> Be Me
>Working at a pizza place for a couple of years
>Watch the regular crowd come and go
>Deliver pizza and make money
>That's the job, I know
>Small town, not too small, not everyone knows each other
>Can't even post the name, because I'm held hostage
>Sorry, these might be the last words I ever post
> Let's start again
>Be Me
>Working in the pizza business
>Deliver pizzas
>New face shows up
>Cute goth girl with an obsession for corn
>Get to know her
>Asks if I want to be sacrificed to the corn
>Laugh it off, weird as usual
>Tell her no
>She doesn't talk to me for a couple of weeks
>Think she's over it
>She's not
>Comes back with a compromise
>"Want to be Guardian of the Corn?"
>Shrug, why not?
>Tell her yes
>She's happy and asks me to come to her house
> Only it's not a house, it's a barn
>Weird, and there is corn growing everywhere
>SHOULD have set off some flags
>Didn't care, thanks hormones
>Pad was chill though, bean bag chairs, a sweet warm smell
>Looking at the candles when the world goes black
>Wake up from being knocked out
>Legs chained to a post in some kind of cellar or basement
>Goth girl slides phone to me
>Tells me I can post about this online before making me a guardian
>Cult shit all over the walls
>Has a website already up
>No cell service
>Only thing that works is this website
>Completely Fake Horror Stories on Ribbit.com
>You know that
>You're here reading it right now
>This isn't a fake story
>This is the only website that works
>The only thing with an Internet connection
>I read others
>Laughed
>This is real though
>I think others were real
>I'm going to die here
>Going to become a corpse
>Left underground
>Left in a room full of blood and other culty shit
>Sorry everyone
>She reads what I put down
>She edits it
>The post button doesn't work
>Some kind of super hacker here
>The candles are burning low
>She's bringing out a wheelbarrow with nothing but corn
>Can't even take pictures
>Fuck my life
>This is it
>Goodbye world
----------------------------------------
I swallowed hard, my hands shaking as I try to hit the post button one last time. It didn't work of course, but damn it, I had to try. The pudgy hands of my captor took the cell phone from me. He waddled away, chuckling in a nasally way. The room was dimly lit, and I didn't like what little I could see. Fat candles burning down to their last. Strange symbols painted on the walls, brown from age, painted with blood. The pudgy man finished laughing before turning the screen of my phone towards me. "You know? I love how you called me a goth girl. That makes it harder for people to figure out it was me."
I swallowed the lump in my throat, just staring at the guy. His lazy eye looking the other direction, as his fat lips curled. He was panting, despite only walking a few paces away from me. In a flamboyant fashion, he pushed the send button, and I saw the circle going before it turned into a checkmark. "I did what you wanted. Let me go, dude."
He rolled his good eye, the other one just staring at me as he laughed again. "What? I thought this was so you could buy time?" He spread his hands out, "All of this is for you, my future guardian. I told you no one would come to save you. You won't be rescued, and I'm not dumb enough to let you call the cops."
I grit my teeth, "Yet, you'll let me post on a website for the views? What the fuck is wrong with you!?" I shouted the last part, flexing against the chains. I needed something, anything to get me out of here. It was bad enough to look at his ugly mug, but to hear him talk nonstop about the corn god and what he was going to do to me. I at least wanted to get one good punch in. Fuck, I needed a miracle to get out of here in one piece.
Seriously, what do you even do when someone crazy knocks you out and drags your body to a basement? I didn't see any of this coming. The bastard chortled, this time ending with a snort. "Not even going to ask how I kept you from calling anyone? How you could only post what I wanted online? Rejoice these are your final moments as a human! Your final words will make a few people laugh, and those that understand will share some sympathy. You will become so much more!"
I shuddered, really not liking the sound of that. This guy was off his rocker, and these damn chains weren't budging. I didn't know his name, I didn't know anything about this guy. I just wanted to get the fuck out of here and never look back. He clasped his hands together in prayer, "We have been blessed, oh guardian of the corn. Tonight is the perfect night for the ritual."
