Novels2Search
Grey Eyes
Chapter 2: The start of something

Chapter 2: The start of something

Chapter 2: The start of something

The Aorghe, no wait, or was it Agheror?--Azael cursed silently in his mind, as he dodged the clumsy attacks of three monsters-whose-names-started-with-A, before killing all three of them by stabbing them right in their Core--the fist-sized jewel-like thing that came in all sorts of colours, depending on, according to the experiments he had carried out, the level of the monster it came from. The bodies of the monsters fell onto the soft mossy ground with a soft thump, the long, matted, brown fur that covered the monster whose primary distinction were their powerful legs spreading out around them.

Previously, when he had first gotten the Core from dead monsters as loot, by using [Analyse-UR] on them (thankfully, after a thorough check, it seemed that not only [Sense-UR], but all his other skills as well had also been kept intact), Azael had found out that the Core was the source of the monster’s life force. Besides that, the Core also served as a magic container of sorts, by storing the monster’s mana in it. Also, when he had scrolled right down the information screen that had appeared when he used [Analyse-UR], he found an option [Use]. By tapping that option, another Screen had showed up, asking him to confirmed his choice. Out of curiosity to see what the Core did, he had tapped ‘Yes’, and his MP had immediately increased by 20.

Well, thought Azael, as the bodies of the three monsters he had just killed turned into dozens of tiny blue transparent shards that spiraled two metres or so into the air before disappearing, I suppose it does make sense, seeing as the Core was what the monsters used to store their MP after all. But if all it does is regain my MP, then I’d have no use for it.

Azael opened his [Inventory] screen to look at the Cores that had automatically entered there when he had killed the monsters, his hand hesitating for a few seconds on the ‘Delete’ option.

Since I can use Spatial magic to make my [Inventory] limitless, I might as well just keep them, he thought, busy pointing out the merits of not deleting those monster Cores. It didn’t take long before Azael managed to convince himself that he wasn’t hoarding those items--who knows, he might need them later. With a sigh, his hand dropped back down to his side, and he dismissed the screen with a thought.

“Still,” commented Azael, frowning with slight disappointment, his hands folded loosely in front of his chest while he calmly surveyed the clearing where he had been fighting the A-monsters, “the skill of the monsters in this forest is really low. Well, given the way things work in this world, I suppose I should blame their Level for that. The average was around 25, was it not?”

Taking in the fallen trees and dangling branches around him, as well as the clumps of soil and moss that had been kicked out of their original position, Azael couldn’t help but let a flicker of disgust pass through those electric blue eyes of his. A sign of a passably good fighter was their ability to focus their strength and attack with pinpoint precision, thus minimising their movements. The monsters just now had clearly been unable of that, what with their jumping around, howling loudly and generally making sure that their surroundings were more injured than their opponent.

Azael spared a quick glance at his Lenithium dagger, and was glad to note that the blood of the monsters had disappeared along with its body before sheathing it with a quick and smooth action that boasted of practice. Opening his [Status] to see that his level had risen to 5, he noted that his Experience needed showed 25/1600.

1600 huh? Considering that I’m Level 5 and the Experience needed was 100 when I was Level 1, I suppose that means the Experience needed to Level up doubles with each Level. Azael let out a low whistle at that. With his INT, it didn’t take him very long to do all the necessary calculations. This is crazy. This means that by just Level 25 you’d need 1677721600 Experience to Level up again.

“Yo, [System].” Azael muttered, looking up at the soft violet sky streaked with occasional lines of white. A few Quartalis--a half-bird half-bat species that was quite common around this forest flew overhead, probably heading home for the day. Somewhere in his head, he registered that it was getting dark and he should probably start setting up camp.

“Mind explaining to me how the Experience thing works?” he continued.

System Message:

Go find your way to somewhere with people and ask someone.

Azael raised an eyebrow at the screen that popped up showing the message.

