4 - No Longer God

When a god was banished, they were cast into their designated realm with nothing to their name, not even a scrap of clothing. They often found themselves in the wilderness, by the ocean, or in some isolated place far from civilization, if any existed at all. This punishment, marked by shame and deprivation, had been intended by the King to symbolize the simplicity of human existence, which began with a clean slate.

Their appearance would mirror who they were in Heaven, but their strength would be that of a mortal. Though some might be granted a power or two for survival—like how one was sent to a landless planet and given the ability to breathe underwater—everything would still be considered a demotion from their former life.

Valrion may have started with the same fresh start, but unlike them, he wasn’t left alone. An early warning had foretold him of this fate when he was floating in the cosmos. A strange guidance, in the form of a mind-controlled image called “Handbook” was to assist him. More importantly, he was tasked with recapturing the Twelve Eidolons—an act of redemption he had considered before his final sentence.

Weren’t these too good to be true?

He wanted to believe every word he had seen, but what about losing his divinity and being estranged from Heaven? Was the Handbook not a part of that? If a thousand years had passed, this could really be some trick cast by evil entities beyond Heaven—ones he wasn’t familiar with, who had come about during those missing times. Then again, perhaps the world had become so advanced that every Eruvian now owned a Handbook?

Light and shadow answer your call. He brought to mind one of the latest messages. It sounded like something the gods from Heaven would say, as their teachings often included both light and darkness as examples of duality and balance. If there was good, then there would be evil. If there was life, then there would be death. Neither was better because they existed to support each other.

A fleeting sense of relief washed over him when he believed it more to be help from Heaven, only to be swallowed by the uncertainty creeping up his spine the moment he raised his clenched fists and saw, once again, how tiny he was.

If the goal was to make him recapture the Twelve Eidolons, why force him to start over as a newborn? Was his father trying to instill the sense of how unforgivable he was so that one grave punishment wasn’t enough, and he had to go through life in Eru the harder way? It wasn’t his father’s character to be cruel for the sake of it, so what was truly going on?

Back in Heaven, there were no secrets, except for a few exceptions, like prying into another’s mind without their consent. As though directly asking the universe itself, everything could be known as easily as snapping fingers, without a word spoken or a person met. As much as he hated to admit it, he couldn’t do it now.

It seemed impossible to find the perfect answer that would satisfy him, but if he had to choose, he would rather cling to the hope that the Handbook was a gift from Heaven and no other source. It was as simple as choosing between positivity and negativity. Of course, he would go with the former.

All these worries made his head feel like it was on fire, soon followed by him crying in another burst of exasperation. He didn’t want to lose his composure and stay focused on figuring things out, but the reaction was involuntary.

“Oh my, what’s going on?” The woman, still holding him, rocked him a little quicker. It just clicked for him that she was speaking in the most spoken language in Eru. This place really was Eru.

“Maybe he’s hungry,” the man, who had been quiet for a while and was also fluent in the same language, said from somewhere a little further away. Valrion tilted his head to find him, but his neck gave up.

“I just fed him an hour ago. Oh, well.” The woman tickled his stomach, which felt a little funny. “Does Valrion want to eat?”

The flow of Valrion’s tears subsided, overthrown by shock. What had he just heard?

She smiled. “Our little Valrion has a big appetite.”

He hadn’t fully processed the situation yet, but he had to confront another reality: his name was still Valrion. This type of thing made him doubt that Heaven and its benevolent nature were behind his current experience. If it was, then his father was just rubbing it in, ensuring he would never forget his old identity for even a day.

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The pain in his stomach worsened, turning his noises into snivels. If he could ask for one thing right now, it would be for all the strange emotions to stop. The more he tried to fight them, the more intense they became. Anything he did only seemed to amplify his frustration, trapping him in a prison of distress, and he didn’t want that.

“Shh. Come, let’s eat.” The woman took a few steps away and slumped down. He spotted a tall post beside her with a white curtain draped around it. She must have been sitting on a bed.

Gods didn’t require rest since they could heal themselves at will. Out of curiosity, he had once tried creating a bed in his abode. He lay down there for a while, caressing the softness of the sheet covering the mattress and feeling it against his skin. It was quite fun that he decided to keep the bed around for longer, changing the design or the amount of pillows every time he felt like it.

