Somewhere after the fifth turn to the right through the winding, disorienting aisles Cormac had reasoned that spatial nonsense was once again at play here. The revelation, somewhere around the shelves of ornate vases and jars that all made a range of unsettling noises as he passed, wasn’t so much of a surprise as it was confirmation that trying to quickly escape from this place was going to be a bad idea. Adding it to the bad idea pile was going to be tricky, as the pile was now threatening to topple over at any given moment.

Ixia wasn’t certain if her Guardian didn’t know what was in those tiny clay and metal tombs or was merely showing no fear of them, but given that he seemed to have a remarkable ability to not worry about things until they were revealed she opted to simply walk closer to him in the event that they escaped. Which also let her be closer to him in the event that the shopkeeper tried pulling some trick, as she knew Llarnaks were wont to do. Being closer to him was merely an additional benefit as they enacted their bad idea, which got a small smile to crease her green lips.

“Though it is of little concern to me-” The woman asked.“-do you at least know how to use a gun?”

Cormac’s red brow raised, casting a quick glance over his shoulder to the Dryad to make his concern known before answering. “I know normal not-magic guns. I won’t even pretend to know anything about magic guns but I’m not completely helpless.”

“Good. That will be useful in the payment of one of these weapons.” The woman once again stated, showing little emotion.

The human almost accepted that answer, almost passed it over in favor of imagining what exactly she had in mind, and almost said nothing. Almost. “You have a price in mind without knowing what I’m going to buy?”

Ixia stepped out from following directly behind him as she craned her neck to look at the woman, curious to see what her reaction might be to that question. The Dryad and Guardian were met with the woman slowing her movement just the tiniest bit as she turned her head so that one and a half eyes were scanning and studying her interrogator.

“Perhaps I already know what you will wish to purchase.” A rare show of emotion in her voice teased at the smallest bit of mockery.

Mockery that Ixia was not going to tolerate. “No, I know your kind. You know what the heart wants but a little bit of choice goes a long way in confusing the heart.”

“And why bother with wasting your own time if you could just pull out what you already know I’ll want?” Cormac took a step back to stand next to Ixia, arms crossed as he tapped a finger against his sleeve. “I’m just...trying to buy a magic gun. I don’t want to tell you how to run your very scary shop but if there’s something you need done you could just ask?”

The woman had slowed to a stop, still not fully turning to face them as she held out two arms in a sweeping gesture as she slid to the side. “Our selection, oh noble Guardian.”

Guardian and Dryad alike were greeted with a large wall of guns on racks, vaguely familiar in make and shape, though everything beyond that was thoroughly alien. Or supernatural, as it may be. They appeared as pistols, rifles, machine guns, and launchers. In every material from shiny metal, to appearing to be made of stone or shadow.

The pair carefully advanced, caught between trying to keep an eye on the shopkeeper and marvelling at the methods of long ranged supernatural destruction. Cormac called out to the strange woman “I still meant what I said. Just ask, the worst we can do is say no.”

Ixia hovered over a rifle that looked to be constructed largely of metal and dark glass, marvelling with wide eyes and running imagination. For it called to mind a certain thing that was supposed to not exist. “Cormac!”

The Guardian looked over his shoulder before joining the Dryad at her side. Seeing the shiny rifle he raised a brow. “I know what you’re thinking, and it’s not-”

“You told me you didn’t have these!” Ixia cried out not in complaint but in joy as she grabbed at his arm.

“We don’t! Well we don’t. They...they might? No there’s...there’s no way…” Cormac shook his head with a chuckle before looking around for the strange woman. Who was hovering all too close behind him, which required much of Cormac’s will to not flinch. “Uh, yeah is this uh...this wouldn’t happen to be a ray gun...like a gun that shoots rays...like beams I mean. Is that what this is?”

She gave a rare blink as she stared the man down. “It fires concentrated solar rays-”

Ixia’s excited cheer cut her off as much as her grip on Cormac’s arm cut off any and all circulation. Unphased, the shopkeeper continued. “-by drawing upon the wielder's supply of souls. How many did you have?”

Excited bouncing slowed into horrified grimaces of horror from Ixia, and Cormac rubbing at his face as he brushed a long strand of red out of the way as he sighed deeply. “Contrary to what assholes who think they’re funny and that I haven’t heard that one before would tell you, the freckles are not souls.” He said pointing to his face. “So, just the one.”

“Do you…” Ixia hesitated as she looked at the shopkeeper, biting her lip. “Do you have any that shoot rays but don’t use souls?”

