No matter how many times I wake up in a dark alleyway I don’t think I’ll ever describe it as ‘pleasant’. That said, this was the first time I didn’t have a split lip. I pushed myself up from the city street and tried to shake off the lingering sleep that clung to my thoughts like webbing. It didn’t take much effort to start my mind racing after everything I had just seen and heard. Lady Nimue was going to the valley just like Gnaw said, and the fact she wanted it hidden added to his credibility. It also meant I was probably the only person with this much of a lead. Excitement and ambition energized my blood, sending my feet back into Circle Square.
Instead of a bustling crowd I was met with amber hues and the last dregs of the workforce heading home. Evening had crept up on me while I slept. Not only would her trail be cold by now, but Cork would have my head for only working an hour. That was a problem for the Gob of tomorrow. No sense worrying about anything but what to buy for dinner now. I quickly shut down the crier dais and bought some pot pies before rushing home excited to tell Vivi the news.
New Camelot had a mystique at night. The lights, tall buildings, night life swimming in the streets. To most it was intoxicating, something to get caught up in and enjoy without asking questions or worrying about a destination. To others it was to be avoided at all cost, can’t bother cleaning grime off a new suit. For me I was drawn to what was underneath. There’s always a story hidden somewhere in the city and I couldn’t help but feel the draw to dig for it, the deeper the better.
I saw the silhouette of the sign for ‘Bear’s Grill’ a mom and pop breakfast joint that Vivi and I lived under. The owners had no need for their crawlspace and had it converted into Minor-apartments for some extra income. Being a minor race, the official name for any sentient species under four feet tall, had some perks. While places to rent tended to be limited for us, they were relatively cheap. Normally built as an afterthought they were usually abnormally built into lesser used spaces like this one. Half the space, half the cost… ish. Either way it made city living possible at entry level pay. If you had a roommate, which I did!
I rounded the corner of the building away from the small parking lot and spotted the stairway to our door. Walking down I glanced at the mountain of mail outside unit one’s door. We only had three neighbors, unit one, two, and four but it was unusual for any of us to be out for more than a day. I’m pretty sure that unit one was a small lizardkin from one of the swamps to the west over the water. They sent letters home regularly but this was at least two weeks worth of letters. I would have to ask Herke, the landlord, to check on them.
Opening the door I threw my key in the cup and called out to Vivi that dinner was here. She was probably drafting a new article. Our apartment was five feet in height with one large central room, a bathroom and bedroom offshooting from the left wall, and an archway leading to a study on the right wall. A blue head with small horn nubs popped out from the beads covering the arch to confirm my suspicions.
“I’ll be done in a sec would you set the table?”
I nodded and laid everything out. There wasn’t much to move, most of what we owned was functional. In the main room we had one table, two chairs, a small radio, and a rug. I was saving up for a television. They were dropping in price lately and, while still expensive, were affordable with some smart saving. The issue was that I had just purchased a camera from The Heaps, the dump turned subdivision where I grew up. There were a few businesses run out of the trash owned by Goblins and other ‘recycling focused’ races. Vivi’s most recent splurge dinged loudly from the study, announcing the typewriter had completed a line. Soon after the soft click of scale on concrete told me she had gotten up.
I won’t bore you with family dinner conversation. Hopefully you’ve been blessed with it. We talked about not much important and it felt nice. This part of my day was the reset, this would get me through the verbal lashing I was sure to receive at the office. She talked about what she heard in the news pit which, as I had suspected, wasn’t much. I told her a little about what I had seen hours ago at this point which she politely gasped to. The night went on peacefully. Which was the last time that it would for quite a while.
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The morning brought bird chirping, beautiful rolling clouds, and getting yelled at by my boss. Cork’s office was well-organized and minimally decorated like a front line general’s tent. The most out of place object was a small chest on the desk with no design or major markings. It was his “brow box” as we called it. Full Orcs don’t naturally grow hair and some prefer to have prosthetic replacements. When I walked in Cork had simple thin lines above his eyes while he worked on designing the format for the weekend special. He quickly spared me the smallest glance and asked I close the door behind me. I heard a small ‘clonk’ and when I faced back half inch wide black check-marks stared back at me showcasing boss’s anger.
