"I'll be going now. Nia Ying, do you still remember where the residencies were within the housing halls? Good, remember to go there and get some sleep. Your instructor will meet with you and the other disciples there at... half past the hour of of the morning sheep."

I stand by the door to Lu Sui-Yan's recovery room and give Nia Ying a instructions for tomorrow. It took me a moment to recall what seven thirty was in this world. It was a convoluted system that used the chinese zodiacs as numbers; starting with the rat at twelve o'clock to the pig at eleven o'clock.

Nia Ying nods in acknowledgement to my partial warning and gives me a goodnight tiding of her own as well as one for Lu Sui-Yan. I smile at her and leave. Behind me, Nia Ying continues to watch me until I turn the corner. Once I've rounded the wall, she slowly closes the door and continues to spend time with Lu Sui-Yan.

Hearing her close the door, announcing that she stopped examining me, I fall to my butt with my back to the wall. My breath deepens and my eyes narrow. My chest tightens along with my deeper breaths, restricting me and a small weight lightens itself on my shoulder. A contradictory mix of reactions for a contradictory mix of emotions; a blend of both fear relieve, hopefulness, disparity and many other things.

The dinner's gone well or, as well as I could've hoped. Nia Ying talked the most and brightened up the atmosphere while Lu Sui-Yan stayed mostly silent, seeming content with just listening to the mousy girl's words. I contributed to some conversation topics with her and kept up my image as a polite senior brother. For it having gone so well, I feel relieve.

At the same time, I feel despair. Was I being too close to them by eating with them? Was I being to distant with how I wish to keep an image? Am I intruding too much on their private moments together? Am I being too intrusive with Lu Sui-Yan's personal space? Am I doing something wrong?

My fear is redundant and illogical. I know that, my logical side knows that, my mind knows that and I've repeated that line almost too many times since meeting the protagonist already. Lu Sui-Yan is not an unforgivable character out to ruin me, therefore, if I stay civil with him, we will have nothing to fight about. Because I know this though, I fear. I fear his supposed potential; his potential to ruin me. The future is forever uncertain and anything I do is capable of blighting me.

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Again, all of these kinds of thoughts are illogical. Why should I fear him just because the future is uncertain. If I offend him, I will apologize. If I affront him, I will ask for forgiveness. Because, no matter what, I would not willingly insult anyone, why should I fear of somehow provoking Lu Sui-Yan?

It's because even though I do not hate him, he seems to hate me. It's because of the words he said before I knocked him out that I get the feelings of animosity coming from him. I don't remember those words, just the feelings behind them. Why did he hate me so when he seems so indifferent now.

This gap in attitude causes me to fear. But again, it wasn't only this. I had also feared him before I discovered the gap. I feared him even before he woke up again and showed me his neutrality towards me. Why should I have feared him? Besides the illogical train of thought that dubbed him as the protagonist, what else about him is something that I should fear?

The protagonist is weak. He has nothing that can truly harm me. There is no reason why I should fear him. As of now even in the foreseeable future, he is beneath me. He is harmless. Fear of death should be the last thing I feel from him. But why then, do I feel it? As expected, no matter how I think about it, it comes back to the line of thought, "my fear is illogical."

"...What the hell? I didn't get anywhere thinking about this at all."

I grumble and stand up again. Looks like thinking about it isn't going to do me any good. I heave a long sigh and look up to the ceiling. If I think about Lu Sui-Yan, I would still feel a slip of fear intruding my mind. The thoughts of him killing me are still there. The fear of him doing so is still there. Even after concluding that such thoughts are illogical, they're still there.

Again, I sigh. Let's just stay out of Lu Sui-Yan's way, then. Minimal contact will cause me minimal fear which would bring us all to the best solution. I will never be an antagonist, let's aim for the npc route instead. The protagonist have no reason to kill an npc so therefore, that's the best route to take.

I went to the dining hall again to get some real dinner after deciding this. It was, like all other payable things within the inner sect, expensive but delicious.