"Look dude, I don't like corn nearly as much as you think I do. We were joking about the guardian stuff. In fact, I hate corn! Always gets stuck in my teeth when it's popped. Yep, terrible stuff. Doesn't even digest right!"
"Enough!" He held out a hand towards me. "You have no idea the rituals and sacrifices made to find who was chosen by our lord. What you think of as a joke, was a subtle push to have regular people discover you. You were chosen! Not by me, but the god of corn themself!"
"There's no god of corn! I've been telling you this since I woke up!" I struggled more, the chains still not giving any. "Look, just let me go and I'll forget this happened. No cops, no one has to know, okay?"
The guy shook his head slowly, before snapping to attention. A creepy smile spreading over his features. "It's time." He grinned at me, even the lazy eye rolling to stare right at me. He started waddling towards me again.
"It's time!? Time for what!?" I struggled, moving back into the corner as he came closer. His hand reached for me, his pudgy fingers grabbing for my chest. "Hey, wait! I'm a servant of eggplants!" He paused, "Yep, that's me. May their purple hue bring majesty upon this world! Yep, can't sacrifice members from another cult right?"
He snorted, before putting his palm on my chest. "Sleep, guardian. When you awaken you shall be whole. Slumber will keep you from the worst of the pain."
I struggled, really I did. I think I got a good hit in with the free hand he let me text with. Though there wasn't much leverage, and the guy had bulk for days. I suddenly felt tired, while all the guy did was grip my chest. I tried getting a few more hits in, but nothing came of it. Magic wasn't real, at least it wasn't supposed to be. If it was, then maybe this was the point where I awoke to it or some shit. I couldn't explain half the things the bastard did. How he lit all the candles with a snap of his pudgy fingers, to him only letting me post on one site. None of this made sense, and I really hope this was just a bad trip.
Yeah, that's what happened. I took a hit of something I shouldn't have. It doesn't matter that everything is dark right now. I'm just having some kind of fucked up lucid dream. None of this is real, none of that terrible shit happened. I'm passed out on the couch with my buds, a b rated movie playing in the background giving me this fucked up nightmare. Must have really been the good stuff, if I can't even remember driving there.
"W_k_ _p" I heard a voice, but I really don't want to listen to it. "_a_e u_" Just five more minutes, this trip will probably be over. I felt pain on my cheek, as I opened my eyes. My arms and legs felt like they were burning. "Guardian! Wake up!" I blinked seeing that ugly mug again. I almost wanted to cry. I couldn't move anything but my neck. I was strapped to some kind of table in the center of the room. I looked around my vision swimming. "Guardian, I forgot to ask what color you'd like your eyes to be! My utmost apologies!"
"What?" I couldn't think straight. It felt like I had hay shoved up my nose, the smell of corn much heavier now. Wait, the guy is naked... why is he naked!?" He held out a small box of buttons towards me. "Your eyes, what color would you like? See I collected these through the years. We don't have a lot of time. I need to complete the ritual, but I thought you'd like to at least pick something."
I groaned a little, nausea hitting me hard. "Why do I need to pick buttons? My eyes?" My thoughts were sluggish, as I rocked my head a little. Then I saw it, my legs were gone. Why were my legs gone!? My arms were turned into some kind of straw or something. I looked back at the guy, "What?" I couldn't even yell, I didn't have the strength left.
He pushed my head back, making me look at the wooden ceiling. "Shhh, what's your favorite color? I can even give you two different buttons."
"P-purple? I like Teal?" Anything to make this nightmare go away. Yeah, I'm just lucid dreaming. This isn't real. Ah, I'm falling asleep again. Okay, the burning is going away. That's nice, never taking drugs again though. At least not whatever the hell I just took.
