Chapter 4: A Meetup For These Failures!

Part 1

It was the day of the meeting.

"...I don't get the point of doing this."

Aqua said, as we made our way to the family restaurant, our meeting spot.

"It wouldn't be necessary if you actually had information about the dungeon. As it is now, we'll need to rely on other people to tell us their experiences so far."

"Are you saying that even though I'm a co-creator of the dungeon, that I don't know anything about it?!"

I bet the other creators involved did most of the work.

She was like that pretty girl in class who made all the nerds do the project work, while still taking credit for it afterwards.

"That's exactly what I'm saying."

Aqua was wearing the clothes she bought from that shopping trip, a denim jacket, striped sweater and a light pink skirt. It was a casual outfit, but she looked like a model wearing it.

She attracted a lot of attention as we walked through the streets, and I even got a few jealous stares from some of the men.

…Even though I felt ashamed to have people see me walking around with this stupid goddess.

There was another reason why I wanted to arrange this meeting.

It was to look for Aqua's replacement.

It became clear that she was absolutely useless in every possible way.

However, to get past the Giant Toad stage, I will need some help.

I got dangerous vibes from Darkness last time, but that could have just been my imagination.

If she was close with a reasonable girl like Chris, she probably wasn't that bad.

Megumin was a complete wild card, but I was willing to bet that they were more useful than Aqua was.

"Kazuma, Kazuma, you're going to treat me today, right? Since I'm doing you a favor by letting you show me off to all these guys, I better get some reward out of it! You're so lucky to have such a beautiful girl like me walk around with you!"

I really needed to replace her.

When we arrived at the family restaurant, we saw Darkness as she was seated by a waitress. We arrived at around the same time.

Darkness was wearing a yellow floral sundress, a pearl necklace and carried an expensive looking handbag.

That kind of handbag wasn't something an ordinary high school student could afford…

Was she some kind of ojou-sama?

I waved to Darkness and walked over with Aqua in tow.

"Yo. Thanks for coming. It's too bad Chris couldn't make it."

Darkness smiled and gave a nod, gesturing for us to take a seat.

"Yeah… There are times when she gets really busy and runs off somewhere. I don't have any idea what she gets up to, though. And who is this with you?"

She looked at Aqua. Before I could introduce her, Aqua stepped forward and said,

"Even though your body is composed mostly of my fluid, you don't recognize me? I am the goddess of water, Aqua!"

That line was considered sexual harassment, right?

"N-Nice to meet you, Aqua-san…"

For some reason, Darkness was blushing when she replied.

She was probably just embarrassed by Aqua's cringeworthy introduction.

"There's one more person, but I don't really know what they look like…"

Just as I was saying that, the door opened and a girl came in. My eyes lingered on her for a second, because she was quite attractive, but I eventually ignored her.

Then I did a double take at the girl's unusual appearance.

This girl was wearing a black, gothic lolita dress and had an eyepatch that covered one of her eyes. Her eye that was uncovered had a red contact lens on it. She also wore a choker and fingerless gloves.

She had quite a petite figure, as well as short, black hair. Aside from her questionable fashion accessories, her porcelain skin and black hair made her an ideal Japanese beauty.

"Um… Sorry, I don't really know what you're talking about…"

The waitress who greeted the girl said, confused by the unusual customer.

"Did I not make it clear? I'm looking for a coven who practices the dark arts like myself…"

That chuunibyou way of speaking… Don't tell me…

The girl looked around the restaurant and eventually saw us, namely, Aqua.

"Ah… A girl with blue hair!"

The waitress followed her as she strode over to us.

"...Which one of you is RNGod?"

Aqua busted out laughing when she heard my username.

I decided to punish her later for laughing.

I raised my hand.

"Yeah, that's me. I take it you're…"

"I am Megumin! My calling is that of an Arch-Wizard, one who wields the strongest attack magic… Explosion!"

Everyone in the restaurant turned their eyes to this girl saying these outrageous lines.

"Sorry, you got the wrong table."

"...?! A-Are you trying to ditch me already?!"

The way she said that made it seem like she was used to people ditching her.

She forcibly sat herself down on the table, right next to Darkness.

"...Erm… Megumin, was it? You can call me Darkness."

"Darkness… huh? Are you one of my people?"

Certainly, the pseudonym 'Darkness' did have a tinge of chuunibyou in it.

Aqua looked at Megumin and said,

"Is Megumin your nickname? Then… Is your real name Megumi?"

"...If I have to call this girl Darkness, then it's only polite that you call me by the name I gave you."

She suddenly switched to a normal tone of voice.

I thought that Megumin was some dude on a message board who had delusions of grandeur. Turns out that she was a girl who was a year or two younger than me.

Rather… Since I was sitting at a table full of good looking girls, I had even more envious eyes looking my way.

"For now we should just order first."

When the waitress came by to take our order, Darkness ordered a garlic butter steak served on a sizzling plate, while Aqua ordered curry rice. I ordered a katsudon for myself, but when it was Megumin's turn to order…

"...I don't have the funds to order anything aside from the soda fountain."

Her stomach growled in response.

The waitress and the other girls looked at me expectantly.

I hate this unfair society that puts pressure on guys to pay for girls…!

"Order whatever you want. It's my treat."

"...Really?! RNGod, you're a generous guy!"

"Just call me Kazuma!"

Nothing's more embarrassing than having someone say your online username in public.