“No.”

“Oh…”

The Dryad wilted, somewhat literally, as she released Cormac’s arm. Though he welcomed the return of blood to his hand, he quickly gained a frown of his own as he rested a still mostly numb and tingling hand on Ixia’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, we’ll find something...else…”

A wondrous sight caught Cormac’s eye, there in a corner near the floor and hidden by larger weapons sat a thing of art.

A shotgun of bone and blackened steel. Pump action, barrel shrouded in a long line of small ribs connected to a spine running along the top. There along the magazine tube of whatever ammo it used was an intricately engraved sliding handguard that looked to be inlaid with red as they caught the dim light over in this corner just so. The stock was-

“I see you’ve taken an interest in that one.”

“Wha?” Cormac looked up, bewildered as he saw the shopkeeper studying him once more. Even Ixia had an amused grin on her face by the time he could answer. “It uh...yeah it’s cool. Very...very metal.”

“It is made of both bone and metal.”

“No I meant-...well what does this one use as ammo?” Cormac asked the three eyed woman, who moved closer to the gun as she inspected it.

“Blood.”

Cormac closed his eyes, breathing a heavy sigh as Ixia frowned and looked around at any of the other guns on display.

Pointing to a number of them, the Dryad asked. “Do any of these consume something less horrifying in their function?”

“How is his casting?” The strange woman asked, glancing at Cormac who was now avoiding all eye contact with everything but a revolver that had a few too many blinking eyes.

Ixia gave a small, sympathetic frown to Cormac. “He is no caster.”

Did you know this story is from Royal Road? Read the official version for free and support the author.

“Then his best option will be blood.” The strange woman said as she picked up the shotgun in a swift motion with one of her hands, then carefully turned it over and inspected it in all four. “He can replenish blood, but everything else here would be of little use to him if he won’t use souls and he can’t cast.”

The Dryad shook her head. “Out of the question. You must have something else here-”

“We’ll take that one.” Cormac muttered, chewing on his lip. As he looked up, he saw Ixia looking at him in open mouthed confusion. He took her hand in his. “I’m a blood donor. I can spare a little for the cause.”

Though he smiled, he did a poor job at hiding the pain from Ixia. There in his eyes she could see a certain wince she had come to recognize when his self-worth was waning.

“You don’t have to.” She assured him. “We can always find some other weapon.”

The corners of his lips fell as he sighed once more, asking of the shopkeeper “Tell me more about it. Sell me on why I, normal human dude, should ‘purchase’ this gun that drinks my blood.”

A thin line crept across the strange woman’s thin lips, and a bit of light caught on the shine of her horns. “This is the blood blunderbuss. The Blooderbuss if you will.”

“My will is for anything else but that name.” Cormac said, feeling physically ill from that travesty of a name as Ixia continued her worrying.

“Bonederbuss works as well.” She said as the human failed to suppress his groans of agony. “Its operation is quite simple: one pump and your blood will be converted into blood crystals ready to be fired at the pull of a trigger. All at near silence thanks to a number of enchantments.”

“How much blood per shot?” Ixia cut in, eyes narrowing in worry as she glanced between her Guardian and the woman.

The woman reached a hand into her sleeve, and without any delay produced a glass vial about the size of a 12 gauge round to hold out for the pair to see.

“So I’ll be careful with my shots.” Cormac said with a nervous laugh, then turned to Ixia as he placed his hands on her shoulders. “I’m supposed to be a Guardian. I can’t do a lot, as is. If sacrificing a little blood is what it will take to have me not being a millstone around your neck then I’ll do it. And I promise to be careful!”

Ixia’s eyes grew big and pleading as her full lips were pouting just enough to know that if Cormac went back on that promise she would be very, very sad. So sad that even the thought of it now was guilting Cormac into flinching and wincing and holding up his hands in defense.

“I said I promise!” He pleaded, pulling her into a hug that she returned in order to more effectively transfer the guilt that the mere idea of Sad Dryad caused.

When he next looked up, still hugging Ixia, Cormac was greeted with an expectant three eyed four armed woman standing too close. She was physically looking down at the pair, and there was likely a metaphorical element to that as well. Not taking his eyes off of the woman, Cormac tapped Ixia on the shoulder mid-hug to get her attention. The dryad understood well enough, looking over her shoulder the tiniest bit before standing and facing the woman.

“You had a ‘price’ in mind. Or rather something of a task for us.” Ixia asserted, staring at the woman’s third eye as she pursed her lips. “Tell us, and we shall consider it.”