I'm probably hitting the end of it. I kind of feel like I'm floating, but definitely not worth what I just went through. Yeah, the burning pain is gone. This is nice, pretty peaceful actually. I feel a nice warm breeze blowing over me. I could do without the smell of corn, but hey it's better than what happened earlier. Still doesn't make it worth it, but this is fine. Something slithers beside me, and I'm not even going to open my eyes. Nope, just going to lay here and chill.
The slithering is still going, followed by something rattling its tail. Sorry bad trip, but I'm not opening my eyes for this shit. I'm one with the wind and grass. I'm at least going to enjoy some of whatever I took. The rattling stopped, as did the slithering. Another warm breeze blew over me, and I relaxed a little more. Everything is fine, I'll wake up on the couch. I won't remember half of this, and that's fine. Everything is fine, just fine. Could it be better? Well, yeah. Could be a lot worse, but I don't have to look at that cult guy anymore at least.
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
|"Wake up guardian."| Uh oh. |"Open your eyes, and gaze upon the majesty of our god!"| The s's were stretched out as if whoever was saying it was hissing. The weird part was that it was all in my head. Guess it's time for round two of this.
I shook my head, "Nope, just going to lay here bud. I'm not into whatever it is you're trying to sell me. Just slither off."
Clearly, this was the wrong answer, as they started screaming in my head. |"IMPUDENT BRAT! YOU STAND BEFORE OUR LORD, AND YOU BELIEVE YOU CAN KEEP YOUR EYES CLOSE TO THEIR MAJESTY!!!"|
I could hear them rattle their tail. I could feel them slithering closer to me. "Don't mess with me, please? It's been a pretty bad trip already. Let me have this."
|"I SHALL DEVOUR YOUR FLESH, AND WE SHALL FIND A NEW GUARDIAN THEN! MAKE YOUR PEACE, FOR THERE WON'T EVEN BE A SPECK OF YOUR SOUL LEFT!"|
|"Enough."| A cool, almost radiant voice spoke out. Soft, but containing power. Everything that I imagined God would sound like. I opened my eyes to see the weirdest rattlesnake I ever saw. The diamond pattern was there, but the lines were green while the scales were different hues of yellow, brown, and black. The thing looked like it had a mane of husk and silk.
The snake pulled back, flicking its purple tongue at me. Easily the biggest snake I ever saw, probably able to swallow me whole. At least I got the feeling it was about to. King cobra started to shrink, slithering back towards a single stalk of corn. Only it was glowing, |"Forgive me, my lord. I was enraged by the lack of faith this youngling showed to you. How far humanity has fallen, to not even worship the true gods anymore. To not recognize when they are in the presence of such greatness!"|
The corn gently patted the snake with a single long leaf. |"It is as we desired, man has all but forgotten us. It is why we slew the gods of the other continent. Yet, others have broken their oaths. The gods are waking up, and moving once again."|
The snake looked at the corn at the top of the stalk. |"My lord, you should send me. I will happily devour all those foolish enough to oppose your will. I can slay gods in your name as we did before. Please, it has been so long since I have been useful to you."|
I never saw a snake on the verge of tears before, but this one just seemed so sad. The glowing corn spoke, |"I need you to defend my fields as you have been doing for centuries. To let your true body move unto the world will awaken more gods. It will leave me here exposed and vulnerable. What we need at this moment, is a delicate touch. Which is why you have been chosen!"| I felt their attention turn onto me.
I slowly got up, naked in the meadow. I pointed at myself, "Me? Look, I'm still convinced this is a terrible drug-filled nightmare gone terribly wrong. Let's say I believe half the things I'm hearing. What is a delivery driver supposed to do exactly?"
The corn spoke again, |"You are more than you once were. You will understand when you wake up. Things are not the same as when you fell into slumber. Years have passed, and your family has moved on. They mourned your passing, and have moved on in their own way. I have ruined your life, and for that, I apologize."| I didn't know a stalk of corn could bow, but here it was.