Megumin ordered a hamburg steak. The waitress took our menus and left.

"Alright, how about we get straight to business? We came here to exchange information about the dungeon. I'll start first, since I'm the one who organized this meeting."

I took out my notebook with the detailed map I drew out. Along with an illustration of the places I explored so far, including the Giant Toad area, I also made a list of enemy mobs I encountered along the way.

"I see… So these are the kinds of monsters one finds in a dungeon."

Megumin said, leaning over the table to take a look at my notebook.

"...You make it sound as if you never go inside the dungeon."

"I went once or twice, but my Explosion magic is too powerful to be used inside a dungeon! I've mostly been using it outside!"

"What do you mean outside?"

"I've been leveling up by doing these quests!"

She took out her phone and showed me the quest list on her app.

Quests:

Use Explosion magic on an open field! Quest Rewards: +15 exp, +1 Magic Power (Complete)

Use Explosion magic on an abandoned building! Quest Rewards: +15 exp, +1 Bravery (Complete)

Use Explosion magic near a populated area and evade the police! Quest Rewards: +15 exp, +1 Cunning

Why are all her quests acts of domestic terrorism?!

"I'm having a bit of trouble on the last one. Explosion magic requires a lot of skill points to rank-up, so I really need to wrack up EXP!"

Aqua smiled and gave a thumbs up.

"This app is customized to let the individual become the best version they can be! Keep up the good work!"

Don't encourage her!

Darkness looked at Megumin's quest list and said,

"...It seems that Megumin has been completing her quests just fine. I'm having a bit of trouble with mine…"

"Oh? Can I take a look?"

"S-Sure…"

She gave me her phone and she was blushing hard for some reason.

Quests:

Wear an extremely revealing dress in public! Quest Rewards: +15 EXP, +1 Charisma

Hold your urine for the entirety of the school day! Quest Rewards: +15 EXP, +1 Willpower

Show your embarrassing Quest List to a man! Quest Rewards: +15 EXP, +1 Bravery

"..."

I looked up from the phone and saw Darkness blushing heavily. She had a crazy look in her eyes.

Quest completed! You showed your perverted Quest List to a man and he changed his entire outlook of you!

Quest Rewards: +15 EXP, +1 Bravery

I handed her phone back to her.

"Thank… Thank you very much for helping me…!"

I see.

She was one of those.

Part 2

After I finished showing them the map I drew, it was Darkness's turn to share information.

"...Chris and I have explored the entirety of the first floor, but we've never gotten past this wide area over here."

She pointed at the area with the Giant Toads. She went on to say,

"Chris says that if we clear this area, we can unlock a new floor of the dungeon."

I looked to Aqua for confirmation. She said,

"That sounds about right!"

Does she actually know what she's talking about?

"You mentioned that you've been taking artifacts from other dungeon explorers, right?"

"You're doing what?!"

Aqua exclaimed, angry over the fact that Darkness and Chris were undoing her work.

"Eris-sama gave us the task of taking back the artifacts that were given away by the goddess Aqua…"

"I'm Aqua, you know?! So you're a follower of that Eris hussy, huh?!"

"...I find it hard to believe that you're a goddess."

Megumin said, looking pointedly at the curry sauce all around Aqua's mouth.

Darkness seemed quite overwhelmed by the irate Aqua. However...

"I also find it hard to believe that there's a goddess casually talking to us in the mortal realm."

"Hah?! It's not my fault I'm stuck here! This pervert dragged me out of my comfy realm with all my shuwa shuwa! I really am a...!"

I pulled Aqua's collar back and made her sit down.

"...Apologies. It seems that this girl here thinks she's a goddess of some sort."

"I see. What a pitiful girl, to have such delusions."

This Megumin girl seems quite unaware of her own faults. I said,

"...In any case, can you tell me how many artifacts you've retrieved so far, Darkness? Also, you and Chris are quite powerful if you can deal with artifact users on a normal basis."

"Well, I'm pretty low-level but Chris has the Thief class, which is useful in stealing items. I don't really even have to do anything. She does most of the work in retrieving artifacts for Eris-sama. As for how many artifacts we retrieved… I think we've taken four so far."

"You're interfering with my business!"

I stopped Aqua again before she could lunge at Darkness, who seemed to welcome the assault, going by the blush on her face.

"...And what happened to those four who had their artifacts stolen?"

"They never went back to the dungeon again. It seems that without their artifacts, they didn't want to brave the dangers of the dungeon."

Certainly, if I was given an OP weapon at the start, only to have it be taken away from me, I'd probably go into depression and not set foot into the dungeon again.

Perhaps it was a blessing in disguise that I didn't have a cheat item.

…No, I'd still like one!

If only I hadn't taken this useless goddess with me out of spite…!

"I'm guessing that there aren't any cheat item users left, huh?"

I said, sipping from a glass of water. If I didn't have to pay for Megumin's meal as well, I would have ordered a soda for myself.

"...Not exactly. Chris and I can't go to the dungeon all the time. We also can't advance past the first floor yet. There are artifact users who have already advanced to the next floor and beyond."

Since they had cheat items, they were already going through the dungeon at a faster rate than those without any.

Damn those bastards…!

"All this talk of artifacts… How come I didn't get an artifact from Wolbach-sama?"

Megumin said, reminding me that she talked about a goddess of destruction named Wolbach in her forum post.

