Almost a week has passed since I lost control of myself, the second task will be upon us in the morning. The others are wary of me now, I do not blame them. The man I beat has since recovered, thanks to the medigel. It is still strange to me that they give it out freely. He has not spoken to me, nor I him, as Kuwathi rarely apologize. I see him talking of me in hushed whispers. I know the look on his face too well, a look that means a blade will follow. When he will come, I do not know, but I will be ready for him.
I have been pushing myself to the breaking point every day to atone for my failings, learning to channel the rage more effectively now as well. Trying to find the calm within the storm. In my dreams I find myself getting closer and closer to understanding the box, I catch myself wanting to hold it once more, like a moth to the flame. At times I am sure it is in my hand, but when I look there is nothing.
There is little to do except train, Dargo still will not answer any of our questions, I find myself wondering if the other Keepers are this withholding. The nerves are fraying for most, but with meditation comes peace. Searching within before searching without. Our nightly meditation draws to a close as I hear Dargo begin to speak.
“Hunters, you are permitted to sleep. Rest well, tomorrow it begins.” He says to us, but he does not leave as he normally does, he lingers, finding my gaze now, he motions me to come.
He has not spoken to me or shown any interest since he marked me in red. He does not speak for a time as he waits for everyone to leave. When we are finally alone, he steps down from the center pedestal.
“Have you figured it out?” he asks me.
“Figured out what Keeper?” I say, not fully confident in what he asks.
“Why I push you more than the rest.”
“I have not. Keeper.” I admit.
“Because within you, I see potential ready to burst forth.” He says now walking in a circle around me, his arms crossed “It is trapped, held down by the distilled pain you carry for things you cannot control.”
I say nothing as I weigh his words.
“You are not a god, you are a man. A man need only feel the pain of what he can control, or else the madness will consume him.”
My jaw clenches, I know that he is not wrong, but I do not wish to forget the suffering of my people, it feels more of a sin to release it. It is my burden to bear, it is not for him to say if it is worth holding, and it is his people who forced this sin upon us.
“You must crawl through the darkness to find the light if you wish to bloom.” He says to me, now jumping back up on the pedestal as it slowly begins to raise.
His words begin resonating in me, giving way to action in my mind, a struggle ensuing on whether to listen or reject.
“Do not die tomorrow, I will feel very foolish if you do.” He says with a grin before he disappears into the domed ceiling.
Walking towards my bunk there are many questions on my mind. Nekam and the others wait up for me, questions on their faces.
“What did he want?” Nevari asks me first.
“Did he say what the task for tomorrow is?” Nekam asks, there is tension in his voice, he is worried more than he wants us to know.
“He only spoke to give advice.” I say, climbing to my bunk ready to sleep.
“Will you heed it?” Neeba asks me pensively, there is an air of concern around him, though he tries to hide it. He has been like this since I lost control and beat the man nearly to death.
“I will try.” I say rolling to my side, trying to find sleep, now is not the time for talk. Soon there will be work needing to be done, fate spins its wheel forward.
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***
I stir from my dreams, a welcome relief to be free of them. The lights come on in the bay. Over the intercom I hear a system announcement.
“Attention - Attention - Attention - System Announcement - Honorable Senator Adonious will now speak.” The system chimes in its robotic monotone voice. The anthem of the Republic begins playing and a holo appears on all of our wrists of the man, his greasy hair slicked back without a strand out of place.
“Hunters, your next task is upon you. Survive and you may yet achieve glory and redeem yourselves.” He says now leaning in on the projection, he appears to be sitting at a desk of some kind “Long live the Republic, happy hunting.”
Another announcement chimes and Warden Akaria appears before us. I notice there seem to be bags under her eyes as though she has not slept well. It is subtle, but it is there.
“Hunters, it is a momentous day for you. From this moment forward your holopads will be opened for sponsor communications.” She pauses as though wanting to say something more.
