The sun hangs low in the sky by the time signs for New Haven appear along the road. Overhead, shades of deep purple and blue backdrop a splatter of foamy sherbet clouds. Eli’s horse falls back and I turn to see him dismounting.

“What are you…?” I begin but part of me already knows. “You’re not coming any further, are you?”

He avoids my gaze. “I’m not.”

An unbearable pain swells in my chest. I grip the reins tighter. “Can I ask why?”

“You don’t need me anymore. Not in there.”

“But that’s not why, is it?”

He stays quiet. Part of me is angry but I know it’s only because if I’m not angry, I’ll cry.

I get off the horse and step up to him. “I want you to come with me.”

No response. Is it guilt? Fear? I secretly hoped he might change his mind between yesterday and now but it seems I cannot change him. Not in this.

“Eli?”

He finally looks at me and I say, “Thank you. For everything.”

A ghost of a smile flickers and he lightly touches my cheek. I hold his hand there and then wrap my arms around him, pressing close. Maybe it is selfish, but I want him to stay. I want him with me. His hands slowly return the embrace and I squeeze tighter. We stay that way long enough for my cheeks to grow wet and my heart to ache. This cannot be goodbye. Not after everything.

“I have to see you again,” I say, proud my voice does not waver. “One month. In one month let’s meet right here.”

I’m not sure how long it will take to find Ivan. But hopefully by then I'll at least have some leads as to where he is. If I don’t then I can re-group with Eli to catch my breath before heading back in to try again.

He gives me a nod. “I’ll be here.”

I wipe the wetness from my cheeks, “don’t get into too much trouble.”

He smiles, “I should be telling you that.”

Little Wolf whines at my feet. He’s grown so much these last few months. He’s already the size of an Irish Wolfhound, but I know he will get bigger still. I crouch and hug the furry beast, threading my fingers through his soft black fur and scratching behind his ears. His tail thumps the earth.

“You need to stay with Eli, Little Wolf. It’ll be safer for you with him.”

I’m sure this city would not welcome a wolf, no matter how well Eli has him trained. Besides, Little Wolf would be sure to draw unwanted attention, and I need to be invisible if I can. I turn to go.

“Wait.”

Eli stops me, placing a horn just large enough to fit across the palms of both my hands. “If you’re ever in trouble, blow this and no matter where you are, I will come find you. Just keep it hidden.”

The horn is a curious-looking thing. Intricately carved designs curl across the milky white surface. Metal is embedded with leather to make straps for carrying. I smile at him and nod, tucking it away in a bag.

I know he watches as I ride down the dirt road. Little Wolf lets out a yip and then a long howl. His pack is shrinking by one, but only temporarily. Soon, it will grow bigger. My heart settles at the thought of Ivan meeting Eli. The two will get along great, I know it. Ivan loves everyone, and Eli can teach him how to hunt and track and even fight.

A sign with the name New Haven painted in black and white stands beside the road. I pull up the scarf covering the lower half of my face up a little higher. A few blocks later, I am greeted with an enormous brick wall like one of those castle walls in the middle ages. A gate two stories high stands between me and the city beyond. Two guards dressed in leather armor approach with rifles. Overhead are more posts with guards.

“State your business.”

I get off my horse, “I’m looking for my brother. I think he might be in your city.”

They eye me over carefully. “Name?”

“Nat.”

“Is this your first time at New Haven, Nat?”

“Yes.”

“Lower your scarf, please.”

I hesitate. “Do I…have to?”

He frowns. Irritated. “Yes. It’s the protocol to ensure outlaws don’t get in.”

I do as instructed, my stomach twisting as he leans forward with narrowed eyes. His frown deepens. Four heart-stopping breaths pass between us before he speaks.

“As a visitor, you are banned from any and all weapons. If you wish to purchase one from a vendor you must apply for citizenship.”

The other guard searches my horse, taking my rifle, bow, and pistol. I pull my scarf back in place.

“Put all weapons on your person, here.” He gestures to a rickety old table.

I hesitate.

You’ll be safe in New Haven.

I set aside my pistol and the dagger at my hip. You better be right, Eli.

“You are free to trade with anyone within the city walls. But if you cause trouble with any residents, get into any fights, steal anything…” He leans in with a scowl. “You will be banned from re-entry. Got it?”

I nod.

“When you leave you can pick up your weapons here. If you have a grievance you can take it to the Captain.”

