July 24

Noog is back! Runt gives him a big 'ol hug as soon as he sees him! I didn't think I ever wanted to hug Noog, not ever! I still don't think I wanna hug Noog! But Noog is back, and he was hugged. He says he is all super sorry for beating Runt and he was all cryin' and sayin' sorry bout stealin gunz and ever'thing! He says a super cool boss-man saved him, but it was not Raspy, it was some other super-cool boss man.

Boss man paid lotsa money to get Noog outta jail to make sure he don't get gassed or shot or nothin'. I gotta tell Drummin Man!

If I ever see Drummin Man again...

Later:

It was Drummin Man! Drummin Man is the super-cool boss man who saved Noog! Drummin Man says he felt all mega sad 'cuz he found out about what happens to Warboys when they break the rules. So Drummin Man paid megacorp lotsa funds to make sure Noog does not get shot and he does not get gassed!

We got just five days left before we gotta hop on the Whoosh-bird out to The Fight. Drummin Man is gonna be on that whoosh bird! Runt is gonna make it happen. Cannot give up. Gotta be like Steelface Rockfist.

Later Again:

Gratch is not believin' that any Boss-man would just help Noog for nuthin. 'Specially not believin' that a boss-man would pay funds for a warboy just 'cuz he be super-nicety-nice. But Noog and Runt has talked, and this Boss-man with his yellow hair and his smooth chin and his blue eyes and round ears can't be nobody other than drummin' man.

Gratch is all super confused now, 'cuz megacorp don't ever let nobody out from the jail. They gas warboys in Jail. But there is no way that Raspy let Noog go, 'cuz Raspy ain't been around for days, and Raspy is all covered in that mask all the time, and he talks all super-slow 'cuz his mask is always makin' the rasp-rasp sound. And that ain't what Noog sayin' this boss-man looked like at all.

So Gratch says that maybe it could've been Drummin' Man after all. Hold up.

July 25

We is at the place where Drummin' Man is gettin' his Super Special Clothes. So much has happened and Runt has to write and write and write.

So when I was writin' in ma little writin' book last night and Gratch walks up to Runt and says "We got a Job." and Runt is thinkin' this be one of those Commissions that the Letter of Mark gives us. So I is all super sad. But then Gratch says we are going to Drummin' Mans house. And so is Runt's job to take the whole platoon to Drummin' Man's house. Gratch got the whole platoon together! The whole platoon is, like, a lot! More then ten!

So Runt has got a whole platoon of warboys following him for the first time ever! And the whole platoon has their guns out and their clothes on and they is all dressed up and lookin' like they be ready to go into a fight! And Gratch has them all formed up like we is in drillin'. And the platoon takes up a whole street, and everybody be gettin' all scared and getting out of our way because there is nobody better at fighting in fights and nobody wants to be around when warboys start fighting.

And we march right up to Drummin' Mans house and Gratch says "This is where he lives?" And Runt is all like "Yup yup yup, this is Drummin' Man's house!" And Gratch looks around and he says "It aint secure. A boom tube would wreck this place real fast." And Runt does not say nothin' because he knows this is true. And Gratch says "Seems like this boss-man be super stupid if he aint making his building secure." And Runt says "He can learn, I think. And he is a Boss-man, and Boss-men think other boss-men is always cooler than warboys. Drummin' Man can make sense of all the silly things Boss-men do, like little slips of paper that are takin a whole year to make a whoosh-bird go. I bet he can help us lots and lots."

And Gratch is lookin' and lookin' and lookin' at this buildin' made of soft rock, and I think he is thinkin' that maybe Drummin' man aint so smart, that maybe he can't help us at all. And then Gratch pulls his hand back and makes it all fisty-like, and busts down the door in one swing. And there is a loud yell inside the house, and Drummin' Mans Super-Wide-Big-Bellied Ma comes out and he is all seeing a big platoon of warboys all ready for a fight. And he yells again, all loud and scared.

And then Drummin' Man's Super-Wide-Big-Bellied Pa comes out, and he axs "Why'd you break ma door!?" And Gratch says " I just Nocking, which is how you get folks inside to come outside." And the Pa says "But you broke the door!" And Gratch says "Door broke because door is weak. You built it all wrong. Door broke Cuz Your buildin' aint secure.

And this Pa says "You broke My door cuz my buildin aint secure?" And Gratch stops and thinks for a minute and he says. "Nope. We nocked 'cuz we need a bossman. Are you the one hittin' buckets with sticks?" And this bossman looks at all the warboys all ready for a fight and he looks all scared and he starts yellin' these words like "Jay Sun! Jay Sun! Boy these Warboys is here to take you away! You get them away from here! You makin trouble and you is E-vikted and the warboys is here to take you away!"

I do not know what "Jay Sun" means I am thinkin' that these bossmen is usin the words "Jay Sun" for a way to say "Get-over-here" because everbody knows that bossmen are silly and making ten different words for every one thing they come across. Like how they say "Walkin" and "Jurney" and "Voy AJ" are all meaning the same thing. Warboys is simple and it is their simpleness that makes them better cuz we just have one word for everything and that makes it easier. So "Jay Sun": is prolly just more bossmen sillyness. Because Runt knows for sure that "Boy" is just another word for a smaller Bossman so that is for sure just bossmen sillyness.

