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"Haaaah~" Ken breathed in the air with a huge smile on his face, his arms stretched wide open. "I'm the king of the world!"
'I'm just like that guy from the movie about the sinking boat!'
It amazed him just how something as simple as going outside and breathing in air that didn't smell like medicine filled him with so much... joy. Sure, having everything you could ever need in reach was fine, and having people to get it for you was even better, but this?
This was great.
Kyouka giggled before she cut in from behind him. "Someone's excited."
"Can you blame me? It's thirteen years y'know? I haven't been outside for thirteen years. That's enough time for a newborn child to become a teenager. A demi-teenager, but still a teenager."
"What the hell is a demi-teenager supposed to be anyway?" She rolled her eyes. "Are we done now? C'mon, let's go back inside. Where it's safe."
"My dear sister, it hasn't even been a minute." Ken looked at the impatient demoness incredulously before pointing at some wooden benches nearby. "Push me next to those benches over there. Let's sit down."
"You're already sitting down. And what are we even gonna do there? There's nothing here but benches and trees!" Even as she grumbled and whined, Kyouka still obediently pushed Ken's wheelchair along the stone-paved path toward the bench.
He smiled warmly at her. "We can just chat and stuff."
"We can chat inside too."
"It's not the same." Ken wagged a finger in the air.
After Ken's wheelchair was pushed next to the bench's right, Kyouka then sat down on the right end of the bench so she could monitor her brother closely. Just in case something happened.
"You don't have to be so on edge. I feel great right now!" Ken tried to assure his sister — who was obviously on tenterhooks — but Kyouka refused to let her guard down. He wasn't exactly the best source of health knowledge, so he supposed her doubt was warranted. What other choice did he have but to let her do as she pleased?
"So... how's Father and Mother?" he asked, eager to get Kyouka's mind to relax a bit.
"Oh, the usual. They have different lovers than the last time you asked about them," Kyouka answered, as casually as someone would when talking about the weather.
Ken also responded casually, as if the subject really had nothing to do with him at all. "Heh... What else can I say? I guess I'm glad that they're still so... energetic. I wish they'd share some of that vitality with me."
"Father's lover is absolutely just in it for the money. He'd be insane not to sign a prenup."
"Oof. Well, I doubt he gives a crap about money. Our family is quite wealthy after all." Ken chuckled.
Kyouka giggled. "Indeed we are."
They looked at each other and smirked at a memory that only they had. An inside joke only they would ever understand.
Ken stifled a yawn before asking. "And what about Mother?"
"As for mother's lover... well, she's my mother, so she can't be ugly. She still looks good even at that age. It's the one thing about her I admire." She nodded her head in mock admiration.
"Harsh." After he feigned a wince, a playful grin crossed his face. "Shouldn't you at least admire her for bringing you into the world? She even gave you an awesome brother."
Kyouka couldn't help but giggle again. "I guess that's true."
"Well, no doubt you really will age like her. You'll probably look like a young woman even when you're fifty or something."
"Of course!" Kyouka chirped happily.
"As for me... well I guess what I look like at that age won't matter since I doubt I'd make it past thirty," Ken said in a joking manner. He glanced up at the gradually darkening sky.
'When Kyouka's fifty, will the sky still look the same as it does now? That's actually kind of comforting in a way...'
Ken sat there for a good few moments, simply watching the sky and admiring the great outdoors for a while. Though, he supposed a hospital garden smack dab in the middle of Tokyo wasn't very outdoors as far as outdoors got. At some point, he noticed how quiet it'd gotten so he raised a brow and turned to his sister, only to freeze when she saw her red nose and watery eyes.
"Ah! What's wrong?!" Ken yelled, flustered.
'Ah what do I do, what do I do!? My handkerchief...'
Ken hastily felt around his pockets for one, but he was wearing a hospital gown. And those weren't really famous for having pockets. In hindsight, he wouldn't have had a handkerchief in his pocket anyway, given how he was stuck in bed all the time.
'Fuck!'
"You know I don't like those kinds of jokes..." Kyouka resentfully glared at Ken, with eyes still spilling over with tears. She covered her eyes with a handkerchief that she pulled out from who-knew-where. Her breathing was so rough, that it was almost like she was hyperventilating.
Just like in the past, whenever she suffered from asthma attacks.
"Wh-wh-what do I do?" Ken went into panic mode, recalling an incident when they were young. Years before he got sick, Ken would always bring Kyouka's inhaler with him whenever he snuck her out to play outside. But there was one time when he neglected to check, and the one he brought ended up being empty. Things would have turned out pretty badly if it weren't for the fact that one of the kids nearby had one too.