“The Captain?”

“Yes. Captain Jaxon is the Commander’s second. He handles local disputes.”

The guard hauls off my weapons and I hold my breath as the gates open wide. Men of all sizes and ages travel the cobblestone streets. Some walk while a few ride horseback. Little boys chase one another with wooden swords, ducking around corners and shouting with excitement and delight.

Red brick buildings range from a couple of years old to twenty or thirty. I notice a few buildings from the old world mixed in but most are patchworked, renovated, and fixed up. I walk my horse down the cobblestone road until I reach a wide open square with booths selling all kinds of wares and food. A few seem to be closing up shop for the day, but I catch sight of tools, weapons, furs, leather, and even furniture. I pass chicken, pork, beef, fish, and an assortment of other meats. My mouth waters at a lineup of giant juicy cuts of ribeye.

Eli stuffed bag after bag with dried meat and piled it high on my horse, ensuring I have more than enough. Maybe I can trade something for a few cuts of beef. I miss steak.

Focus. I need to find The Pheasant’s Roost. I need to find Thomas.

As I wander, I get a sense of the sheer size of the city. Everywhere I look, there are people. But what strikes me is the peace. People go about their day as if the apocalypse outside these walls never happened. If not for the absence of even a single woman, I might think I traveled back in time to the nineteenth century. Civilized feels like an understatement.

A bell rings out declaring the time. Six o’clock. A giant stone tower in the middle of the town reaches far into the sky. The top holds a copper-colored bell the size of a horse. A church sits at its base with stained glass windows and a cross sitting overhead its double doors. They open and men pour out. I pull my cap down and turn to the side, making way for the sudden crowd to pass.

Something slams into my legs from behind nearly toppling me. A boy no older than ten lies sprawled on the ground at my feet.

“Jamie, where—” A man says several feet away. When he sees us he stops, winding through the crowd to meet up.

“Sorry, mister,” the boy says, climbing to his feet.

We make eye contact and the boy’s eyes go wide. I realized then my scarf has loosened and a long lock of my hair freed itself from my cap. I step back, re-adjusting my scarf and pulling my hood over my baseball cap.

“Sorry about that.” The man puts a hand on the boy’s head and gives his hair a ruffle. “Jamie’s still pretty new here and can get carried away after service.”

The kid is still staring.

“Don’t worry about it,” I deepen my voice and turn to leave. “I should get going.”

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before,” the man says. “Need any help getting around? The city is a lot to take in.”

I’m about to refuse, but stop. I have no idea where I’m going, and the longer I spend out in the open the greater my risk of being discovered. The man seems friendly enough between keen, honey-colored eyes and curly locks. But then again, Jol seemed friendly enough too. My gut twists and I squeeze the shoulder strap of my bag.

“I’m looking for The Pheasant’s Roost.”

“Oh, you walked right past it. It’s by the entrance, but instead of going straight, swing right. If you want, I can walk you there.”

I shake my head and wave him off, “no, I got it. Thanks for the help.”

As I go, I hear the boy say, “That boy looked like a girl.”

My pace picks up as I hurry down the cobblestone, back where I came. The interaction, while anxiety-inducing, was also incredibly…normal. Just a stranger being helpful and friendly. No guns or rope or threat upon my life. It’s been so long since such a thing was even fathomable I can hardly process it. I glance behind. And no one is following me either. I shake my head. This place is something else.

Sure enough, The Pheasant’s Roost is right where the man said it was. An expertly carved wooden sign painted a deep shade of rusty red with blue highlights hangs overhead double doors. Voices buzz from inside and warm, yellow-lit windows fight off the chill of night air at my back. I swallow and push through the entrance.

Inside, men of various sizes and types sit or stand, eating and drinking. Shouts from across the room pull my attention. Men crowd around a table with scattered cards and coin. For a moment, I feel frozen at the sheer number of them.

Eli, where are you?

I never realized how much I’ve come to rely on him. Not just for food and security, but as a friend, too. And now, with him gone, I have to face the world and all its dangers—alone. It’s like I’m back in that old, run down liquor store, hiding in the shadows, hoping the raider’s don’t see me. It’s been so long I almost forgot what it felt like.

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I take a deep breath. No one sees you. No one cares. It’s alright. With stiff legs, I pass tables of boisterous men until I reach the bar in the back. Pulling my scarf up higher I shrink back as a giant behind the bar turns my way, cleaning a glass with a rag. He eyes me with a frown.

