My dreams overnight were troubled by images of Raine. She had become a very impressive scout, and our invading army was making a lot of use of her. However, she was... becoming upset. The invading army was, of course, invading. In addition to attacking the enemy army, they were attacking towns, villages, and homesteads in the disputed territory, looting them, and generally speaking, not being nice.
My words, not hers.
As a result she was facing something of a crisis of faith, which was interesting because she had never really had faith in me as a god in the first place. The few times I'd checked on her in my Little Gods' Room, she was still lounging by an altar without showing any real respect, and Tammy's spirit clung to her back, looking worried.
The dreams were not quite a plea for help, not quite a prayer, but they were more than enough to draw my attention. Our attacking army was enjoying their success too much, and Raine was concerned that they were becoming monsters. I also noted that along the edges of Raine's thoughts were concerns that things were too easy... but she was preoccupied, inexperienced, and also getting some grief for being both human and the lowest ranked soldier in the army, which was apparently much more aggressive and focused on merit and personal success than the defensive army we'd been a part of.
The troubled dreams seemed to come with something like a soulflame sacrifice, but it wasn't from Raine--it was from Tammy, who was searching for an answer to her friend and Vicar's troubles. I could sense, however, that taking flame from a ghost would only weaken her, and rejected that tribute. Tammy only had so much to give, and it wasn't...
I wanted to say it wasn't fair, but in a way, it was, wasn't it? The two of them had distanced themselves from me, thinking that they were enough on their own, and that arrogance was coming back to haunt them. Still, I stuck to my decision to refuse the tribute. Maybe next time, if they didn't learn.
As for Raine... when I reached out to her, I was surprised to find that I drew her into my Little Gods' Room, which wasn't exactly what I had intended. Not the general place where all the other worshippers wandered in the background, but an individual meeting space based off of it, with something like shadows flitting around that represented the others of my faith.
Raine woke up into a dream next to a rock that she probably didn't even recognize as an altar, next to a waterfall at the base of a cliff. I think that she only vaguely understood the rock as important, but she certainly did seem to cling to it. As always, although she didn't see me immediately, I was atop the cliff, looking at the horizon.
"You seem troubled," I offered, and enjoyed a silent laugh as she reacted to my voice by looking up and almost falling over. My godly form was, naturally, very large atop the cliff, if still dressed in what looked like frayed noble's clothes. This time in particular, I was almost relaxing, one leg tucked under me. At her reaction, I leaned forward and looked down, and smiled at her, and then in a single move both resized the avatar and dropped to the ground next to her.
"You seem to be doing that thing we all do sometimes," I said as I moved to stand on the other side of the altar (rock) from her, "where you think you're alone and never ask anyone for help. But you have help, Raine. What do you need?"
Raine started to back away from me, away from the altar, but hesitated. I could dimly see Tammy, taking her hands and trying to pull her back, but I don't think Raine could see her. She said nothing for what in dream-time seemed a very, very long time, but it might have only been a minute.
Eventually, Raine took one single step forward, and paused, trying to find her words. A thousand thoughts, disorganized in that dreamy way, swirled around her head, and I smiled. I... technically already knew what she was thinking about at that point, but I tried to only speak of what I saw.
"You want to condemn them, don't you?" I patted the altar. "Come up, girl, don't be shy. If I were going to hurt you, I would have already done so." I paused only a breath, although it seemed like a long moment to her. "You See things that others choose to be blind to, but you don't have the strength, not alone, to end them. You don't even have the strength, the courage, the faith to stand up for what you believe in, even if it wouldn't end anything."
Raine started to take another step, but didn't.
"There is something that you and I have in common," I said after a moment, after what I hoped was a comfortable silence for Raine. "I get into arguments with other gods, you know? Because I believe what they are doing, or threatening to do, is wrong. Arguments that might have ended my life, or at least my godhood." I laughed, and somehow, Raine seemed to relax. "When I argue, I argue not because I have the strength to defeat them, Raine. I argue because they will hurt the world if I do not. Because they will hurt me, at the very least." I smiled, and to my surprise, she slid forward without taking any steps--something she most likely didn't notice herself. I offered her a hand. "What makes a warrior if not willingness to sacrifice everything, for the most important battles?"
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Raine reached for my hand, and in the moment she touched me, she awoke, dropping out of the dream. The rock that was her 'altar' looked a fair bit less shabby, suddenly, and I smiled and patted it. Then, after a moment of thought, I reached into my pocket and took something out, laying it there--the Eye of Condemnation, an artifact connected to that argument against Xenma, one I hadn't even tried to use against Ciel'ostra.