“I don’t need to employ you Gob. You are cheap, easily replaceable, and aren’t worth the headache of wondering why sales only lasted for forty minutes after your shift started.”
Cork’s voice was thick, gruff, and blocky. Like a grain wheel with a flat spot, quick bursts of gravely words with rhythmic spots of pause. I waited for a gap before cutting in, otherwise I would be waiting for the rest of the day.
“I was following a lead sir.” I would need to say more to get out of trouble but if I waited I could turn his anger into guilt and maybe get out of this without punishment.
“A lead? You think you’re a reporter ag- Gob there’s something on your shirt.”
Checking my shirt I couldn’t find anything but when I looked up the eyebrows had changed from black to fiery red.
“You are a crier, and you’re lucky to stay as that. In fact, that’s it get out. Go home, find a job somewhere else. I don’t need ya, I’ll hire a snail that can talk...”
I turned to leave as Cork continued to berate me, drama is one of the finer points of entertainment to me. As I reached the door I spoke over Cork just enough for him to hear me.
“What a shame, I’ll have to tell The Sunrise Set that I saw the Lady of the Lake going to the valley without an escort.”
I paused for effect at the door listening to the stunned silence which was broken after a few moments by another small ‘clonk’. I turned to see Cork sitting behind his desk with raised thin eyebrows.
“Now, now, lets settle down and talk about this like reasonable adults.”
“I would love to Mr. Borkley but unfortunately I have to look for work. I recently became unemployed you see.”
“Shut up and sit down Gob, you’re hired.”
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Inhale. Hold. Exasperated sigh.
I suppose it was too overzealous to think I could escape without any punishment. Being stuck with delivery duty is a light cost for skipping a full day of work. My back screamed in protest at my sullen acceptance, of shouldering the newspack. My work for the day would be all grudgework, running papers all over the city and peddling contracts to small businesses. Luckily for me I got in trouble often enough that I liked a lot of our clients.
The narrative has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
I was almost to the halfway mark on my route. The city library, the largest one on all of Britannia and smack dab in the middle of Horned Hoodlum Territory. I might try and do a little digging while I’m out this way. Never hurts to take advantage of convenience. The librarian and I were on good terms. While she might hate being called one of my ‘contacts’ that is what it says on the little notebook I have her information in.
I rounded a corner and saw the library in full view. A truly massive building five stories tall and maybe 300 meters wide. It was one of New Camelots wonders, a construction of new technology and old magic combined. It only took a month to build and fill which might not sound that fast but if you’ve ever lived near construction you know that’s a godsend. Unique brickwork and large stained glass windows were easily made and lifted into place by the mages on staff. I walked in past the front doors and through the entry hall up to the information desk where I would drop off the papers. A thick bouncing blonde ponytail belied the attendants active sorting.
“Gooooooood morning Cheryl, any worms in the books today?”
Her head popped up revealing her librarianesque features. “Unfortunately no Gob, plenty of noses though which is always nice. So good of you to come see me, if you start visiting outside business hours I might like to add you to my collection.”
She had a soothing voice that would go nice with tea, milk, and a little honey. Thick blue framed glasses sat on her nose adding to a number of stereotypes that dark eyes judged you for thinking about. A white true button-down held a black tie under the collar and was altogether contained by a blue blazer. I heard the click, click, click, of her coming around as she most likely had already guessed my reason to be there. As studious as I’d like to be, I spent most of my time chasing stories rather than reading them.
“You look tired Gob… carrying all those papers must be hard work. Take a rest, I’ll make it so you don’t have to work so hard anymore.”
Ugh, voice, that’s why nature is dangerous. I hear two words from Cheryl and my brain tries to turn off.
