My experiments are going well, and although Leigh has been avoiding me for several days now even that seems to be getting somewhat better. She comes home every now and then, and has once actually eaten dinner here with the family, but she never meets my eyes or responds when I attempt conversation. Small victories I guess.

My swelling anger has become more difficult to control though. I’ve gotten into disagreements before, hell I’ve even helped dad fight bandits, but this is different. It’s bothering me so much more for some reason, and I think I know why.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I like Leigh. ‘Whether she’s just a pet project or not, whether I genuinely care for her, it’s all irrelevant’ the buzzing behind my eyes grows louder, seeming to spread to my ears. I think I heard the sound of a distant ding repeated a few times, but the system shouldn’t be able to talk to me at all.

‘I care what Leigh thinks of me, because she is my friend.’ A dull pressure throbs through my head. I suddenly feel very fatigued, and a sense of worry washes over me. A chill drips down my spine. The feeling of being watched is pervasive.

I glance around, finding myself alone in the field behind our house with no sign of anyone else. With a cloudy thought, I call Cain to my side. He arrives quickly, though I can’t say exactly how long, it feels slower than usual. As if the world were moving through a thick syrup.

‘Leigh is important to me, and I care about her even if I don’t fully understand the depth and degree of my own feelings yet. I should apologize, and try to explain things to her’ The dull buzzing in my head only increases at that, screaming as if it can hear my thoughts. This isn’t just a headache anymore. I lean on Cain and struggle to my feet, each step is laborious as he leads me back to the house.

‘I don’t know what’s happening. This isn’t magic, I can’t feel any interference. I need help. Mom.’ We walk onwards and my thoughts only grow more cloudy. A hazy fugue overtaking me. My vision waivers and vertigo suffuses my senses. For several seconds I feel as if I’m falling only to find myself standing at the edge of our garden when the feeling fades.

‘How did I get here?’ I stare up at the house, trying to will myself inside as I find my feet unresponsive. Then I actually did fall. The world spun around me, and my already hazy vision was overtaken by blue morning sky and distant clouds while I tumbled backwards. I must have lost consciousness, because I don’t remember anything else after that, until I woke up inside on my bed.

I’m not sure exactly how long I was asleep, but it was still daytime at least. The room was empty, but I could hear mom and dad murmuring in the kitchen. I was just barely unable to make out what they were talking about. I tried climbing out of bed and nearly stepped on Cain since he was laid out on the floor just out of sight. I don’t recall giving him an order to follow me, I hope this is a good sign.

I walked into the kitchen and Daniel was the first to notice me. “Hey there bud! Feeling any better?” He smiled, clearly cutting off whatever conversation he had just been having.

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I only manage a meek nod in response. “Do you have any idea what happened, sugarplum?” mom asked me with a worried look on her face. I didn’t want to overly worry her, but I answered truthfully anyway. “Honestly I have no idea. I barely remember walking home from practicing in the field”. Mom and dad looked concerned, but didn’t press the subject.

“If you start to feel it happening again I want you to tell somebody okay? And if we need to ride to Alberack to see a healer I can get a wagon.” Dad instructed, prompting an unconscious smile to spread across my face. He was always trying to identify a problem and fix it. It’s kind of endearing.

“Thanks, really, but I feel fine right now. I promise I’ll let you know if something happens” I tried to reassure them. They both nod their agreement, but I got the feeling they weren’t buying my story. Stepping forward, I’m about to leave the kitchen when mom stops me with a hand on my shoulder. She gestures to the front door and murmurs, “Somebody’s waiting outside to talk to you”, giving me a knowing look. I take a deep breath and move towards the door.

The evening sun came as a shock when I stepped outside, more so finding Leigh sitting on a stool by the garden gate. I can’t find any words to say at the moment, and just keep walking forward. She looks up at me and asks “Can we talk?” and I feel a part of me shatter.

“Sure.” I sigh, leaning against the fence a few feet away from her. “What do you want to talk about?” A long silence followed.

Leigh broke the silence abruptly, not caring for any small talk. “Did you kill that wolf just to make an undead?” she asked with a cold and distant tone.

“No. We found him in the woods, already dead. I needed something to raise but I didn’t want to kill anything unnecessarily.” I answered honestly, cutting off the following thought. ‘I don’t want to go back to that kind of life. Slaughtering animals and monsters to piece together minions. ’

Leigh took in my words and paused for another tense moment. “Did you kill my dad?” She asked, her voice trembling and her hands visibly shaking. It hurts to know she’s so afraid of me after a single mistake. “No.” is all I can tell her, no other words seem fitting.

“Have you ever killed anyone?” she asks, looking at me for the first time in days. I struggle to meet her eyes and it feels like she’s begging me to say no. I recall the bandits dad and I encountered on our way to Alberack and I can’t bring myself to lie to her.

“Yes.” I sigh, briefly remembering a lifetime of battles fought as Andras Gregori. The vast majority of my memories feel foggy and cloudy, but even still the smell of blood and monster guts is vivid. In my first life the mortal races were united against a common enemy, there was no shortage of corpses to be found. Grave robbing may be illegal, but it was a far cry from murder. Vincent Stesk had killed a man in self defense, but it was my first kill all the same.

“Why?” Leigh’s next question pulls me from a spiral of memory, and I look back into her eyes seeing her building doubts. “That’s a long story” I begin, slowly detailing the journey to Alberach and the circumstances we found ourselves in. I ramble for what felt like hours, and Leigh doesn’t say a single word the entire time. When I finally finish, another heavy silence falls.

“I never said thank you, for saving me when we were kids” Leigh broke the silence, and I can’t help but laugh. “You helped take care of me for three days while I was in a coma, do you really think I’m worried about you saying thank you?” I ask rhetorically, looking down at the fading scars that splinter across my hands. A reminder of those old mana burns.

I saw Leigh stand up in my peripheral vision, turning to her, I watch as she seems caught in some internal debate. She mutters “Goodnight” and turns to walk back into the house.