Saia opened the door of her room. She had expected Aili to be either in the library or already in the dining hall, or maybe even with Daira. But she was sitting on her bed, back against the wall and an open book on her lap. Her eyes were fixed on the wall, but as soon as Saia stepped inside she lowered them on the page. She was quiet while Saia extracted the sleeping snake from the bag, awakened it and let it fall inside the tank.
When she turned, Aili was still staring at the book, but her eyes weren’t following the words.
“Can we talk?” Saia asked.
Aili put the book aside.
“I thought you decided to ignore me.”
“No. I'm still angry at you, but I don't think that ignoring you will make the situation better.”
Aili hugged her legs.
“Let's talk, then. Why are you angry at me, exactly?”
Saia sat on her own bed, right in front of her.
“I feel like you're abandoning me in a moment where I need you the most. Yesterday was a complete failure, but you don't see it that way.”
Aili opened her mouth to protest, but Saia raised her hand to signal that she wasn't done talking.
“It feels like you're becoming one of them,” she raised her chin to point at the door, “And that they will eventually convince you that everything they do is good and necessary. And I fear that if I trust you too much, you will eventually betray me for them.”
She let the silence linger for a bit, then leaned back against the wall.
“My turn?” Aili asked.
Saia nodded.
“I didn't plan for this to happen. Daira told me about the possibility of becoming a candidate yesterday morning, and I admit I wasn't thinking straight during her speech. You know how curious I am about the mountain's history, magic and the trials, so I couldn't let this chance to experience them in first person slip away. But,” she added before Saia could protest, “But I realize how selfish I’ve been. And as much as I like the system they have in place, I think the monks are hypocrites.”
That sentence was so unexpected coming from Aili's mouth that Saia forgot what she wanted to say and looked at her bewildered.
“What?”
“Their most important principle is that a small amount of people has to make the most sacrifices for the good of everyone. The texts make it clear that the sacrifice has to be voluntary and the person must be conscious of the nature of the choice they're about to make.”
Aili distended her legs until they were hanging from the bed.
“But yesterday, at the debate, they acted directly against this teaching twice. The first time, when they refused to sacrifice the energy left in Vizena to stop her. I’m not sure if I agree that she should be cracked if she's proven guilty, but only removing two years worth of energy at a time if she relapses is too little. She's been in place for about a hundred and thirty years, it's time she steps down.”
Saia nodded.
“And the second?”
“They're willing to let the people of your village suffer for these hypothetical relapses that she might have, until she finally stops being abusive, which might never happen. This is a huge sacrifice to ask of people who don't know anything about how gods work. You could argue that they know the exact nature of their sacrifice better than anyone else, but nobody asked if they agreed to it.”
“Nobody would ever agree to be treated like that. Ever.”
“I know. I could have realized these things sooner and said them at the debate, if I hadn't been so focused on the trials. I'm sorry.” She lowered her eyes and took a deep breath. “The only thing I can offer you is to keep an eye on Daira and the other monks and make sure they won't find Zeles. And I'll think about a better speech once I come back.”
Saia felt something tighten at the base of her throat. Her anger had mostly dissolved, replaced by the realization that the only person she could fully count on in the whole mountain was leaving for the next two months. She took advantage of the fact that Aili was still looking away to breathe deeply and blink a few times.
“There's another thing I need you to help me with.”
Aili straightened her back and leaned forward a bit.
“Is it about you disappearing after bringing the meal to Ebus’s grandmother?”
Saia winced.
“No, and I don't want to talk about it.”
“Just so you know, if you don't do your job for too long, one of the helpers priors will have a talk with you. They could either give you extra work, prevent you to go fishing for a while, since it's your main activity, or ask you to consult a consciousness expert.”
“I didn't think they would have noticed.”
“Ebus did, but he won't tell anything to the priors this time.”
Saia sighed.
“I'll have to give him a snake.”
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“Nothing says 'I'm sorry and thank you' like a dead snake.”
Saia smiled, then remembered what she was about to ask and returned serious.
“I want to become a sentinel.”
Aili raised her eyebrows.
“Why?”
Saia thought about her conversation with Rabam. She had promised to keep his existence a secret, and besides that, she knew Aili wouldn't have approved of her helping him without knowing his plans.
“I don't like fishing at the lake,” she said, and realized that it was true. “It's too different from what I'm used to. You have to stay quiet a lot, but you also can't sleep or get distracted by something else because you might miss the fish. Lakam isn't very talkative, she mostly keeps to herself.”
“So it's boring?” Aili asked.
“Yes, but it also feels pointless. I want to make more of an impact on this community.”
“Why not become a scholar of viss?”
“I don’t like reading that much. And staying indoors for so much time is a bit depressing. I think the sentinels are the best option for me, right now.”
Aili nodded.
“Have you thought about which prior to ask?”
“Maris,” Saia said without hesitation.
“But... They're traditional and mostly on the abbot's side. They won't take it well that you want to change your job so soon after being confirmed as a helper.”
“I know, but the other priors know me from the debate as someone who breaks the rules. Maris has met me before, they know how I am and hopefully have a different impression of me. And they were the first to suggest that Vizena should be cracked. I think they're the most likely to understand my reasons.”
Aili leaned forward to take some rough sheets and a piece of graphite from the floor. She wrote something on the clean side of the first page.