The current situation undoubtedly made some of Ken's trauma resurface. A time when he could have lost his only real family to his own negligence. It was a point in his life he would never forget.
"Do you have your inhaler with you?" Ken looked around for anyone nearby to call for help but ended up remembering he'd told all their guards to fuck off. Much to his regret. "Shit..."
In a moment of clarity, he suddenly remembered that they were in a hospital. He slapped his forehead and placed his hands on the wheelchair's wheels.
"Wait here! I'll go get some hel—GEH!"
Ken was just about to zoom off to the hospital when Kyouka suddenly pulled him by the scruff.
"I...I'm okay." Kyouka wiped her eyes with her other hand as she tried to appease her brother. "Calm down."
"Wh-what... you're okay...?" Ken sighed with relief. "That's great."
"My asthma got cured a long time ago, stupid. I just got a bit worked up..."
"That's good!" Ken felt all the tension drain from his body and he collapsed limply onto his wheelchair. "That's really good..."
"You were overreacting...What're you? My Mom? You don't have the tits for it."
Hearing this, Ken merely shrugged. "I just got freaked out. My Bad."
Kyouka looked like she really wanted to scold him for something, but seemed to decide against it in the end. Much to his relief. She really was easily distracted. Or maybe it was only when they were together? He heard whispers of how capable she was when he wasn't looking.
"From now on..." She wrapped his left hand with both of hers and pleaded. "No more jokes like that. Please? You're going to get better. We're... We're going to make it through this."
Ken met her gaze, his eyes steady and serene. When was the last she'd asked for something so sincerely? He wasn't sure she ever did.
'I joked about it from time to time, and she'd only scold me for a bit, so I didn't really think much of it. In hindsight, she was on edge all the time because we were outside, so she's more touchy about this kind of thing, huh?'
Ken had already somewhat accepted his mortality.
After all, the estimates said that he wouldn't live past thirteen. With every year that he surpassed that age, living became much, much harder. The pain that constantly racked his body would get worse and worse as time passed. Moving even just his arms and neck became harder and harder too.
As for the pain medication he took? Those had long lost their effects.
And sleep. That was the worst part of it all. Ken had three main problems when it came to sleep.
First, being assaulted by excruciating pain all the time didn't really help facilitate comfortable sleep.
Second, falling asleep. The constant pain made sure he couldn't sleep well, but it also made it very hard to fall asleep. Additionally, even if he did manage to fall asleep, the constant pain would make sure to wake him up every few dozen minutes or so.
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Despite that, Ken still had to force sleep upon himself.
Humans need sleep to survive, so Ken had to take additional meds to fall asleep. But just like all his other meds, even the sleeping pills mysteriously stopped working on him after a while. As if he built an immunity to them at full throttle when compared to the rest of humanity. The only time he would finally feel the sandman's blessing was when he simply couldn't stay awake anymore.
Finally, the third problem: Ken was terrified of the idea of not waking up — something that served as yet another barrier that got in the way of falling asleep.
For Ken, who didn't really believe in any kind of afterlife, death was just sleeping. Except it was for keeps.
He knew his life was hanging by a thread, so he could die at any moment. What scared him the most was not seeing it coming. If he was gonna die, he wanted to be conscious when it happened. He didn't want to go to sleep — looking forward to a new chapter of a web novel he was reading, a new anime episode airing the day after, or a visit from his sister — only to never wake up.
Falling asleep was hard, and he had to do it. But it was also an extremely frightening experience that he never got used to. Every night was a battle against his own fear. And every victory was rewarded with a painful awakening a few hours down the line.
That was why, to Ken, whether he was awake or asleep, he suffered for it. Even when he was enjoying the things he loved, he would still have to fight against death while doing it. He liked living, despite it being really fucking hard sometimes. Watching anime, reading manga, and consuming an obscene amount of literature on the internet was fun.
And being with his sister was happiness itself.
Ken wouldn't pass up all the good things in life just because it was overall really harsh. So Ken was gonna struggle the hell out of this life until he died. Because the worst thing he could possibly do was give his disease the satisfaction of not having to do the work.
That's what he'd decided.
With all that said, he'd already accepted his death. A long time ago, in fact. Acceptance didn't mean he wasn't afraid. Hell, he was terrified.
