Ash Gillik Reminisces
“Thing about seeing death-dates is you never know when to interfere. I tried once, couple years back, when I still thought I could change the world with my power, or curse or gift or whatever you wanna call it.
“So I see this chick heading for me up the road, right? And she’s got the death-date on her like all the others and I feel it right down there, pounding on my soul. You’re gonna have to forgive the melodrama there cuz there’s no other way to put it, so you just gotta deal. Anyway, she’s coming up to me up the way and there’s this speeding car swerving all over the road and I can see it about to happen. Now the death-date thing ain’t a premonition or anything, not really, even though it sorta is. Hmm. I ain’t making sense. It’s just that moment was pretty obvious, know what I’m saying? Obviously if someone’s death-date’s counting down that fast it’s gotta be something nearby gonna off ‘em. So I get real excited, right? I figure—hey! Let’s go be a hero. Maybe get a kiss from a pretty lady as a thank you. Long story short, I go and pull her out the way of the swerving car and wouldn’t you know it? It worked. Got a kiss and everything.
“I was feeling pretty good there, holding her, feeling her heart all thrumming against mine. Felt like an action hero because yeah, I kinda was. Not something you get to experience all that often. Man, it was great.
“But then. Cuz ain’t there always a ‘but then?’ So here’s what happened after.
“This lady I saved, turns out she went and shot someone not three blocks away after all that. And man, I felt that too, right down to my bones. Right in my marrow just. Mmf! Regret. Never thought I’d regret saving anyone, you know? Like I thought being a hero was the end-all, be-all. But you never really think, do you? About how someone you save can go off and ruin someone else’s life. You’re too focused on your own ego to consider it. In that moment you feel like a savior, like you’re invincible, just… Ooo, lookit me! Lookit the hero over here! Getting some sweet lip as a thanks to boot.
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“Well sometimes saving someone ain’t good. It ain’t good at all if they go off and murder someone else. And man, when I felt that poor shmuck’s death-clock ticking down, it hammered deep in my chest like some kinda gong. Like I was being punished for being a good person. For trying to help. But what help does anyone ever give anyone but for their own interests? Gives you real perspective, thinking like that. Thinking about all the lives lost because someone was trying to do good. Know that saying about the evil road being paved with good intentions? Guess I never thought on it too much until the moment that lady’s gun went off. She had the pistol in her purse, see. And she just walked out of my arms and down those blocks and she pulled it, no remorse, and there it was, bam! And then I wasn’t the hero anymore. In a backwards-ass way I became her accomplice.
“Really makes you think, right? Since that day I can’t tell if I should ever interfere. It’s easier not to… but then I think… Well, what if she shot that guy cuz that guy was gonna go off and do something even worse? Maybe it really was for the greater good. Or maybe that’s just shit I’m spouting to make myself feel better.
“Point is, I guess we don’t have much power over anything. We’re all just down here in the world trying to survive. Insight doesn’t mean jack shit if you don’t do anything with it, right? But maybe it means too much if you go too far.
“Bah! I’ll stop talking your ear off. I’m sure you got better things to do. Say, uh. Got the time?”
----------------------------------------
Ash Gillik Buys a Tortoise
“No not that one, the other one.”
“This one?”
“No, the little dude with the—mind if I just pick him up?”
“Tortoises dislike being handled that way. Cup your hand by him and let him approach first. See? Like this.”
“You really got a way with the beasts, miss.”
She giggled. “What made you want a tortoise anyway?”
Ash felt her death date like a hammer in his heart. “They got real long lifespans.”