From the perspective of Soren:

Complacency. Something that I hated my entire life. I grew up knowing that I was a cut above everyone else. I was stronger, smarter, for lack of a better term I was just better. Some might say that’s arrogant of me to think. I disagree. I knew my capabilities from a young age, I proved that I stood out, and the treatment I received from those around me reflected that. I wasn’t arrogant, no, I was confident. Confident in my ability to be unchallenged in many aspects of life. Aside from my father, the only people who could have even held a candle to me were my siblings, and even amongst them, I came out on top. Again, the argument that I speak out of arrogance could be made, but who could blame me for thinking this way about myself, especially then? It wasn’t like I was this gifted because of hard work and determination, I was born this way. I was born with more latent potential than most, so what was I to do but bring that out, letting everyone know that I was destined to stand above them? After all, it was my place in the world, I was given it for a reason. Well, I used to think that way at least.

Nowadays, I don’t know what I’m meant for. I haven’t for several years. For years I’ve wandered around my home, going through the motions of my day-to-day life. I do everything as I did before, but the soul behind it has long gone, I can feel it. I train every day, yet my body never feels any stronger. I attempt to study, but I quickly become exhausted. Even leisurely things have lost my interest. Past hobbies have become dull, and I have no interest in learning new ones. Yet, on paper my life is perfect. I have absolute freedom. I live in a massive house. I’m strong enough to abide by my own rules, and it’s been years since I’ve crossed paths with anyone I’d consider an enemy. In a way, I am my own god. I sit at the top with no threats and do as I please. Even so, the endless freedom holds no value, it never did.

The only things of value left in my life are my siblings. My older sister lives on the path that I likely would have gone down if my life played out as expected. She’s twenty-three and sees herself as the apex of all life. She hones her strength and lives for the sake of showing the world her superiority. Much like myself, she was born to be above above everyone else. That being said, my sister puts herself first and foremost. Her attachment to me is essentially professional as if being my sister is a title instead of a familial bond. Needless to say, she can get along on her own just fine. Then there’s my little brother, the polar opposite of what my sister and I were like as kids. He’s quiet, soft-spoken, and generally noninvasive. Despite this he isn’t timid, nor does he have much issue with being shy. While he’s not exactly outgoing, he doesn’t actively evade speaking to people. He’s just a good kid, and even though he’s just fifteen, it’s clear his personality won’t deviate much from what it is now. I don’t see much harm in that outcome, though I have other reasons to worry about him. Being the one who takes care of him primarily, I get insight into his habits and quirks. For example, he tends to zone out at random times. He’ll just stare off blankly, even during a conversation. I’ve tried to get him to talk about what he thinks during those periods, but he never really says much, often saying his mind just goes blank. He rarely ever shows any emotions either. Even though he claims at times to be happy, bored, or frustrated, he always appears completely indifferent. Due to these reasons, I try to keep a close eye on him, supervising him throughout the day, and making sure to care for him as if he were my child. It’s difficult without having the experience, but I try my best, drawing off of what I learned from our parents. He and my sister also exist on a professional basis, they barely interact, and honestly, I don’t think my sister cares much for him due to how different he is. He’s not someone who could be a good rival or even sparring partner for her, so to her, it’s just a waste of time to get to know him, I suppose. It’s a shame that’s the case, but really, what am I to do about it?

Since my sister does what she wants on her schedule and I’m the one in charge of my brother’s care, I’ve essentially become the de facto head of the household, as if that really means anything. My dominion is over a household of three whole people, yet even then I sometimes wish it were less. Don’t be mistaken, I love my siblings dearly, I just wasn’t ready to be put in the position I was back then. Even years later is still don’t feel prepared. Regardless of my feelings, this is my life and I’ve come to accept it. Whether I’m alive for an eternity or a few years, this is it. I’ve given up on trying to move on, as when I live stuck with one unattainable goal hanging over my head, it’s difficult to find motivation to work towards anything else. Any time I try to deviate from pursuing this goal I’ve long since considered ludicrous, I feel nothing but shame and guilt for not putting my energy towards that goal instead. So, I just don’t do anything. I exist and live day to day knowing that the next day won’t be any different from the last. I’ve become what my childhood self loathed, and I know it. I’ve become complacent.

