“GRANDMA!?” shouted Mike, hardly believing what he was hearing.
The big fat Hobgoblin King had imprisoned his Grandma and her friends in a chamber down in front of his throne, Jabba the Hutt style, for his own amusement.
What a dick. thought Mike, angrily, as he and Jay ran to the grille. It glowed with a faint green aura just like the gibbet cage had.
“The grille has magic resistance,” said Jay, “so they can't summon their weapons from inside, or cast spells to the outside.
It was pitch dark. “Grandma? Are you down there?”
“Oh, we’re down here alright Michael! I can’t believe you got here so quickly! It’s frightfully dangerous you know. There’s a terrible thing happening, dear, the Hobgoblin King is invading the city, through the subway rift. He told us all about it, the horrible brute, all cackling and drooling all over us as he does. Could you pass me Selphie? And then stand back, dear, okay?”
“I can just nullify the magic resistance and rip this grille off for you, Ma'm, if you like?” offered Jay.
“Oh thank you dear, whoever you are…”
“My name’s Jay, I’m one of the subway rift Guardians–”
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE, JAY!? YOU SHOULD BE UP DEFENDING THE WORLD FROM INVASION!!" she snapped.
“We’re on our way Grandma, just thought we’d help you out first.” said Mike, with a look at Jay.
“Well then… well, that’s very decent of the both of you. I’ll get us out though, thanks all the same, I’ve been dreaming about this moment for years.” she replied.
Mike fed Selphie through the gap in the grille. He couldn’t fit the quiver through.
“I can’t get your quiver through Grandma, how many arrows do you need?” he asked.
“Oh, just one will do it, thank you dear.” she said.
“Okay, look out, it’s coming down now.” He dropped the arrow.
“Thank you, Michael, now you all stand back up there alright?” she called.
[G: You better stand back.
[M: What's she going to do with a single arrow?
There was an almighty explosion, and the heavy metal grille burst up and out of the floor with a twisted metallic screech, chunks of rock flying everywhere as it ripped a hole in the dias and took out half of the King’s throne with it. The grille shot up to the ceiling, clanging hard against it before it tumbled back to the floor destroying the gibbet cage on it's way down.
[G: That's what she can do with a single arrow.
“Whoa.” said Mike, in shock.
“Whoa!” said Jay, impressed.
The dust settled and four beautiful women in bikinis climbed out of the crumbling remains of the dungeon cell. Broken chains hung from manacles around their wrists and ankles. There wasn't a speck of dirt on any of them. They looked mean, and strong, and determined. They were stunning.
“Whoa.” said Mike again, in shock.
“That's your Grandma?” said Jay, impressed.
“I'm not sure.” said Mike, trying not to gape.
“Michael!” said the beautiful woman holding Selphie, running towards him. The air around her shimmered and suddenly she was wearing an extremely high quality fitted black leather body suit and high boots under a light, gleaming coat of finely wrought golden chainmail, belted on an angle around her hips, complemented by gold bracers and shoulder pads that matched the ornate patterns on Selphie.
She hugged him, then held him at arms length to inspect him, examining his warg bite and cheap leather jerkin with disapproval, “You have to be more careful dear, you can't always rely on pills to get you out of trouble, you know. The best defense is offence, I always say.”
“Y-you look... amazing...” was the best Mike could manage in reply. It came out weird. But he meant it not weird. She was definitely his Grandma. She was definitely old. But she didn't look old like old people looked. She didn't look… aged. That's what it was. She looked old, but the best part of old. The part with all the wisdom and experience, but not the bit with wrinkles. Maybe youthfully old? She did look amazing.
“Oh, thank you dear.” she smiled at him fondly. The voice was definitely hers. She pinched his cheek. “You’ve grown right up. Once we get all this blood off you, you might even look handsome!”
Mike blushed, “Grandma…”
"I don't know, Beryl, the blood's rather dashing..." It was one of the other Grandma Divers; the three of them had run across to the trophy corner and one by one they also flashed out of bikinis and into excellent quality armor as they rebonded with their Soulbounds and regained access to their inventories.