“Well, Your Amazing Holiness, I am somewhere with people, and I am asking someone, but that someone happens a meanie who is refusing to answer me. Speaking of which, is there any way for me to talk to you without looking like a recluse mumbling away to himself? I’m going to be around people soon, you know.”

System Message:

Fine. I’ll just tell you this once, because I’m so nice. In this world, people mainly level up by hunting monsters in dungeons, instead of going around killing them in the woods like you do. Dungeons are massive structures in which certain monsters inhabit, and the good thing about dungeons is that the monsters in them are respawnable, unlike the ones you just killed.

Use your [Chat] function, idiot.

“Respawnable, huh?” Azael wondered to himself thoughtfully, his right hand cupping his chin. “Well, that’s certainly useful. They can just kill as many monsters as they want and there’ll be enough leftovers for the rest of the world. Also, the monsters in the dungeon will be rather near each other, since it is an enclosed area after all, so unlike me, they won’t have to go scampering around chasing down monsters.

“As for the second point she mentioned...” Azael’s 1 billion INT’s worth memory came into good use, for he had immediately remembered where he had seen the [Chat] function when he read the [System] message.

Azael opened up his [Status], and as always, that translucent blue screen appeared immediately, displaying his information. At the top of the screen, there were several tabs, with the one saying [Status] being lit up and all the others a darker shade of blue. There were things like [Notifications], [Inventory], [Skills], [Social], [Options] and [Chat]. Tapping on the [Chat] tab, he was instantly shown the [Chat] interface, where there were three default [Chats] shown: [System], [World], and [Aeros]. Azael was a bit puzzled by the fact that three contacts were already listed, but he put it aside for the time being and pressed [System]. The screen changed its size to a smaller rectangular shape, and the screen was blank except for a small rectangular box at the bottom. By tapping on the box, a keyboard appeared.

Azael thought for a moment, before typing: Morning, Temmy.

A few seconds later, he heard a sound that sounded vaguely like a hammer striking an iron sword, and signified that he had received a message.

System: It’s the seventh hour of the night, you little boy. And who gave you permission to call me Temmy?

Azael: Whatever. What’s the [World] and [Aeros] chat for?

System: The [World] chat is a feature found in a few worlds, including this one. Everyone in Landrea is born with the [World] chat, and it allows the user to send a message that everyone in this World can see, since everyone has the [World] chat.

Azael: Really. What type of messages do they send that requires the entire world to know?

System: From what my information says, it’s mostly used to call powerful people together for subjugation whenever a high level monster is found outside a dungeon.

Azael: With a chat like this, I’m quite surprised it isn’t misused by a whole bunch of idiots.

System: You can use the [Analyse] skill on anyone who has sent something on a chat. Of course, as per normal for this skill, you won’t be able to see a person’s stats or level if they’re much high than yours, but you’d at least be able to get their name. Because high level monsters who aren’t restrained by the boundaries of a dungeon are serious business, anyone who misuses this chat and causes others to miss a call for help will be severely dealt with.

Azael: Interesting. What about the [Aeros] chat?

System: If you have read the description for your WIS stat, you would have seen that a bonus for having high WIS would be the ability to communicate with me as well as other beings of high WIS. More specifically, this is a bonus only available to those who have passed the 50 million WIS mark. This is why you have both the [System] and [Aeros] chat as a default. And by the way, [Aeros] is an elder drakon that resides in another world, so don’t disturb him for anything as foolish as questions about Landrea.

Azael: Well, thanks for that. And back to my earliest question about the Experience needed to Level up. You haven’t fully answered my question yet--there’s still something else, is there not?

System: I suppose high INT does have its use, if it can make even an idiot like you decently smart. You’re right. Other than mass killing monsters to gain Experience, killing monsters whose Level is much higher than yours will also give you much more Experience than killing monsters of an equal or lower Level than yours.

Azael smiled. She had put more thought into this than he’d expected. However, there was one obvious flaw with this method.

