“Young Master, come quick! The President, he’s …”

That day, my father, Fuutsuno Senda, passed away.

Black clouds and heavy rain coated the sky on the day of his funeral. Mourners were aplenty as his golden coffin descended under the ground, laying rest to once an affluent man in today’s society. But I knew. Like the rain submerging their tears, the dreary masks these scheming adults wore were nothing but lies. After all, Fuutsuno Construction Corporation - Senda’s business empire - was a cake ripe for the taking. Now that the President was out of the picture, I could only imagine the infighting between them even as I spoke. 

Of course, if they knew that everything was meaningless from the start, they wouldn’t have wasted their breath trying to one-up each other in this stupid ceremony. Why? Because the old man had already left a will, obviously, and who else could be on it but yours truly?

How amusing, seeing the worms squirm in their pathetic attempt at slithering their slimy fingers into something rightfully mine. But whatever, let them have their fun, as their lives would come to an end at a moment’s notice.

An old lady, whose age would have been deceiving if you had looked at her perfect posture and swift footsteps, stood at the center of the outdoor podium. Feigning a few coughs to gather the guests’ attention, she spoke:

“I shall now proceed to read Master Senda’s will.”

“To everyone present at my funeral,

The heir to my company, Fuutsuno Construction Corporation, as well as all of my assets worth 50 billion yen, will be none other than my one and only son, Fuutsuno Hakuen…”

If anyone dared to think that it was a surprise, then they would be out of their damn mind. This outcome was so predictable, I could even see it in my sleep. And yet, the faces of disappointment and agony on those money-grubbers couldn’t be funnier. I had to ask myself, what did those losers expect? Did they honestly think that shitty junk like loyalty or devotion would make the old man throw them a bone? 

“However…”

However?

“The content in this will shall only take effect after Hakuen has divorced his wife. Until then, the company’s direction shall follow my previously laid out plan, implemented through my personal servant Yaga, and all of my current assets shall be frozen.”

“Huh?”

***

Beep… beep… beep…

Eyes red, I smash the alarm button with my fist as fast as I can.

“Stupid clock…”

Yup, that’s me, Fuutsuno Hakuen. You’re probably wondering how I ended up in this situation. Well, seeing that flashback, you should probably guess that yourself.

I was the son of a major tycoon in Japan. Emphasize on the “was”. My old man, Senda, croaked a year ago, leaving me his mouth-watering inheritance of the company and 50 billion yen. Normally, that’s supposed to be something good. You know, when I get free wealth, live a life of success, etcetera etcetera. But no, there had to be a damn catch. And this catch is that the old man is forcing me to divorce. That’s not too bad, right? After all, it’s just a woman. With the kind of fuck-you money in my pocket, getting another is easy, right?

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Well, there’s one thing wrong with that kind of thinking.

I’m not married yet, damn it!

Did his old age cause him to be senile? I’m seventeen! Ten plus seven! I’m not even at the legal age of marriage! Why the hell did he put in the condition of divorce when I didn’t even have a wife? Are you shitting me, old man?

“Young Master, if you could kindly stop swinging your arms around like an idiot…”

“G-Granny Yaga! How did you get in?”

“You gave me the keys, didn’t you remember?” The old lady looks at me as if she has just seen an alien creature. “After all, I’m your official caretaker.”

Oh, right. She’s been pissed at me all week because of my current lifestyle, so I had no choice but to give her my spare. Well, I don’t blame her, since…

“And can you clean up this mess?”

In front of me right now is an empty cup of instant ramen swirling around, while on the bedroom floor are the piles of its comrades’ corpses lying about.

 “Okay, okay…” I let out a sigh before grabbing a big plastic bag at the doorway and a pair of gloves to put in the trash.

After a quick cleaning, the room is at least more presentable, although the lingering stench of old broth is still faintly there. Eh, good enough.

“What are you doing?” Granny Yaga raises her eyebrows towards me.

“Uh… sitting down? It’s my room.”

“And you tell me you can’t smell this awful scent? Grab a mop and start cleaning already!”

“But…”

“Now!”

“... Yes, Granny Yaga…”

Well, that’s another half an hour wasted. Thank god I woke up at 5, or else I’d be so late for school. But before that, I have another matter to attend to.

“Granny Yaga,” I turn to my caretaker. “Did you bring today’s list?”

“Naturally, Young Master,” with a firm nod, the old lady pushes towards me a black file case around the size of two textbooks. 

“All right, let’s see what we have…” I eagerly crack my fingers before flipping over the pages.

“Okamura Keiko, 18, won the national youth figure skater competition… Shirai Mitsuru, 16, promising young actress… Hoshino Shiori, 17, winner of last year’s young writer award…”

Look, before you get any weird ideas, I’m not some kind of sick pervert that looks at profiles of girls my age, all right? I’m not maidenless! … Okay, I’ve never had a girlfriend before, so technically I am, but I’m not that maidenless! No, this is all part of my genius, foolproof plan!

The old man doesn’t want me to get his money? Well, then I’ll just find a girl, marry her (when we’re of legal age), and then divorce her! It’s genius! And after I get my fuck-you money back, there’s nothing it can’t fix! Just toss a couple of grands to the unfortunate spouse and things will be a-okay!

But there’s no way I’m picking just any girl, though. After all, I am Fuutsuno Hakuen, only son and true heir to the President of Fuutsuno Construction Corporation. Picking a random, uncivilized wench just isn’t my cup of tea. You see, even if it’s for mere seconds, I want my future wife to have some class, some finesse, if you will. And that’s why I’m going through all of this - as the acting President, Granny Yaga can collect anyone’s information in a blink of an eye, and from that, I can get myself a full list of excellent bride candidates.

“Young Master…”

“What is it?”

“I just want to inform you that you have ten minutes left to go to school.”

“What!? Shit, I’m late!”

I hurriedly grab my uniform, put it on in record time (what is it, three seconds? Yeah, about that much), and dash through the door, but not without yelling back to the old lady:

“Bye, Granny! Lock the door for me!”

One upside of this shoddy, 1DK studio that I’m currently living in is the fact that it’s only a ten-minute walk to my high school, Midorikawa High. So, if I hurry and pick up the pace, I should be there in no time.

Just a straight run. There’s no way I’d fail. 

I am the reincarnation of a top athlete. I strike fast like lightning, stride like thunder. I am speed.

Hah! See, the gate is right in front of me. And how much did that take? Like, three minutes top?

Wait, why is it closing?

Oh shit oh shit oh shit I have to hurry.

“Wait! Don’t close the gate yet!!!”

The merciless slamming sound of the steel plate crushes any dreams that I have left. Oh god Granny Yaga is gonna kill me…

“Late for school. Seeing that I haven’t seen you around recently, I’m guessing this is your first offense. Name?”

A voice calls out to me, but not someone I recognize. Did our school have a new monitor? I thought that position was a guy until now. But this sweet tone hidden behind those stern words… This is undoubtedly a girl.

As I turn to the owner of the voice, it strikes me.

Those beautiful maroon eyes.

That pretty, unblemished complexion.

That silky, smooth, jet-black hair.

She’s perfect. She has to be the one.

“Marry me!”

“Piss off!”