“This is Gwynne, Val and May.” Mike's Grandma pointed them out one by one.
Gwynne, the one who had commented, had a long, but otherwise normal looking spear, but also held what must have been the most powerful looking shield Mike could imagine existing. It was… it was like a wall. Of power. Like a portable concrete bunker. Or a tank.
Val also had a bow, like Selphie, but pitch black, inlaid with glowing red runes.
May had nothing but a fine gold chain with a locket around her neck. It looked familiar for some reason… then Mike realized. It looked like the necklace his sister, Lexi, had inherited from Grandpa.
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“The Grandma Divers…” whispered Jay, in awe.
“Come on boys,” said Gwynne, “we haven't had any action in five years! Show us where the good times are!”
Jay laughed loudly, excitedly.
Mike blushed, then tried to hide it awkwardly by checking his coaster map. The red dots were gone. He traced the quickest route to the stairs.
“Follow me.” he said.
----------------------------------------
They emerged out of the rift into utter chaos.
The kraken lay dead in a smouldering heap, halfway up the subway platform, lying in a pool of blood, mucus and a strange, black ink.
At the far end of the platform a mêlée between hundreds of hobgoblin guards and the human Divers was underway, the humans behind a hastily thrown together barricade of upturned market stalls and dead hobgoblin guard bodies.
More concerningly, the King, the shamans, and the warg and spider riders were nowhere to be seen, and the boarded up stairway between the disused platform and the commuter platforms had been smashed apart. The hobgoblins were out. In public.
A flash and an explosion of blue energy threw a number of hobgoblin guards up in the air.
"BEN!” yelled Jay, casting a blue energy bolt of his own and shooting it towards the hobgoblin horde. It smashed into the back of their ranks, throwing more of the guards up into the air. The hobgoblins at the rear turned, in a panic, yelled to their comrades, and suddenly about half of the force was charging towards Mike, Jay and the Grandmas with shrieking battle cries.
“Let's do this, girls!” said Mike's Grandma, pulling an arrow from her quiver and smoothly nocking, drawing and releasing it. The arrow shot towards the charging hobgoblins, hit one, exploded, and blew a devastating hole right in the centre of their ranks, throwing the little hook-faced critters flying in all directions.
Val also nocked, drew and released, but her arrow didn't explode like Mike's Grandma's. Her arrow arced up, before splitting into ten separate arrows, all of them trailing a blurred whisp of red light. Rather than following the arc of the original arrow, these swerved and chased their targets like miniature heat seeking missiles. They zipped around with an audible buzz, like a swarm of angry wasps. Ten goblins fell dead with black and red bolts through the exact centre of their foreheads.
But the hobgoblins didn't slow. They were berserk with blood lust, and were soon bearing down on them. Gwynne laughed with elation as she leapt forwards and smashed her shield down on the subway platform. The ground rumbled, and a shockwave blew outwards from the shield, knocking the charging hobgoblins over backwards, killing the forerunners instantly. More ravening berserkers clambered over their dead comrades, but seemed to become ensnared in some sort of unseen force barrier. Gwynne's long spear thrust out from behind the shield, skewering any hobgoblin in it's range, while May stood behind her, pouring a stream of crackling golden rain over the top of the shield wall. The rain looked like fireworks, and as it fell down on the hobgoblins, they shrieked and clawed at their skin as the magical fire burned through them.
[G: The Grandmas are incredible.
Jay jumped the shield wall, summoning another blue bolt as he ran towards the human fighters at the far end of the subway to lend assistance with the attack there. Mike's Grandma and Val supported his run with volleys to the left and right of him as he dashed along the platform. His fists were surrounded by glowing blue energy and he effortlessly one-hit hobgoblins as he went.
“ADVANCE!” cried Gwynne, and stepped forwards with her shield, causing a resounding boom, and once again making the ground rumble. She stepped again, with another boom, and another, pushing slowly but inexorably along the platform, each time throwing hobgoblins back, while Mike's Grandma, Val and May poured attacks over the top of her tank-like shield wall.