There is a wariness in her eyes that does not match the smile that she gives. A hidden sadness lurking even further I feel. Perhaps I am imagining it.
“I cannot emphasize enough to you how important sponsors are, the greater you perform the better your chances of obtaining one.”
Perform. The word lingers in my mind like a rotten seed taking root, I am not a peddler of tricks for others amusement, I will not perform. I will do what I must to survive.
“Good luck hunters, may the gods watch over you.”
The gods she says, I do not need the gods she speaks of. Those false gods allow my people to be slaughtered. Gods that let their people be enslaved for a thousand years, those are not gods, not to me. I will only bow to one who sees the suffering and brings their rage, else they need not ask me to pray, for I will not bend for anything less.
The transmission ends and a map pops up from my holopad bringing me back to reality, my heart settles now, the calm filling it.
“It begins.” Nekam groans.
He grabs Nevari and Neeba grasping them tightly in a hug. His jaw flexing, there is water forming around his eyes, but he fights back the tide.
“Ukar Nemi Tul, have strength and survive.” He says.
I turn to give them privacy, the words he spoke uncommonly given by my people, as showing weakness is seen as shameful. In the old tongue Ukar Nemi Tul means simply - Return to my embrace. Hearing it brings me to a memory of my mother, I push it away, best not to become distracted.
***
I am in the pods that sail the glass tubes now, having been separated, whipping quickly through wild twists and turns, my mind still not able to keep track of them all. It is a labyrinth to me. I come to a chamber and the pod opens up. Inside I realize it is an armory, weapons line the walls, some I am adeptly familiar with, others I hope to soon be. There are two soldiers that stand guard over it, a doorway between where they stand.
“Change.” The first says, his weapon is lowered but ready in his metal gauntlet, his robotic suit hums as he points to a pile of clothes on the table.
They are like our old ones, tattered and stained, but when I look closely and feel the fabric, I realize these are newly made. Strange, why would they make such efforts to recreate our way and waste fresh thread. I do as they ask and change, questions still rattling in my mind. There is a mask on the table, a crude iron mask with spots of rust. Looking to the soldier he nods. I place the mask on my face, my vision less obstructed than I first thought it might be.
“Select your weapons.” The second says motioning his arm to the walls.
Moving to the walls, I look carefully for anything I can use, I study their armor in the side of my vision, careful so they do not see me gazing directly. It is different from the ones the city guards wore. It does not have gaps in the armor that a blade can find. Looking at the wall I see the blades are also crude like the mask, but the edges are extremely sharp, a drop of blood from my finger the proof. These will be useful, I do not know what I will need, so I grab an assortment of them, carrying what I can. The guards give each other a look, seeing how much I carry but they do not stop me.
“Proceed.” The first says pointing to the door between them.
As I pass them, I inspect one of their armor’s backside, there is no access plate I can see. Seeing no flaws in their mechanized suits I walk through the doorway. My bag thuds to the floor as I move into yet another pod. Sekat, so many movements, it is impossible to remember it all. I must try harder, this place will not be my tomb. I do not trust the senator’s words nor the tasks he will give.
I hear a rumbling above as my pod approaches the end of the tube. The rumbling becomes clearer to me when the pod opens fully. It sounds like the cheering of a large crowd, but why? How does this relate to the task.
Thud - Thud - Thud from above. Dust trickles onto my cloak and I rub it coarsely between my fingers, sandstone. Why would any of the master’s city have sandstone. Although I know little of their architecture it seems strange, nonetheless.
They are chanting something, but I cannot understand the words, the stone of the small chamber around me muffles it. There is a single iron door before me. Rays of light around the edges of the frame where the door has rusted over time, daylight perhaps. Moving closer to peer in the cracks my eyes adjust to the light. The first thing I see is sand, it looks like the barren surface of my planet, but it can’t be, we are on one of the master’s cities high in the sky, are we not? Then my eyes move upwards, farther and farther until I behold the entirety of it, my eyes growing wide as they take it in. Sekat…