But so we wait for a quick time and then Drummin' Man comes up to the door and I wave because I am all happy because he is gonna be our Bossman. And he says "Hi Delta 147." but before I can say Hi Gratch says "I am not 147, I am Delta 263, and this is ma platoon which is the best platoon there ever was, and we gonna be the best platoon after this for ever and ever" and Drummin' Man looks at him and dont really say nothin.

And the superbigwidebellied Pa says "You in for it now boy. You got the warboys called on us Cuz of your Drummin and I told you you better get a real job but you never did and now the Warboys is here to take you away." But Gratch is not listening to superbigwidebellied Pa, he just say to Drummin Man "Did you get Delta 128 out of the Jail to make sure he did not get gassed?" And Drummin Man seems to think about it and he say "Is it wrong? I did not like to think that he might get killed just for stealing. That does not seem ok" And the whole platoon starts lookin at each other and for sure woulda started talkin if they had not been all formed up like they were.

But Gratch says "Why is you thinkin you gotta take time for us warboys? Nobody ever cares about warboys but Raspy. Most bossmen don't even let us walk in their buildings, they all kickin us out and sayin we too rowdy and stuff." And Drummin Man says "Well, everbody say you too dumb to think on your own, but I don't believe things unless I see those things. And I see Warboys who are able to talk and walk and they don't seem to have no trouble thinkin so I dont believe those people who say warboys are any less smart then Bossmen"

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But then Superbigwidebellied Pa says "You warboys shoot folks for no reason at all! You kill little boys and girls! Aint no reason for that!" And Gratch says "Lies. We aint good guys, you is lying! We just doin what we been told to do by our bossmen. The bossmen say hittin folks who aint hit you first is wrong and folks like that need to be stopped so you shoot them. And we see some folks hittin people who aint hit them first and we shoot them like we is supposed to. But sometimes Bossmen just be gettin all upset for doing what we been told to do. But then other times we do what we been told to do and people is just fine with it. So is it cool or is it not-cool? You bossmen just take warboys away to get gassed for just doin their jobs when it is the bossmen who are not makin sense!"

And Runt is gettin all sorts a scared because if Bossmen get angry enough they can have warboys gassed, and Gratch seems to be gettin this bossman all angry, but Gratch does not seem to be carin at all! And the Pa just keep sayin stuff and he is yellin now.

"You kill Boys and Girls! Aint no reason for it!" And Gratch says "You keep sayin Boys and Girls like they is somehow different. Boys, Girls, Woomen, and Men, they is all Bossmen aint they? You say all Bossmen are the same but you got diffrent words for different bossmen! When you talk about Right and Wrong you's always sayin' that all bossmen are the same, that nobody gets treated different! So which is it? Are they the same or are they different? Do we shoot them when they hit folks or dont we? Warboys is all about doin what they been told, but what you tellin us is makin no sense!"

And Drummin Man says "You are not seeing a difference in boys and girls and men?" And Gratch is all "How can we? What is the difference? And anyways, you sayin all Bossmen is Equal which is a silly name that means The Same and if y'all is the same, then it don't matter who it is because you is all the same, aint you?"

And Drummin man don't answer this at all, he is just sitting all quiet like. So then he says "I am seeing the problem here. Does megacorp teach you what children are?" And Gratch says "Is it another kind of Bossman?" And Drummin man thinks and says "No. Children aint the boss of anybody. They haven't learned anything yet. How can you be the boss of somebody if you don't know nothing?" And Gratch thinks of this and he says "We get these sometimes! Bossmen who aint knowing nothing about nothing! Bossmen who is super dumb and getting warboys killed for no reason!"

And Drummin Man thinks of this and he says "I do not think these are children. Children are things that aint grown, so they are not as tall as me and other bossmen." And Gratch says "Whatcha mean, aint grown? You mean they all little and not-grown like Delta 147?" And Drummin man says "No, I mean like if you give them time, they get bigger and smarter. They aint finished growing yet. Like, think about yourself. When you think as early as you can remember, way way long time ago, weren't you smaller, and not as smart? That's what I mean by children." And Gratch says "Earliest I can remember is in the Glass Box, Bossman."

And Now Drummin man is all confused about the glass box. It is hard to write everthing down when it all happened yesterday. But Drummin Man does not know nothing about Glass Boxes. I am guessing he does not remember his Glass Box. This happens sometimes. Runt forgets a lot of things. Nothing as big as the Glass Box, but lotsa things all the same. But he says he has come of age, and he aint knowing what to do with hisself. And superbigwidebellied Pa is all sayin "Get lost" and stuff. So he is coming with us to be our bossman. And so then we has to take him to the Dark Tower so he can get his super special clothes.