“We have to think about what you're going to tell them. Pretend I'm Maris.” She cleared her throat. “Hello, Saia. I'm very busy and in the worst mood imaginable, what do you want?”
Saia held back a smile.
“I've thought about it and decided that I want to become a sentinel.”
“Why?”
“Fishing here is very different from what I'm used to, and as a sentinel I'll be able to check on my village and help you identify the signs of distress of the inhabitants.”
Aili shook her head.
“No. You're showing distrust in their actions. You're basically saying that you don't trust the priors and sentinels to do their job and protect your people.”
“I don't.”
“I know, but we don't want Maris to think that. Try again.”
Saia did. And then she tried some more, again and again, until Aili was satisfied with her answer.
The next day, they woke up at dawn.
“We have to be quick,” Aili whispered while changing into one of the two clean tunics that they had taken from the laundry room the previous evening. “The sentinels are about to have their morning meeting and I'll leave with Daira at the next bell chime.”
Saia nodded, getting ready as fast as she could. They ran along the empty corridor, shushing each other when they heard someone's steps further ahead. They slowed down when they met the group of helpers who were leaving the clean tunics in front of every door.
“Skip room seventy-four, please,” Aili told them, marching forward.
They entered a room Saia hadn't seen before, with a tall and round ceiling. At the center, there was a square platform covered by rows of holes small as an olive. At least half of them were occupied by round stones, each one painted in a different color and with a different letter written on top. There were more numbers and letters engraved on the top and left sides of the square.
The sentinels were standing in the left half of the room, listening to the speech of a prior. The other two priors, Maris and a woman that Saia didn't know, were looking at the square in the center of the room, whispering to each other. Every few words, one of them bent down to take a painted stone from the bag at their feet and put it in one of the holes. If they hadn't been so serious, Saia would have thought that they were playing some kind of game.
“... and in addition to Daira's group, we have a scholar going down to Suimer,” the other prior was saying. “Whoever will be on the north-east side, pay attention to them.”
Saia exchanged a glance with Aili: it looked like the monks were sending someone to Suimer, after all.
The prior was starting to talk about what they had to look out for in the northern part of the mountain, when he noticed Saia and Aili standing at the entrance of the room.
“Can we help you?” he asked, glancing to the other priors. They stopped what they were doing, dropping the stones they were holding into the bag.
“Yes,” Aili said. “We need to talk to Maris about something important.”
Some of the sentinels held their breath at that, looking at Maris as if they expected them to explode. But the prior only excused themselves and walked toward the two of them, looking more annoyed than outright angry.
“Is there a problem?” they asked Aili.
She looked at Saia.
“No, but I have a request,” she said. “I want to become a sentinel.”
Maris frowned.
“After yesterday’s debate, I can't help but find the timing suspicious.”
Saia's instinct was to ask 'why?' and keep up the pretence that it wasn't an observation both her and Aili had expected. She decided against it: Maris seemed to hate that kind of verbal games, and Saia felt exactly the same.
“It was prompted by the debate, actually. I realized that you don't really know how to recognize the signs of the sort of abuse Vizena is perpetuating. Other gods might be doing the same, and you wouldn't have any idea.”
Aili flinched a bit at her wording. Maris kept staring at her without relaxing their expression.
“So I thought that by joining the sentinels I could help you make sure that nobody will suffer the same sort of thing. Look out for signs you're not trained to spot.”
Maris nodded once, sharply.
“This is a valid point. But you could give us the information we need without necessarily leaving your job as a fisher. It seems like it's your area of expertise more than anything else.”
“Actually, fishing here is very different from what I'm used to. It requires to be more relaxed and less active.”
“That's why you used a spear?”
Saia stopped, realizing that they were observing her while she was at the lake. She had forgotten to tell Aili that detail, and now she was staring at her with a surprised expression.
“Yes,” she admitted. “I wasn't in a good mental state, so I tried something different. But I'm not capable of catching fish that way. I could learn, but...” She sighed. “Aili is leaving today, and I need company and structure in my life. Lakam, the fisher, made it clear that she isn't interested in having interactions while she works, and the silence makes me mull over things I don't really want to think about, right now.”
She felt a light touch at the back of her arm. She gave Aili a glance of acknowledgement before focusing on Maris again. They were looking back at the group of sentinels, who were still listening to the other prior's words.
“I'll talk to my colleagues. And to the abbot,” they added, their eyes returning on Saia. “I imagine that your instinct would be to avoid him as long as possible, but I advise you against it. Working with people who disagree with him is part of his job, and you might obtain more by being closer to him than by staying away.”
Saia nodded.
“Return tomorrow morning at dawn, I'll let you know the answer.”
They walked back toward the square at the center of the room. Saia kept looking at them, reflecting on their words, when Aili put a hand on her shoulder.
“Sorry, but I really need to go.”
Saia followed her back toward their room. She returned the stack of books to the library while Aili gathered her notes and cleaned her side of the room. They met in the corridor and walked toward the main entrance of the village. Daira and the two monks that had followed her back from Lausune were already there, talking to each other next to the entrance.
Aili stopped before they could notice them and hugged Saia.
“I'll miss you so much.”
She didn't know what to answer, so she just hugged her tight.
Aili approached the prior, clutching the strap of her letter-carrier bag. She waved her hand one last time, then disappeared into the world outside.