The woman’s thin lips slowly pulled back into a smile just large enough to reveal far too many needle-like teeth that only served as further evidence that this was in fact a horrible, terrible idea. She clasped two sets of hands together as she kept a hold of the visceral gun. “I have a problem that needs to be taken care of-”

Cormac did a poor job of hiding the involuntary flinch as though he had been stabbed, waiting to hear who she wanted killed.

“-a supplier of mine has had his business disrupted. By which I mean his home recently suffered an attack and he is now on the run, if he is not already dead.” The woman traced her talons along the bone lining the gun. “My sources say that the attacker was likely a Gloomfang.”

“A Gloomfang?” Ixia’s eyes grew wide as she visibly tensed up. “Where do you believe this Gloomfang to be hiding out?”

“In your city, hence why I am asking you specifically to undertake this form of payment.” The woman tilted her head just ever so to the right.

“In a city? With that few stars in the sky? They must have gotten bolder.”

“I can hardly say why, and nothing I sell would aid it against such agony.” The woman shrugged with four arms, still keeping a firm hold on the gun. “But my source is very reliable.”

“For something so reliant on starlight to take up residence in a city…” The dryad said as she cast her gaze to the side, placing a hand to her chin in thought. Which brought her to the sight of a bewildered Cormac with open mouth and eyes searching for any meaning at all.

Ixia gave him a weak smile, patting him on the shoulder. “It would be a difficult encounter but I believe we could handle it.”

Cormac mumbled and shrugged his agreement, making vague hand gestures that certainly meant something before he finally put actual words together. “Alright, alright. I trust you.”

The strange woman let another thin smile overtake her as she nodded, reached into a sleeve with one of her free hands, and withdrew a small piece of paper with immaculate writing listing an address that she handed to the human.

“You will find the former home of my supplier there.” She stated, putting the gun back on it’s wall rack. “Impress me and we may continue these dealings in the future. I am always on the lookout for information, item procurement, and troubleshooting.”

“You know…” Cormac figured one more bad idea was in order as he readied his finger guns and award winning smile. “The troubleshooting would go a lot better if we had something to literally shoot with!”

The woman’s smile vanished. “You are an unknown, so no advancement will be given despite your companion.”

As he once again holstered both finger guns and smile, the Guardian was beginning to question their efficacy. “That is completely fair. We’ll just...I’ll go punch it. I can punch it, right Ixia?”

“Only when it is tangible.” Ixia’s toothy smile was almost a comfort as Cormac smiled through a grimace and a nod.

“Well then, we will be off. Gotta go play investigative hired gun. Minus gun.” The human looked off into space, making more vague gestures as he searched for the right term before he clenched a fist and planted its side in his open palm. “Hired hand! Do we need to sign anything for this arrangement?”

“My word is my bond.”

“Great! We’ll bring back...uh...the head!” Cormac’s short lived smile vanished for a moment as he looked to Ixia. “That’s possible, right?”

She nodded with a smile.

“One slaying...uh...murder? Coming right u- Ixia this is one of the baddies, right?”

“Oh, very bad!”

“We’ll go do that then!” He said as he dragged Ixia by the hand out away from the strange woman and down an aisle to find their way to the entrance. Which, surprisingly yet unsurprisingly, only took one single turn to navigate to.

The human breathed a sigh of relief, clasping his hands behind his head as he leaned back a bit and saw an amused Dryad smiling back at him..

“What?”

“Should I be jealous of the way you look at that gun?”

He held up a finger and opened his mouth to protest, shortly before curling his digit back down into a fist and pursing his lips to prevent his foot from entering. “No, that gun is not a pe- probably not a person so it’s completely different and not rude to stare.”

“And if I wouldn’t mind those looks?” She said, the corners of her mouth curling up ever so slightly towards her mouth as she locked eyes with him.

The human’s mouth ran dry, which made the involuntary gulp all the more strained as the rest of him froze up. Somewhere between a moment and an eternity later, he remembered speech.

“In that case um...you know...yeah.” Though he remembered speech, he didn’t remember it well. Nor did he remember what to do with his hands before one settled at his hip and the other gave a thumbs up. Which was to his immediate regret.

Ixia’s chuckle was light as she turned and walked off towards the truck, and though he would deny it even to himself, he did notice she was swaying her hips a bit more as she walked. It was only after he calmed himself enough that he followed after, lying to all but especially him that he was still playing it cool.