
Ravensdagger used technology familiars and plant monsters. Mikasane used fantastical familiars and eldritch enemies.
What if I did human familiars and mechanical enemies?
I reread MGG and SCS in January 2023, and armed with the rereads, the boy Operator/Magical Girl combo, and a disgusting amount of overconfidence, I started writing. My goals:
* Tell an MGG-style story
* Pick up 300 followers. 1,000 was a wild success stretch goal
* Prove to myself I could write a novel-length story.
What Worked?
I’d like to think I write a decent fight scene. I looked up resources for fight scene writing early on, and when I joined the COTEH Discord, it was one of the first things I asked for help with. The fights in HN are one of the things I’m most proud of, especially when comparing my early ones with later ones. I picked up a lot on how to maintain tension and make a fight scene matter, and especially in the later ones (from Chapter 17 and on, roughly), I think I made most of the fights matter.
More importantly, superhero fights are entertaining to write. Hell, superhero stories are fun to write, and that’s something I definitely learned from HN.
My core trio of Luciole, Overclock, and James also felt well-developed as characters. They all had distinct personalities that shone through, even though they didn’t get much time to develop them before the action started. James, in particular, is one I’m proud of. He didn’t get any real time on-camera as more than a voice through the graduation chapters and still managed to feel “correct.”. I’m also proud of Luciole’s dad. Robert Pendleton hit exactly how I wanted him to, and the comment arguments about whether he was okay or awful showed that I got him right.
The first 23ish chapters also felt great. They flowed well and kept the action going. I credit MGG and SCS with that; their intro arcs inspired my intro arc, and the tight plan for the school arc and what came immediately after it set up many areas of improvement I see in HN.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
What to Improve?
In a nutshell, I had no concept of planning and structure.
My plan for transitioning to the school/training/SHOCKS arc was “transition to the school/training/SHOCKS arc. I intended to use the veteran MGs to train Z-4 in public relations and combat, get them to level 10 (with Luciole at 12 or 13), and then start the Sooke arc. But I didn’t have a great idea of how to do a school arc, and I figured I could maybe wing it.
Which led to other big problems.
Candice, for example, came from a need to have a conflict during the school arc, so it wasn’t just flat exposition. I took what made Robert Pendleton hated and attached it to a 16-year-old mean girl, but didn’t develop her personality (hell, any of Z-4’s girls’ personalities) like I needed to. The same thing happened with Bentley. His personality was “James, but learning,” which wasn’t enough.
Candice was actually as toxic a character to write as she was to read, and I struggled with writing the story after introducing her, and especially after the reactions to her. That caused a rushed ending, which meant I overpromised explanations and couldn’t deliver on all the promises.
Finally, I had a couple of critical problems with SHOCKS. The big one was that due to the school/training arc getting cut short, the organization came across as really, really dumb. It wasn’t meant to be dumb. It was supposed to be a step or two ahead of the Emergence machines but outnumbered and forced to make tough decisions with its resources. But that didn’t get to come across.
Notes
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1RTMUpAbycIHxdDMkeP-O6Qfi2W0276zA-XkfcuhF1IA/edit
The attached document includes my notes on setting history, SHOCKS, the system, and the named Magical Girls in the setting I’m willing to share. It’s not everything because most of what I created is much messier than what’s here.
Closing Thoughts
I’ve poured a ton of time and work into Halcyon Nightmares, Time Flies, and Lewy Body, and I have an intensely emotional relationship with all my stories. I know other authors out there feel the same way about their babies. I learned a lot about planning, outlining, and structure from my time on the COTEH Discord server. It’s one of the things I’ve latched on to because it was such a major weakness for me in HN.
My newest story, Magical Girl Undergrad, just launched, and it has the benefit of my learning on HN, TF, and LB. It’s got a completely different tone than HN, going against the Madoka Magica/MGG-inspired grain that ended up too dark for me, and I’m looking forward to seeing you all there! The link is below!
Finally, thank you all for sticking with me through this. Having such an awesome group of readers like you all means a lot to me. Thank you.
EDIT 10/29/23: I've started tinkering slightly with a heavily, heavily reworked version of this story. At this point, it won't even follow most of the plot beats, so I'm not sure it even qualifies as a rewrite, but if anyone's curious, there is hope.
EDIT 12/23/23: The story has taken a shift into System Apocalypse territory and away from Magical Girls, and I'm aiming for a mid-May launch with a full book finished. Hang in there!
[https://cdn.discordapp.com/attachments/1144409130006757558/1199128330063069204/Banner_7.png?ex=65c16a48&is=65aef548&hm=a37583be38566e33985ed087a0358f4591bff722fc31f22055a6e1027514cbb8&]