“Alright, Aggie,” I say. “Let’s hear it. What’s this big, impressive plan of yours?”

Aggie hums, which somehow manages to sound both condescending and way too cheerful. “Simple. Point me at the castle, swing me like you mean it, and let the magic happen.”

I squint at the glowing blade. “Swing you? That’s the whole plan?”

“Trust me, Greg,” Aggie says, oozing smugness. “This is going to be spectacular. Big. Flashy. Memorable.”

“Right,” I say, shifting my grip. “And when this goes horribly wrong?”

“Oh, it’ll go horribly wrong,” Aggie chirps. “For them.”

Against every ounce of common sense I have left—which, let’s be honest, isn’t much—I raise the sword.

“Alright,” I say. “Here goes nothing.”

The moment I swing, Aggie erupts with energy. Ancient runes flare to life along the blade, glowing in black and purple. A low hum builds in the air, like the universe itself is holding its breath.

“Behold!” Aggie’s voice booms, more powerful than I’ve ever heard her. “The true power of aggressive-aggressive!”

Light bursts from the sword, snaking through the air like a living serpent. Runes flicker into existence around the beam, spinning as if responding to an unseen rhythm. The energy spirals forward, slamming into the castle with a force that makes the ground shake.

Then, the entire castle explodes. Like a fireworks show that doesn’t believe in budgets.

Towers crumble. Gargoyles shatter. Fireballs shoot into the sky for no apparent reason. Even the moat boils over, and I’m pretty sure I hear screaming.

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“Oh, come on!” a voice shrieks from somewhere inside the chaos.

A second later, Sintra comes flying out of the rubble. Her dress is still billowing because apparently, even explosions can’t ruin her vibe.

She lands a few feet away, brushing dust off her sleeve. “What kind of lunatic just destroys someone’s castle like that?! Do you have any idea how much time and money I spent?”

“Uh, no,” I say, resting Aggie on my shoulder. “But I’m guessing it’s a lot?”

“A lot,” she hisses, throwing her arms out. “Do you know how hard it is to find contractors willing to install traps? Let alone ones that work in lava zones?”

“To be fair,” I say, “your traps didn’t do much.”

Her eye twitches. “Because you didn’t even use the traps! You… you barbarian! You just blew everything up from the outside! Who even does that?”

Aggie hums smugly. “I do.”

Sintra glares at the sword. “Oh, of course you’re one of those weapons. Always so flashy.”

“Flashy gets results,” Aggie says.

“This is so unfair,” Sintra says, pacing in a tight circle. “I had plans! An epic final battle! Monologues! Spikes!”

“I’m sure it was very impressive,” I say, trying not to laugh. “Maybe next time, start with the monologue and work your way up to the spikes.”

She stops pacing and turns to me, her staff glowing with that purple light. “You think this is funny?”

“A little,” I admit.

She groans, complaining about “idiots ruining everything.” Then, she steps aside to reveal Bob.

He’s tied up with purple tendrils of magic, dangling midair like an awkward balloon. His cape is twisted around one leg, and there’s a smudge of dirt on his face.

“Greg!” he yells, flailing against the magic. “You found me!”

I raise an eyebrow. “Congratulations, Bob. You’ve officially been kidnapped. Hero status achieved.”

“Thanks?” he says, looking confused.

Sintra crosses her arms, glaring at both of us. “Ugh. Why did I even bother? You’re all idiots.”

“It’s been mentioned,” I say, spinning Aggie lazily in my hand. “So, what’s next? Are we doing the whole final showdown thing, or should I just blow up the rest of your stuff now and call it a day?”

Her eyes narrow, and the glow around her staff intensifies. “Fine! If you’re so desperate to lose, I’ll fight! B-but don’t expect me to hold back!”

“Yeah, yeah,” I say, adjusting my grip on Aggie. “You talk a big game, but can you actually back it up?”

Sintra smirks, her staff crackling with raw energy. “Oh, you’ll see.”

The air around us grows heavy, charged with magic and tension. Bob’s still flailing in the background, yelling something about how “he’s got this.”

I grip Aggie tighter, feeling the sword’s energy pulse through me. This is it. The showdown.