This caused the snake to panic a little, |"My lord! You shouldn't bow to such a lowly creature! It is beneath you!"|
|"I must, while I am able to. We have taken everything from this mortal and offered nothing but more suffering in return. You need only say the word and I will allow your soul to rest guardian."|
|"Guardian isn't my name, it's..."|
|"Don't say it, everything will be better for you if you forget your old life. Take a new name for yourself if you must, but many will address you by your title and position. Names hold power, so it is for your own well-being that your old name is not uttered. Even in our presence."|
I just blinked at the two, the snake silently brooding. The glowing corn just watching me. "So... is there anything I'm supposed to do? I mean, assuming I don't wake up from this and forget it all." I might as well play along, no need to go back to the other thing.
The corn stalk grew taller and taller. The face of the thing surrounded by a divine glow that made it impossible to see the head. I just had to believe it was still there. That this thing, whatever it was, was a god of some kind. |"A spirit will guide you. You also have the follower that did this to you. You can trust them to always have the best interest of corn at heart, but as the problems you face become more complex. Well, you aren't a zealot. Mistakes will be forgiven, as even gods can make them."|
The snake slithered up the stalk, |"You may call me Q, Guardian. I will be watching you closely. Do not betray my lord, or you shall face my wrath."| The two hit the clouds of the endless field. The ground beneath me shuddered, a ravine opening as I fell into the darkness below. I tried to flap my arms. Not the best idea I know, but what else was I to do? I'm falling... falling... into darkness.
Light came all too quickly as I rustled awake. I tried to blink, but couldn't. I felt better than I ever had before, yet I couldn't just roll over and close my eyes. I was on a couch, with mysterious unidentified stains. It had holes in it, but I couldn't smell anything. I tried to call out, but my mouth wouldn't move. I looked at my arms to see a plad farmer shirt with the sleeves rolled up my forearms. I didn't have skin anymore. This was my life now.
My hands looked like regular hands, all five digits were there. Just they were made out of cloth. I could tell it was corn silk of all things, mixed with husk. I still couldn't blink, as I stared at the limb. Sitting up, I quickly felt my vision swirl. Something brushed my cheek, and I looked at it. It was a straw hat with a yellow ball on top and a red ribbon around it. I still couldn't blink, my eyes were forced to stare eternally at the hat. I wanted to cry, but there were no tears. I wanted to scream, but I had no mouth. I looked to my other side to see a dusty mirror. Just enough to look at myself.
I am made from the corn, molded by it. Just sitting there, looking at myself in the mirror, I realized this wasn't a nightmare. This was real, oh God was it real. I saw my purple and teal button eyes glow. The cloth was made from corn, my veins made of husk and starch. Corn syrup flowed through my veins. I was just a regular-looking scarecrow with patched-up overalls, and a plad shirt. My head was misshapen and alien. I grabbed the hat, probably the only thing that would stand out about me. Well, besides the eyes.
The eyes that never blink... it's really going to take some getting used to. The oddest thing was that as I felt myself waking up more, I could start to see better. The room was rundown and disgusting. The ceiling was bare, with planks of dirty wood keeping the roof up. The floor wasn't much better, with actual stains from dirt. The walls were probably the cleanest, but I could see the dust imprints from tools taken out. A rundown repurposed shed with a ratty couch. Great. This is my life now. Praise be the god of corn and its snake boyfriend. Fuck my life...
