Gun Elf
SEVEN
Shooting Lesson
Edelweiss studied her reflection in the bathroom mirror. The bruising had gone down somewhat, but the cut on her lower lip still hadn’t completely healed. She could probably use some concealer to hide the bruise, but the split lip would definitely give away the fact that she had been in a fight. It had been two days since her tussle with the Freelance Guild goons, and thankfully she hadn’t heard any word from them about sending said goons back with numerous injuries. The last thing she needed now was a letter from the Guild’s lawyers informing her that she was being sued for assaulting two of their members. She would probably win the legal case since it was the orc goon who threw the first blow, but the time, effort, and money wasted in a court case would definitely have cut into her income. She couldn’t take any jobs if she was stuck in a courtroom defending herself.
Her reflection frowned at her. The expression made her injuries stand out more.
“Why’d he have to hit me in the face?” Edelweiss asked the empty bathroom.
Although she didn’t want to admit it, the truth was that she was very proud of her looks. She knew she was an attractive woman and often used it to her advantage. She also took pride in appearing crisp, clean, and elegant. Her appearance always projected the image of the consummate professional. The gray suits that composed most of her wardrobe testified to her commitment to professionalism.
Now there was a marr in her appearance. The injuries made her face asymmetrical and threw off the professional air she was going for. It didn’t matter how clean and pressed her suit was, or how smooth and silky her long hair was, when the bruise and split lip made her look like she’d just gotten back from participating in a bar fight.
“You’re overreacting,” Duke spoke up as if reading her mind.
“No, I’m not. As soon as clients see me, they’ll run for the hills! Children will cry when they see me, and dogs will run away before I could pet them! Oh, and my poor, dear Kuro will never marry me! My life is over!”
“Now you’re just overacting,” The spirit appeared in the mirror behind her own reflection. “Seriously though, it don’t look that bad.”
Edelweiss sighed. “You’re a demon, your opinion doesn’t count.”
“Former demon,” Duke corrected. “Oh, by the way, someone just entered the building. They’re climbing the stairs as we speak.”
“Okay,” the elf walked out of the bathroom and headed for the entrance to the loft. She wasn’t worried; if there was any danger from the visitor Duke would have told her to watch out.
She reached the front door and opened it just as the person on the other side was about to knock.
“MOTHER FUCKER! You scared the hell outta me!”
Edelweiss frowned as she looked down at her visitor. “... Baby. What a pleasant surprise.”
The foul-mouthed little girl returned her frown. “Bitch, were you just throwing sarcasm at me?”
The elf ignored the question and asked one of her own. “What can I do for you?”
Baby shoved a box into her hands. “The old man sent me to deliver this for you. You better fucking appreciate it, I had plans today.”
Edelweiss looked down at the small box and smiled. Finally, it was here! A week ago, Fragxxit had arrived in an old rusty pickup truck to deliver the goods that she bought from him. He had found almost everything she wanted with the exception of a .44 caliber die. The goblin said not to worry though, as he would machine one for her.
With the last part of the reloading tools in her possession, she could now make her own ammunition. She didn’t need to ration anymore the small amount ammunition she had managed to bring over from Leronte.
“You got a nice fucking place here,” Baby said.
Edelweiss flinched as she noticed that the child had entered her loft and was now looking around. “Please, make yourself at home,” she said, voice laden with heavy sarcasm.
“Sure, thanks.” Baby either didn’t catch her sarcastic tone or didn’t care. She sat on the banker’s chair behind her desk, then began to lazily spin around in it.
Edelweiss watched her do this for several long moments before finally speaking. “Didn’t you say you had somewhere to be?”
“Yeah,” Baby said while still spinning around in the chair. “I was gonna go fuck around the dumping grounds with some of my friends, but I don’t goddamn feel like it now.”
“What about your friends?” the elf asked. “Won’t they be sad that you’re not there?”
Baby shrugged. “Fuck ‘em.”
Edelweiss’s left eye twitched.
“They won’t care, they’re goblins,” Baby explained. “Goblins grow up a lot fucking faster than humans. They’re only kids for one or two years, then BAM! Suddenly they’re adults and now they’re too good to hang out with a kid like me. What a bunch of shits. I fucking hate them.”
