“Welcome! Welcome to my domain! I have long waited for you, my apostle!”

God greeted me with a sparkling white smile.

I knew beforehand he would look just like me; even the scar crossing the left eye. You totally wouldn’t be able to tell us apart.

Because I was also smiling.

“Hello there!” I greeted.

I looked deep into his eyes. They were the same honey color as mine, but much more impressive; as if they contained galaxies and had seen the mysteries of life. Well, I suppose they had, but I could care less.

I launched myself forward and punched him hard.

My punch had no technique behind it, but it didn’t matter as long as it appropriately conveyed my feelings. Funnily, it also had no matter to speak of; reality wasn’t the strong point of that place.

“Ouch! What was that for, my apostle?” God cried in pain and jumped back.

I was glad to see the skin just between his cheek and ear swell. I prayed he had perfectly copied me; I had broken that bone when I was a child and was very sensitive to pain there. I redoubled my praying efforts, in case they would help make the copied sensation more realistic. After all, he had the bad habit of getting influenced by prayers.

“Fucker! It was all your doing, right?” I was angry. I was very angry. I was so angry I could only think of one phrase to describe my feelings; “God am I angry!” I shouted.

There; feelings conveyed.

God looked at me in confusion and opened his mouth to reply. But seeing a puzzled look on a copy of my face was annoying as hell, so I punched him on the same spot.

He raised a hand to protect himself. But had no hope against my fighting experience. My knuckles -or their imaginary counterpart, or whatever- smoothly collided with the sensitive bone. The force sent him stumbling to whatever non-existent thing worked as ground inside the void.

I felt a huge recoil, as if I had just punched the universe. Ok, in a sense I had indeed punched the universe away from me, but I shouldn’t sweat the small details, right?

“Stop! Give me a chance to explain!” God stretched both hands forwards in protest. His brown hair looked even more disheveled than my own – and my own weren’t exactly a piece of art.

Him shouting those particular words with my voice got me even angrier. How many times had I said that the same thing his bullshit revelations made people chase me for no reason? I jumped forward and tackled him.

“Bastard! You wanted me to come here from the start, right?” I floored him in the middle of the void and started punching away at his head with all my might.

Thudding sounds echoed out and I took advantage of the confusion to lock his body in place without using my hands; a very comfortable position to punch the lights of a bastard. Bonus points if that bastard had made your life hell.

“You had the potential!” he shouted under the assault. He somehow managed to cover the sensitive spot through the hold, but the rest of his head had become a hard yet squishy punching bag.

“Then why should everyone important to me suffer and die?” Rather, I probably knew the answer; anger had made me strong enough to come here. But it wasn’t like I wanted to.

“You sick fucker!” I added. I needed to make sure the nuances of my resentment weren’t lost in the details.

For a moment, I got distracted because his head was too fun to punch and I couldn’t stop– no wonder my teacher liked doing this too. Speaking of teacher… I raised my body from the lock I had placed on his limbs and kneed him in the groin.

God howled in pain and doubled up. I winced in sympathy myself. It was a copy of my body after all and, like most beings, I was instinct-bound to preserve my descendant-making ability.

That said, experience dictated it should hurt a lot less than the cheek. So, he was probably more surprised than in pain.  With this consideration, I tactfully kneed him again at the same spot and finished the move with an elbow in the stomach. This combination had been my master’s favorite for dealing with annoying men and she wouldn’t have wanted me to miss the chance.

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Damn, I got sentimental and almost cried.

I psyched myself up and continued pummeling the bastard.

His lovely inquisitioners had taught me well how to make this body suffer without spoiling the fun with consciousness-losing little accidents. In retrospect, I was lucky they stuck to their technique like true professionals and did not target the cheek, or I would have been this bastard’s tool long ago.

Well, enough reminiscing and back to business! Where was I?

“Why a dove?” I hysterically screamed as I showered every inch of his body with hits. Shame I couldn’t hit the cheek too much or the bone could break and he might miss out on the specific type of fun.

“What do you mean?” his voice was close to pleading. He tried -and failed- to predict and stop my hits.

Fuck, wrong question. The church’s choice of symbol had just always bugged me and I blurted it out in the heat of the moment.

“Nevermind that!” I shouted. Embarrassed, I grabbed his head with my palm and started pummeling it against the solid void beneath us. The action made no sense to logic, but, oh well, this is life.