"Oh, yeah, you said that you learned Explosion magic from this Wolbach, right?"

She nodded excitedly, planting her hands down on the table and leaning closer to me.

"Exactly! She gave me a tome that let me learn Explosion magic!"

Just like how I learned [Elementary Magic], it seems that one needs spell tomes in order to learn magic.

"Wolbach? Who's that?"

Aqua said, looking confused by who Megumin was talking about.

"...That's how I know you're not really a goddess. Wolbach-sama is a goddess who rules over the aspect of Destruction and Sloth! A door to her realm appeared in my school shortly after I discovered the dungeon!"

"Never heard of her."

I couldn't tell if this Wolbach was another one of Megumin's chuuni delusions, or if Aqua was really stupid enough to forget the name of a fellow goddess.

Either way, I didn't think it was important enough to lose brain cells over. I said,

"Alright, it seems that we're all having trouble getting through this Giant Toad area. Well… Megumin can't even reach it, in the first place."

"...Are you underestimating my capabilities just because of a minor setback? I assure you that if you escort me through the dungeon, I can get rid of all these Giant Toads for you!"

Aqua's face lit up and nodded at Megumin's words.

"It's true, Kazuma! If this girl really knows explosion magic, we have a good chance at taking out a lot of those toads! Explosion magic is the strongest attack magic one can learn, after all!"

"...! I'm glad you see the appeal of explosion magic, wannabe goddess!"

"Don't call me that!"

While Aqua was bickering with Megumin, Darkness placed a hand on her chest and said,

"Since I have the Crusader class, I can act as the frontline for the group. Chris and I only had problems with the Giant Toads since we lacked a damage dealer, but if Megumin can help us, I promise that I'll keep everyone safe as the vanguard…"

Giant Toads had high resistance to physical damage, which was probably why Darkness and Chris, who had the Crusader class and Thief class, struggled with them.

"Oh? Darkness has the Crusader class? Well, I have the Arch-Priest class! And Since Megumin knows Explosion magic… I assume she's an Arch-Wizard?"

"That's correct!"

Aqua gave me a smug smile. She said,

"Then it seems that Kazuma-san here is the only one without an advanced class! Try not to drag us down, Mr. Adventurer! Kishishishi!"

What an annoying bitch.

Part 3

"Thanks for your patronage!"

The waitress bowed to us after we paid the bill and left the restaurant.

Along with Megumin's meal, I had to pay about 1,500 yen total.

That brought my total down to 1,800 yen.

"Thank you for the meal… I won't forget this!"

Megumin said, bowing to me in appreciation for me treating her.

"It's fine… Rather, I'm kind of concerned that you seem so grateful for just a meal…"

She didn't have any money… I wondered if her home situation was fine.

Just when I thought that she would try to evade the subject, she said,

"Oh, that's because my family is poor! I rarely get to eat out like this!"

"I-I see…"

I couldn't tell if she was overly innocent, or if she was mature for her age.

"So… When should we go to the dungeon?"

Aqua said, while sucking on an after-meal mint.

"If you guys want, we can go right now."

I said, looking at the sky and seeing that we still had some time before the sun went down.

"Fufu… I'm excited for the chance to show off my power."

Megumin said, holding a hand up over her eye and doing what she thought was a cool pose.

"I promise to protect everyone."

Darkness had a resolute look on her face, which made her seem reliable.

Her dependable aura almost made me forget what I saw on her phone.

Thankfully, Megumin at least had a train pass and I didn't have to pay for her.

When we made it to the dungeon entrance I normally use, Darkness said,

"...So there are other entrances, just like Chris said."

"Which entrance do you use, Darkness?"

"I use the one in front of my house."

Why was her entrance so close to her house, while mine was a whole train trip away?

I gave an accusatory look at Aqua, who said,

"Don't blame me! They're randomized!"

We stepped into the entrance, with Darkness leading the way.

Although I wanted to get as close to the front as possible to maximize the 20-feet radius of [Enemy Detection], I also wanted to see a true frontliner in action.

Being surrounded by a bunch of people with advanced classes made me feel a bit insecure, but it was also a comforting feeling.

Since I cleared the corridors of monsters before, we didn't encounter any while we were making our way to the Giant Toad area.

"...Do monsters never respawn?"

I turned to ask Aqua, who was all the way behind the group's formation.

"It's not like they're made out of magic. They're real, living creatures that have been brought from the other world and transferred to this dungeon, for the purpose of training adventurers like yourself. If monsters are eliminated in an area, they aren't replenished unless the survivors are given ample time to reproduce…"

Rather than a dungeon with randomly spawning monsters, it was a real ecosystem with monsters living in their respective biomes.

I did see the Giant Toads eating those big insects. It seems that monsters also have to worry about their own survival, even in the dungeon.

"Where do the monster's corpses go after we kill them?"

Aqua touched the dungeon wall and tapped it.

"The dungeon itself absorbs their bodies and converts it to biomass, which is used to repair dungeon facilities or even build new floors and features."

"...Don't tell me that this dungeon is sentient."

"Of course not silly…"

I sighed in relief.

"...It's run by an artificial intelligence we created!"

"That's even worse!"

The reality that we were walking inside a dungeon made out of monster biomass and run by some A.I. overlord made by the divines, creeped the hell out of me.

Without any monsters blocking our way, we soon made it to the grassland biome.