Azael: Nice idea. So in this world, the powerful people are either very hardworking or very brave. Or just very very rich and able to hire armies to capture and restrain monsters so that Mr. Moneybags can land the killing blow and gain Experience and Level.

System: You haven’t even had the chance to see what’s society like in this world and you can already figure out that much. Well then, continue impressing me. What do you think I can do?

Azael saw the message, and pressed his lips together to refrain from smiling. Right into the trap you go, my dear Temmy.

Azael: Well, why don’t you just come down here and tell them that those who do such a despicable thing will receive your wrath?

A few minutes passed without a reply. Azael grinned and sat down on the ground, stretching his hands in front of him and letting out a yawn.

Ding!

System: Testing for information?

Azael grinned. It was hard to fool an old lady.

“Maybe. Won’t you do me a favor and just tell me already?”

System: Yes, your hunch was right. I cannot directly interfere with any sentient being’s lives, nor can I communicate with them unless their WIS reaches 50 million.

“And to make up for that, you created the [God] titles, didn’t ya? You couldn’t interfere, but that didn’t mean you couldn’t get others to interfere for you. So, when were you planning to break the news to me and start asking me to do your biddings?”

System: This is where you are wrong. Yes, I had created the [God] titles with the intention of having them help me, but as I have said, I cannot take part in the affairs of any sentient living beings, which includes [Gods] as well. So, if you do not wish to help me, I cannot force you. Also, since the start of this Universe a few thousand years ago, there has not, on any of the hundreds of thousands of worlds I watch over, any cause for me to have to worry about intervening. You are more of a precaution than anything--a precaution I sincerely hope not to have to use.

Still, the rate of advancement for the beings of the different worlds have shocked me. It has been but a few thousand years since your creation, but you have come up with ideas and inventions that have shocked even me. I am afraid that one day, ways would be found to make spells like [Greater Teleportation] commonplace, and people will travel between worlds as if it means nothing. When that happens, the footsteps of war follow closely, and soon, sooner than you think, I may have to enlist your help to prevent entire worlds from being devastated.

But that is just one of the many, many paths that the future might take. And I say this once again, I cannot force you to do anything.

Azael grinned, blue eyes lighting up, an idea flashing into his head.

“If I say yes,” he proposed, “you’ll have to let me customize those wings as I wish.”

Earlier on, when he had checked the title [The First Seraphim], he had discovered that it granted him a pair of wings. Excitedly (who wouldn’t be excited to have wings), he had pressed the option ‘Equip’, only to discover much to his disappointment and chagrin that the wings were leathery, with a design even worse-looking than those of a bat’s, and were a brighter shade of pink than the flowers his mother loved to put in her hair.

System: Why? I thought they looked wonderful!

But fine, if you promise that you’d do your best to prevent world wars from happening, I’ll let you design a new pair of wings.

Azael stared for a few seconds at the screen, before covering his face with his hands in disgust.

“God, Temmy,” he mumbled. “I’d love to see the clothes you have. On the other hand, maybe not. I do treasure my eyes.”

System Message:

User Azael Calandre has just received penalty [Being a jerk].

Effects of penalty: For the next three weeks, the user’s hair will turn pink. Illusion or shapeshifting Magic as well as all attempts to remove the penalty will not work.

****

After three weeks and one day, Azael finally deemed it safe to [Teleport] to the nearest village. In the three week’s time, he had killed as many monsters as he dared without completely wiping out the monster population in the forest. According to Temmy (who had finally started speaking to him again after an entire week of coddling and sweet talking), monsters outside of dungeons increased their numbers by a method called replication. In other words, once every ten days or so, a replica of the monster will automatically appear, in whatever state the monster had been in. For example, if a six-legged monster had lost three of its legs when the time for replicating came, the replica created would also only have three legs.

Azael thought it was useful information, almost worth the idea he had exchanged with Temmy for it. Following his conversation with her, while he had been contemplating for ways to get back onto her good side (he was just gonna stick to her from now on because she had told him she didn’t have a gender), he had been reminded that he still hadn’t thought of a solution to this world’s problem of Mr. Moneybags getting powerful because of his bags of money.

