Orswyth watched with great interest as the powerful engine rolled down the tracks. From its front, it had a cylinder at the top and a wedge fanning out at the bottom, perhaps to split and drive away any chance obstructions that got in its way. An exhaust billowing smoke was atop the cylinder, and behind it all were more squarish compartments.

Incredible! A glorious beast and conquest of technology. Unstoppable power.

“Isn’t it incredible, Tashome?” Orswyth asked. “Just look at it!”

“Sure,” his old friend replied flatly, perhaps politely.

“I think it's bloody amazing, alright!” Uriel the angel said with a smile as he clapped Orsywth’s shoulder. He’d pared himself down from his massive angel form to human size. His clothes had changed to some odd, perhaps semi-modern wear with a vest over a shirt, pants, and boots similar to those Dax had worn in the mindscape excursion.

Dart — polymorphed to a genteel sort in somewhat similar but fancier garb to Uriel’s — rubbed his chin and shrugged. “I kind of like it. I prefer flying, though.”

Shaking his head, Orswyth said, “I didn’t expect all this. I feel as if I’m being spoiled.”

“You deserve it, young man,” Tashome said softly.

Whining and hissing sounds began as the train slowed itself down while still far away. Orswyth drank in the spectacle of the great wheels turning on the tracks, the cascades of smoke, and the progression of the box cars as they came to a stop before him. The smell of smoke mingled with metallic twang and something burning and oily, somehow all too familiar.

Oh, I’ve been an engineer, I’m certain. A little something mixed between me and her. And what was I, before? Darker things — in this life and in the distant voids. This one is just a microcosm of a deeper lesson. A composition like the foul stuff used to fuel this machine. Would it matter if I wanted nothing to do with it any longer? The past is in our makeup whatever we wish.

A door opened and out stepped a man in a utilitarian dark blue suit with a hat-and-cap on his head. Orsywth blinked as he realized it was the Servitor Alfred.

“Alfred?” Orswyth asked with a laugh. “Are you our… conductor, I believe is the word?”

Alfred looked at him blandly and shook his head. “This is a strong union, sir. No need for downsizing. I’m the brakeman. The conductor will see legitimate passengers inside.”

“Whatever,” Dart said, and began walking toward the entrance. “Let’s get this over with.”

But the ‘brakeman’ interjected himself and held a hand up to Dart with a raised eyebrow. “Excuse me, sir. Ticket?”

“What the hell are you talking about, Alfred?! You and I both know this is all just a-”

“No ticket, no train, bozo. Beat it.”

“Bozo?! Why you little-”

Orswyth interrupted with, “So we have to get a ticket each, then?”

Alfred straightened and nodded to him curtly. “If some riffraff tries to enter without a ticket, they’ll be seeing the flat side of a Batarang at the very least.”

Tashome commented, “I’m alfred half of us don’t know what a Batarang is.”

Alfred narrowed his eyes disfavorably at Tashome for the pun. “And you don’t want to, sir — this I assure you.”

Orswyth was fighting off a grin, knowing they were suffering from their goddess’s odd sense of humor for it all. “So, where do we get a ticket, then?”

A whistle caught their attention from behind. When they turned, someone was behind a little booth inset into the station building, with a roof overhang, gesturing at them with a hand. They all approached curiously.

In a tall hat and blue dress uniform, a green gremlin/goblin or the like was smiling at them in friendly airs and waving them over.

“Fucking Ozzy,” Dart muttered under his breath. “Great, just what we need…”

“Step right, step right up!” The goblin woman exclaimed. “Get your tickets here for the train!”

“Step right up?” Dart asked incredulously. “Isn’t that more of a carnival or circus call?”

“Shut the hell up, Dart,” the goblin muttered out of the side of her mouth, while still grinning at the others. “Tickets to Heaven are one US dollar! Quite a deal, wouldn’t you say, Pilgrims?”

They all looked at each other. Orswyth shrugged at the strange, green lady. “I don’t think we have any… dollars. I’ve never heard of it.”

“Ah, well, perhaps check your pockets! You never know if you are richer than you assumed until you check, hmm?”