Oh well, what child-me know anyways? I’m sure he’d understand if he knew my situation now.

A few weeks go by. One afternoon, my sister and I were outside sparring as we occasionally did. While it’s not something I take particular interest in anymore, I do it anyway as my sister always claims I’m the only other person worth training with. Besides, it does at least help break up the monotony a little bit. As we went at it, our weapons clanging off each other as we battled, I couldn’t help but pick up an unusually high sense of hostility coming from her. She and I have fought enough to know each other’s temperaments and how our fighting styles reflect that. Typically, when we spar, we’re both in a state of calm concentration. Our goal is always to be as deadly as possible without being unreasonably destructive. Retaining ourselves this way allows us to push our abilities with the same effectiveness as going all out, while also allowing us to still have somewhere to live at the end of the day. Today was different though. The power that came from my sister’s attacks was more intense than in our normal sparring sessions. She might have been just been agitated that day, though, it didn’t seem like that was it. This was new, this aggression almost seemed like it was targeted specifically at me.

I continued to observe her movements as we continued to battle. With each slash she made, I only felt the hostility grow. Her movements were much less refined than normal, it was like she was pouring all of her focus into sheer strength and speed. This, of course, caused me to have to step up my defense. We continued to go at it until I could see her rearing up for a powerful attack. That’s when I knew for certain something was going on with her, as with this attack she was noticeably putting some of her destructive force behind it. She seriously wanted to hurt me. So, I did the only logical thing and used some of my own power to prepare a defense. Then, with a rapid thrust, our opposing forces clashed in a massive perry, sending a small shockwave that rattled the area around us, throwing the snow off of some of the nearby trees. We both slid back away from each other after that uncharacteristically large clash and took a short reprieve.

“What’s going on with you?” I asked my sister as she stood back up straight.

“Nothing.” She answered, hiding her underlying aggression towards me.

“You’re lying,” I responded. “I can tell you’re fighting much differently than before, I’m not stupid,” I added. She sighed.

“Maybe I’d like to take training more seriously instead of just going through the motions like a certain someone.” She snarked back.

“That would be fine and all if it weren’t for the fact that you were clearly fighting with the intent to hurt me,” I said before narrowing my eyes at her. “I know how you fight, Astrid, you weren’t being that sloppy for no reason. What is your problem?”

“You want to know what my problem is, Soren?” Astrid asked, raising her weapon in my direction, and brandishing it at me. “My problem is that you’ve gone soft. You’re pathetic. You live as though nothing in the world matters and your training reflects that to the point where it’s become pointless for me to waste my time fighting you.”

“Is that it?” I asked, lowering my sword to my side. “So, what, did you just discover that you were aggravated by this now?”

“Of course not,” Astrid replied. “I’ve spent the past how many years waiting for you to get yourself together and come to your senses, yet day after day you’ve done nothing but disappoint. I’ve had enough of it, Soren. It’s about time you were called out for your behavior.” She declared. I sighed at her response and sheathed my sword.

“You’re being ridiculous,” I said. “I suppose you’ve forgotten that I spend a great deal of my time trying to take care of our little brother, and don’t have the energy to go to all-out war when we spar, like you might.” I turned and began to walk away, knowing arguing with my stubborn older sister would be all for nothing.

“Is that what you think?” Astrid asked in a calm yet seething voice. “Last I checked, I wasn’t the one sitting around doing nothing while our father was still missing!” Her voice got progressively louder as she finished her last sentence. I turned my head back at her.

“Doing nothing?” I ask. Even though there was truth behind her statement, when those words came out of her mouth, it made my blood boil. “After all this time you have the nerve to tell me I’ve been doing nothing?”