“I..I need a room,” I say quietly.

To say he holds a few extra pounds is a brazen understatement. He is huge, like a grizzly. And with a full, brown beard and fierce, narrowed eyes, he might as well be one. He sets his glass aside and crosses his arms over a wide chest, peering down at me. I feel like a bug cowering under the looming shadow of this man’s boot.

“How many nights?” he asks.

“One month.” My voice cracks and I squeeze the strap of my bag over my shoulder.

He bends down behind the counter and tosses a key, my way. It lands an arm’s length away.

“Up the stairs at the end of the hall.”

I bend over, reaching for the key, but his hand slaps over mine, trapping it.

“Payment for the first three nights upfront.”

My heart picks up pace. That’s right. I forgot to ask for Thomas first.

“Thomas,” I splutter. “Is Thomas here?”

“Who’s asking?”

I tug at my hand, but it is thoroughly trapped.

“I have a delivery from a mutual friend. He is expecting me.”

The big guy gives me a second look, tilting his head.

“I was expecting someone a little more…” he struggles for the word. “Well, more. You’re E’s partner?”

E?

Is that a nickname? Or maybe an alias. I nod and he releases my hand.

I rub it, shooting him a skeptical eye. “So you’re Thomas?”

His once steely gaze evaporates, leaving a mirthful look. From grizzly to teddy bear, he eases back and grins an ivory white smile. “The one and only. Pleased to meet you, Nat, was it?”

I nod.

I reach into my bag for the books Eli gave me, but hesitate to place them on the table.

“He said you might be able to help me find someone. I’m looking for a boy, at least thirteen.” Then I add, “But he could be much older.”

He shrugs, “we got a lot of kids around these parts. The Commander takes the top soldiers and saves the kids from raider camps a couple of times each year.”

“All the kids around here are from raider bases?”

He nods. “Sad thing what those savages do. Most of them are good kids too.”

I swallow a lump in my throat. Eli was one of those kids. I hope for all that is holy, Ivan is not.

Thomas watches me with sad eyes, “there’s a directory of everyone living in the city. You should check with Captain Jaxon, he could tell you if your person is here.”

“Captain Jaxon,” I repeat the same name from the guard at the front gate. He seems popular.

The big guy hunches over the counter to eye me curiously.

“So how’d you meet him? E, I mean. He’s a mysterious one, ain’t he?”

“Mysterious?” I smirk, “that’s an understatement.”

“So you’ve never seen the face behind the whole getup either, huh?”

Thomas hasn’t seen Eli’s face? Come to think of it, Eli only ever removed his scarf and goggles upon my request, and even then, only when we were alone in the woods. I wonder how many people know what the enigma of a man really looks like.

“Has he ever gone inside the city?” I ask.

Thomas shakes his head. “Usually we have a meeting spot in the next town over. Don’t know what he’s got against New Haven, but it doesn’t take much to get banned here and a man like that…” he chuckles. “Trouble follows people like him. You better watch yourself.”

How ironic. If anything, trouble follows me, not Eli. Of course, Eli was the one following me for a while there. Does that make him the trouble? I smirk to myself.

“Can I expect to see you for the next one?” Thomas asks.

“What?”

“Are you making his deliveries from now on? If you are, I’ll be happy to put you up for free whenever you need. It saves me the trouble of traveling outside the city.”

Am I?

This isn’t a delivery. At least, I don’t think it is. But then again, I am giving Thomas something from Eli. But it is in exchange for room and board until I find Ivan.

“I don’t think so. I think this is just a favor.”

“A favor?” He raises a bushy brown brow. “I’ve never known E to give out favors. Then again, I’ve never known him to involve himself with another person before either. You must be something special.”

I feel my cheeks grow hot and I pull my scarf up higher.

I hand over the books. He lays them neatly on the table, fingers tracing over the well-preserved engraved covers. Four in total. One on engineering, another an anatomy book for medical purposes, and two works of fiction.

Out by my horse, the sun has mostly set. The sky grows ever-darkening shades of purple and blue as I show Thomas the pelts and cases of ammo Eli packed away for the trade.

“This is more than we agreed. You sure he doesn’t want payment?” Thomas asks.

Is it? I’m sure Eli meant all this for Thomas. Did he include extra?