Raine would never find it there, not unless she had a complete turn-around on her faith, but maybe Tammy would.
Speaking of which... after speaking to Raine in a dream, I also tried touching Tammy. Unsurprisingly, because she was dead, we couldn't quite have the same intelligent conversation, but there was a connection there, a connection full of feelings and thoughts.
I simply offered the woman thanks for taking care of Raine, and an admonition to keep an eye on that vague feeling that things were too easy. I suspected an ambush, especially after what Ciel'ostra had said about the Rakshasa being in league with some other force. Tammy responded with a feeling of genuine joy and appreciation for my concern, and a sense of seriousness and vigilance regarding the task I had given her.
And... that was all I could really do for a ghost, even an angel. It bothered me a little, but she was dead. And the dead... just had to remain dead.
The morning had me officially handing over my duties to Mietra, who I quietly suspected would screw something up royally within a few days, and joining the army's wounded. We would travel back along with the supply caravan when they left tomorrow, but for today, there was a lot of organizing people, determining who was too wounded to walk, and paperwork.
For me, that paperwork included three sheets of paper. First was a paper noting that I was honorably discharged for wounds received in honorable combat, and it made explicit exactly how much money I had earned while in the army, and instructions to receive my pay in the nation's capital. Second was a paper noting that, in recognition of services to the army, I was to be paid a small bounty and awarded a medallion of merit.
The third, of course, was a private note from Murn, and it was sealed with both wax and a divine binding of some sort. As she clearly didn't like godly communication, I assumed this was something she wanted to say about our... conversation yesterday, but she didn't want to call me back either because she was busy, because other people would talk... or maybe because she herself didn't feel comfortable. One way or another.
It took me a little while before I found some time to myself, away from prying eyes, to open the letter. It was a little surprising to find no introduction and no signature, but then, I suppose it should not have been.
"I appreciate what you said," Murn wrote in very fluent script, "and while I am thankful that you see us as remaining always on the same side, the suggestion that we are not in competition is... unusual. Gods are not known to cooperate, even among family. I am sure you are aware of an example. The few alliances that are forged are typically built on baser instincts, of the sort we all have. Your other friend seems willing to make alliances, but I am not the trusting kind."
"In light of your attempt at friendship, however, I should to make you aware of one thing," it continued, "and that is that the Lady of Blades is a title passed down at intervals, and one such ceremony is coming due. This new crisis may have pushed back the time of my retirement, but I cannot remain General forever, and I would not wish to if I could. Visit the Temple of Blades. Many things will make more sense once you do."
"The seal below will destroy this document." Below that was a glyph with a bit of fire magic sealed within it. A sensible precaution, although rather than destroying it, I passed the paper over to my Avatar through my shadow. It would not fall into the wrong hands there.
As I leaned against a wagon and waited for the inevitable march back to... well, not to Olesport, to somewhere else, but as I waited, I thought of Murn and the cold pall that had fallen over her spirit. I feared I knew exactly what she meant when she said her title was "passed down;" a god or goddess could only stand that emptiness for so long. Alanna was clearly suffering from having watched lovers and friends die generation after generation, but Ciel'ostra had taken a more active role in leading her followers. They looked up to her, loved her, trusted her... died for her, died because of her. Died because of her faults and failings, died being part of her successes.
But if she simply left, simply died or stopped leading, how many more people would die? There must always be a Lady of Blades, or this nation would fall, and all she had worked for would end. I shook my head to think of it. Was she asking me to help her find a successor? That thought gave me a little shiver. As inexperienced as I was, trusting the defense of this nation to yet another young and foolish god seemed...
Well, we'll just have to see. I pursed my lips and looked at the mostly blue sky, although there were large clouds off to the north, and just a few wisps overhead. The slightly flat image, in spite of the distance, reminded me again of my missing eye, though too often, it felt like my eye wans't really missing--my powers reminded me that I could pop a new one into the socket if I really wanted to. I grit my teeth, feeling in a way like I was being cheated out of a chance to feel human. Of course I could get a new eye--I had materialized a whole body out of soulflame, and the godly eyes I could swap out were physical objects. If I summoned one into the empty socket--and the remains of my broken eye had been removed by a surgeon, a title he and I disagreed on--I was sure it would work normally. More than anything, the missing eye was just an itch to cheat, to reveal to the world that I was something divine, something superior. I hated it.
Maybe I would need find a way to make a power to give fake eyes the ability to see or something, just so I solve the problem without being special. In the meantime, I focused on the pain of the wound, because without that, I barely felt like I had just gone through a terrifying brush with death. I knew I had it too easy, and it was driving me crazy.