If only it really took five words to change the world.

Around me everything fell away and assembled itself into all new shapes and sizes. Some moved, some didn’t. Colours rapidly filled my vision, sounds flowed into my ears, and my skin could feel the cold touch of the wind. In but a few seconds I was standing in the middle of a town full of life, and as a vivid as any other.

“Healer looking for group!”

“Selling stuff cheap!”

“Need money please!”

“Looking for girlfriend! Paying big bucks!”

Ah, the sweet melody of a thousand lonely souls. Beautiful.

This game, titled Alternate Earth, took on a fantasy medieval theme. Yes, very original. Thus the scenery was comprised of stone footpaths and suitable structures.

Not far from here I could see the top of a stone wall and a castle with its many towers behind it. Picture perfect. The sheer magnitude of the castle made me wonder how anyone could build such a thing, and even more, it made me wonder what the people who lived inside were like.

Ah, people. Those moving shapes from before? They were people, all around me, and dressed in a way that would raise more than a few eyebrows. Armor that exposed more flesh than it covered? Check. Swords so large I wondered if there was some compensating going on? Check. 

Oh, and of course for reasons there was also the array of clothing that had real thematic value. School uniforms, bunny suits, and santa clauses? Sure why not.

Admittedly, most of the people around me were dressed fairly normally for a medieval fantasy game. It was simply the more out there outfits which caught my attention in the crowd.

My clothing was rather pathetic, a colourless t-shirt and pants. 

“Well, where to.” I mumbled. The initial wow factor of loading in had passed by for me now.

“Um… open inventory?” Nope.

“Open backpack?” Nada.

“What the fuc-” 

[Please watch your language.]

A box fixed itself into the top right of my vision and faded once I’d read over it. 

Sigh. What was I meant to do? I was hoping to log in and get to killing shit asap, but the game didn’t provide much of a guide.

However, I looked around and was happy to see there were plenty of sources of information for me to use.

“Hi.” I decided to reach out to one of the many people in the area. This person was sitting alone on the edge of a large fountain so they looked like a good choice.

“Hi, whatcha need?” The man speaking sounded fairly young.

“Just started so looking for sh- stuff to kill. Know any places?”

The man, no, make that boy once I got a good look of his face, smiled. 

“Oh yeah, starters can’t leave town for two weeks so you gotta do chores till then. Loads of mobs in the fields outside of town though.”

“What.” My goal of blowing off steam was gonna involve me mopping floors?! “Are you serious?”

“Lol. I’m just screwing with you bro, you can leave whenever you want. Be a crap game if you were stuck here for two weeks.”

“Ah, thanks.”

“No worries, and don’t worry about dieing. There’s no penalties till you finish the starter period.”

“What’s that?”

“First 4 hours of gameplay, after that you choose your starter class.”

“Sweet, thanks again.”

“No worries, cya bro.”

Cool guy. He pointed me in the direction of the towns exit and I headed off. I could see a ton more people dressed like me on the way, which was a good sign. Some people had weapons, most like me didn’t.

The towns exit was a large gate in a wall with a number of guards stationed in the area. I stepped by without any issues.

Urgh! Arghhh!

The song of a thousand men and women's fight or flight responses became the background music for me as I marched into the sea of despair before me. This is where legends begin. Where people either step up and die, or don’t and still die. Wait a second, something seems wrong there.

Ah fuck it.

In my head I screamed “For Narnia!” and charged at the first thing I could see which wasn’t a human. A couple other newbies did the same from what I could tell, and before I knew it I was leading a small army at whatever poor mob got in our way.

My eyes locked with the eyes of a short green thing carrying a dagger. Silently the challenge was made, and it brought its dagger forward to prepare for my charge.

Twenty minutes of running that obstacle course paid off, as I ducked towards the goblins left and elbowed it in the back. Next, I spun round on my heel and raised my right hand into a fist.

“Waddup scrub.” I said, as I threw my first punch into the back of the goblin's head.

