The adventurer's guild astonished Goldie. It was not very beautiful, quite the opposite. The guild was almost world-shatteringly bland. Most of the buildings in Siellous, especially in the inner districts, were pieces of art: elegant and beautifully painted. The guild, however, was nothing more than a great big cube of steel-reinforced concrete.
It's like someone just took a big metallic dump in the middle of this beautiful city.
Function over form. That thing can withstand ten times as much force as any other building within the city walls. Although you won't find any extremist factions around here anyway.
Extremists? That discussion would have to wait. He walked through the front door and was greeted by a splitting pathway. A sign on the wall stated, "Newcomers to the left". It seemed the inscription was held in a different part of the building. He got his bearings and pondered about how he wanted to word his application. It was finally time to embark upon his new path of adventuring!
Or so he thought.
As it turned out, there were quite a lot of people, who wanted to inscribe. The promise of riches and power allured many spirited young men and women. Goldie was likely the oldest person there, and also one of the last to show up. It would be a while before he got to the front.
"Gods dammit...", he muttered under his breath.
By the time he arrived at the desk he had already rehearsed what he wanted to say at least fifty times. He opened his mouth and was immediately interrupted.
"You here to apply as well? Fill out these forms and wait in the next room until your number's called", came the secretary's monotonous voice.
From as close as he was Goldie could clearly see the bags under the man's eyes.
That bastard interrupted me! I guess I can't really blame him, listening to the soon-to-be adventurers' hopes and aspirations all day must take its toll.
It's really just the tryouts anger once they don't make the cut.
He looked over the pages as he walked towards the waiting room. Before being allowed in, a guard told him to hand over his cloak and dagger, so they could be stored somewhere else. The form had around ten pages to fill out. It required him to hand over most of his personal information. Xander needed to remind him not to write his actual birth date, since it wouldn't correspond with his status' age.
Interestingly he also had to state any living relatives, family illnesses, past homes, known languages and even when and what school he graduated from. For any questions concerning his relatives he could truthfully say they were all dead. For everything he couldn't or wouldn't answer truthfully Xander just filled in what he should write.
Finally they ended up with a mishmash of both their personal backgrounds, not much unlike their actual current situation. Applying also needed a payment of 30G, which displeased Goldie until Xander reminded him they'll easily make more money off the license than it cost to get.
Having nothing better left to do he looked around the room for the first time. It was utterly bland and filled with foldable chairs, upon each sat a tryout clutching their registration forms. A small group of eight or so people were sitting together and took turns boasting about their feats. Goldie decided they were too childish to get involved with - nothing to do with his lack of boastworthy achievements - and continued observing the room. The only pieces of decoration were a clock, a picture of a golden-armored adventurer fighting a dragon, and golden letters engraved in the wall next to said picture reading: "With enough hard work you too can become legendary! Push the hellish spawn back to Nérjâka! Your Empire thanks you for your honorable service!"
The fuck is that? Does anyone do this job because of a sense of duty? I just thought it'd be a cool way to become stronger and get paid...
Ohh boy, you're gonna be up for a rude awakening. Fighting monsters all day isn't what most people would call fun. Not to mention when you're especially unlucky they could assimilate your soul, killing you permanently.
WHAT!?
Did I not mention that? Ah well you'll be fine. Those cases are quite rare, and it isn't like you want to die to begin with. You aren't used to respawning anyway, we don't even know if it really works for you. Don't worry too much though, you've gone 40 years without dying after all.
After hearing those 'reassuring' words Goldie couldn't help but worry. Was this really the brightest idea? He didn't have much of a choice anyway, he was too far along his plan to turn back without trying.
"Number 26, please enter room 4."
He got out of his chair and briskly walked into his assigned room. Inside he saw a white-haired, wrinkly old man in a labcoat, likely the oldest person Goldie had ever met. The room itself seemed quite similar to the waiting room, except for the doctor's various apparatuses and sterile smell.
"Please hand over the filled-out form and undress for the physical examination."
Goldie held his tongue, but that didn't stop him from venting his outrage at Xander.
What in the world do I need to undress for?
How else should they check you? Just get on with it man.
Goldie reluctantly did as the doctor instructed. The old man's hands began glowing and he meticulously rubbed them all over Goldie's body. It made him extremely uncomfortable but he beared with it. At least until it came to his private parts, it took Xander's forceful intervention to keep him from freaking out as the man went over his crotch. He walked out of the room with a horrified expression. To think the first non-related person to touch his family jewels would be a pervy old doctor.
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He spent the rest of the morning walking from one room to the next. They examined his heartrate, eyesight, hearing, strength and flexibility. What truly grated Goldie's nerves weren't examinations themselves, except for his sexual trauma, but rather the tedious amount of waiting. He only narrowly avoided exploding out of frustration by the time it was over with. Few things rattled Goldie more than wasting precious time.
"Alright everybody", the chief doctor said. "Congratulations for not being physically impaired. You will now all proceed upstairs for a psychological evaluation."
Her statement was met by collective grumblings of discontent.
"Yes we know you all have far better things to do", she sarcastically claimed. "But no matter how tedious you may find it; standard procedure cannot just be glossed over. We have valid reasons not to have you fight eachother before having been physically and mentally inspected."
Goldie was still somewhat unhappy, but her points were valid. You wouldn't want to allow some crazed psychopath to go on a murder spree inside the building - and then reap everyone's souls -.