“Just the room and board. And any leads you might have.”

“Well, you’re welcome to stay as long as you like. And I’ll see about getting a hold of Captain Jaxon for you.” He scratches his beard, “Why are you looking for this boy, if I may ask?” Thomas hauls the pelts over one shoulder while tucking the case of ammo beneath the other.

“He’s my brother,” I say quietly, following him back inside.

“Brother, huh? I had a brother, but that was in the last life. I hope you find yours.”

He drops the ammo and pelts on the back counter and leads me upstairs down the hall to a room at the end. It is simple but clean with a small patio overlooking the town.

“The bath’s downstairs to your right. If you need anything, I’m usually downstairs.” He whistles at a boy about twelve years old sweeping down the hall. The kid drops the broom and comes running up to us.

“This is Fin. If I’m out, then Fin can help. He knows about everything there is to know around here.”

Fin dips his head, touching a red baseball cap as he does. “Welcome to The Pheasant’s Roost, mister. Let me know if you need anything at all.”

I smile under my scarf. Maybe it’s the blond hair or the extra spring in his step, but I see Ivan in him.

“Go take his horse to the stables,” Thomas tells Fin.

Fin bounds down the stairs to the front of the shop like a pony prancing through a forest trail.

“Kids have it lucky in many ways. It’s so much easier for them to adjust to this world than older folks like us. Course, that means many of ‘em grow up faster than they should.”

“Is Fin one of those boys taken from the Raiders?”

Thomas nods.

Out the window I see Fin lead my horse around the corner to some stables. How would Eli have turned out if he was rescued instead of left to fight to survive in that Raider pit? Maybe he would be standing here beside me. Or maybe we would never have met. The thought twists my heart.

Thomas leaves and as the door shuts, I topple backward onto the bed. My fingers stretch across the soft fur cover as I inhale the distinct pine scent. The small room is decorated with antlers, a bear rug, and a fireplace nestled in the corner with a hefty pile of firewood stacked neatly beside it. It might remind me of the chief’s room except this is warm and cozy rather than grand and intimidating. Exhaustion tugs at the strings of my consciousness, but my eyes wander to the window. The sun seems to have taken everyone with it as oil lamps light the mostly empty streets outside. The city is winding down for the night. A realization perks my mind and draws me forward in the bed.

The streets are empty.

Empty of men. Of prying eyes and curious kids. It makes sense. Eli and I wouldn’t stay up much past sundown. We ran a fire, ate dinner, and then called it a night. Without electricity, a person’s schedule becomes tied to the sun. So with everyone in the city turning in for the night, I can explore the city easier. In blessed solitude. From the safety of darkness.

The decision is made before I even reach the stairs. I brush past the bustling room and through the exit. Cold night wind slaps me in the face and I gasp, cramming my eyes shut against watery tears. I hug my jacket closer and stalk through the winding streets, passing the bell tower and church on one side and closed shops on the other.

The far side of the city leads into an inky black ocean. Murky waters lap against boat hulls and tumble along a rocky shoreline below wooden docks. Stars sparkle overhead and moonlight soaks into every nook and cranny like a hot spring easing warmth through old bones. Leaves crunch beneath my boots as I walk down the street.

I wonder how Little Wolf and Eli are faring. My arms squeeze tighter around my middle. Eli should be here beside me. I would hold his hand in mine. His warmth would scare away this chill. I wonder if he regrets his decision to stay behind. Or regrets keeping the reason why to himself.

A melancholy sigh escapes my chest. It hardly matters. The world does not wait when it takes what it wants, and so I cannot either. But Eli will wait. I know it. He’ll be waiting for me to return. And I will, with Ivan. Then I can take his hand in mine and never let go.

A sound, the dragging of something against wood, draws my attention. Three men approach and one staggers with a baseball bat in tow. Another takes a long swig from a bottle as the third whips his arm up, shattering glass against the wooden railing. Laughter follows drunken banter between them. Spinning on my heel, I head back the way I came. No matter how safe this city may be, best not to test my luck.

They say to never turn your back on a predatory cat because once you do, it will pounce. Well, no one told me the same goes for drunken men after dark. Not more than ten steps into my retreat, I hear the pounding of feet behind me.