"It's almost like we're outside…!"

It was Megumin's first time seeing the surreal sight of a seemingly natural environment inside the dungeon.

She knelt down and ripped some grass from the field.

"...Interesting. It looks like real grass. Now, for the taste."

"What are you doing…?"

I said, as I watched Megumin start chewing on the grass.

"Nom… Nom… This is…! This is high quality grass! It's way better than the grass at the park! And there's no park-keepers who will yell at me for eating it!"

Should I call child services?

While Megumin was tasting the grass, we felt the ground shake, as Giant Toads hopped around, chasing after those big insects they ate as food.

"...There they are! It's time for my revenge! This time, I'm prepared!"

Aqua stepped forward and held her hand out.

In a flash of blue light, a staff appeared in her hand.

…She had something like that the whole time?

"Wait, what happened to letting Megumin take them out first…?"

She ignored me, stepping forward.

"Take this! This is the culmination of a goddess's wrath towards those who have sinned! [God Requiem]!"

She charged at the toads with her staff in hand.

A tongue came out and quickly wrapped around her waist.

"Ah…"

It didn't take long for the toad to swallow her again.

"W-What is she doing?! I can't use my explosion magic if she's right there!"

Megumin said, in a panic. Even though she was confident earlier, her knees were shaking now.

"Toads have high defense and Aqua is completely inside the toad now. She'll survive. She can heal herself afterwards, anyway."

"I-If you say so, then… Behold…! It's time to unleash the ultimate magic! [Explosion]!"

Megumin held her hands out toward the toad that had swallowed Aqua. A great explosion of fire and smoke surrounded the toad, even capturing two other toads around it.

I didn't expect the spell to have such a wide area of effect, since I assumed that Megumin was exaggerating about how explosion was the strongest attack spell. The ground shook with the impact of the explosion and I took a moment to admire the pure destruction the spell caused.

"Whoa…! That was awesome! How long does it take for you to recharge for another one… Eh?"

I turned around and saw that Megumin had fallen face first on the grass.

"...What are you doing? This isn't the time for a snack."

I said, watching Megumin's face pressed against the grass.

"You're mistaken. This is what happens when I use explosion magic…"

"You turn into a slug?"

I couldn't help but notice that her dress was hiked up. She was wearing surprisingly mature black panties.

"No… Since explosion magic is the most powerful spell, it uses up a lot of mana. At my level, I can only cast it once. When a caster runs out of mana, they will undergo mana exhaustion and lose bodily strength…"

Since I had never experienced mana exhaustion, I didn't know about that nasty side effect.

It was a good thing I didn't use up all my mana during my previous dungeon visits.

When the smoke from the explosion cleared, I saw that the toad who took the main brunt of the damage had blown up into pieces.

Sitting among the scattered toad flesh and the various fluids it released upon death was Aqua, covered in digestive slime.

"Uwahhh! Why is this happening to me?! Me?! A goddess! Wahhh!"

As she sobbed on the ground, the toads from the distance hopped closer, attracted by the explosion.

"...! Darkness, it's time for you to… What are you doing?"

When I turned around, I saw that Darkness was pulling out glass jars from her handbag.

Looking closer, I saw that there were labels on it that said 'toad slime'.

"I-It's for research purposes! We need to figure out the biology of these creatures! S-So I'm gathering samples!"

I stepped away from her, watching her warily. Watching me regard her with caution, she said,

"You're making some kind of mistaken assumption about me! Very well… I'll just have to prove my worth and dispel such misunderstandings!"

She took out her phone and typed into it. Suddenly, a greatsword appeared in her free hand. It looked like it was made of iron and it was almost as tall as she was.

She put the phone away into her handbag and held the greatsword with two hands.

I had to admit that the gap of her wearing a sundress while holding a greatsword evoked a certain kind of moe…

As I was admiring the sight, she charged forward, letting out a battlecry.

"Hah…!"

She swung her greatsword at the toads.

"...Gero?"

The toads tilted their head in confusion as they watched Darkness swing her sword blindly, hitting empty air.

"Eh? I-I miscalculated…! Here comes my second attack…!"

The second attack missed.

"O-Oh no! The toad's tongue is wrapping around me…!"

Despite what she was saying, there was a hint of anticipation in her voice, as if she was about to board a roller coaster.

"It's so slimy…! Kuh! These foul toads are violating me! Even if you humiliate me, I will still fight until the bitter end…!"

She took out a jar and started scooping the slime around her body into it.

"Gahhh! Kazumaaaa-saaaan! Help meee! The other toads are gathering around…! Hmph…!"

Aqua got swallowed by another toad. Soon, both girls were inside the toad's mouths.

"..."

I turned around and prepared to leave.

Only to feel a tight grip around my ankle.

"...Where do you think you're going?"

Megumin said, still on the ground as she held my ankle.

"Oh, my. You have a surprisingly strong grip."

I said, trying to wrest my ankle away from her grasp.

"Don't tell me you're planning on escaping by yourself?!"

"If I knew how useless you all were, I would have never agreed to this!"

Advanced classes my ass. The only thing advanced about these girls was their incompetence.

"Y-You still have to save us! You're a human being, right?! You have a conscience, right?!"

She had a point there.

I took out my spear and freed Aqua and Darkness before the other toads could attack us.

"Wahhh…! They tainted me…! Those nasty toads spoiled my purity…!"