Note to self, bare fist versus skull equals pain, for both parties. Considering the goblin stumbled around in a daze from the hit it was worth it. But I still felt my fingers flare up the moment I’d made contact.

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My small army had vanished as well, so much for camaraderie, especially after all the time we’d spent together.

Now how do I kill something while unarmed?

Pft, this is a game. Naturally I just keep hitting it till it runs out of HP.

I tackled the goblin to the ground from behind and initiated a flurry of punches into the back of its head. Below me it squirmed and shouted to try turn the situation around, but my superior size and weight left it no chance.

There was a feeling of “is this okay?” in the back of my head, but after enduring ten seconds of my barrage the goblins body went limp and vanished, leaving behind a few bits of cloth in its place.

Loot answered my question. Of course it was okay! This goblin was made to die. Other than a few pre programmed responses to make it look real, in the backend it was just data. 

I picked up the piece of cloth. It was a little dirty and smelled, but I’m guessing it could be sold for currency. Money bought items, items equaled more money. The standard curve of progression which existed in every game regardless of the form.

Now how many of these would I need to get a weapon?

This game's pain feedback is spot on, so using my fists to kill stuff is only a short term solution. Even now my fingers still ached a little and the skin had gone red.

I checked my left wrist and silently cursed to myself.

“Time.”

Sigh, it was worth a shot. If I could find the guy who’d helped me before that’d be great.

I spotted a newbie nearby and walked over to them.

“Hey, do you know how to check the time?”

The guy looked at me for a moment and I could see his eyes darting around.

The boy focused his eyes back on me. “Uh, game time or IRL?” 

“IRL.”

“Focus on, like, bringing up a menu, and one will pop up.”

“Cheers.”

“No worries, cya.”

The boy ran off and I tried to do what he said.

I closed my eyes and focused on the word “menu” and nothing else. Menu. Menu. Menu. I repeated it in my head for at least five seconds and opened my eyes.

I’ll admit, there was a certain degree of “holy shit it worked” going on in my head. 

In front of me, text floated in a box titled “Menu” with a clock in the corner showing the time in the real world. I’m guessing the lack of an in game time meant I had to use an actual game mechanic to figure that out.

Well, nonetheless, the time was 11:42 AM. I was a grown man, I didn’t have a curfew, but now that it was nearly lunch time heading home sounded rather nice.

Catherine could be a bit difficult at times, but her cooking was unquestionably well made. That is, if she could be bothered cooking at all. Kelly was similar, though a bit of a hit or miss at times. The night I never left the toilet is still clear in my mind to this day.

I had the time now though, and knew how to check it. The menu also had a disconnect option but otherwise was empty. I shifted my focus off the menu and it went away. Very convenient.

Considering Cat looked like she was in CBF mode there wasn’t much point in me going just yet, plus the train took no time at all anyway. I could stay for another 68 minutes.

A goblin eyeballed me and I wrapped the cloth I’d grabbed around my wrist. In my eyes it wasn’t a short green person with a dagger, no, it was a punching bag.

I put one foot behind me and lunged, the process was simple, tackle the goblin to the ground and beat the shit out of it.

My lunge took the punching bag by surprise and we landed on the ground, me on top.

I started my assault, but an idea occurred to me. I unwrapped the cloth and held the goblin still as I wrapped it around its neck.

Okay, I don’t know which is more cruel, this or a beating, but this was way easier on my hands.

“Argh!” The goblins gasps filled my ears, drowning out the sounds of the other fights going on around me.

At first it felt like I was riding a bull in a rodeo, but over time the goblins strength faded until it went limp. The cloth cut straight through the goblin's neck as it disintegrated into glowing particles.

Another piece of cloth laid there in front of me which I wrapped around my wrist. I had no pockets so this would have to do. I also checked the time, 11:48. Killing one goblin took me six minutes, with 62 minutes remaining I could kill another ten.

Game on.

I located my next target, got into position, and shot off.

For the next hour my ears heard one sound.

“Argh!”