The solution he’d come up with had been simple, so simple he almost couldn’t believe she hadn’t been able to come up with it herself until she had sheepishly admitted that she hadn’t really placed a lot of thought into it. In short, his idea was that instead of awarding the Experience to whoever had landed the final blow, the Experience will be given to everyone who had participated in the fight based on how much damage they had done to the monster.

Of course, there had been a few points that came up. For one, Temmy had raised up the topic of Parties, where six or less people could form a group in which the Experience gained would be divided equally amongst them. That was because not everyone took on an offensive role in a Party, so it would be unfair to give the Experience only to the attackers. It only took Azael and Temmy a few seconds to agree to let things remain the same for Parties.

After they had sorted out all the knicks and knacks involved, Temmy had officially changed the way the [System] worked in Landrea as well as a few other worlds that were similar to Landrea in having monsters(she liked the idea a lot). Everyone in those worlds, including Azael, had received a System Message regarding the change. Later on, Temmy had told him (rather happily he might add) that there were quite a number of people displeased with the change and that there had even been a few idiots who tried to raise a riot against the [System]. They both had a good laugh at that.

Azael took one last look at the cave behind him--it had been the first thing he saw in this world, as well as his shelter for a good few weeks. Turning back around, he activated [Teleport], and welcomed the sensation of tumbling and freefalling through endless darkness for what seemed like minutes but he knew was only less than a second’s worth of time. Soon, the wave of black was replaced by the sight of rolling hills and the dark blue sea. With his [Enhanced Senses-UR], he could clearly make out the port town of Leis-heimer--lovely whitewashed buildings, well paved streets and a religious building right in the middle. Faintly, the sound of restless waves crashing against the shore could be discerned. Azael couldn’t help but letting out a small chuckle--Leis-heimer, which wasn’t even a very important port town, was about twice the size of all the capital cities back in Atdea.

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

Azael turned his focus to the town watchtower, and after a few minutes of quiet observation was relieved to find they didn’t seem to have noticed him. He was too far away to see if Leis-heimer was a human friendly town; Temmy had told him that because humans were the first sentient beings she had created, she had been so excited that she had spreaded the human race to all the worlds. Even after she had made other races and new worlds had appeared, she still made a point to create humans on every world under her control (which was every single world in existence) because they had been her first creations. However, there had been many worlds in which humans were viewed with hostility, and since Temmy had refused to tell him anything else (“It won’t be any fun if I told you everything”), he had to be cautious just in case humans weren’t allowed in this town and he ended up having to kill the entire squad of town guards.

As he got closer to Leis-heimer, Azael was relieved to find out that it had a relatively large human population. His clothes were different from what the people wore, but one of the reasons Azael had chosen Leis-heimer was that it was a port town and people were less likely to raise eyebrows at strange-looking foreigners. Once he got into town, his first priority was to find a clothing store, followed by a trip to the weapons store to see if there were any new and interesting weapons he could pick up while he was in this world, and finally a short walk to the local bookstores to gain more information since Temmy was being clammy.

Money wasn’t a problem, thanks to Temmy. In his three weeks of ‘confinement’, out of sheer boredom, he had decided to read every single one of his [Notifications]. Once he got past the ones about the loot, Experience or Levels he had gained, he saw two notifications that interested him. Apparently, he had gained two blessings the moment he had arrived in Landrea, courtesy of Temmy. One of them was Unnatural Linguist, which allowed him to understand and speak all languages. Another was A Million Billion Bucks, which gave him unlimited money, in whatever currency he desired. According to Temmy, “I can’t interfere in the people’s affairs, and that includes creating a physical body and walking around in it, as it would be a breach of the rules of my existence if I so as much as make eye contact with anyone. It’s no fun watching people from afar, either, so I’ll just have to resort to living a fulfilling life through you. And I don’t plan on waiting a year for you to learn the language and earn money.”