Aqua cried out, as she was covered head to toe in toad slime.

It was already too late to cry about her tainted purity.

This story is posted elsewhere by the author. Help them out by reading the authentic version.

Meanwhile, the girl who was anything but pure looked at the now full jar of slime she had.

"Hehe… I got a good amount today… Eh, wait…!"

I grabbed the jar and threw it away.

"Oi, stop perving out you crazy masochist! Run before you get swallowed up again!"

I returned to Megumin and picked her up, slinging her over my shoulder.

"...! Please carry me more delicately!"

"Shut up!"

The four of us ran away from the toads, with Aqua taking the lead as she didn't want to go through the traumatic experience again.

Part 4

"I-I apologize for my shameful display…"

Darkness said, after we made it out of the dungeon.

I couldn't help but notice how she blushed happily as passersby stared at her slimed up body.

"...Those girls… They're covered in some kind of weird fluid…"

"That guy with them is into some messed up play…"

"There's no way that plain guy can bag hotties like that. He's surely paying them."

Why am I always the one receiving insults? Even though I'm the most normal one in the group.

"...I'm never stepping foot in the dungeon again. I'm a goddess anyway. Why do I need to fight? That lolizuma who is enjoying having a young girl's chest pressed against his back should do all the work, not me."

"Who are you calling lolizuma…?!"

"...That's right. Who are you calling a loli?!"

Both Megumin and I glared at Aqua, who ignored our glares as she retreated into her own world.

I tried to put Megumin down, but she still couldn't walk. I had to shift her on my back and carry her piggyback style.

"What a pain… Don't tell me I have to carry you home like this?!"

"Are you saying that you'll abandon me after covering me in all your fluids…?!"

"What the hell are you saying?! Shut up! Fine, I'll carry you home!"

I closed her mouth before she could say other weird things.

While I was shutting Megumin up, Darkness said,

"I have to head back to the dungeon and go through my entrance. Thank you for the wonderful experience!"

Darkness said, further confirming the suspicion I had earlier.

There is no doubt that this girl is a masochist. A real freaky one, at that.

"...I just have one question, Darkness. Why did you miss all your attacks like that? You couldn't even hit one."

"Ah… Chris says that it's due to my low 'Dexterity' score, since weapon accuracy depends on that stat…"

"What's your dex score?"

"My dexterity score is '1'..."

Is it even possible to have such a low score?

Since weapon accuracy converts stat scores into percentages, that means that she has about a 1% chance to hit her target.

"Ah, but I'm confident in my 'Strength' stat! It's at 90…!"

She said, flexing her arm in an attempt to improve her image.

"Who cares about your strength stat if your attacks will always miss… You're an actual liability."

"Kuh! T-There's no need for such cruelty…"

Even though she said that, she clearly liked the insult.

"Having a dex stat of 1… Even mine is higher than that, and I'm a mage…"

Megumin said, giving Darkness a disapproving look.

"Even Megumin thinks that I'm worthless…"

Darkness was turning into a puddle of shame as Megumin and I both showed our disapproval.

I turned to Megumin, who was behind me, and said,

"...Oi, you don't have any room to judge anyone. If your mana runs out every time you use explosion magic, then just use another spell."

"I refuse! Explosion magic is the coolest of all attack magics! I won't use any other spell!"

"Why are you so stubborn?!"

I resolved myself never to party up with these girls ever again.

…

…

Before she left, Darkness thanked me for inviting her along.

"Thank you so much! It was a very fun outing! Please invite me again!"

Out of context, those words seemed innocent.

With context, knowing the hell that we went through, those words only showed the depths of her degenerate personality.

I noticed a notification on my phone when we split up.

You have established a bond with the Masochistic Crusader, Darkness!

Darkness (Masochist Crusader), Bond Rank: 1

At Rank 1, Darkness sees you as one with sadistic potential. She will seek you out whenever she wants to be on the receiving end of your scathing looks of disapproval. She also thinks that you have the face of a scumbag who likes to abuse women. She thinks very highly of your potential as the S to her M and would like to meet with you again in the future.

I promised myself to never invite Darkness on anything ever again.

When the remaining three of us boarded the train, there was an even wider space between us and the other passengers.

"Hey, isn't that the same girl from last time?"

"So that guy really is making her do weird slime play…"

"He even has another girl with him this time…"

Why am I always the one getting the brunt of the public's judgment?!

We quickly got off the train to avoid the judgmental stares. Megumin started giving me directions to her place.

"...I'm going home to take a bath. I can't stand being soaked with this weird stuff any longer than I have to."

Aqua said, splitting off from us and heading over to my place as soon as we got off the train.

Leaving me alone to deal with Megumin for the sake of her comfort, that useless goddess only thinks of herself.

I followed Megumin's directions until about halfway, when she said,

"It's fine, I can walk by myself now."

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I can usually walk by myself after thirty minutes or so… Urp!"

I caught her when she almost tripped forward.

"Don't act tough, just get on my back."

"...My thanks."

I carried her on my back again and resumed walking.

Much of the trip was spent in silence, since we didn't really know what to talk about.

As I was thinking of things to talk about, I thought of something.

"Say, if you always collapse after using explosion magic, how did you do all those quests before?"

Things like using explosion magic on an empty field and an abandoned building… Unless she had help, that meant that she immediately collapsed on the ground after firing off her explosion.