“Papers, yep you got it,” I jiggled the pack I wore to prove it, “by the way Cheryl have you heard any rumors around here lately? The kind I’d be interested in?”
“Why of course I have darling, I’ve simply been waiting for you to come and ask me for them.”
She finished her circuit of the desk and started leading me to the news-boxes at the side of the entry hall. I couldn’t help following her beckoning finger but I did hold some control of my mind. Dangerous lady that one, an educated, mature, leggy blonde. I don’t often describe any woman as leggy, but when you have eight of them its applicable. Cheryl was an Arachne, a middle order spider demon that in ancient times would eat little goblins like me. Nowadays she enjoyed teasing me with well intended death threats and tending to the library. She quietly unlocked the news-box and moved to the side allowing me to throw two bundles in and cut the cords binding them. I swallowed my nervousness and got ready to speak up. Cheryl had a habit of not making things easy for me and that included playing dumb. I needed to ask directly if I wanted to get anywhere before I left.
“What have you heard about the area lately Cheryl? Rumors about the Horned Hoodlums?”
“Ooooo not quite Snack. No rumors today, only observation and fact.”
“What do you know and would you please tell me what I would like to know?”
“Of course. The head of the Family has pulled a lot of his rougher elements into their main territory. Locking down their openly profitable businesses and completely stopping any harassment of the Green Coat Gang. Anything that seems risky has stopped completely, I’ve even heard from some readers that they aren’t even asking for protection money.”
“What? So they just stopped being edgy and villainous? Did something happen?”
“Not that anyone knows. He’s acting scared and it’s causing some uproar all over town. However, I’ll tell you one thing that might help you if you do me something. I have a little gathering tonight and I want you there.” She mimed sipping a drink.
Cheryl was a fancy lady, spiders had a tea party with miss Muffet right? Now, on principle I don’t make deals for favors and this stunk deeply like a purposely vague request. The problem is that Cheryl always has good info, and I can’t help myself when I smell a story. She eagerly tapped her front few legs in anticipation which woke up the little voice in the back of my head just in time to notice that I was shaking her hand and agreeing happily. Damn my enthusiasm.
“Excellent. I’ll get you the details soon Snack. Now for my contractual dues, I have recently felt a Conscription Pull.”
“I’m sorry, I was home-schooled and my unit on demonic society was extremely short.”
“Oh sweet one don’t worry, I’ll explain everything. This isn’t societal, it’s biology. Demons have a genetic chain of command that we inherently know. Most of the time we ignore it since we aren’t savages anymore. Sometimes however we feel the Pull. Around the same time that the changes with the Hoodlums started I felt the need to go and pledge myself to my leaders cause. As well as several demons have come to me for the same reason. It’s been wonderful for organizing the shelves lately if I’m honest.”
“What kind of situations cause this?”
“Primarily, the birth of a hero.”
Ding-Ding-Ding. Hello corner office. A hero was someone chosen by Lady Nimue to unite Britannia against a force of great evil. Primarily the demons of old that were really into the sacrifice and brimstone thing. It would make sense that they would feel threatened if a new hero was born, after all heroes had a perfect success record. Why would one crop up now though? It’s not like gang activity is any worse than it has been in the past while. I don’t remember any burning countrysides or all out wars lately either. Something still didn’t add up for me but my gut believed her.
“Thanks Cheryl, you never disappoint.”
I started leaving and listened to her clack the box closed and lock it. Then she called out to me as I walked out the front doors again. “I quite look forward to your attendance Gob Scugly.”
Oh yeah, yay. Now to finish my route and think deeply on how I let myself write checks worth more than I was willing to pay.
————————————————————
New leads are always exciting and I wanted to start investigating right away, especially since I had a mystery dinner with the devil tonight. I shook off the thought, I was already in hot water with Cork and he really would fire me if I completely threw out my job two days in a row; shortcuts and speed it is. I shouldered my pack and raced down the alleyway behind the library. I figured it’d be safe despite my many memories, or lack thereof, waking up in alleys beaten or magically put to sleep. The Horned Hoodlums had a more sophisticated racket than the Green Coat Gang and mostly charged brick and mortar shops for staying open in their territory. Rarely were there counts of mugging outright without provoking them.
