"You let someone adopt that?" Stefan asked incredulously, holding up the adoption papers for the strange green creature brought into the office the day before.

"I couldn't tell that woman no," Jackie replied apologetically. Stefan threw his hands up in the air, the papers fluttering as he nearly dropped them.

"You just say 'no,' Jackie! It isn't that hard."

"She's a southern grandma, Stefan. There was no negotiating,"

"YOU LET A GRANDMOTHER ADOPT THAT THING?!" Stefan was near hysterics, his voice high pitched and shrill. Jackie's cheeks burned as she grinned sheepishly,

"Oops?"

"OOPS?" Stefan's face was crimson, "OOPS?" he kept repeating, each one devolving into less and less of a word. Jackie walked out of his office and shut the door behind her, leaving Stefan sputtering and yelling. She waited a few moments and opened the door again to find him seated at the desk with his head in his hands, the adoption papers strewn in front of him,

"Did you not remember I called someone to come take care of that thing?" Stefan mumbled. Jackie tilted her head as she thought for a second, then the color drained from her face.

"Oh God, you called the FBI," she whispered. Stefan started to laugh and Jackie looked at him, confused.

"Jackie, we're a small shelter in the middle of nowhere, Georgia. No I didn't call anyone at the FBI. I called that one guy, Bounty Hunter Bob."

"Somehow that's worse," Jackie replied. Stefan shrugged,

"I didn't know who else to call, did you?" he asked. Jackie shook his head,

"Can we call him back and tell him that we don't need him anymore?"

"I can try," Stefan replied and he picked up the landline on the desk and began to dial the number he'd found on some old yellowed business card for "Bob the Bounty Hunter."

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The strange green creature inside of the kennel growled and rattled the bars of the enclosure as Davis drove his mother home with her new pet. As it let out more growls and rasps, he began to wonder if he should even let her take it inside her house. It seemed like it could be dangerous with its human like fingers and sharp teeth. But it seemed to like his mother and she wasn't one to be told that she couldn't do something.

"Mom," Davis began but she held her hand up,

"If you have something to say about Gumby, save your breath," she said. He fell silent.

"But," he began but she cut him off again,

"I'm keeping him, son."

"I just..."

"I didn't ask."

Davis sighed and focused on driving, trying to change his mother's mind was a nearly impossible task. At the very least, the thing she adopted was off-putting enough that it should keep people from breaking in. He had a feeling the affection the thing seemed to have for his mom didn't extend to strangers. Davis pulled into the driveway and turned off the car, pausing to look at his mother. She smiled at him,

"Thank you for taking me to the shelter, would you like to come back inside and be properly introduced to Gumby?" she asked. Davis hesitated,

"Uh, okay."

"Will you bring him inside? He's a bit heavy." She said, turning around in her seat to look at the carrier and cooing at the gremlin-like creature inside, "Aren't you, Gumby? You're a big guy who is going to keep me safe."

The creature inside stopped growling and cooed back. She laughed but Davis couldn't help feeling unnerved by the interaction. Regardless, he got out of the car and went around to the backseat to grab the kennel. As he grabbed its handle, the thing inside hissed and threw itself against the side of the carrier, knocking it out of Davis' hand. It fell to the car floor and the creature inside roared. Antoinette looked back from the front door and frowned,

"Be gentle with him," she said sharply. Davis sighed and quickly grabbed the carrier, pulling it out of the car and putting his other hand underneath it to keep it from shaking wildly. It was mostly useless. The creature went ballistic and it took all of Davis' strength to keep the carrier from flying out of his hands again. He pushed the car door closed with his back and wrestled with the carrier until he got it inside the house and dropped it next to the front door. Antoinette gave him a disapproving look as the creature inside growled again,

Stolen content warning: this tale belongs on Royal Road. Report any occurrences elsewhere.

"That wasn't very gentle."

"It's not very gentle!" Davis exclaimed, pointing at the crate which rattled again as if to prove his point. Antoinette shook her head and crouched on the ground, softly talking to the creature and sticking her fingers through the door to gently stroke the creature's strange scaly skin. It calmed almost immediately. She opened the crate door and it slowly crawled out, looking cautiously to its left and right. As its wide red eyes fell on Davis, it hissed and he jumped back. Antoinette gently rapped the creature on the head and it yelped, turning its attention back to her,

"That's Davis, he's a friend." She said. The creature blinked slowly and looked back at Davis. This time it extended one of its hands, turning up its palm and extending its spindle-like fingers. Davis looked at it skeptically and Antoinette put her hand on her hip,

"Make nice, Davis."

He slowly put out his own hand and placed it in the creature's. The goblin thing slowly blinked and waggled its floppy ears while Davis held his breath. After a second, it made the same joyful chittering noise it had when it first met Antoinette and withdrew its hand, ambling slowly past Davis and onto the carpeted floor of the living room.