So now I’m living for three people, Azael thought wryly to himself. Well, not that he could complain. After all, he had been planning to live life to the fullest even without her, so he didn’t mind treating her as someone who was just along for the ride. And anyway, who would complain in the face of unlimited money?

Azael looked around the town, and quickly located the entrance located nearest to him. The entire town was surrounded by a thick wall with archers and magicians positioned on top, as well as arched entrances at regular intervals to let people in. From what he could see, the entrances were guarded. He increased his speed, heading directly for the queue in front of the gate.

As Azael joined the steady stream of people queuing up to enter the town, he felt dozens of heads turning to look at him. It took him a moment of confusion before he realised the cause of the attention. Azael cursed furiously in his heart, fifteen years’ worth of training was the only thing keeping his expression neutral. Dammit, how could he have forgotten to change or at least mask the effects of his Charisma stat?

Good job, Azael, he thought gloomily with just a tad bit of anger at himself. Now you’re famous.

Taking a covert glance around him, he noticed that young girls seemed particularly awestruck. Azael stiffened when he realised the cause of that, before railing off another mental storm of curses.

Now I’ve really done it. I even forgot to use illusion Magic on my eyes! What the heck was I thinking?

Ding! A small screen appeared in front of him, displaying: You’ve got a message!

Azael tapped the small screen, and it expanded to the familiar sight of the [Chat] screen.

System: Azael, change your [Chat] settings under [Option].

It was rare for Temmy to sound so serious. Hurriedly, Azael opened his [Option] screen, and scrolled right down to the section for the [Chat] settings.

So this was what she meant, Azael thought, a feeling of gratitude blossoming in his chest.

“Thanks, Temmy,” he muttered as softly as he could, sure that she would be able to catch it.

On his screen, the following options were shown:

Chat settings:

Show when you receive a new message?: Yes

Allow messages from people not in your Contacts?: Yes

Quickly, he changed the second point from Yes to No--this would have saved him a lot of trouble. Just as he was about to close the screen, another option caught his eye.

Notifications:

Notify you when you receive a blessing?: No

Ah, so that’s why I wasn’t informed about my Language and Money blessings.

After turning on the option, Azael closed his screen and casually observed the guards at the gate. There were two of them in charge of checking a card that the citizens gave them--An identity card, huh? I’ll just use psychic Magic on the guards and the people behind me, a few more who were simply standing guard around the entrance, as well as a few archers and two magicians positioned on the wall near them. They were all decently armoured, and the weakest amongst them was Level 50. Azael sighed mentally at that, before encouraging himself with the fact that he would soon be paying all the high-difficulty dungeons in this world a visit, which meant that his Level would quickly rise beyond its current amount of 11. Out of curiosity, he used [Analyse-UR], and discovered that all of the guards could use Magic.

System: Hmm, now that I think about it, I suppose you are one of the most attractive humans I’ve seen. No wonder you’re attracting all the attention, huh?

Azael groaned mentally, getting a bad feeling of premonition. The last thing he needed was for even Temmy to be harping on about his looks. He wasn’t sure he could take it if jokes about his appearance was made day and night.

Azael had always attracted the attention of the ladies (and quite a few men along with it). He had his father, the Captain of the Royal Guard and the King’s Right Hand’s rugged features, along with wide shoulders that narrowed down into slim hips, and he was tall, had always been tall, as a result of his father training him since young. That same training had also given him well defined muscles and a golden tan.

He took after his mother, too; he’d inherited her inky black hair, which he kept in a ponytail that reached his waist. Azael had considered cutting his hair a few times before, until Calandre had told him off-handedly one night that she liked his hair long. Needless to say, the thought of cutting his hair short had never crossed his mind again.