I whipped out a few mindless deliveries making good time, it wasn’t even noon when I was making my last drop. Another shortcut and a few more minutes and I’d be home free. I need to talk to a social expert I know who would know how to survive a party with demons. Someone who might have an idea on where to find information on heroes. Luckily it wasn’t too far outside of Hoodlum territory and I’d be there in less than ten after… was that… rhythmic snapping? Oh no. I tested my luck too long, but I was still in the demon side of town. Why would they be here? A large hobgoblin stepped into view at the end of the alley.
“The mistake you make on the short route you take is never expecting a musical shake…”
“DOWN,” a goblin jumped out from behind the bruiser and joined in his snapping, “A trip ‘round town is a move for a clown. You think you’re the king? When it comes to words only HE wears the crown.”
They both stepped to the sides of the pass revealing the leader of their group, Angus. A leprechaun.
“I’ve got news for ye, from us to thee. There’s room in our clan for a bit more green. Your wit is there as a matter of fact, while your moneys nice I’d much rather have your back. I like you Gob, what can you do? Come back with us or it'll spell your doom.”
This wasn’t my first run in with these three. Angus, Shum, and Feeb were mildly famous for being the most… musical bruisers from the Gang on the street. When I met them I made the mistake of not replying in verse, walked with a limp for a week. I would not be making the same slip anytime soon. If I wanted out I needed to think fast, or rather I needed to rhyme fast.
“Recruiting me? Just you three? This stinks of a horribly desperate plea. Why now, what’s new? Who came up with this. You?”
“Questions and pressure isn’t the way. An answer we’re owed or your skin I will flay. Remember young Gob the cost of being audacious is that I will quickly lose my patience. Be thankful I’ve already been this gracious. Our rooms are spacious and meals bodacious, if your hunger for stories be so voracious wouldn’t it be best to join in our cadence?”
I made my move, tapping my foot and upping the pace to force them to snap faster or be off tempo. Shum and Feeb looked nervously to Angus. If he didn’t keep up he would be admitting lyrical defeat to me. The worst penalty they know, and justifying my question owing me an answer. First I had to show that I could match it though.
“Working on me is just no use, the only thing your rhymes are good for is ear abuse. Now don’t make me mad keep those lips loose. You may have started this song, but with you in the lead it’s a cruel ruse. I must inquire why the hellfire desire to acquire this high-flier?
“That’s where you’re wrong we started this song and we’re gonna win, that’s the way it’s been. So stop tapping your foot like a dancer, just give us three the damn answer.”
Got em, he’s stalling. I felt a smile creep across my face and thought on how to get to truth. It needed to be fast and get back to his turn quickly. I tapped faster.
“Wasting time is just so uncouth, pick up the pace or lose a tooth.
Don’t forget that I am a sleuth. Tell me now why the speech, the Truth.”
One measure, two, three… Angus started to stammer before hanging his head in defeat.
“Tell’im what he want’s ta know boyos.”
Shum’s eyes grew for a moment watching Angus walk off before turning to me and stepping forward. Boy hobgoblins sure are big.
“Some friends of ours’ve been goin’ missing. We think they’re getting wacked by someone but the Hoodlums are pulling back and the Undead have never pushed outside their territory before. The boss got us scouting for recruits and seeing where they went.”
“Why me though?”
Feeb peeked out from behind Shum, “Well I means… Ya green innit?”
Ah. Yes. Never expect grand plans from lackeys.
“Well it’s been a pleasure but I am actually WORKING at my JOB so I’m going to go now. Thanks for the break anyway gents and I hope to see you for darts next week.”
Angus threw up a weak wave as I raced out of the alley for the last time this route. I needed to visit my expert. Mom.