“I know you gave up trying to find him a long time ago, Soren. Don’t act like you’ve been putting any sort of effort in when you haven’t.” Astrid responded, her tone now returned to a much calmer state knowing that she touched a nerve. “The proof is right in front of your eyes. The fact that you put your sword away as I brandish my own against you, and then the first thing that gets any sort of reaction out of you is when I call you out just goes to show that I’m right. You’ve grown complacent, and you know it.” She finished, her scowl turned into a smug grin, satisfied that she was right in calling me out for being the one thing I never wanted to become. I clenched my fist, doing everything I could to keep myself from lunging at her. I knew that’s what she wanted, and I refused to give her that satisfaction, even though there was nothing more I’d like than to cut her down. I turned my head away from her and gritted my teeth, trying to get over the embarrassment of walking away with my tail between my legs. “That’s it?” Astrid growls behind my back. “You’re just going to ignore me? Ignore the fact that I’m right. Come on. I know you’re angry at me, so why don’t you do something about it? Show me that you’re worth something for once in your pathetic life!”

“We’re done.” I said and resumed walking away.

“Done?!” Astrid asked, beginning to lose her cool again. “After all of that, and you’re just going to walk away?” She tried to walk after me but stopped, aware that I wasn’t turning back. “Our parents wasted their time producing you two. You’re both gifted with talent and power greater than anyone else on this planet, yet you do nothing with it when the one who gave it to you is in danger. As if it wasn’t enough our mother died! Such a selfish disgrace to our bloodline, if you’re going to act this way you may as well drop our surname to save the real members the embarrassment.” I continued to walk, knowing Astrid was getting progressively more frustrated that I wouldn’t acknowledge her. I hear her growl in frustration as she takes another two steps in my direction. “You and Jesper are worthless! Nothing but a disgusting waste of flesh and blood that never cared about anything but themselves! I hope you both burn for your betrayal of our father!” She yelled ferociously.

“I don’t care.” I replied, feeling myself getting ever so close to losing control. I could feel my nails almost cutting into the flesh of my palm as I clenched my fist tighter and tighter. I had to just keep walking though, I couldn’t let her verbal assault get to me. I just had to keep walking.

“You apathetic coward…” Astrid muttered under her breath. “You’d rather sit and ignore the world around you than stand up and face your problems.” A brief silence fell over the surrounding area. It was quiet, but the tension in the air was deafening. “That’s what I hate about you!” I heard Astrid exclaim. Not even a second later I feel a petrifying chill run down my spine. I see Astrid in front of me, standing as if she just struck something. Then, I notice the small streak of blood across the left blade of her scythe. Upon noticing that, I finally became aware of what transpired as I began to feel a stinging pain start to radiate from a small incision across my neck.

I froze. That was the first time in my entire life my elder sister had purposely wounded me out of malice. The cut itself wasn’t deep, just shallow enough to prevent any major injury, yet deep enough to cause a stream of blood to make its way down the side of my neck onto my shirt. I could tell while the attack wasn’t meant to be lethal, it was something she had been holding back for years. She got back up and looked at me, silent. It was as if she was waiting for me to explode, for the overwhelming rage I’d built up for her and for myself due to my guilt to finally boil over, forcing me to unleash an unbridled assault. What made it even more difficult was the fact that I wanted to. I wanted to so bad.

As the thoughts of how my own sister could be so disgustingly arrogant, so cold and careless to her siblings, acting as if she’s above us every single solitary day, I could feel myself starting to crack. She was so damn high and mighty because she trained hard, seriously thinking she’d be able to rescue our father on her own. Then, she looked down on my brother and me because we refused to be naive and follow her example. Now…she struck me for it? My vision began to blur as I tried to cling to some semblance of sanity. I loathe arrogant people, people who act like they have authority over me, who think they can tell me what’s right or wrong. I despise being treated like I’m ignorant like I need to meet other's expectations and she knew that, she knew I hated that more than anything. At that point, there was nothing more I wanted to do than make her regret her actions. I wanted to hurt her.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

no…

I wanted to kill her.

All of my feelings were numb except the sensation of blood running down my neck and my fingers as I managed to pierce the skin of my palm due to how tightly I had clenched my fist. I knew if I let myself go I could’ve destroyed her right then and there. I could’ve been rid of her. I could’ve made her suffer as much as I wanted until I finally erased her existence from the world. Then I could live as I wanted. She would’ve no longer been able to guilt or belittle me. I could finally move on, forgetting the past and working to move forward with my life in peace. All I would have had to do was end her.