But he knew moping about it wasn't going to get him anywhere. Making jokes about his mortality was just one of the ways he coped. Since he only really had his sister to talk to, Kyouka ended up being the one who heard these jokes the most. Ken did this partly to prepare her for it.
After all, when he was gone, she would essentially be alone.
Their "parents" were just family by blood and on paper. The period of his life when he considered them as family passed a long time ago. Even after his death, they would continue to live their own life, forgetting they even had a son named Ken Kagami. And no doubt, they'd continue neglecting their daughter too.
Just as they always did.
Kyouka was going to be by herself, and the last thing he wanted was for her to be caught unprepared.
However this was this, and that was that.
Would he still stick to his decision after seeing his only family member pleading with him like that? He was loathe to admit that his will wasn't quite that strong. Ken was a big softy when it came to his loved ones and he was very well aware of that. Deep down, he knew that he should help her accept his impending demise too.
But he couldn't bring himself to do so today. Not when she'd humored his selfishness.
"Don't worry Kyouka! I'm not gonna die yet." Ken reached forward and pinched her soft white cheek. "I'll be fine. Just like you said."
He smiled brightly at her. And in typical big brother fashion, he made a fool of himself by making various bodybuilder poses, aiming to cheer her up. It worked, thankfully. Seeing him acting like a moron, Kyouka couldn't help but let a giggle escape her lips. And just like that, she was smiling just as brightly as when they saw each other this morning.
'Look at that winning smile. Call me a simp, and I'll wear it with pride.'
Ken couldn't help but smile with her, gazing lovingly at his most cherished person in the world. Even if he'd run out of reasons to pray a long time ago, he felt thankful that no matter how cruel life was to him, at least he had her. In this tiny corner of the world, was a sister who smiled when their eyes met and loved him for no reason at all. That, if anything, was something he felt endlessly thankful for.
Kyouka grinned widely, her pearly whites almost blinding. "Stop it. People are starting to look over here."
"Yes yes, my dearly beloved sister." Ken jokingly asked in a theatrical manner. "Has your mood been restored?"
"Indeed, my dearly beloved brother. You have done splendidly." Kyouka also joined in with her own theatrics.
"I see," he said with a smile on his face. "That's good. That's really good."
"Yep!" Kyouka chirped. "So no more of the you-know-whats, okay? We have to maintain a positive attitude."
"I know, I know. I won't be leaving the stage just yet." Ken answered with feigned exhaustion. "After all, I haven't seen the look on Father and Mother's faces when they find out that you're a lesbo, and hence won't be pumping out any kids."
"Pffft. So you do resent them!" Kyouka exclaimed as if she'd caught a thief.
Ken shrugged nonchalantly. "Maybe a little. They're right fucking pricks, the both of 'em. Anyway, bring me back inside. It's getting kind of cold."
"Roger, roger."
The siblings joked around like that as they walked back to the Hospital, wheels rolling along the stone-paved path accompanied by gentle footsteps.
"By the way..." Kyouka suddenly brought her mouth next to Ken's ear.
He tilted his head. "What?"
"About this morning," she whispered meekly. "I'm...sorry about being annoying and waking you up."
Sensing the surprising amount of sincerity in the barely audible voice, Ken just chuckled. "What, that? That was nothing. Besides, spending time with you is way better than sleeping."
Kyouka squealed. "Kyaa~, are you hitting on me right now?"
"Ew." Ken grimaced and shuddered. "You wish. You have the permanent role of being my little sister. Also, aren't you too easy? I essentially said that being with you was better than doing nothing."
"Yikes. I just got sister-zoned, huh? But it doesn't feel bad. Also! Sleeping is doing something! There's even something called Competitive Sleeping y'know!" Kyouka informed as she pushed Ken's wheelchair forward.
"Damn. Seriously?" Ken's eyes widened from the unexpected trivia. "Crazy world we live in."
'I would probably suck so hard at tha—
Ken was thinking about how absolutely terrible he would be as a competitive sleeper when he suddenly felt an extremely sharp pain in his right waist. He cursed, the words coming out as a rasp. Hell, he couldn't even hear anymore. This must have been what it felt like to get stabbed by a knife and have it twisted around inside. Truly, he'd grown very used to pain but he had never experienced one as intense as this.
It came in waves, and every time it struck, he'd lose consciousness for half a second before another wave woke him right up. But then it started coming regularly — like it was following his heartbeat — and the pain came from a different place every time.
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"Yep. I know for sure cuz one of the girls I fooled around with in High School was actually a pro at it. She could just fall asleep anytime and anywhere she wanted."