He didn't just get his mother’s hair--he got her eyes, too, a stunning electric blue that seemed to glow faintly even in the day and even more brightly at night. Almost everyone who had saw his eyes in their original color, and not disguised by illusion magic, had been amazed, and he couldn't blame them. When he was young, he loved to make up stories about Grimmauld, an ancestor of his mother who had struck a deal with the spirit of water and lightning and got his blue eyes as a result. Even now, after living for eighteen Werin-tides, sometimes he still wondered about his mother’s ancestry. Really, that shade of blue as eyes was just unnatural.

However, the main problem with those eyes weren't how they looked (In fact, coupled with Azael and his mother’s black hair, they actually made them look even more attractive). It was the way they made people feel. He remembered countless hours spent learning illusion Magic, because his mother had warned him that their eyes made people feel as if their soul was being laid bare and stripped apart for the two of them to read at leisure.

“Making people feel wary around you is never a good thing, no matter who or how powerful you become. Remember, it's always better for people to have loose tongues in front of you than for them to be on guard.”

Azael couldn’t help the tinge of sadness that accompanied thinking about his mother; he had loved her, much more than he had his father, for the simple reason that he didn’t share his belief that women shouldn’t be smart. After all, the two most important women in Azael’s life had, in all retrospect, he thought fondly, been much smarter than him.

Just before he started on a memory trip that would end who knew where, a scene at the gates caught his attention. The guards were dealing with a small, petit woman in a dark purple dress that reminded him of the midnight sky, but what caught his attention wasn’t her. It was the glowing, elaborately designed purple coloured circle floating in the air behind her. The circle was about his height in diameter, which was the normal size, meaning the woman was either not powerful enough to control her Magic circle, couldn’t be bothered to keep her Magic signature a secret or just wanted to gain attention. Judging by how complex the Magic circle was, option one was probably out of the question.

Back in Atdea, there were only two things that possessed Magic circles. One was a magician, and the other was high-ranking Magic spells. Every magician had a Magic signature which was unique to them, and a high-levelled magician would be able to show his Magic signature in the form of a Magic circle, called the Signature circle. Depending on how good the magician was, he might even be able to control the size and aura of the Signature circle. However, because Signature circles were a unique to each magician, usually, when they had to present their Signature circles as a form of identification, those who were capable of doing so would shrink the size of the Signature circle down so that the only person who could see it was the one doing the identifying. Therefore, Azael had been surprised when the magician in front had not chosen to do so; as the complexity of the Signature circle was affected by the magician’s skill and power, judging by the elaborateness of the woman’s Signature circle, she was certainly capable of shrinking down the Signature circle.

As he watched, the crystal ball in one of the guard’s hands started glowing with a multitude of colours, causing the people around him to start gasping in astonishment. Soon, murmurs spreaded throughout the queue, with quite a number of people yelling in excitement. He couldn’t blame them; even he himself was quite surprised to have encountered a high-levelled magician so soon. The crystal ball was probably a Magic tool used to record Signature circles, and the colours that it glowed with represented the areas of Magic the magician was proficient in. There had been at least seven or eight colours swirling around the crystal ball, which was quite a rare sight. While it was normal for magicians to have quite a few affinities within Magic, the crystal ball would not record the affinities that the magician was only passably adept at.

As the crystal ball dimmed, the guards bowed to the woman, and she was allowed into the town. As she gradually disappeared out of sight, the conversations of the people still queuing to get into town suddenly exploded in volume. Curious, and wanting to get more information, Azael used his [Enhanced Senses-UR] skill (which he always kept activated as a habit) to pick up on bits and pieces of conversations.

“She must be from the royal capital. Only a mage from the Althimes would be so powerful…”

“Did you see how young she was? She looked barely thirty!”

“What? So young? Impossible!”

“What do you think she came to Leis-heimers for? Is there something important happening here?”

Althimes, huh? So that’s the name of the capital of this kingdom, whose name I still don’t know yet. Really, I’ll need to get more information before I leave this town.

