{???}

Rayne dared not look away. Unblinking, she witnessed the entirety of Nox’s life. Experienced his thoughts and feelings. As the mental reel approached that fateful day in Umbra’s Spire, tears finally speared her bright blue eyes.

“Enough.”

The exchange stopped. No lies. Only candid emotions. Well, what he called emotions. Although she felt everything he felt, the experience through his eyes left her hollow. Shallow. Only his feelings toward Xelan and Korac felt proportionately appropriate. Everything else… detached. Rayne lacked the education in psychology to know if the difference was because of his species, gender, or individual experience.

In her mindscape, she sat on a couch similar to the plush ones in the Iona rumpus rooms. She wore calf-length leggings and a purple flowy tunic. Hiding her bare shoulders and back, her black hair grew to her waist over these last two years. She didn’t feel the need to tie it back in his presence. Here, she was safe.

Beyond her haven, Hellsing played for the fiftieth time on the television. Andrew liked to repeat episodes of anime they used to watch together. She loved him for it. During the exsanguination cycles, he increased the volume. As if he couldn’t stand the sound.

Rayne knew the feeling.

Focusing on these tiny details allowed her to process the life she witnessed. So very long. So very unhappy. None of it excused Nox’s actions against her and the people she loved.

Therein lie her rage.

But without a healthy moral compass. Without ever experiencing love—wholesome, romantic, platonic, etc.—what chance did he have for rational decisions? Healthy choices?

Therein lay her compassion.

This internal conflict shit sucked.

Rayne stood and kept her eyes dipped low. No doubt the emotional boxing match showed in them. Not to mention, the man in question watched her from the other side of the room. Intently.

Colossal barely covered it. Tall and broad with long black hair, the mountainous Icarus stood out among his own people for his size and features. Handsome, with sharp angles and full lips. He preferred going without a shirt. Always in black. Here, she dressed him in white jeans and a t-shirt. Because she thought it would be hilarious. It only emphasized his dark smolder.

Rayne killed him once, and she’d do it again. Only…

She crossed the space to him. His combats boots looked shiny from this angle. Did she do that? Or did he polish them—

Get on with it, Rayne.

For the first time in the two years since she executed Nox, Rayne looked into his eyes. The weight of six million dark years stared down at her. Patient. Unassuming.

“I know you, now.”

After her proclamation, Nox searched her gaze. Uncertainty flickered in those obsidian eyes.

He would find no judgment here. No outrage. That was not her place. Rayne killed him and delivered justice. Protected the world from his destructive disposition.

Here, she could safely access his council and strategy. Memories full of much needed information. No risk to the others. No risk to herself. Safe.

The King of Earth and Cinder leveled her gaze to her predecessor’s chest and stepped around him to walk away.

“Rayne.”

With her back to him, she closed her eyes. No one ever said her name like that. She once likened it to the man waiting his entire life to say it. But as it turned out, he waited roughly two thousand years.

A plain of green grass and a scattering of tall oaks replaced the abyssal mindscape. While busy roads and two hospitals surrounded the area, this small park granted a much needed natural respite to the concrete desert that was Little Rock, Arkansas.

“You look so peaceful here.” Nox walked over to the tree Rayne occupied.

Sat on a branch with her back to the trunk, she idly tied knots in a rope with the sun setting behind her. “I am. The Weapon is sated. And no one here expects me to look them in the eye and tell them about the worst day of my life. Because we were both there for it. Weren’t we, Nox?”

As she turned her gaze on him, he looked away. “Is it already time?”

This content has been misappropriated from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

She returned to her chore of tying the rope. Softly, she answered, “Not yet. I’m not ready. Are you?”

He swallowed hard. “No.”

They both required more time before broaching that topic.

Nox pivoted and took in the expanse. “There’s not this much vegetation on all of Cinder. My brother would love this place.”

Rayne clenched her fists and—

He held up a hand to stop her. “I know you don’t appreciate when I speak of him.”

“It’s not that. It’s how casually you talk about a sibling you murdered.”

“Executed.”

“Nox, that hardly—”

“It matters.” He turned back to her and explained, “Before he ever met you, he knew his fate. He chose it the day he betrayed us. It’s something you’ll come to understand better as a ruler.”

Rayne gripped the rope in her hand and glared at him. “No. He wasn’t like that. I won’t be either. And I’ll have you know, he loved this park.”

“You took him here?”

“Where do you think I learned to dance like an Icarus?” Rayne hopped out of the tree and crested a slope. In faint images of themselves, the Progeny sat on the hill and watched as Xelan took turns teaching them to dance. For “undercover operations.”

“Tameka, you’re doing great.” Xelan beamed at the young woman in his arms.

“Thanks. You’re okay.” She giggled, but the light blush on her freckled cheeks belied her youthful crush. With a final twirl, she hesitatingly stepped aside.

Kyle grumbled, “This is kind of stupid.”