And soon he is axin' "Where we goin'? The air field aint this way!" And Gratch is all like "We gotta get you your clothes!" And Drummin' Man is mega confused and he says "I got clothes on me." And I say "Well yeah silly, if you didn't then you would be nekkid. But we gotta get you your super special clothes that make you ultra tuff and mega cool so you aint so squishy all the time!" And he is thinkin' about this and he does the normal boss-man thing, which is to make everything more complicated then it needs to be.

So he says "You mean arm or?" And this of course is super confusin 'cuz that is just how boss-men are. And I am all axin like "Arms or what, boss-man? Whatcha talkin' bout? " And he says "The Super Special clothes that make me tougher. It is called Arm Or." Of course they got a special name for the special clothes. They always got more names for ever'thing then they need. This is why warboys is better. We is simpler, and not makin' things harder then they need to be.

So we go to Dark Tower of Ominousness, and now Gratch turns to me and says that I got a super special job that only I can do. All Bossmen have things called Dock-You-Mens that let them know who is supposed to do something and when they supposed to do it. Dock-You-Mens are little pieces of paper written by a super-special person tellin' folks what needs to happen and why it is A-Ok. It is my job to write Dock-You-Mens for Drummin Man so that he can get his super special clothes, and if I don't then it will take too long and we will miss our whoosh-bird to the Borderlands. And I am thinking that I cannot write Dock-You-Mens because I am not super special, I am only little old Runt. But Gratch says that I don't need to tell them I am Runt.

And this is lying. This is lying to Boss-men, which can get you sent to the death-box where you get gassed till you stop twitchin. But Gratch is telling me that we lie all the time. We is always lying by sayin we don't have names, that we only have numbers. We cannot even remember each other's numbers half the time, but we still lying and still saying we got no names. And if we want a Boss-man who cares about us, then we gotta lie so that we can get to work and get paid and do not get thin and bony and starve. So Runt is takin a page out of his writing book and he is lying on paper with Dock-You-Mens so that our super cool Boss-man can take care of us and make sure we is getting what we is needing. And we give them the Dock-You-Mens, and we all super scared because if they find out we lying then we could all get sent to the Death Box. And we wait and we wait and it is the hardest thing ever because we do not know if they found out we lying or what. But then they say it is A-Ok, that Drummin' Man can get his "Arm Or".

And Now Drummin Man is getting his super special clothes fitted and we is all happy because we did not get caught lying and we is goin' to the Borderlands far away from the Death Box and into the Fight. Runt is still scared of the Fight, still remembers Hurt Boys missing whole arms & legs. But if Megacorp wants you gone, then you will be gone and there aint nothing you can do about it. At least in the Fight you got a chance of living long enough to make sure ever'body knows how cool you were and you get a chance to be remembered forever.

Later:

Super borin waitin time is over. Now we got Drummin man all sleepy-like cuz the super special clothes does that to boss men. Runt is not sure how clothes is makin' folks super sleepy, but the Boss-men is sayin that he is on "Sedidives" and shouldn't be drivin nothin for awhile. I am thinkin that "Sedidives" is another boss-men word for stretchers, because he is on a stretcher right now, but he aint on anything else that I can see.

BONUS CONTENT:

Log of Fiatchra Fachtna #3:

I am happy to report that I am recieving a small bonus commission for recruiting a new member to the Megacorp team. Jason Blackburn has taken command of Regiment 333's Delta Platoon, installed with the rank of Knave with the official task of repossession of owed goods, enforcement of contract, and contract breach deterrence. He has forgone the formal probationary period of Ruffian under unusual circumstances, as Horus Smith of KenetiKill Industries has vouched for his sponsor, the enigmatic pigmy troll 147. Yes, the very same little guy who got himself lost on the mountainside.

More interesting is why Horus vouched for Unit 147. Delta 147 apparently has 5,000 funds in his account, winnings from the nation-wide megacorp "Improved Logistics Initiative", which means the ludicris mule idea actually frakking worked. What's more, Delta 147 never actually bothered to pick up his award money, meaning that we had to set up an account for him to avoid some fool calling us swindlers and thieves.

The whole ordeal has been a bit of a flustercluck from the beginning. Jason never actually called me to confirm he was joining the Megacorp team, he just asked questions and he never got back to us. But this morning I was woken up by Lair Medical Bay's head doctor asking about one Jason Blackbourne, dragged in by a platoon of warboys and looking thoroughly confused. They were handed a rather poorly hand-written note saying that "Missus Flowers says it is Ok for this man to have Arm Or so he can be really tuff and fight in the fight."

While all of us sincerely doubt that any one of them have ever met Austeja Darkflower, we won't begrudge them for being mistaken. Warboys are hardly the most intelligent things on the planet after all. The fascinating part is that they seem to be emulating our own documents, in their own primitive way.

Suffice to say we resolved the situation by extracting the necessary 4,400 funds from Unit 147's account to pay for the Mk XIII Balrog-class power armor and the necessary surgical procedures needed to integrate his nervous system and biological functions with the suit. We are wishing young Jason the best of luck, forwarding him a field manual on the care of his PT-DRVG Troopers, and hoping that he achieves promotion to the rank of Bastard.