“Just. Why. Did. You. Not. Bring. Me. Here. Yourself.” I viciously shouted a new word each time I raised his head. The bastard was really fortunate I needed to vent millennia of frustration and had no patience for more …sophisticated… methods. Speaking of sophistication, something very intricate was missing from the last sentence!

“Fucker!” I added. I crashed his head to the nonexistent ground an additional time. There, that was better.

The front of his face had been disfigured into an almost flat surface. But the blood leaking out instantly evaporated into the surrounding void without dirtying his skin.

“I could not interfere with your cosmic scale!” He screamed in misery through a multitude of broken bones.

What? Hadn’t the bastard spread plagues and sent meteors and revelations and whatnot? But I figured it was like the sense of touch. For example, if a human pinched an ant, they could accidentally kill it, but they could move large grains of sand on a flat surface with quite the precision, hurl pebbles at the ant and even whisper to it.

In the small opening it took me to realize this, his face had reverted halfway back to normal. He struggled free of my grip and tried to stand.

However, his combat sense was laughable. I had encountered beasts more clever than the bastard. I grabbed his hair for a hold and supplexed his body on the ground.

I think I felt the very pillars of existence tremble a little. It didn’t bother me too much, but it seemed as if god had had enough.

“Do you know how many civilizations you just exterminated?” He screamed defiantly. It was less impressive than it sounds because he was dizzily crawling away.

Yeah, as if he wasn’t the one exchanging their existence for his. But everything I cared for had long been obliterated by the fucker and I didn’t give a damn anymore.

I kicked his stomach to make him shut up, but he surprised me by rolling with the move. It was something most people would have done subconsciously, but it was the highest battle intelligence I’d seen from him all day. With trembling knees, he stood up.

“Can’t you just be my apostle? I can make them all come back.” He shouted in frustration, his face distorted in odd shapes before restoring itself into another copy of my own.

As if I could trust the fucker’s bullshit! He’d probably create some incomplete copies I could delude myself into thinking were real and this would have been some first-grade fuck-up-ery.

And this did not even take into consideration that nobody should trust someone with a scheming face like that! Fuck, perhaps the inquisitioners ignoring my reasoning had a point after all.

“Bitch, didn’t you say that might makes right?” I got extra angry when I remembered how he tempted me after he made his own believers destroy the last soul dear to me. At the time, I almost became his apostle for revenge - bad luck the Oracle thought I had refused and spilled the beans before the process was complete. “Well, you got that right!” I run towards him.

“Foolish human! Do you fancy yourself stronger than creation itself?” God asked sardonically. But I could hear the off-pitch tone my voice made whenever I started to panic. Apparently, the bastard sucked at bluffing, which was surprising given how well he normally maintained a poker face while spewing moral-doping bullshit.

At long last, he tried to do something against my onslaught. Which meant that he had some backbone to support his fuckery.

Space and time stretched endlessly between us… Fuck, I take it back! The bastard was running away!

But in my anger I ploughed through the infinity of every instance; if two infinities clashed, the higher-grade one would come on top. Of course, there was only him and me at that level and I couldn’t really know for sure. But it should be true, as experimentally proven by my fist that ended up inside his face.

“Hell, yeah! You wanted me to despair and cling to you? Fuck you! I got stronger by myself!” I punched him with all the force I could imagine and this time a crashing sound reverberated through the fiber connecting reality with his domain.

Even I felt that perhaps this was too much strength. Could I have overdone it a little? Could I have overdone it more if I tried? The suspense was killing me.

“Noooooo!” God froze in place. He sounded desperate and a bright light started leaking from the pores of his skin and offices.

“Whatever is happening, serves you right bitch!” My voice was dripping with poison. I approached him slowly.

Finally! He was looking at me with the same hatred I had been looking at him all this time. Communication doesn’t really work if both parties aren’t on the same page, right? I didn’t know what was happening, but it looked bad for him and I started humming.

Since he couldn’t move, I had a lot of time to prepare the next attack. I drew my hand back, gathering infinite infinities of strength to obliterate the bastard once and for all. Probably alongside the rest of creation. But who cared? Surely not me!

Despite my slight superiority during the fight -who am I kidding? I had fucking owned him- it would have been very difficult to shatter his existence. However, before I could fully charge up, he exploded into pieces of blinding white light.

“Hahahaha!” I threw my head back and laughed uproariously. The light started shaving away infinities of my strength, but I didn’t mind; it was long since my life had no meaning. Ah, well, that was nice; I got to see the bastard croak it first.