Mike watched, but didn't move. He had no ranged attacks, and anyway, he was awestruck by the power the Grandma Divers wielded.
He turned on an impulse to glance at the stairway behind them, just in time to see another unit of hobgoblin guards charging down and out of it towards them.
“GRANDMA! BEHIND US!” he yelled as he assumed his underarm guard.
[HOBGOBLIN GUARD | LEVEL 6 | SPEAR 5 | SHIELD 4 | CHAINMAIL 5
It came at him berserk, enraged, and strangely slowly.
Is that because I'm a speed demon? thought Mike with detachment.
[G: Yes.
Mike cut diagonally up, adjusted his grip and plunged Goblin down into the guard's chest with a stab, killing it immediately.
[HOBGOBLIN GUARD | LEVEL 6 | SPEAR 5 | SHIELD 4 | CHAINMAIL 5
He quickly withdrew, reset his grip and his stance, and this time cut up, then cut back down again, killing a second guard.
[M/+2READ
[M/+1FIGHT
[M/+1SPEED
[M/+1POWER
[M/ENERGY 35:40
[G/VOLTPOISON DEALT
[G/+1FORCE
[G/STATE 9:30
A golden arrow shot past his shoulder with a flash, and obliterated half of the unit. The next minute, Mike's Grandma was by his side. She tapped the side of Selphie and drew out two long curved daggers, seemingly from within the bow itself. She slung Selphie over her shoulder and began cutting through the hobgoblin guards with incredible speed and dexterity.
Distracted by watching her prowess, he didn't notice the hobgoblin spear until it pierced his stomach. He grabbed at it instinctively, dropping Goblin, looking down, wide eyed, to see the rough wooden shaft protruding from his own belly, and a scrawny little green skinned beast leering at him and chittering with menacing laughter.
[HOBGOBLIN GUARD | LEVEL 8 | SPEAR 7 | SHIELD 4 | CHAINMAIL 6
“Oh hell no,” he groaned. It was a mortal blow, and he felt the life draining out of him.
I've been feeling like this far too often. he thought.
He fell to his knees, scrabbling on the floor until he felt Goblin’s now familiar hilt, and in one move grasped it and rammed the blade up under the leering chin. Goblin's point pierced out through the top of the creature’s head. Its eyes crossed and the leer fell away into slack jawed vacancy.
[G: Oh, hell yes.
[M/+2READ
[M/+2FIGHT
[M/+2POWER
[M/HEALTH 23:180
[M/ENERGY 33:40
[G/VOLTPOISON DEALT
[G/+1FORCE
[G: You need health, Mike. We aren't even close to finished here yet. Pop a pill. Go epic.
Mike only had a single pill left in inventory. It was an epic health pill. He popped it.
A feeling of pure refreshing health and energy burst through his veins like lightning bolts.
[M/UNLIMITED HEALTH AND ENERGY FOR 00:05:00
[GOBLIN | LEVEL 4 | STATE 9:30
[SOULBOUND SWORD | ARMING SWORD
[FORCE 11:16 | GRADE 23:16
[WORMWOOD SPRIG | SPORTS CAR TIRE SHRED | KRAKEN HOOK SLIVER | ELECTRIC CAVE SPIDER FANG | SLOT
[MIKE | LEVEL 3 | HEALTH 180:180 | ENERGY 40:40 | UNLIMITED HEALTH + ENERGY FOR 00:04:57
[SOULBOUND SWORD WIELDER | FIRST INHERITOR | LEATHER JERKIN CLAD
[READ 20:20 | FIGHT 19:20 | POWER 15:20 | SPEED 20:20
[FEAR 15 | SPEED DEMON 15 | RAZOR SHARPNESS 5 | POISON DEALER 2 | SLOT
[SAVE 2 | MAGIC SAVE 2
[INVENTORY[-]