“I see.” For the first time since knowing her, Edelweiss began to see Baby as the child she was instead of the rude, foul-mouthed little being she made herself out to be. Growing up with people so radically different than you are was tough. If anyone could sympathize with that, it was her.
Edelweiss swallowed her dislike for the brat and asked, “Did you want something to drink?”
“Yeah, sure.” Baby stopped the chair from spinning as she looked up at her. “I’ll take a beer.”
The elf’s eye twitched again. “No. You’re getting juice.”
“FUCK.”
*****
This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.
“So, you like guns, huh?” Baby asked while sipping from her glass of spryapple juice. She had vacated the chair at the desk to sit at the kitchen table.
“Yup,” Edelweiss said, seated across the table from the kid while sipping from her own glass of juice.
“But why do you use a fucking gun when you can just buy an arc wand or somethin’?”
The elf shrugged. “Personal preference.”
Baby frowned. “But ain’t fucking guns like more expensive and stuff?”
“They can be,” Edelweiss said. “And they’re a lot harder to master than an arc wand or a lance.”
“Then why use one?”
She shrugged again. “Well, why do you have a gun?”
Baby paled. “T-the fuck you say?”
Edelweiss smirked while she sipped at her glass. “That gun in your jacket pocket. Why do you carry one?”
The ten year old blushed. “H-how’d you freakin’ know I had one?”
“I could smell the black powder on it,” the elf said.
“Oh.” The girl looked down at her glass.
“So?” Edelweiss insisted. “Why do you own a gun?”
Baby rolled her eyes. “Duh. Same reason you do: for pers’nal protection. You know how fucking dangerous it is in this goddamn city. It’s even more dangerous over where I live. Sure the goblins weed out most of the shitbags, but some still get through. I dunno about you, but I gotta watch out for assholes and kidnappers and pedos and shit. So the old man got me this baby so I can kick ass if I needed to.” The girl pulled out a small, worn revolver from her pocket.
“I see,” Edelweiss said. “But why doesn’t Fragxxit just buy you an arc wand? Aren’t they cheaper?”
The girl shook her head. “Hell no! The old man just found this gun in the junk pile and fixed her up for me. He even fucking makes the ammo himself!”
“There you go,” the elf nodded. “It’s the same for me. In the long run, arc weapons are more expensive than firearms are. Guns take a lot more time to learn, you have to clean and maintain them, plus the cost of materials to make the ammunition can add up, but if you play it smart it’s a hell of a lot cheaper and easier. For example, you can do most of a gun’s maintenance yourself; for an arc lance, you need to go to a specialist every six months to get it maintained. And if one of the runes gets damaged, oh boy… you might as well just buy a whole new weapon.”
“No shit?” Baby pursed her lips in thought. “Huh. I guess us two are pretty fucking smart, then.” She then began to aim the revolver around the room and made “Pew! Pew!” noises while miming shooting things. Suddenly, she found her weapon gone from her hands and was now in the elf’s. “Hey! What gives?”
Edelweiss rubbed at her head. “Are you serious? You can’t treat your firearm like a toy. What did Fragxxit teach you about this gun, anyhow?”
Baby glared at her. “Just what I fucking needed to know! Like how to reload it, how to aim and pull the trigger, um… which end the bullet comes out of. Ya know, shit like that!”
The elf looked aghast.
The little girl just glared some more. “What? What the hell else is there to learn?”
“Oh boy,” Duke said from the corner of the room, where he had been watching the two with a bemused expression. “Here we go…”
*****
“Keep your eye down the sight… don’t lock your elbows… hold your breath as you squeeze, not pull, the trigger.”
There was a loud POP as Baby’s .22 caliber pistol went off. The bullet completely missed the target, careening to hit the wall behind it instead. Another series of five pops followed, all with the same outcomes.
“FUCK!” Shouted Baby in frustration. She waved a hand around her face, trying to fan away the smoke from the black powder ammunition her gun used.
Edelweiss had turned the downstairs warehouse into an impromptu shooting range. It was empty at the moment, so the large space was perfect in order to teach Baby the basics of shooting. She had arranged several crates in a line and set up some bottles and cans to serve as targets up on top of them. All in all it was a pretty basic setup, but one that would serve their purposes.