"Aww, now you're friends," Antoinette remarked. Davis gave her a tight-lipped smile,

"Mhmm" he intoned. He turned back to watch the creature as it reached up on top of one of the end tables and grabbed the coaster that sat on top of it. It sat down on the floor, cross-legged, and held the wood coaster out in front of itself, gripping each side with one hand as if it was a steering wheel. Then it brought it to its mouth and took a bite out of the wood, its sharp teeth easily cleaving through the treated wood.

"Gumby!" Antoinette exclaimed, going over to the creature and pulling the coaster from its hands. The creature looked at her with an expression of confusion on its face while she sternly pointed a finger at it. "That's not for eating. Hold on, I'll fix you something to eat."

Davis watched his mother as she walked into the kitchen to get the creature some food. The creature stood up and continued its exploration of the living room, wheezing quietly as it walked around the room.

"Davis," Antoinette called from the kitchen. He stared at the creature a moment longer before going into the kitchen,

"Yes ma'am?"

"What do you think he eats?" she asked, staring into the fridge.

"Uh, wooden coasters apparently."

"Don't be smart with me, help me out."

"I think it'll eat anything honestly, mom."

"Hmm, I'll make him a turkey sandwich then." Antoinette said, grabbing the bottle of mustard and the container of deli meat out of the fridge. She opened the loaf of bread on the counter and took out two slices of bread, laying them on a napkin on the counter. She squirted some yellow mustard on the bread and spread it with a knife before adding some slices of turkey and cheddar cheese. She put one slice of bread on top and wrapped it in the napkin before bringing it into the living room.

The goblin was now seated on the floor staring at the static of the television with the remote in its hand. The creature had clearly managed to turn on the tv and now was fully focused on the black and white particles filling the screen as it remained on an input that had no signal.

"Oh so he likes tv," Antoinette remarked, going over to the creature seated on her carpet and gently plucking the remote from its hands. She put the sandwich in its place and the creature stared at it. Antoinette smiled down at it,

"You eat it," she said, miming eating. The creature didn't even take it out of the paper towel before shoving the entire sandwich in his mouth. It grunted contentedly as it chewed and Antoinette laughed heartily, "You're a hungry little guy aren't you?" she patted it on the head and turned on the home renovation channel. The second people appeared on the screen, the goblin shrieked and jumped up from the floor. It went to lunge at the tv but Antoinette pushed it back, sending it sprawling across the ground.

"Look Gumby, they aren't here," she said, turning off the tv. The goblin was bewildered and it sat up sputtering and growling. Davis watched the interaction with bemusement. The creature was strange but his mom was holding her own and treated it just like a dog.

"Alright c'mon, let's go out to the backyard" she said, grabbing the goblin's hand and gently leading it to the backdoor. The creature stared up at her the entire time as they made their way through the house and outside to the small fenced-in yard. She walked Gumby around the yard,

"This is where you'll go if you have to go potty," she instructed the creature. Davis wasn't convinced that it understood but his mom seemed to be satisfied. She released the goblin's hand and it began to explore the yard, walking through the grass and pulling up dandelions, twirling them in its long fingers and watching as the seeds flew off the stem and floated through the air.

"I like him," Antoinette announced as she watched the creature bounding through the yard while she and Davis sat on the patio underneath the canopy that jutted from above the backdoor.

"Somehow I think it likes you too," Davis replied as Gumby grabbed a lizard and swallowed it whole,

"Gumby! No." Antoinette called out. The goblin looked at her and spit it out into the grass, "Good boy." She looked back to Davis, "Please call him by his name or refer to Gumby as him, things are it, people are not."

"Ok, mom."

"Thank you, are you staying for dinner?" she asked.

"No, I have to get back home to Lenora and the kids," Davis replied. Antoinette nodded,

"That's true. Bring them by this weekend so they can meet Gumby. I'm sure I'll have him fully adjusted by then."

"Uh mom, I don't know if that's a good idea," Davis said as they watched Gumby dig a hole at the corner of the fence, flinging dirt behind him.

"It'll be fine, he needs to get used to them anyway. That way they can spend the night again after we get over this breaking in nonsense. Or if I bring him over there."

"You know Lenora isn't going to let that thing," Davis corrected himself, "Sorry, Gumby. She's not going to let Gumby into the house."

"I'm sure she'll love him," Antoinette said stubbornly. Gumby now had his arm fully thrust into the hole he'd dug and was grasping around for something. Antoinette and Davis watched him until he pulled a centipede out of the ground and released a triumphant shriek before putting it in his mouth.

"Well, once I get him fully trained, I'm sure she'll love him." Antoinette said with a sigh, getting up to collect Gumby and bring him back inside. Davis shook his head as he watched his mother grab the goblin's hand and lead him back to the house. Only his mother could love a creature like that.