I don’t even bother looking back and break into a sprint. The Pheasant’s Roost is close and I can outrun a group of drunk men. Besides, they’ll lose interest once I am out of sight. I turn a corner and slip into an alleyway, waiting in silence. The group runs past, huffing and puffing like a pack of rabid dogs. When the coast is clear, I make my way back. The sight of the stables where Fin put my horse soothes the unease in my chest. The Pheasant’s Roost lies just beyond.

Along the back of the stables, mumbling voices give me pause by the door. Inside the lantern-lit space stand two men, and my heart hits the floor in instant recognition. The drunk men from earlier have cornered some poor soul in the back of a stall. I step to leave and bump into something. A black-bearded man with bloodshot eyes towers overhead. He chuckles and clamps a hand onto my shoulder sending my heart rocketing into my throat.

“Hello again.”

I can barely breathe, but even still, the putrid alcohol on his breath curls my nose.

“Hey check it out. I caught the little rabbit from earlier.”

He shoves me hard into the stables and I hit the ground. I grind my teeth and slowly rise to my feet, looking for another exit but Blackbeard blocks the only one. I glimpse Fin caught in the back of a stall, trapped behind the other two. Between his disheveled mess of hair and a chin sporting a bruise that wasn’t there when we met, I know the poor kid needs an escape as much as I do right now.

The man with the baseball bat cocks his head at me with a grin. “Wanna play a game, little rabbit?”

My eyes narrow. “Sure, I like games.”

My words elicit smiles all around and the three turn their attention to me like buzzards spotting a carcass. I take a few steps back, drawing them forward. The one with the baseball bat swings and I easily sidestep the attack. He tries several more times, but he might as well be screaming his moves into a megaphone. The movements are sloppy as he shifts his weight between one foot and the other. And he is slow. So much slower than Eli.

“He’s a quick one,” Blackbeard comments as the one with the bat huffs in frustration. “How about I hold him still for you?”

Three against one is bad. But I’m not trying to win—just escape. Blackbeard approaches and I can see the glistening of dribbled alcohol down his beard in the lamplight. He stands tallest of the three and towers at least two heads over me. If he gets a hold of me, it’s game over.

Strength is not everything in a fight, but it needs to be respected. If you don’t, then you’ll find yourself in a bad place, quick.

Eli’s words flash through my mind. The sound of his voice settles my nerves and calms my heart. I see him standing before me in the woods, pointing a sword my way.

And remember, there is no such thing as a dirty move. Just one that keeps you alive.

Blackbeard lunges and I duck, stepping to the side and throwing a hard kick right at his crown jewels. He crumbles with a cry of pain and I race for the exit, leaving the other two eating my dust. But as I reach the door, something explodes into the back of my head and the world goes black.

In the next moment, the smell of horse, dirt, and hay fills my nostrils. Hot liquid trickles through my hair, caressing my neck and creeping down the front of my chest with long red fingers. I’m being dragged to my feet before I realized I was on the ground. Shattered glass and a broken bottleneck at my feet. They threw a bottle at my head.

And they got me. I was so close. I catch sight of Fin slipping away in the background. At least one of us escaped.

“Let’s see if rabbits can squeal.”

Blackbeard yanks my arms behind my back as a baseball bat swings for my stomach. We all hear an audible snap as it makes contact with my ribs. They howl in delight and I choke out a strangled cry as molten fire pours into my chest. My legs give out and I sag to the ground, my body trembling with pain as I struggle for breath.

“Get his knee next. I wanna see the rabbit try to run again after this.”

No. I can’t find Ivan if I’m lame.

“Help!” I scream, panic flooding my mind. “Hel—”

My cries are cut off by a giant hand over my mouth.

“He even screams like a little girl.” One of them chuckles. “Maybe we should treat him like one, eh?”

Every breath brings stabbing pain and my vision fades at the edges. After everything I went through to get here, must I survive this too? Or maybe I won’t survive. In the past, Eli showed up, but there is no Eli this time. I am alone. Eli should have come with me. Or maybe I should have stayed with him.

No. I could never forgive myself for giving up on Ivan. If this is the end and I die searching for him, then I don’t regret a thing.

The world twists and darkens around me when I hear shouting in the background. It sounds familiar. Fin? The kid should know better than to go up against three grown men. A shotgun cocks in the background and I glimpse Thomas. His eyes blaze with rage like some kind of demon from the underworld. My body hits the ground, but I feel my consciousness stretch thin until it snaps free and darkness yawns, swallowing me whole.