If only it was as simple as my anger led me to believe.

The fact was, even if I did go through with it, I would likely not only destroy her but my home in the process. Not only that but who knows what would’ve happened to Jesper in the wake of the destruction. Come to think of it, I didn’t even know how my own body would recover. Chances are I would severely harm myself if I lost control. The destruction caused by my inability to handle my emotions would be something I know I’d regret. Beyond all of that though is that I know I’d be playing right into what my sister wants. Even if I did succeed in killing her, I knew her well enough to realize she would gladly die if it meant she was right about her assumptions about me. The truth was, the second I lost my cool, she won, and she knew that. So, despite the blinding hatred raging through my body, I focused all of my energy on one single thing, leaving. Putting one foot in front of the other, trying my hardest to keep my composition and evading all sight of her. I suffocated any extraneous thoughts in my mind that didn’t involve what I was doing right that second. All of my focus was going towards getting back inside the house and away from her as quickly as possible. Astrid stood still as I opened the heavy wooden door to get in the house, not realizing the hand I was using was the one I had punctured and thus was leaving blood on the handle.

“Pathetic.” I heard Astrid say quietly as I entered the house. I let the door shut behind me before I began to walk significantly faster. Still attempting to pull myself together I make the quick decision to head to a bathroom to clean and dress my wounds. I get into the bathroom and lock the door before examining the damage. Once I wiped my neck down with a damp cloth, I was able to see the slash my sister left clearly. It was a perfect cut that ran across the entire side of my neck. Regardless of the intent, I couldn’t help but acknowledge my sister’s prowess when it came to wielding a weapon that was larger than her. I did my best to clean any blood off from around the area before applying some medicine to the incision. I wrapped my neck up tightly to make sure no more blood leaked down it. After that was taken care of I examined my right hand. As expected, there were four individual punctures in it, three of which blood was drawn from. I cleaned each spot out, then medicated and bandaged those as well. Once that was all taken care of I exited the bathroom and headed to my bedroom.

As soon as I entered my room and changed my blood-stained shirt I began to feel the rage I had suppressed start to return like a tidal wave. I sat down on my bed and stared blankly as I gripped my knees. My body was shaking. I felt stiff and rigid, trying to contain my desire to go berserk and fight back was growing increasingly more difficult. Unfortunately, I still couldn’t do anything about it. If I let even a little bit go, I knew I wouldn’t be able to stop. Astrid would have won, and I likely would have decimated my home and further traumatized my little brother. I knew it couldn’t be healthy to seal away such extreme emotion, but I had no other choice. The grip on my knees tightened as I continued to force myself to calm down. At this point, I half expected myself to either start crying uncontrollably or blow a blood vessel in my brain and die. To help clear my mind a bit I decided to close my eyes and attempted to take some deep breaths. I was never very good at meditating when I used to do it, especially when my emotions were running high, but as of right now, it seemed like the best way to help keep myself from breaking.

With each breath, I attempted to force myself to make the next less aggressive than the last. I worked to pace myself, trying to establish a steady rhythm. As I pushed my body to relax, I began to feel my energy start to radiate off of my body, something I struggled with when I was a child as well. I remember the days back when Astrid and I were young. Our father would always lecture us on the importance of proper meditation in our training. It was something we both had issues getting the hang of due to our aggressive nature. Regardless of that, he never gave up trying to help us master it. I could never get both my mind and my body to cooperate during the sessions we would have. Any time I would think I was doing it right, my father would tell me that my energy was spilling out as visible light emitted from my body. Over time, I began to recognize that feeling and would be able to feel when I needed to try again. Even with that new skill, I never really felt like I got any closer to being able to meditate the right way. Since our father went missing, Astrid was quick to stop trying to learn. I tried for a short while after but ended up giving up as well. Now I wish I hadn’t.

