Loki was supposed to be in prison? In Asgard? They had taken him to Asgard to be in prison and we had gotten no word back that he had been released. And if this was an illusion, Loki was doing better than he had at the wedding. I had been so focused on not offending Odin that I hadn't been thinking. It had made sense to check in on the cause of Loki's death. It hadn't been that long of a conversation.

It could really be Odin. Maybe he just referred to himself in the third person sometimes.

Yeah, maybe I hadn't accidentally run afoul of a Main Character again and gotten screwed over again by their weirdly high levels of competence. That seemed plausible. It did not seem plausible. I know I do that to other people all the time, but I don't like it when it happens to me.

Here's what you need to understand about my opinion of Loki:

I authentically want nothing more than to bash his skull in with the blunt end of a pistol, to feel his head cave in and the blood spill over my hands and chest. I've killed a few people and it's never felt great, but I was confident that killing Loki would be a very different experience.

However, I am also not an idiot. Loki is a powerful, Asgardian/Jotun sorcerer, and while I have a dozen drones on voice command that will put up shields and fire lasers, it is highly unlikely that I could kill him. If I fail to kill him, he could release its information on my affiliation with Hydra. It didn't seem like Loki cared about my affiliation with Hydra, except insofar as it gave him leverage over me, but it certainly wouldn't be a good time to knock over all my cards with a desperate attempt to kill the son of their king.

"Your majesty," I said, gathering my thoughts. I had no idea if Loki was keyed into the fact that he had tipped me off. One of the side effects of lying all the time was you realized how little anybody ever looked into it and how the minor slip ups fundamentally weren't that big of a deal. I needed to keep Loki talking for at least three and a half minutes and then I needed to get him out of my house and my life forever, in as efficient a way as possible. "Have I seen falsely? Are there not frescos beneath the frescos on the roof of your ceiling?"

"No," the Odin facsimile who was likely my worst enemy said slowly. "There are not."

"I apologize, your majesty," I said. I wanted to obfuscate a bit more but I was bound by a non-symmetrical oath of transparency. "I had seen it in one of the movies."

Loki-As-Odin gave another, "You're still clinging to those worthless lies. I cannot believe you really think that you are from some kind of universe where this is all fictional."

"You be honest with some people and they just make fun of you," I said. I shouldn't have said that. I was not a Quippy Main Character, there were consequences if I pissed this guy off in the next two minutes at least, possibly more, but I was also really annoyed and doing my best to mask my fear and hatred of Loki from leaking out onto the field.

"Ah," Loki-as-Odin said. "Have I offended you? Has your small, mortal mind been wounded at your little secret's escape?" Wow, he has just given up on the Odin voice hasn't he? Not even trying at all.

"Your majesty," I said. "I confess that I find your theory of the case less plausible." Which wasn't to say it wasn't true - Who knows? That's the sort of crazy nonsense that might be canon in a comic book. This guy thinks he's in a comic book but he's actually crazy and was raised there? It could be right.

"Oh, well, I will take your feedback into consideration then…" Loki replied. He was enjoying gloating. A real weakness of Loki's. He liked to preen too much. Kill people, don't lecture. Listen, don't mock. Basic super villain rules in my opinion and I was becoming something of an expert.

Whatever. It meant that time was closing in on our situation being wrapped up with firefly super soldiers appearing and trying to extricate me. "Thank you, your majesty."

Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.

"You are so polite, so deferential. Has your encounter with my brilliant son imposed upon you the importance of recognizing your betters?"

I wanted to hit him really hard. I had spent the last five years crawling and scraping on my knees and belly, begging for power. Now, I was the chief Head of Hydra, probably the most powerful non-governmental organization in the world. And I couldn't even keep myself safe from the same dumb son of a bitch who'd got me last time. "Yes, your majesty." Back to the groveling and the lying both tonight I see.

"That is good. You know, I have been thinking, Asgard has for too long been in the shadows. Perhaps the time has come for it to obtain real power over the Nine Realms once more."

Letting Asgard conquer Earth had a fair number of pros, I have to admit it. Loki had managed to become chaotic neutral by the time of the Snap and that was an acceptable result for the massive uplift benefits that might come from free access to Asgardian tech. But here's the thing, I cannot emphasize this enough, if given the chance I would run Loki down like a dog and tear out his throat with my teeth. I would enjoy it. And we were about thirty seconds away from the arrival of the Fireflies. If Loki was here impersonating Odin, if he had hidden us from Heimdall's eyes, then it seemed likely he was on top in Asgard in some way - He was a tough problem in this situation. "I wouldn't do that, Loki, son of Odin."

"What did you call me?"

"I know who you are," I said, as the seconds ticked down, "We know each other's secrets. We could destroy each other. But why? Go back to Asgard and trouble Earth no more till my words prove true and you meet your sister." I wanted to stall and have him murdered by the Defense Team, but the fact of the matter was he could probably kill me before they killed him - And even if I succeeded, if anyone else was part of this little visit, than Thor would replace Loki!Odin and they would tell Thor that I was a Hydra member and that Hydra infested large parts of Earth's security apparatus. Loki I had leverage over, Thor, Odin, not so much.

An orb appeared at our feet and then vanished. That was the buoy check.

"You dare command me? The King of Asgard?" Loki said, standing up and approaching me in fury.

"This isn't an order," I said blandly, "It's a suggestion that we both keep our problems to ourselves."

Then the air around me began to warp and tiny men the size of my thumb began to appear around me.

"Anyway, I'd really recommend you go. I don't want to start a diplomatic incident, but these men are trained not to follow my orders or respond to my verbal assurances at this point. A thing your son taught us to be weary of, Odin All-Father."

Loki closed his grip around his spear-staff and then straightened up, appropriately grave. "Yes," he said, rising from his chair. "It does seem you possess more insight than I credited you. The matter of Earth and Asgard will need to wait for another time."

I didn't like that at all, but I had to play along for now, "Yes, your majesty," I said, giving him a small courtesy bow as he walked outside.

Once Loki had left, the Fireflies clicked to full size and Rumlow took off his helmet, "What was that about?" he said, leaning in close. This was a mostly Hydra unit, but some of its members were just affiliates.

"Odin was revealing to me that I am still not prepared for the trouble I am going to face. We must redouble our preparations. Earth must be ready to defend itself... from Asgard, if necessary."

I let the fury leak into my voice at this point. There was no point hiding it from Rumlow or even from Heimdall. I was sick and tired of getting pushed around and if I wanted to be safe from having to grovel and beg from fucking Loki, that meant we were going to need to get even stronger.