And so, I discovered that being born is painful. Very painful. Especially when you're conscious and have a working brain, since a normal baby normally wouldn't, and usually it forgets after a week.

I also discovered that, being born as a wolf is just as painful as being born human. Actually, it might be even more so.

And, just like a normal human, the gestation period for a wolf is just as boring. Whimper when you're hungry, suck on the mother's breasts, crawl around and occasionally bite the occasional sibling. Oh, and did I mention I'm completely blind, 3/4 deaf and possess an overly sensitive nose?

Like this, an entire month passed. So far, I've always been stuck in a cave. I was able to open my eyes when I reached 2 weeks of age, but due to the absence of light it's not very useful. I did, however, discover that I have 5 other siblings of unknown genders. Hell, even my own gender is still a mistery. 

Luckily, today, our mother finally brought us useless bite-happy hyperactive puppies outside. The light was a bit overwhelming at first, but I got used to it. What was more important, however, was that I could finally kill something.

I never forgot the anger, the hatred, the repressed emotions I felt after discovering I was still alive. No, far from it. They crept inside my heart like a chill, eating away at any happiness my instincts of a wolf allow me. 

The hatred towards that bastard of a God never dissipated. Instead, it is just like a living entity. It silently sits in the dephts of my heart, cultivating itself, taking roots into my core.

It might sound philosophical or even stupid, but that is honestly what it feels like. I have a sneaking suspicion this might be the 'killing intent' that some very accomplished assassins or warriors sometimes develop. I obviously felt it multiple times before, but I never possessed any, so it's normal I am confused about it. I think.

Returning my concentration back to my mother, I silently observed my surroundings as opposed to my siblings whom simply jump around played with each other, biting and capovolting each other.

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

After our little excursion, our mother returned us to the little cavern we stayed in for our entire lives, well, this life. 

It took us yet another 3 months for us to finally be allowed to freely enter and leave the cavern on our own without mother having to bring us out. Naturally, we could only leave till a certain area, then mother would ferry us back and punish us with a small bite. 

As a side note, based off of comparisons from trees or other things, mother is technically a 4-meter long, 1.5 meter tall wolf with a shining grey fur. Most of my siblings are grey-furred as well, with one of them being a ruby red. 

Unsuprisingly, I'm a pitch-black color. I was expecting something of the sorts considering I had a lot of time to go over what those two devil/angel bastards said. If I have a darkness and illusion affinity, it's only natural my colors would match, so my suprise was nonexistent.

Apart from that, when we were two months, we met another wolf. Said wolf is surely our father, considering how affectionate he seemed. He probably was the one to bring food for mother, so I won't complain about him. His fur is a nice maroon color, close to the ruby wolf's red but not quite s red. 

I would describe out days, but each and every one essentially goes like this: Wake up, suck milk (and later on eat whatever father and mother bring back), play around for a couple hours, rest a little, explore the area, play some more, eat, explore and finally sleep. Then, rinse and repeat for a 5 whole months and you have a perfect overview of my depressingly disgusting life.

I never tried to get close to my siblings, and neither did they. I played when I wanted, never asserted dominance but neither did I let others dominate me. In a wolf's mind, dominance is crucial. A pack cannot function without a stable hiearchy. 

Therefore, I simply placed myself as a self-proclaimed 'indipendent dick/bitch'. I never bothered to understand how to recognize my own gender, nor did I care to. For all I care, all my reincarnations can be females or all of them can be male, I won't give a shit.

But not everything is too bleak. I have been having less and less trouble with my nightmares and I have been growing up extremely fast, quickly surpassing my siblings in size and strenght. The only problem that brings is, as expected, an increased hunger. It's not like we have a convenient shop at the corner we can simply buy from after all.

Like so, we finally reached 8 months. That was the day we were finally allowed to go hunt out on our own or with our siblings. Naturally, I went alone.