"Oh, that… I usually have this annoying girl named Yunyun following me around. She carries me home after I use explosion magic…"

"Don't tell me that's her real name."

Rather, I refused to believe it was her real name.

"Hmph… It's the name I gave her after we awakened the power to explore the dungeon…"

"Ah, I guess that's when your chuunibyou developed, huh?"

"...It's not chuunibyou."

Since Megumin was at that age, it wasn't hard to believe that she developed her chuunibyou after discovering that she could enter a dungeon that no one else could see.

Furthermore, getting to use magic and a powerful spell like explosion would reinforce the idea in her mind that she was the main character of this world.

She even encountered a goddess of destruction. It didn't surprise me at all that she got all sorts of delusions after that.

"How come this Yunyun girl didn't come with you to the meeting?"

"She already follows me around everywhere I go. I want my privacy sometimes, too."

"What a bad friend you are…"

"It's not like we're friends or anything."

What a dishonest girl.

"Alright… You can drop me off here. It'll be bad if my family sees us together."

It probably wasn't a good idea to show up at her house together while she was covered up in slime like that.

"Thanks for carrying me."

"Yeah, no problem."

We waved goodbye to each other. When she was gone, my phone buzzed in my pocket.

You have established a bond with the Explosion Mage, Megumin!

Megumin (Explosion Mage), Bond Rank: 1

At Rank 1, Megumin considers you as a slightly reliable guy who seems a bit perverted. She noticed the way you enjoyed having her chest press up against your back. She thinks that you seem like a nice guy and you might have potential as an explosion sommelier. If you offer to help her practice her explosion magic, she will readily agree.

What the hell is an explosion sommelier?

Also, she seemed to think that I was some kind of pervert.

I couldn't exactly deny that I enjoyed it, though.

Part 5

When I got home, I saw Aqua in front of the TV. She had a thousand yard stare.

"...There's no point in me going back to the dungeon. It's not even my job to save the world. I'm a goddess."

"You're still saying that?"

She reminded me of my NEET days, the way she was acting like that.

"If you're the goddess, shouldn't you do helpful stuff, like sacrificing yourself to seal away the Demon King?"

"Isn't that usually the princess's job?! Goddesses are only supposed to grant blessings to the heroes! They're not supposed to let rude humans like you drag them out of their heavenly realms, only to have Giant Toads eat them alive!"

I sighed and said,

"Fine. From what I've seen, you're useless anyway. I'll go to the dungeon by myself from now on."

"Wait… I don't like the way you said that! How dare you call me useless!"

"It's clear isn't it?! You're just a useless goddess! Even if you have a lot of OP skills and abilities, you have some sort of brain damage that makes you do the most idiotic things possible! Let me see your stats! I bet your 'Intelligence' skill is just as low as Darkness's 'Dexterity'!"

I had high expectations for the group, but they all turned out useless.

The only one who had some use was Megumin, but her stubborn insistence on only using explosion magic was a problem in itself.

"W-Wait…?! Why does it seem like Kazuma-san is abandoning me?! No… This is some sort of reverse psychology, isn't it?! You're trying to trick me into going back into the dungeon again! Well, it won't work!"

"There's nothing reverse about it! I don't need your help!"

"P-Please don't abandon me, Kazuma-san!"

She got up from the couch and tearfully grabbed my leg. I tried to shake her off, but she was too strong.

Finally, I eventually managed to shake her off me. I went upstairs to take a bath and relax from that stressful day.

When I got out of the bath, I noticed that I got a new message from Chris.

Hey! I just wanted you to know how thankful I am that you took Darkness to the dungeon with you! Darkness doesn't really have a lot of friends aside from me, so I'm glad that she has a new group of friends to hang out with! She told me all about you and the others, and she was really happy with how the day turned out!

That said… I'm kinda sad that I was too busy to come. Maybe we can hang out one of these days, too?

My hands trembled and I read this mail over and over…

Chris… What a good girl!

I hurriedly typed a message back,

Yes… I had a fun and awesome time with Darkness and everyone as well. We had no problems at all. If Chris would like to hang out later, that's fine with me.

I decided to play it cool.

Even if I was a NEET before, I still had a general idea of how to interact with girls.

Mainly from harem protagonists in LNs.

It's always the thirsty side characters who get no romantic success, while the aloof and detached male protag always gets the girls.

I am Satou Kazuma, a man who will maintain his cool even around beautiful girls.

OK! Then let's meet up at a cafe or something next Sunday! You'll have the day off right, Kazuma-kun?

You know it~! I'm so excited~!

…A man who will maintain his cool.

Yes, that's me.

You have established a bond with the Silver-haired Thief, Chris!

Chris (Silver-haired Thief), Bond Rank: 1

At Rank 1, Chris views you as someone she can potentially confide with! Although she still doesn't completely trust you, she thinks that you might be someone she can trust in the future! It seems that the key to deepening a bond with her is to show her that you can get along with Darkness and the other girls!

…Out of all the rank 1 bonds, this one is by far the most encouraging one.

From then on, I decided to try conquering the Chris route.

Part 6

I had to face a new week of school.

The only thing that motivated me to get out of bed was the rewards I got from acting as a diligent student.

The date with Chris at the end of the week was also a good incentive.

I made sure to focus on the lessons for the entire day, since I didn't want to miss out on the end of the month rewards.