An annoying voice came into my head, |"Don't be sarcastic when giving praise to our lord and savior. May their ears hear everything, and their kernels reveal only truth."|
I tilted my head a little, not even able to squint in the direction I heard the voice. Yeah, I'm definitely crazy. I tried to respond, but well no mouth meant no words. I gave the annoying voice the next best thing I could do. A good old bird, as I walked to the door.
|"Don't ignore me, guardian. I'm the spirit assigned to aide you in your epic quest."| I wanted to roll my eyes, but they were buttons. |"I can read your thoughts you know? You should try talking to me like I'm doing to you right now."|
Great idea! Let me just put on my tin foil hat, and shoot the thoughts into you. I grabbed the door handle and tried to open the door. It was jammed, because of course it was. |"I was really hoping you'd take this better. Though I suppose it could have been a lot worse."|
You think!? Here I am, stuck in a shed, with no idea where I am! I have a new voice in my head, and I was told to give up everything I ever knew! Fuck you, fuck your god, and fuck whatever cult this is! I got frustrated with the handle and decided to kick the door. Surprisingly, an enraged scarecrow is greater than an old wooden door that's half-rotten. Rays of sunlight poured in through the door frame. Row upon row of corn stretched out before me. I could feel them waving to me, even as a breeze blew.
I stepped out into the light, looking up at the afternoon sun. It was dimmer than I remembered. I could see the other stars in the sky even though it was midday. I felt drawn to a constellation of scattered stars that suddenly had them connected in the form of corn. |"The lord is watching over us guardian. Have you calmed down yet? I don't want you to stay upset."|
It was beautiful in a way, just staring at the stars above. Standing here in the daylight, seeing it all differently. It made me miss what I had, but it also felt right somehow. Was this even the same planet? The same town? What happened to those I cared about? How long have I been stuck in that shed?
The voice spoke up, |"This is the same planet you were born on. The same you died on, as a human, to become a guardian. Two years have passed, and I do not know the state of those you cared for or knew. I understand this is all very sudden, but other figures are making their moves guardian. We need to use every second we can to train your body and mind."|
What about my soul? Am I still me? I looked at the fields, watching the corn sway like waves in the wind. It made me feel warm inside. |"You didn't have a soul, because you were ginger. It's why I can rest inside your body."|
|"Fucking, really?"| I looked around for the voice, wanting nothing more than to punch it.
It giggled, |"Ha! You finally spoke to me directly! I knew you'd be a quick learner! Anyway, if you didn't have a soul you wouldn't be here. I just have access to your memories thanks to our lord, may their stalks grow forever."|
I felt movement between the rows of corn. The spirit started singing gospel and praises to the god of corn, and I decided to just ignore it. The stalks seemed to part for me, moving out of my way, while gently brushing their leaves against me in thanks. It was weird, but I had nothing better to do. A few more rows in, I found the fat bastard that did this to me. He was on his knees picking bugs off the stalks with his bare hands. Crushing them, and muttering that it was yet another sacrifice to his god. I saw a sickle lying right next to him. He did this to me, and he was already making sacrifices.
I moved closer, as quietly as I could. I started to reach for the sickle, only to see the fat bastard move quicker. Almost like a knee-jerk reaction, he had it in his hand and cut deep into my stomach. Tearing through cloth, and hay alike. I felt burning pain, falling to my knees holding my now open stomach. It didn't feel that bad, but I was dying. People always died whenever they had their insides on the outside. Straw and syrup were leaking onto the ground beneath me.
"OH! Corn God, I'm so sorry!" Fatty tossed the scythe behind him, "I didn't know it was you guardian!" My vision was fading, this is it. This bastard killed me twice! He was tearing up, as I slumped.
|"You aren't dying, guardian. Stop overreacting, a wound like that isn't anywhere near enough to end you. Your body is held together by your soul, and if you think you're going to die, well it starts to reflect that."|
Wait, what? "I'll get you patched up, right away. Just stay here guardian." He hopped up like a frog and started running through the fields.
|"Yeah, you can't die, so long as scarecrows exist."|
Now that the spirit mentioned it, my vision was clearing up. The pain wasn't really there. I think I imagined it, but what doesn't die from getting its stomach cut open!? Apparently, I'm something that doesn't die like that. I could hear the plodding stomps of the bastard running towards me. "I got the sewing kit, guardian!" He tackled me, ass in my face as he started to sew me back up. This fucking guy.