I groaned and the sound hurt. It grated. There was something hard in my chest where my breath should be. I could hear my pounding pulse.

No. I didn’t want to die. I had to stay alive. No no no no no… Strangely, though, in that moment the only thing that slithered into my mind was a question…

Why?

Why did I need to live? Why did I need it so badly? What was it about my life that I held on to so desperately? My mind spun, seeking an answer.

The one it landed on surprised me.

I have so much to make up for.

I tried to look up, but I couldn’t. My vision was dimming, my body suddenly so weak. I felt the thrill of fear in my body. Distant. Closer was the regret. It tore through me. And as the darkness tunneled in around my sight…

* * *

“No!” The words forced themselves from my lips. “You can’t!”

“Please, Colin.” She was begging me. I could hear the tears in her voice from the other side of the door. I knew she was trying to keep it together, trying to keep up a façade of control. “Please… We’ve been over this... You have to come… I need you…”

“No!” I sounded like a goddam child, trying the word out for the first time until it was overused. I need you… I thought. But I didn’t say it. My face was hot and wet. I scrubbed the back of my hand across my eyes. They burned. Stupid. I thudded my head back against the door. Stupid. Didn’t she see how stupid this was? “I won’t.” I meant it to come out as a defiant bark. It came out low and hard through a mostly-closed throat.

Silence on the other side of the door.

“Please…” Her voice almost a whisper. “At least… Come out to say… Goodbye?”

I screwed my eyes shut. My face was a grimace. My teeth bit down together. My back slid down the door until I was sitting with my knees drawn up to my chest. “No…” I muttered. I don’t even know if my voice was loud enough for her to hear. “No no no…” Nothing made any sense. Didn’t they know how dangerous this was? Didn’t she know that she had to stay safe? She had to stay safe.

“Darling?” The voice cut through the air. A man’s voice. Older. “Come on! We have to go. We cannot be late. Everyone’s in the car.”

I hated that voice. My anger snarled and threw itself forward, latched on. My heart hardened.

Sniffling on the other side of the door. One last thump. A half-hearted attempt to touch me through the thin wood. “Colin… I love you…”

They couldn’t leave. She couldn’t leave. If I didn’t say goodbye, she couldn’t leave. My shoulders were shaking. I didn’t realize I was crying until I looked at my hands and my knuckles were damp.

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“I have to go now… I love you…”

I wanted to get up and throw open the door and throw my arms around her. Hold her and keep her. I wanted to scream at the voice that he couldn’t take her. Didn’t he realize that none of this plan made sense? Those things weren’t ready. They hadn’t been ready for what had happened, and they certainly weren’t ready for the aftermath.

I sniffed, and my nose was cold and running.

Time had passed.

How much? Where were they?

“No no no no no…”

I wrenched open the door and sprinted for the front of the house. The driveway was empty. The front door was closed. Not that it mattered. There was no one to knock. No neighbors, anymore. No one.

I had no one.

I was shaking my head. This wasn’t real. They would be back. She had to come back…

----------------------------------------

You’ve activated a Mark — Mark of the Survivor

Once per respawn, the first time you drop to 0 Hit Points you will instead regenerate 1 hit point.

You are at 1 hit point.

----------------------------------------

I gasped. My hand twitched out, grasping for something. My eyes blinked open. Suddenly the fear was very close, grabbing my lungs and squeezing.

What the…?

I hacked, rolled over on the cold stone and spat out a wet cough. My eyes burned. I didn’t care.

Not dead.

My chest heaved and my fingers flexed into the floor. Adrenaline surged in my body. Flickering faces in front of my vision. Annie… Just the briefest kick of pain. Jolts of awakening shame. Kyle… There they were. The faces that haunted me like ghosts. The ones I’d spent so long trying to escape.

A shadow fell across the light.

I flipped onto my back, scrabbling. I wanted to move away, knew I wouldn’t be fast enough. The knife would descend again. And things would be over for real. Instead, a huge hand that reached down, palm empty and open.

Silently offering to help me up.

No. Not again. No more trust for you, mister. I flinched away on instinct, scuttling on the floor like a crab until I hit the far wall with my back.

Zughat stood watching me, and I knew my face was drawn together in a snarl. I wanted to yell something, hurl abuse and anger. But my voice wouldn’t work around my body trying to gulp in air.

“Undying, indeed.” His tone was soft and surprisingly gentle.

I swallowed. Then went back to gasping. I stared down at my chest, where Zughat’s stone knife should have been buried to the hilt just under my sternum. Instead, flaring dark in its place, was a black design on my skin. It looked like a tattoo — a strange, geometric image, three downward pointing triangles, interlocked — but I knew for a fact that my skin had been bare just minutes ago. I pressed my hand to my skin, and my palm just about covered the mark.

I felt my heart, rattling against my rib cage and up into my fingers. “You killed me.” I lifted my head and stared at him. “You fucking killed me!”

The orc nodded, slowly. “I am sorry, Jondalar. But I did what was necessary.”

Drip. Drip. Drip.

My ears twitched and I swallowed as my eyes traced down his arm, into his off hand, and identified the long, dark knife. The blade was wet. I could tell, even in shadow, because it glistened and the liquid beaded on the tip to fall gently to the smooth tiled floor of the tomb.

Drip.

Fuck! I wanted to scream. “You didn’t have to… Why? You didn’t have to…” Why was I feeling this roller coaster of emotions? Annie… I scowled harshly. Stupid. Is that what you think about in your dying moments? Just your regrets? Fuck…

“Now I know you speak the truth.” The seven-foot-tall warrior sighed. “You are indeed Undying. And, it seems, everything that comes with it.”

“What the hell does that mean?” I demanded. “You gigantic piece of shit asshole!” The floodgates opened, and I hurled abuse by the fistful at the musclebound warrior. My chest was heaving and my vision blurred. I ran out of breath and ranted in a husky whisper.

Zughat just stood there and took it. Maybe because he was a dad, he knew how to take it. Maybe because he was just doing what he needed to survive and keep his family alive, he didn’t care. I should have known about that. You’ll do anything to protect your family.

At least, you should.