Chapter 14

I ran away from the village while hiding my shame. I searched and searched the mountains to find the answer. I searched far and wide.

Finally, one day, I met a wise monk.

"B-But..M-My hand and his wee-wee touched and we had eye contact! Does that mean I'm gay now?!" I blurted out worriedly as my face contorted in shame.

"It is not as long as you believe it is not." The wise monk opened his eyes that seemed to contain the universe and uttered out profoundly and he once again closed his eyes.

Enlightenment chains violently fell from the skies and that was the moment my whole world got flipped upside down.

...

I kidnapped the wise monk and named him Osama. I need a wise advisor for when I become the emperor of the universe. But my subjects need not be weak so I taught him how to fight.

But Osama is a monk and a pacifist. He wouldn't fight back no matter how much I spanked him. So I only got to teach him defensive techniques.

Stolen novel; please report.

I don't have defensive techniques.

So we went to a bustling city and I stole him a defensive cultivation manual.

"Osama my friend! I have finally found you a technique that fits you best!"

"..."

"Oh, don't be like that Osama! Look here! This technique is called the "Pain Becomes Pleasure" manual and it would open you towards a new path!"

"..."

Osama seemed to be so happy he closed his eyes and tears of joy leaked out.

We then started our training under the hidden veil of the night, in a forest, far far away from civilization.

...

When I was finally satisfied with his training, we went back to the city to try and buy a map so we could go back to Village 1 and 2.

"Halt! Thief!"

We were then caught by the city guards.

I could've outrun them but Osama was already prostrating on the ground and asking forgiveness so I had no choice but to turn back and fight the endless torrent of soldiers. I couldn't abandon a friend. A friend is a friend. When one has a friend, he will friend him till he friends them till friend.

I beat up a lot of soldiers before I went down. I could've used the legendary xuanyuan sword but that would just be doing needless slaughter. Life is precious. One must treasure life so that life could treasure them too.

Oh whoah yes! I am being infected by Osama's wiseness! How profound! My choice to stick with him really was never wrong!

We woke up inside a prison cell.

I was planning my escape plan with Osama but the iron doors to the prison suddenly opened. Damn, have they heard our plans that easily?! I have no choice but to use my legendary sword.

Out came a cute little girl with red hair.

"Big Brother! It's me! Your little sister! I came to marry you!"

Oh.

Oh no.