Kyouka was utterly oblivious to her brother's condition. She couldn't really see anything but the back of his head, after all. But silence wasn't really their modus operandi when they were together. Even if they had nothing to say, they would at least grunt or something. Taking that into account, his silence was, quite frankly, disturbing. Enough for her to stop the wheelchair and walk to the front to get a good look at him.
Only to be horrified by what she saw.
Ken was clutching at his right chest with his left hand, while his right was tightly grasping onto his leg. A trail of dark blood spilled from his mouth — trailing down his chin and staining his white hospital gown — as his eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their sockets.
Kyouka's eyes widened and she screamed.
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It went without saying that Ken was a bundle of traumas rolled up into the form of a young man.
But he wasn't the only one with issues that kept him up at night.
Kyouka — who's loved her big brother ever since she could remember — had stood by his side since his confinement. As Ken experienced his own hell, Kyouka had her own demons to confront.
Her brother wasn't really aware of it, but during the early stages of his sickness, while he slept, he would have extremely violent fits. It was absolute mayhem. He would thrash around wildly as his agonizing screams reverberated across the hospital's halls, threatening to shatter windows. The visceral nature of it all, and how it sounded like the exertion quite literally broke his throat, would haunt her nightmares forever.
Not even ten years old, Kyouka had to watch all of that. She had to watch her only loved one suffer for hours on end.
of course, she could've left any time she pleased. But what kind of sister would she be if she left him in his time of need. Unless someone forced her to, she refused to leave his side as much as possible. When her brother was well, he never let her be alone. She was annoying and whiny and pulled on his hair when she was scared. But even then, he would sleep beside her, tell her stories, teach her things, and play with her. And in her young mind, that was simply how a true family worked.
You were together. As much as possible. Even when it hurt.
The young Kyouka decided that she wasn't leaving, and that was that. But she could do nothing to help her brother.
She could only watch.
She could only watch her most beloved family member suffer every time he had to sleep, for years and years and years. Oh, he'd gotten better over time. He completely stopped having these sleeping fits by the time Kyouka was ten. But what she'd seen would never leave her ever again. How could she possibly forget his pain and the reason he had to suffer through it?
Kyouka still has nightmares about those times, even now. And of all the nightmares she had...
The nightmares about that monster in the forest were the most terrifying.
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Kyouka had fallen flat on her butt and was completely paralyzed. The situation was exactly the same as when she was younger. She could do nothing but watch...
'N-no! I can't be like this right now! I'm not a little girl anymore! Move dammit! Shout! Do something!'
"H-help... Help!" Kyouka shouted desperately, the veins in her neck threatened to burst. "Someone! Anyone! Help!"
She yelled until her throat was hoarse but nobody came. They were still a way's away from the automatic glass doors. And it just struck her that those must be soundproofed.
'N-n-nobody's coming. I can't...move my legs... Fuck! This is all my fault! This is all because I gave in to his request... E-even when we were kids... I shouldn't have gone outside...!'
"Ugh..." Ken spat out another mouthful of dark red blood. Despite this, he seemed to have regained some control over his body again, albeit with incredible difficulty. He used his trembling left hand to beckon Kyouka to him.
Hearing Ken spit out more blood finally appeared to have snapped Kyouka from her paralysis. The beating of her heart drummed loudly in her ears like the marching of a giant and her chest rose and fell rapidly. She was having a panic attack and she knew it. But in a moment of clarity, she tried to get behind her brother's wheelchair and push it closer to the doors. Surely, someone would see him from inside if she got him close enough.
But once she saw Ken beckon toward her, she stopped.
"Kyouka..." Ken could barely say anything in between coughs. Every attempt seemed to be met with a mouthful of blood accompanying each cough.
His voice calmed her more than she cared to admit. The drums in her ear slowed and so too did her heart. "I'll... Just wait, I'll... I'll get you help..."
Ken's left hand trembled as it gripped her right wrist tightly. He was able to put a surprising amount of force on it, preventing Kyouka from breaking free of its grasp. A few desperate moments passed in still silence as he stared at her with the deep blue eyes they inherited from their mother.
"It's… not... your..." he spat out a particularly large mouthful of blood and his half-lidded eyes were a moment's away from shutting. But he opened them wide at the last moment. With great exertion, he forced out one last word. "Fault!"
With that, Ken slumped into his wheelchair as the doors to the hospital slid aside, nurses rushing out toward them.
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