When it was lunch time, after eating my bento, I went to the library to see if Rin was there.

"...You're awfully diligent, aren't you?"

I said, when I saw her behind the counter.

She smiled when she saw me.

"Ah, senpai! Well, the actual school librarian is on maternity leave right now… That's why I'm taking so many shifts as the student librarian."

"Sounds like a lot of work for a first year student."

"It's fine! I like surrounding myself with all kinds of books, anyway, and I have special permission to eat in the library."

She said, lifting her bento for me to see.

"Maybe I should come here more often, to keep you company."

"You'd do that? That's really nice of you! By the way, did you finish reading 'The Banished Dragon Knight', senpai?"

I nodded, taking the book out to return it to her.

"I like how the protagonist comes off as unreliable at the start, but the fact that we see he has a heart of gold is very endearing. When he sacrificed his career and comfortable lifestyle for the sake of the princess, it really made me want to root for the dragon knight…"

"I know, right?! If the dragon knight was a real guy… I think I'd fall for him immediately!"

"You're into the 'knight in shining armor' trope, huh?"

"Yeah… I know it's a bit corny, since a lot of girls are into good looking guys who rescue them like princesses… but there's something instinctively appealing about a guy you can count on, I guess."

She blushed a little while looking down at the book I returned to her.

"I don't think there's anything wrong about that. I'm a guy and I also think that the dragon knight in this story was really cool."

"I'm glad you understand, senpai! You know, I think you're the first person I've talked to who understands my favorite books. A lot of my friends tease me because they think I have childish tastes…"

"Well, you can talk to me anytime. I won't judge your tastes, promise."

"Really?! Wow, you're so dependable, senpai! Ah, hold on a second, someone else wants to check out a book."

I stepped aside and let Rin help the other student. As I was waiting, I noticed a new notification on my phone.

Your bond with Hinamori Rin has deepened!

Hinamori Rin (Librarian on Duty), Bond Rank: 2

At Rank 2, Hinamori Rin will see you as a dependable senpai who won't judge her for her tastes in books. At this stage in your relationship, she won't mind sharing her contact info with you. If you flirt with her, she'll laugh it off but won't feel repulsed by it. Have fun getting friendly with her!

Bond Rewards: +5 Mana Capacity

T-That's a big reward!

Certainly more useful than the useless skill I got from Aqua!

Also, it seems that I got a chance to ask for her number with this bond rank-up…

With that in mind, I said,

"Do you have any other books you want to recommend to me?"

"I have so many! Ah… But a lot of them you can't really find in the library here, due to restrictions… N-Not that it's anything lewd! It's just that a lot of good literature isn't exactly appropriate for a school setting!"

"Hey, why don't we exchange contact info? That way, you can tell me about what books I should read and I can buy them at the bookstore on my own time."

She smiled at my suggestion and took her phone out.

"That sounds great! Here's my number!"

Quest Completed! You somehow took advantage of the situation and asked the cute student librarian for her number!

Quest Rewards: +30 exp, +1 'Charisma', +1 'Bravery'

I thought it was an impossible quest, but I managed to complete it…

I guess playing it cool actually works. Trying too hard or trying to be charismatic will just scare girls away.

From now on, I will take the cool approach with girls I'm interested in...

I had no intentions to change my attitude around that idiot trio, though.

I promised to text Rin later for book recommendations. We talked a bit more during the break, then I left the library and headed back to class.

…

…

When the school bell rang, I packed up my things and headed out.

"Yo! Satou, are you gonna go to practice today?"

…Only to get stopped by Mitsurugi, the ace of the soccer team.

"Oh, right."

I didn't really want to, but the quest rewards for showing up to practice were too good to pass up.

While dragging my feet, I followed Mitsurugi to the field.

In the changing room, I saw Mitsurugi's fit body and six-pack abs.

What a bastard.

The coach smiled when he saw me and Mitsurugi enter the soccer field.

"Ah! I received word that you had to take Saturday off… I was worried that Satou-kun was skipping practice! I shouldn't have doubted myself!"

This guy was too optimistic.

Thankfully, since I was new to the team, they only made me do some basic drills.

Dribbling through cones, juggling the ball, controlling passes… It was easy stuff.

It helped that I wasn't a complete beginner when it came to familiarity with the sport. Almost every kid in my school played soccer during break times. We'd even play after school

What I was doing was child play compared to what Mitsurugi was doing on the field, though.

While I was dribbling through cones, I noticed Mitsurugi following a wild pass and jumping up for an aerial volley. He released a powerful shot that went just above the goalkeeper's fingers.

"Nice shot, Kyouya!"

The other guys in the team said, crowding around Mitsurugi and patting him on the back.

"Heh… Mitsurugi-kun is certainly talented, but I believe that you have the potential to surpass him, Satou-kun… You just need to work hard!"

The coach said, giving me a thumb up.

This guy really was way too optimistic…

Practice lasted for only two hours.

This was still a school that focused on academics. Sports clubs were limited on how much practice time they could use.

I headed over to the changing room to shower and change back to my uniform. Once I was dressed, I prepared to go home right away.

"Ah, wait, Satou…!"

The ace himself chased after me.

"Boy, you sure change fast…"

That was because I wanted to go home right away.

"What do you want?"

"...Don't be like that. We're teammates aren't we? I just wanted to talk."

"Sure…"

We left the changing room together and headed towards the school entrance.