As I sat and worked to control my breathing I began to remember back to all of the advice my father gave. I cleared my mind the best I could, putting all of my focus on my breathing until I could fully release the tension inside of me. Once my breathing got steady I then shifted my focus to reeling back my energy. It was difficult, just as difficult as I remembered. After trying to suppress my energy for a while, I came to realize I was not at a point where I was able to. Not only was I too out of practice, but my mind and body were still struggling to not be overcome by my anger. I should have practiced more, I know, but it was not the time to beat myself up for it. I just had to do my best, even with my energy seeping out. Despite my extreme lack of skill and practice in that department, I was able to discipline myself enough to sit and focus on it long enough to finally get myself down from the mental precipice I was on. As soon as I was at a point of being able to manage myself again, I decided that it was a good enough time to stop meditating, or rather attempting to meditate. I opened my eyes and allowed my externally visible energy to die down before opting to lay on my bed. After staring at my ceiling for a while, I felt calm enough to fall asleep, which I allowed myself to do in hopes of resetting my mental state.

A couple hours later I woke up. I stared blankly at the ceiling once more as I came to, recollecting what had happened before I fell asleep. I began to clench my injured fist again as I remembered the dispute I had with Astrid, but quickly let go of it with a sigh. My anger towards her died down as I slept. Now, I just felt the way I often do in this kind of situation, empty. Once again I wondered what the point of my life is. Aside from caring for Jesper, nothing that I do has any real meaning. I don’t have a reason to train or get stronger, especially when no one besides my sister could even pose a threat to me. Well…no one I’d ever cross paths with anyways. The hope of ever finding my father has gone long ago, and I can’t bring myself to commit to trying to look anymore, no matter how much I miss him. Outside of the few people I interact with on the streets or in stores, my connections to anyone are limited to my own home. I have no friends, anyone who ever would have wanted to befriend me I scared off at a young age. Two of the most important people in my life are completely gone, and with my siblings being the way that they are, there’s not a single person in the world I can lean on. I’m alone. I hate to think that I always will be, but it’s difficult not to when there seem to be no alternatives. Even if I wanted to meet new people, my reputation where I live is set in stone. Sure, I get along with people, but they’ve known me forever. They know my strength and how temperamental I used to be. Who am I kidding, they know how temperamental I still am to this day. I may not be nearly as bombastic as I was, but I know amongst those in my town that I’m feared. I suppose I screwed myself over as a kid, and now I get to live with it. It’s times like these I think it would have been best for me not to have been born. It would’ve at least saved me the trouble of wasting away in my early adulthood. These are all just the same thoughts that run through my mind on a constant basis. I’m used to them by now. Like everything else, I’ve become indifferent to them. It’s become normal to live with the constant feelings of guilt, lack of direction, and emptiness. That’s the life of someone who has gifts that are second to none, but lost their desire to use them. Someone with no path in life, who will just wander endlessly until they die. That’s me.

Checking the time, I realized it was later than I thought. I had to get up and prepare dinner for my brother, so I slumped off my bed and exited my room, making my way to our kitchen. I was still in the clothes that I used for training and sparring, but I couldn’t be bothered to change. Besides, the elastic material was rather comfortable. I walked over to a small rack of hooks mounted by the doorway into the kitchen and grabbed one of the headbands I often wear when I cook to keep any sweat or hair out of my eyes. I tied it on, making sure to tuck in the loose tufts of my hair that stuck out. This one was blue, and so coordinated with my black and blue training clothes and of course my hair, which was of a darker shade. I then went over to the fridge followed by the pantry and grabbed out what I needed for dinner: a cut of beef, mushrooms, onions, milk, sour cream, and flour. All of these items I would use to make a simple stroganoff for Jesper and me.

Cooking was one thing I could somewhat look forward to. Even though I only really cooked for Jesper and me and wouldn’t consider it a huge joy or anything, it still helped give me something to do that wasn’t completely unenjoyable. I prepared everything whilst making sure my attention was focused on what I was doing, and not on the negative thoughts that filled my head. A while later, and the food was done, ready to eat. I walked over to Jesper’s room and let him know dinner was ready. He then followed me to the kitchen, washing up on the way. I set the table and dished us both up a helping of my homemade stroganoff as well as some broccoli I had in the fridge. Once everything was set, we sat down at the table and proceeded to eat, enjoying the warm meal on yet another cold day in our freezing climate.