“You’re still pulling back on the trigger. And your form is too stiff, you need to loosen up,” Edelweiss told her.
“This is such bullshit!” Baby complained. “I’m way too fucking far away! I’ll never hit shit from way over here!” She pointed down range at the collection of bottles and cans sitting atop the crates. They were about twenty feet away from her.
“Yes you can,” Edelweiss said patiently. “Your gun is perfectly capable of hitting them from this range. You just have to keep at it.”
“Ugh, fine.”
Baby repeated the exercise three more times, mechanically aiming, firing and reloading. As in her previous efforts, all her shots missed. By the fourth round of missing the targets, she had finally had enough. “I give up! This is a fucking waste of time!”
“Keep at it,” Edelweiss told her.
“No!” The girl stamped her foot, thoroughly frustrated. “It’s impossible! Those bottles are too far away!”
Edelweiss stood there, silent for a moment as she held a narrow gaze at the young girl in front of her. The elf then stepped forwards and gently took the revolver from Baby’s hands. She then fell into a practiced shooting stance, aiming the short barrel of the weapon down towards the crates with the bottles and cans on top of them. With an easy squeeze of the trigger, she sent a round downrange which quickly shattered a glass bottle. The next five shots were executed swiftly and elegantly, all of them either shattering a bottle of sending a tin can flying through the air.
Baby’s eyes were wide with amazement. “Whoa.”
“It isn’t impossible,” Edelweiss told her, handing the gun back. “You just need more practice.”
The human girl quickly reloaded her revolver, then went back to shooting at the targets. On the third pull of the trigger, her bullet managed to plink a can into the air.
“I hit one!” she shouted merrily. “I hit one!”
“Good job,” Edelweiss said. “Now keep it up.”
For another hour Baby kept practicing and managed to hit the targets ten more times. Eventually, her stock of ammunition had all but run out, and she was forced to stop.
“Man. I better get back home ‘fore the old man fucking freaks out,” Baby said as she began packing up her gear. “Thanks for showing me all this, I really ‘preciate it.” She then stopped and looked pensive. “Ya know, at first I thought you were some stuck-up fucking snob like every other elf, but now that I got ta know you, I think you’re alright.”
“Thanks, I guess,” Edelweiss said. “Just be sure to keep practicing on your own. You’ll be surprised at how much better you’ll get when you do.”
“Will do!” Baby grinned and started towards the exit.
“Wait,” Edelweiss stopped her. “Have you thought about naming it?”
The girl blinked in confusion. “Naming what, my gun?”
The elf nodded.
“Why would I?” Baby scratched her chin. “It’s just a rusty piece of shit.”
Edelweiss shrugged. “The Gunmen of the East traditionally named all their weapons. They believed that giving their gun a name gave it a soul, and in having a soul the gun would always seek to protect them.”
Baby frowned as she thought about the suggestion. “I dunno. That sounds like a whole lotta bullshit to me.”
The elf rolled her eyes. “Just think about it.”
“Fine, fine!” Baby gave her a wave as she popped open the entrance to the warehouse. “See ya!” She then rushed off, heading towards the direction of the Grave.
Edelweiss smiled as she picked up a broom and began to clean the mess left over from the impromptu shooting lesson. As she swept, Duke appeared, seated at the stairs to her loft.
“So, does it ever bother you?” He asked. “Not being able to have children?”
She raised an eyebrow at the question. “Huh?”
“You just seemed pretty good. You know, dealing with that brat.” Duke took off his hat and rubbed the back of his head. “It just struck me that you woulda made a hell of a mother.”
Edelweiss chuckled. “My, you are so sentimental.” She continued sweeping for a moment, pushing the broken bits of glass into a neat pile. “As for your question, no. Not anymore at least. I accepted a long time ago that having children was not part of my reality. It was a price I paid, and I paid it gladly.”
“Hmm.”
The elf stopped her sweeping, staring into nothing as she became caught in deeper thoughts. “Okay. That may not have been completely true.” She sighed and started sweeping again. “Although I don’t regret what I did, I do have to admit that on certain days… days like this… it does bother me.
“Just a little.”