6 Days to the Falling

“You’re being too hard on yourself, Ti. Everyone I talk to says Level 16 is an incredible achievement. You’ve barely been in the suit for a month, and you’re level 16. Can’t you understand how incredible that is?” Lauren said.

On horseback, Castle Oakcrest was a good hour from the city. Under the Footfield, it was just about twenty minutes.

I was awaiting another round of merchants to assemble so I could ferry them to lands afar and hopefully do battle with something or someone to increase my level. It had been an impulsive notion. I felt strangely unsettled, and I was quickly learning that the counsel of Lauren and Katya had a magical way of setting my mind in order.

I said, “Level 16 will mean I can barely compete in the field. How many other Griidlords will be out there, in the Falling, running around at level 16? Even with type advantage, I won’t be able to engage any but the newest Arrows. I won’t be any use to the city, to the team. If I could have reached level 20… I’d have a new skill, another skill that could be difference-making.”

We walked in the orchard. The morning was still bright and warm, but the first shivers of autumn were announcing themselves. The fruit hung ripe from the trees. Katya wandered around us, flitting in and out of the trees, picking only the apples and pears she deemed most special. She looked like she wasn’t listening; she looked like she was dreaming, but she was always listening.

Lauren said, “Ti, you need to calm down. You need to take a step back and look at what you’ve accomplished. You saved Emilia’s life. You realize that, don’t you? She’d be dead now. Banished mightn’t be the life she imagined for herself, but it’s a lot better than having her head separated from her body.”

I had told them about the plot I made with Bishop Ra. I increasingly seemed to be telling them everything. Katya had already known about the voice. There seemed little point in keeping other secrets. I had started to learn to lean on them, to trust them.

I said, “I know, and I’m glad I was able to do that, but that’s not why I was given the suit. I was given the suit to bring the Flows to Boston.”

Katya’s voice droned from a pear tree she had half climbed, dreamy and seemingly uninterested, “Most Griidlords don’t do much in their first year. A rookie can’t do much. At level 16, you’ll be able to contribute.”

I clenched my fists, frustrated. “I don’t want to just contribute; I want to help us win. Boston needs a win. I’ve been traveling in Griid-trains, seeing other cities. Do you have any idea how badly we compare? Our outer sector is like a slum. Don’t mistake me, none of the outer sectors of the cities I’ve seen are splendid, but the worst off in those cities hardly compare to the poor of Boston.”

Lauren touched my shoulder. There was a time when that touch would have set me blushing and kicked my heart into overdrive. Even after they announced their plans to wed, I wouldn’t have been able to accept the gesture without embarrassing myself. But the last weeks had taught me more than how to wield my suit.

Lauren said, “Being a Griidlord is a long game, Ti. Imagine how strong you’ll be next year. You don’t need to cure all the world’s woes in your first campaign. Pace yourself, measure your expectations. And keep remembering what you’ve achieved already. In a month. Besides reaching such a high level, besides saving Emilia. You fought another Griidlord and won; you fought Danefer and survived.”

She said it too loudly, and I glanced around nervously, but the orchards were deserted. I didn’t know why, but I was keeping the story of Danefer a secret as best I could. The Burghsmen didn’t know who it was I had fought with Racquel. As far as I knew, the knowledge of the identity of the Green Man was between me, Racquel, and these two. I couldn’t guess how many people Racquel may have shared the information with, or who else in the world already knew, but I had a strange compulsion to keep the knowledge limited for now.

I said, “I needed Racquel’s help to hold him off. I wouldn’t have made it without her.”

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Lauren looked at me with a side-eyed glance as I said Racquel’s name. A smile twitched on her lips.

Katya’s dreamy voice floated from behind a stout apple tree, “You’re doing it again.”

“Doing what?”

“Falling in love with anything with tits that will give you a second glance.”

Lauren barked harshly, “Katya! For Oracle’s sake! We’ve spoken about this.”

Katya’s impish face peeped out from behind the tree. She said, “He needs to hear it.”

Lauren said, “There are more developed ways of saying it.”

Katya arched an eyebrow, “Should I have said he falls in love with anyone with a—”

Lauren growled to interrupt her.

Katya grinned wickedly and ducked back behind the tree. Perfectly good apples flew from where she was hidden, discarded despite their seemingly excellent condition. Lauren furrowed her brow a moment, then looked at me. She said, “Katya’s right, though. Your upbringing was odd, Ti. You were sick for so much of your life, and then your father—he didn’t exactly give you a chance to develop yourself socially. Please, don’t misunderstand me, I wasn’t put off by your interest in me—”

Katya’s voice interjected, “I really was going to marry you!”

Lauren grunted and went on, “But you need to be able to distinguish between friendship and attraction. Most boys get a chance to learn that when they’re younger; most of them go through these trials earlier. You… you just haven’t had the chance. You’re special, Ti. You’re a really, really good guy, and you have so much to offer. You need to protect yourself. Don’t just fall in love with the first one—fall in love with the right one. Do you understand what I’m trying to say? I sound silly.”

I opened my mouth to respond, but again Katya’s voice floated in. “You can’t fall in love with a Griidlord from another city. That’s just impractical. You might need to kill her next week. You’re not being sensible.”

I exclaimed, “I’m not falling in love with anyone!”

Lauren, almost as outraged, said, “Love isn’t supposed to be practical!”

We walked on. Katya drifted back onto the path to join us. She was carrying exactly three apples and three pears. I couldn’t fathom the reason for her obsessive selection process.

Katya said, “There’s a treaty in the South. Corny couldn’t stop talking about it last night. I think he’s disappointed the fighting will be coming to a pause.”

I said, “It makes sense, though; all three factions need to take advantage of the Falling.”

Lauren said, “Houston had announced a Choosing. They’ve invited participants from every land.”

Katya said, “Miami and Dallas will inundate them with candidates. It won’t change their whole game if the Griidlords chosen wound up being dominated by members from one city or the other.”

I said, “Olaf will go there.”

Lauren said, “I think you’re right. He’s like you and Gideon and Lance. He liked being in the suit. There was nothing wrong with Olaf; I wish him well.”

I stared out over the rows of trees toward the sea. Much had changed in a short time. Only weeks ago had I ridden out here, drowning in anxieties over winning the suit, determined to propose marriage to either of these women. Only weeks ago had Katya met me at the pavilion—the roof of which I could glimpse from where I stood—and rejected me on both their parts. I felt a seething growing in me. So much had changed, but I had grown so little. Everyone kept praising me for my levels, even Balthazar. But the fact remained that we had named 20 as the number that would allow me to make a difference, to allow me to help my city, and I was far short. At the rate of leveling I had reached, there was no chance I would reach twenty in the next six days.

Lauren’s voice was concerned as she looked at me. “I don’t like what I’m seeing.”

I murmured, “What?”

Katya answered, “You look like you’re thinking about something, and Lauren’s right, I don’t like the way it looks on your face. It’s not the time to be desperate; it’s the time to be excited. You’ll march out of the city in a few days with an army to capture Flows. It should be exhilarating, or scary. You don’t look like either.”

Lauren said, “If anything, you look like you’re plotting something. I don’t like it. What are you thinking about?”

I wouldn’t tell them, of course, but they were right. It was something I needed to grow to understand about myself, but youth makes us blind to ourselves. I had never set a goal for myself that I hadn’t accomplished. I had nearly been ejected from the Choosing over the risks I’d taken with the Footfield, all so I could finish in first place for no other reason than that I had aimed for it. I had nearly killed Lauren in my desperation to reach the top of the Tower of Babel in the arena.

They were right. I had had an idea. I was plotting something. I had a plan.

It wasn’t a good plan.