Orswyth shook his head, but he nonetheless reached into a pocket to check… and felt something like a paper note. When he pulled it out, it was a long piece of tough paper, painted on precisely and finely with an unusual script, with a central human face. A ‘1’ numeral was in the corners.

He coughed an amused laugh, hearing similar exclamations from others. When he turned it over, he saw something familiar: a pyramid with an eye at the top.

Well, I guess that’s appropriate.

Orswyth turned over the note to the goblin, who inspected it, nodded, and then said, “This will do!” She pulled a ticket from a machine that dispensed them from a roll, stamped it, and handed it to him. “Enjoy your trip!”

“Thank you,” Orswyth replied as he studied her. “Are… you a Servitor I haven’t met yet? Or one in disguise? You feel familiar somehow.”

Her smile faltered slightly as she met his eyes, after which she quickly looked away. Her smile was right back though as she shook her head emphatically. “I’m just a ticket clerk, sir!”

Orswyth smiled faintly. “I see. Well, perhaps we’ll meet again under different circumstances.”

She saluted him awkwardly. “Maybe so, old man!”

The others got their tickets and they all headed back to the train. Alfred took the tickets one by one, ripping off half that was perforated before giving them the other piece. This done, he ushered them in, calling out, “All Aboard!” loudly once Orswyth himself was just inside. Nearby were many cushioned seats, tables between them, with copious windows to outside. To Orswyth’s eyes, it was quite high class.

The author's tale has been misappropriated; report any instances of this story on Amazon.

“Have a seat wherever you like down-train, good passengers,” Alfred said as he shut the door. He then disappeared through an inner door ‘up-train.’

The lot of them took a seat as the train slowly moved forward. Orswyth and Tashome faced the other two over a table. Dart was sighing like he didn’t want to be there as he gazed out of the window. “I could be getting pets and scritches from Estara in dog form right now while she makes smoochy noises…”

Tashome chortled. “Does Crow know about this?”

“No. Why would-” He suddenly glared in offense at Tashome. “Hey, don’t make it weird! It’s not even like that!”

Tashome just smirked and held his hands up in mock surrender.

From down-train came a figure through a door, a woman in the typical blue uniform with a conductor’s hat and her hair tied back. It took a moment to recognize her. “Samantha?!” Orswyth called incredulously.

The woman planted herself in front of them with a big smile and pointed at Orswyth. “Nope! Good guess, but I am the conductor of this train!” She gestured widely around her in presentational emphasis with a big, cheery smile.

“Samantha, come on,” Tashome admonished, shaking his head.

“Yeah, give it a rest, Sam Sam,” Dart said in annoyance. “You’re just a goddess, not a conductor.”

‘The conductor’ squinted at them briefly in a peeved manner, but shook it off and stood up straight, chin high and her arms clasping behind her back. “As the conductor of the train, I am responsible for managing the crew, communication, safety, train route, timetable, and so on! Usually, I handle checking tickets, but in this case, I trust you are all outstanding gentlemen who wouldn’t cheat their way on.”

Dart scoffed. “Pfft! Yeah. Like you could do all that.”

Smirking, Orswyth nodded to their host. “Thank you for the rundown, Conductor.”

Ignoring Dart, the conductor nodded appreciatively to Orswyth.

“So, can we see the engine area, then?” Uriel asked.

“Absolutely!” the conductor declared. “When you’re ready you can head to the front and see the engineer and fireman. Tell ‘em I sent ya.” She winked.

Dart made a ‘tsk’ sound. “And who are they, Tweedledum and Tweedledee?” He elbowed Uriel as if for support for the mockery, but the angel was shaking his head emphatically, side-eying the conductor worriedly.

The conductor turned her ‘pleasant’ smile toward Dart and regarded him.

Oh, that’s not a good look at all…

“Sir, may I see your ticket, please?” the conductor asked him.

Dart replied haughtily, “Oh, my ticket is well in order, I assure you. I bought it fair and square with my crisp US dollar.”

The conductor was still smiling pleasantly. “I just need to check it, sir — if you would let me see it for a moment.”