“How was your day, Jesper?” I asked, initiating some small talk.

“It was okay,” Jesper said, brushing aside the deep violet hair that covered his eye. “Just doing some more reading and research, nothing out of the ordinary.”

“I see. Still mainly focusing on biology?” I asked.

“Mhm,” Jesper said with a nod. “I still have so much to learn in the field, it’s like every time I get a concept down, something new comes up.”

“Well, that’s nice that you have such an interest in the subject. I’m sure there’s a lot you can get out of it.” I replied with a small smile. For only being fifteen years old, Jesper was extraordinarily intelligent. Sure, all three of us were smart, especially when compared to your average person, but when it came to academic knowledge and a desire to learn, Jesper was on a whole other level. He was always reading, conducting research, and even in some cases experimenting. Where Astrid and I spent most of our time training ourselves physically, Jesper’s investment was in knowledge. I was proud of him for being so dedicated to that facet, especially since it would heavily benefit his usage of his abilities. Most important though was that he enjoyed what he did. He found meaning in his life through his work and as someone who lost a lot of that meaning and purpose in his own life, it does me good to see my younger brother keep his. After a couple more minutes of quiet eating, Jesper spoke up again.

“Soren?” Jesper asked, getting my attention.

“Hmm?”

“What happened to your neck?” Jesper asked as he pointed to the area where my bandage was on himself.

“Oh, that.” I replied, “Astrid and I just happened to get a little bit too into our training today. She ended up cutting my neck a little, I’m okay, though.”

“Is that what shook the house earlier?” Jesper followed up.

“Yeah. I’m surprised you felt that. Sorry if it bothered you.” I said.

“It’s okay,” Jesper answered, he picked at his food a little before speaking back up in a lower volume. “Your fights are getting worse.” He said. I looked back up to him and let out a small sigh.

“No…it’s just…okay, yeah, they are,” I admitted. “We got into it pretty bad today. Well, Astrid did. I did my best to avoid the conflict, but she ended up striking me. It seems she got some of that aggression out of her system after it was all said and done, but I still think we’re going to avoid crossing paths for a while.” I explained. Jesper nodded and took another bite of his food.

“You two…aren’t going to try to kill each other, are you?” Jesper asked hesitantly.

“No, no. Not if I have anything to do about it.” I replied. “Our family has been torn apart enough. I won’t ever let myself sink low enough to attempt to kill one of our own.” Jesper didn’t need to know my thoughts about killing her earlier. The important part was that I didn’t, and so long as I could work on controlling myself, I wouldn’t. That being said, if Jesper were ever put in danger, and she was somehow involved, that would be an exception. “As far as Astrid…I doubt she’d ever try to kill me. She knows she likely wouldn’t be able to, even if she wanted. Personally, I’m not going to dwell too much on the thought, and you shouldn’t either. When it comes down to your safety, I’ll do whatever I have to to keep you safe.”

“Okay.” Jesper said simply before going back to eating. That conversation left us both quiet for the rest of the meal. Jesper finished his portion, thanked me, and returned to his room. Meanwhile, I sat, stopped about halfway through my plate as I got stuck in thought. It was rare that Jesper was ever concerned about anything like this. I never even knew he was knowledgeable about the occasional fights Astrid and I would get into. He really must have been a better observer than I thought. It bothered me though, as that was the most concerned I had seen him in ages. Sure, to anyone else he would have appeared totally neutral, but I know him well enough to recognize the intricate differences in his expression and could pick up on the subtle change. I could only hope what I said helped put his mind at ease. He’s seen so much in his life already, I never wanted him to experience trauma on the level he already had again. I figured all I could really do was work on myself, focus on managing my temper so I didn’t allow those thoughts to enter my head again if Astrid and I got into another skirmish. I wasn’t ever going to change Astrid, I knew that much. After several minutes of moving the food on my plate around with my fork, I took another bite, realizing the food had gone cold and my appetite was gone. I disposed of the rest of my food and cleaned up, wondering if it would just be best to call it a night.

After going back to my room and falling asleep to the sound of the breeze blowing in my window, that question answered itself.