Sagan sighed from the grass and grabbed her bag. “Sorry, I need to duck out. It’s eight.”

Andrew’s eyes widened as he intentionally looked away. No one liked to acknowledge why Sagan disappeared this time every night.

Rayne watched her younger self frown and spare Xelan a beseeching glance.

The Icarus shook his head. How could he help with Justin? He could kill the teenager. And some part of Rayne knew he considered it, as did she. But…

“Do you want me to take you there, Sagan?” he offered uncertainly.

The blond girl’s smile was reserved, sad. “No, thanks, coach. See you tomorrow for training.” She waved and headed for the bus stop.

Younger Rayne watched her go with a pounding heart.

“Rayne, it’s your turn.”

She turned to find Xelan’s warm and kind presence standing over her. Hand outstretched, he offered a wholesome distraction from her darker thoughts.

Rayne took it. And they danced.

Current Rayne paused the memory. She stared up at Xelan as he gazed down at her younger self with love and respect. A little fear. Why was he afraid—

“You look at him now, the same as you did then. I’ve never seen so much naked adoration.” Nox observed quietly as the scene played.

Rayne wondered what the fallen King took from it. This loss was unprocessed. “Xelan was genuinely the most amazing person I ever knew. He loved us all so much. I only hope…” She let the words die as she stared into the eyes of her fallen guardian.

“He was proud of you.”

The lights went out. The scene melted. Back to the empty mindscape.

Nox sought her in the darkness. “Are you shutting down? He wouldn’t want you to do that.”

“Well, he’s not here, and it’s your fault…” She stared down at her bare feet. Rayne’s emotions threatened to swallow her. How could she reconcile this? “My fault.”

“By Elden, how in the worlds can you blame yourself for his death?” Incredulous, he frowned at her.

Her voice grew smaller as she confessed her darkest truth, “I should have sensed you. Maybe if I didn’t drink Celindria’s blood—disabling myself—he could have jumped with us…”

“You’re right.”

Rayne gasped. “What did you say?”

Nox stepped close enough to tower over her. His icy voice arrested her, “You should have done something.”

Jabbing her finger at him, she cried out, “You executed him! How was I supposed to stop that? My nacre wasn’t activated. I could barely stand from—” She went silent and considered her words.

In the void left from her outburst, Nox quietly assured, “I’m not one of your friends, Rayne. I won’t coddle you and entertain your martyr complex. My brother engaged a self-destruct code he placed in his nacre to die protecting the people he loved. There was nothing you could do. Don’t betray his memory with misplaced guilt.”

Rayne looked up at him as he finished, less conflicted than before.

“Let it go,” Nox instructed.

No cruelty. Pure understanding. Acceptance. His version of love. Nox believed he loved her.

Rayne walked away, preparing to shut the scape down.

Nox called after her, “What about you?”

She stopped with her back to him. “What about me?”

“In my life, I’ve known no one like you. The same parents that raised me raised Xelan. Korac’s younger life was so much worse than my own that he never shared it. And I never forced him. But I wonder what makes you the way you are. I want to understand you. I suppose it starts with loving parents.”

Nox asked to live her life. Wanted to experience her upbringing. Rayne frowned with her back to him and tried to keep her voice steady, “What do you hope to gain from this?”

She heard his boot hit the floor as he took a hesitant step closer. She absorbed his every emotion. He felt unsure how to explain himself. There were no ulterior motives in his thoughts. “I want to know where I went wrong. Why I am wrong.” He struggled to say the next, “I know I am wrong.”

Rayne’s eyes closed. So much of her wanted to hurt him. To scream at him until she was hoarse and beat him until it appeased the anger in her. But a part of her wondered how exposing him to her life might affect his cognition.

“You’ll feel everything as I felt it. I won’t shield you from anything.” She licked her lips and turned to him. “I’m not sure you’re prepared to feel unconditional love and family.”

“What else would you have me do?”

Good question. Beating him came back to mind. But served no constructive purpose. Maybe Nox would prove a better asset if she went through with this.

The couch appeared behind him. Behind her, the story of her life played on a screen. She opened herself to share her thoughts and emotions with him.

Nox sat down, and Rayne walked behind the couch to introduce the show. “I was the last Progeny born. The youngest. Ray and Michelle Callahan were my parents. Dad was a night-shift nurse and mom… was a dreamer. She always wanted a bookstore—”

Their images came on the screen.

The loss of her parents punched the air out of Rayne. She clutched at the pain in her chest, trying to breathe before the tears fell. She never processed their loss properly, and that was part of the reason she elected to sleep in the Martyr Complex. To hide from it.

A gasp tore her focus back to Nox. He clutched at his head with his eyes shut tight. When he looked at her, he opened them. Sheer. Panic. “Do all humans experience emotions this… enormous?”

Rayne licked her lips, uncertain how to answer. “We can stop.”

Brusquely, Nox shook his head and set his jaw tight with resolve. “Continue when you’re ready.”