“Fine!” Sighing and muttering to himself, Dart reached into his pocket for the ticket. Reached around in the pocket. Rummaged around in the pocket. He frowned, then began checking his other pockets. “I have the ticket! Ozzy gave it to me, Sammy! You know this. Come on!”

“Sir, I’m afraid it is required for you to have a ticket as proof of purchase.”

Dart was getting more annoyed as he checked his person, then he gave up in a huff and threw up his hands. “This is ridiculous! I am a fine, upstanding citizen of Heaven itself! This-this persecution-”

“You don’t have a ticket, sir?”

“Who even cares about your meaningless ticket, Samantha?! Huh?!”

Eyes wild and wide though her face was painted in a grin, she quietly said, “I. Am. The. Conductor. And the conductor says…” She leaned forward slightly, then suddenly yelled out in a godly voice of fury, “No stowaways, you stupid bitch!”

Her eyes flashed like twin red stars and the window suddenly blew open to the sound of gale-force winds. Dart was sucked up through it in an instant — quite ridiculously for the speed they were going… if one didn’t consider an angry deity controlling things, anyway.

“AHHHHHHhhhhhh…!”

They all watched as Dart cartwheeled and spun up through the air wildly, as if caught in an invisible, high-speed tornado. He disappeared into the fog, his cries fading quickly.

When the window finally shut, Orswyth and the other men had their tickets hastily fished out and held toward the conductor.

Tashome also cleared his throat and said, “If I might add, you are the most authentic conductor I’ve ever met.”

The conductor waved her hand with a cheery smile. “Oh, no need for flattery! And I see you have your tickets. Such diligence! Anyhow, I’ll be at the caboose if you need me. Do remember to see the front with the engineer at some point!”

She walked off the way she’d come with her hands behind her back, whistling a quaint tune.

Well, he was asking for it, after all. And he obviously isn’t a fan of train rides.

Everyone was quiet for a bit. Orswyth’s eyes shifted to look out the window at prolific varieties of terrain speeding by, the fogginess of the spirit world’s normal state of matter barely noticeable unless focusing on it.

Amazing how she made everything conform back to gravity and physicality. I barely feel the sense of being in spiritual form, now.

“Rather relaxing, isn’t it?” Orswyth ventured.

The other two agreed. Tashome rose to sit on the other side across the central aisle, to be at a window himself. “You two go ahead to the engine. I’m going to enjoy the peace.”

“A fine idea.” Orswyth looked to Uriel. “Shall we, oh fellow machine lover?”

Uriel grinned and nodded. “Lest we never get the chance again, Hierophant.”

They headed to the front of the train and passed through a couple of doors, and were more or less in the open air for the final space. They hesitated before seeing someone ahead, waving for them to come down while hanging off the side of the train. The walkway went around what amounted to a giant open truck full of what he knew to be coal — used to fuel the hungry machine.

The ‘chugga chugga’ sound was quite loud as they proceeded to the engine compartment, a relatively cramped space full of central steel, hoses, dials, levers, and gauges… along with protrusions he had no hope of understanding.

A man was shoveling big chunks of coal into the central burning furnace from the tapered bottom of the big pile. Orswyth recognized the big man as the Faerie Dragon Porthos, who was grinning in simple enjoyment of the act.

Standing from her seat on the right side, the engineer commanded, “Alright, Porthos, ya eager lug! That’s enough. Don’t clog her up.” She grinned and waved at Orswyth and Uriel as she noticed them. “Welcome! I’m Engineer Azure.” She scratched her cheek, adding more of a black smudge to what was already there.

Orswyth was stunned at seeing her in the getup. “You… know trains?”

She grinned as she walked up to him. “Got more than I bargained for from a past life where I had to know how they worked to sabotage them. I’m invoking hard, trust me. That's what it is to be a pretender, hmm? Not my natural forte. Everything is so… gritty.” She briefly made a face but shook it off, and clapped Orswyth on the shoulder. “Anyway, I’d love to deposit it to someone more appreciative! How about I teach you?”

Orswyth took a deep breath, smiled, and nodded. “Consider me your student, madame.”

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image [https://i.imgur.com/kw3N1iz.png]

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