His favorite shape resembled the one he saw, but the frame was made of pure white stones with pale silver marble swirls throughout. The bedsheet was immaculate, pure white. It was a lovely spot to wind down, especially when placed against the window, facing Heaven’s sun and the Celestial Hall’s tower stretching into the clouds.

“My sweet little Valrion,” the woman cooed, breaking his reminiscence while unfastening her blouse to feed him. It all happened so fast that he had just realized what she meant by it being his time to eat.

Dread was an understatement of what he was currently feeling. This was even worse than when a million divine eyes had judged him while his father read his verdict. He would rather endure that many more times than face whatever this was.

In Heaven, consummation wasn’t known. Marriage between gods was rooted in mutual respect and the calling to unite two powers. From the couple’s shared energies, a newborn would first appear in their transcendental realm, where they would act and live as if they were already a family. After about a dozen meetings, the soul would take shape in the physical world.

Since gods weren’t born the same way as humans, they were raised differently. He had never experienced being fed by his mother, nor had he ever felt hunger before. When gods consumed food grown in Heaven or replicated human fare, it was always out of desire, not necessity.

Who do you think you are, human, doing this to me? Do you want me to turn you into a statue? was what he would have said, but instead, tranquility flowed over him. Unconsciously, he closed his eyes, savoring the slight sweetness in his mouth as the growling in his stomach subsided. The combination of this act and the woman’s scent lulled him back into repose.

He didn’t feel any teeth against the woman’s skin. Given his fragile form and inability to speak properly, he must have been only a few months old. Two, perhaps three at most.

Mortals would begin to remember most of their lives after age four, as their brains weren’t developed enough to retain lasting memories, while gods typically gained this ability after about two years of human life. Even as a Son of Heaven, he still had to wait a few more human years until he became more attuned to his divinity to learn all about his past.

Had it been his father’s choice to make him conscious as a newborn Eruvian so early? To perceive his surroundings at such a tender age felt like living in hell on its own.

“You’re a handsome baby.” The woman tucked the cloth underneath his chin. “I’m the most fortunate mother.”

Mother.

With half-lidded eyes, he studied the woman who claimed to be his mother. Her brown hair was braided and draped over one shoulder. She had light green eyes and olive skin, all complemented by a simple beige dress with spiral lacing. She looked nothing like his mother, his sister, or even himself, but that didn’t mean much, as gods could easily shapeshift.

She must be the woman he had seen struggling in the final moments before his rebirth. The other two helping her were likely the midwives, and the man standing nearby was probably his father. He was most likely also the one present in this room—after all, why else would a man be accompanying a woman in her chamber with a baby at this time of night?

This room must be where they had all been in that scene. This house, then, was the very one he had crash-landed into.

[Personal Quest unlocked: Mother Knows Best]

His heart nearly leaped out of his chest—clearly, he wasn’t stable enough to handle another surprise alert. He swore he hadn’t seen any “personal quests” before, so he called for the Handbook. It appeared without the initialization message, indicating that it was only needed at the beginning to set everything up.

[Level: 1]

[EXP: 0/105]

[Health: 273/276]

[Mana: 23/23]

Previously, his health had been 262. Now that he was satiated, it had increased, nearly reaching its maximum, and [Status: Hungry] was also gone. He made a mental note: when hunger set in, it would drop, and logically, it would decrease even faster if he was injured and left untreated. His thoughts then turned to the exclamation mark that had appeared next to [Quests].

[Main Quest

Capture the Twelve Eidolons (0/12)

A New Era

The Fate of Heaven]

[Personal Quest

Mother Knows Best]

He stared at the new addition below. What could this personal quest be about?

[Mother Knows Best

➤ The mother you have in this life is strikingly different from the one you knew in Heaven. She’s a mortal, but a sweet one at that. A desire to understand her more stirs within you.]

The Handbook must have been far more advanced than he realized. Not only could it provide him with the information he sought, but it could also give him quests tailored to his innermost wishes.

When the image shifted to the main display, his gaze locked onto [Spells] and [Blessings]. So much remained for him to learn about this new life, yet his body seemed to have reached its limit. Unaccustomed to such weariness, it was dragging him into a mindless slumber. Hopefully, he would feel better tomorrow.