There were a few other mages after that lady in purple who also used their Signature circles, and they provided Azael with the information he needed to get past the gate. When it was his turn, he simply used his [God of Magic]’s ability to create a fake Signature circle as well as manipulate the crystal ball to only show two colours--both of which were technically impossible feats.

“Ah, Temmy,” he said, after he had successfully entered the town. “Have I ever mentioned that I love you?”

System: No you didn’t.

Azael: True. Only an idiot would ever say that to you.

System Message:

User Azael Calandre has just received penalty [Being a Jerk]. Effects of penalty: For the next three weeks, the user’s hair will turn pink. Illusion or shapeshifting Magic as well as all attempts to remove the penalty will not work.

“Damn you Temmy,” Azael scowled darkly, quickly retrieving a cloak from his [Inventory] and covering his hair. “Damn you to the ends of this world.”

Authors Note:

Well hello dear readers! Just gonna clear up some things that I should have cleared up in the first chapter and forgot to.

Updates:

This story is just a little side project/hobby of mine, so updates will not be regular. I’ll try to update it at least once a month? or so, might be faster or slower depending on whether I think the chapter is interesting to write. Not very responsible as a writer, I know, but then again I did start writing chapter one because I got bored in the middle of a lecture. So, more boring lectures= faster updates.

Plot:

I started writing this story without any plot in mind at all, not even a vague idea of what the first arc will be. In fact, I still don’t have any idea what the first arc will be, so if you wish to see a particular thing happen, please comment, and I’ll add it in if I like it. Heck, the only characters I’ve even thought about was Azael and Calandre. System was just a spur-of-the-moment thing, and for now this story has no side characters. So, once again, if you want to see a particular character/a particular trait or personality or appearance appear in this story, message me or leave a comment! (Of course, I’ll have to take in consideration the ‘suitability’ of your idea, which is rather ironic because I don’t even know my story)

Romance:

Eh...maybe not for now. I’ll continue branching out on Azael’s past with Calandre, because I like her and I can’t really be bothered right now to think up another love interest. I don’t mind a harem, but I dislike female characters that are just there to be cute (more like annoying) and add romance, and if I have to add love interests they should be suitably strong in their own way + meaningful to the story, and not a total cotton-candy brain. And the same thing applies--if you want the potential love interest to look a certain way/have certain traits, just say so in the comments. (Of course, please make sure they fulfill the above conditions).

Info-dump:

Yep, I get it, I’m practically throwing information at you and forcing it down your throat, and I will probably continue to do so for the next two chapters. After that, the ‘introduction’ part of this story will end, and the first arc will officially commence! I get that the story is rather boring right now--nothing even happens, other than info-dump, info-dump and more info-dump, YAY! (a bad/good habit of mine is to clear away all the world building in the first few chapters). Still, I urge you to stick with me through two more chapters.

Language:

I’m not a grammer freak who checks the story three dozen times before posting it, and I don’t have an editor, so I’d be grateful if you could just comment regarding any errors you see. As for descriptive language, I understand that it’s a bit lacking, just that it’s hard to mix in descriptions amongst the pile of info-dumping currently occurring. Once I get the world building up and away, and MC actually starts doing something, I’ll add in more descriptions of people, places, etc. Oh, and just to clarify, the sky is supposed to be purple. It is not a mistake.

MC / Theme:

If you haven’t already figured it out, then lemme spell it out for ya. This is not a story where the MC will be running around getting stronger. This is not a story where the MC will be doing anything with a silver of semblance to running around getting stronger. This is a story where the MC will be running around beating the stuffing outta of everything, and having a fun and relaxing time while doing so. In other words, the MC is overpowered. Ridiculously overpowered. So ridiculously overpowered it’s ridiculously ridiculous.

Also, if you’re looking for a hero-type MC who is kind and gentle and loving and generally resembles a mother hen, this is not the story for you.

Well, that’s about all. Please rate and review, it helps me get a better idea of what I need to work on :)

Rvaen