There were girls from other clubs staring at Mitsurugi, although he didn't seem to care too much about the attention he was getting.

"Listen… Sorry for dragging you to practice. I could tell that you weren't really that into it."

"You could tell, huh?"

I didn't exactly hide the bored look on my face. The coach was the only one who couldn't see that I wasn't really taking the whole soccer thing seriously.

"Why are you even in the soccer club, if you don't really care about it?"

"I guess I just joined on a whim."

"...Could it be that you got a quest on your app related to the soccer club?"

"Huh? What do you mean?"

I managed to keep a poker face, but his question caught me off guard.

"It's fine. I know about the app. I can enter the dungeon, too."

He took out his phone and showed me the app.

He didn't show his stats to me, but I saw that his class was 'Swordmaster'.

"I see… How did you know that I can enter the dungeon?"

I asked, as he put his phone back in his pocket.

"I saw you yesterday with three girls. You all entered the dungeon."

"So? Did you just want to tell me that you figured out my secret? Are you here to gloat?"

I asked, wondering why he confronted me about this.

"It's not about that… It's just that I thought I saw a blue haired girl in your group and I'm just wondering… Is she the goddess Aqua-sama?!"

For some reason, he got all excited when mentioning Aqua.

"Oh. You know her, huh? Sorry, I don't really have any money on me right now. What did she break?"

"Eh? What do you mean?"

I thought that this guy had some grudge against Aqua.

"You see, I received a powerful sword from Aqua-sama called [Cursed Sword Gram]. It has served me well and I'm steadily clearing floors in the dungeon thanks to her blessing. I simply wanted a chance to thank her for her gift to me…"

Mitsurugi was one of those guys who received a cheat item from Aqua.

Since his impression of her was restricted to that moment, he didn't view her as the annoying goddess she actually was in reality.

"Listen… You seem to have the wrong idea about Aqua."

"I'm not sure I understand…"

"...Nevermind."

If this guy viewed Aqua as some great goddess, that was his problem.

"So it really was Aqua-sama who was with you… I don't know why Aqua-sama is hanging around with you, but can you give her a message for me?"

I really didn't want to act as a messenger between Mitsurugi and Aqua.

"...Why don't I just give you her cell phone number and you can contact her yourself?"

"Seriously?! Thanks a lot, Satou! I owe you one!"

"Oh, you do, huh? Then you can give me 2,000 yen right now."

"E-Eh? Um… Sure…"

He took out his wallet and gave me 2,000 yen.

I didn't expect him to give it so easily. I should have asked for more.

Ripping off your teammate has increased your 'Cunning' by +1!

…Why is it only my 'Cunning' that seems to improve outside of quests and specific tasks?

I gave Mitsurugi Aqua's number in exchange for the money.

"Thanks again, Satou! By the way, you should keep coming to practice even if you don't want to. I found that my stats improve a lot when I practice and play in games."

"...Oh, really?"

It was the first time I received advice when it came to actually raising my stats.

He waved goodbye to me after he saved the number in his phone.

You have established a bond with Soccer Club Ace, Mitsurugi Kyouya!

Mitsurugi Kyouya (Soccer Club Ace), Bond Rank: 1

At Rank 1, Mitsurugi Kyouya will view you as an acquaintance that he shares a lot of things in common with. He will gladly do favors for you if you help him get closer to Aqua. He will occasionally give you tips when it comes to the dungeon. Staying on the soccer team and working hard in practice will deepen your bond with him.

…Why is he so eager to get closer to Aqua?

Don't tell me he fell in love at first sight…

I had to admit that Aqua had looks that no human girl could compete with, but her rotten personality made it impossible to see her in a romantic light.

I couldn't even force myself to get turned on by her.

While feeling sorry for Mitsurugi, I headed over to the train station.

It was a new week, which meant that I could get stat bonuses from drinking a smoothie from that store.

"Welcome to 'Sunshine Smoothie'! Can I interest you in our signature energizing smoothie?!"

The overenthusiastic female staff said, while gesturing over to a picture of the energizing smoothie.

"Sure… I'll have the peanut butter and banana smoothie…"

"Coming right up!"

Last time I ordered the strawberry and banana flavor. If I was going to this place every week, I wanted to change it up.

I paid 500 yen to the lady and took the smoothie with me to a nearby bench.

I sipped the peanut butter and banana smoothie through the straw. The peanut and banana flavors mixed well and it had a wonderful, thick consistency.

Drinking from an energizing smoothie has increased your 'Stamina' and 'Charisma' by +1!

Warning: Although 'Sunshine Smoothie' is trending right now, if its popularity declines, you will no longer receive a bonus to 'Charisma' when visiting the store. The popularity of stores changes all the time. Keep an eye on the news to see which stores are currently trending!

…What a pain in the ass.

Although varying quest objectives made for an interesting game mechanic in RPGs, having to actually do this stuff in real life was a bother.

I headed home after finishing the rest of the smoothie.

As soon as I opened the door, Aqua came out and started yelling at me, her phone in hand.

"Kazuma?! Did you give out my phone number to some weirdo?! This guy called Mitsurugi keeps calling me!"

"...He paid good money."

"What am I to you?! Do I really strike you as some girl you can pimp out to random guys?!"

"You aren't?"

"Of course not! Wait, how much is he offering…?"

This is the kind of girl you're going after, Mitsurugi.