They were all shepherded into a dimly lit room with twenty desks. He telepathically asked Xander what to expect and was answered with the mental equivalent of a shrug.
Splendid, nothing more you can tell me?
Half of it is factual knowledge and the other half is a psych-evaluation. What more do you need to know?
I guess that's better than nothing, have you never done it before?
Of course I have! You think that right after getting kicked out of school I went straight into crime? But that doesn't matter since they change it each time.
Why did you pursue crime then?
I failed to get an adventuring license. I needed to become stronger, but training needed money I didn't have. Basically I needed experience to get more experience.
Sounds rough. But not all jobs need physical prowess right? And what about your parents?
Just drop it, will you? I really don't want to talk about this. Crime was my most attrative choice and by the time.
The tale has been taken without authorization; if you see it on Amazon, report the incident.
Could you not have gotten certified later?
What part about 'drop it' did you not understand? And anyway as we've already talked about: Assassination pays more and is less dangerous.
Before Goldie could dig any deeper, a man entered the room with a huge stack of paper. The sheets were then divided up among the applicants and they were told to get as far as they could within two hours.
The first half was composed of questions regarding one's personal skills and basic subjects like math, geography and history. It turned out, however, that without having gotten any higher education even basic questions could give him a lot of trouble.
Thankfully he had an extra person to aid him, even if he was annoying.
Itoyas Ayal how do you not know this stuff? And if you're gonna ask me for help, then don't just disagree with the answer I give you!
Don't judge me for not knowing about geography if I've never even left my hometown, and for crying out loud the answer for x is clearly not 42! I didn't even ask your opinion on that question.
I swear on my mother's grave that 42 is the answer!
No it clearly isn't! The calculation clearly requires multiplying six by nine at the end, which is 54!
As long as you don't blame me for getting it wrong...
Apart from the occasional disagreement Xander ended up being very helpful, so Goldie decided not to try and lecture him any further.
Goldie reached the test's second half after about forty minutes. As Xander predicted, it focused on mental health. He faced mostly harmless inquiries like 'would you help out a friend in need?' or 'what are your reasons for becoming an adventurer?', while a select few like 'have you pondered suicide' and 'have you ever killed a creature before? If yes, how did it make you feel?', were rather worrisome.
How could they tell if someone was mentally unfit? It's not like a crazy person would just admit it they enjoy killing people, would they?
Well if you were crazy, then would you really know it? Not everybody with mental issues realizes they have them.
Those words gave Goldie pause. Was he crazy after all? Considering how much has happened to confirm that what he had gained was all real, he was probably fine. Even if it turned out everything was one gigantic hallucination what did it matter?
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Near the end of the exam, Goldie was quite agitated. He had finished more than forty minutes early but was not allowed to leave the room. Not to mention his growing headache and itching skin. Having felt such symptoms before, he realized these feelings were unnatural and a part of the test. In fact he was fairing far better than the majority, a few applicants had even fainted and needed to be carried outside the room.
Why didn't you warn me about this?
I figured your Indomitable Will had it covered.
The headache is bearable, but that's not what I meant. Why didn't you warn me about how gods dammed long this takes!
I get that we're in a rush, but this will definitely pay off in the long run.
I don't mean the adventuring license, I understand they can't just be handed out willy-nilly. I mean why did you fail to mention I had to stay inside this room after giving them my test? I could have double-, triple-, even quadruple-checked everything with all this time. Instead I'm utterly wasting it on sitting around doing nothing.
You really ought to learn to take it slow my man. Some things in life can't be rushed. A bit of downtime every once in a while never hurt anyone.
Goldie raised an eyebrow as he observed his fellow examinees.
Never hurt anyone huh?
This is different, and you know it! On a more important note, how do you manage to raise a single eyebrow?
I don't know? I simply can.
Hmm, maybe if I took control of your face a moment after you raised it, I could learn to as well?
I do not consider that a worthy reason to hand over control.
Oh you lamer, it's not like we're doing anything important right now.
That's exactly my point!
Walked right into that one huh? Do you know any other tricks aside from raising a brow?
Goldie then proceeded to sneer and roll his tongue. Shortly followed by Xander attempting to teach him to cross his eyes, pointedly ignoring the hateful glares thrown his way.
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By the end of the exam only he and nine others remained. Three of the ten failed candidates had passed out from the mental strain, while the rest were too strongly affected to simultaniously complete the exam.
"Alright everybody, we will be analyzing your statements and you will each be invited to a personal interview where we will discuss your results", the overseer stated. "Meanwhile we suggest you rest in the waiting room."
As soon as they arrived in the room, the remaining group sat in silence. Three of the eight people that had seemingly arrived together were still around, but they too, remained silent. Truthfully, Goldie would have liked to start a conversation - having only Xander to speak to had begun taking its toll - but the oppressive mood held him back.
The sullen atmosphere lasted until number 11 was called and left the room.
One of the remaining applicants opened his mouth: "Well that was sure something else, right guys?"
If looks could kill, that guy would be dead eight times over.
"Sorry for trying to reduce the awkwardness a little", the applicant frowned.
Goldie got up and walked over to him.
"Don't worry about them. My name is-", he started before pausing awkwardly, "Xandon. What's yours?"
"I'm Alvon, most people just call me Al though", he cheerfully responded. "Boy am I glad I trained up Will. You have high will too? You definitely seem less affected than the others."
"I'm certainly above average", Goldie answered, hearing a snort inside his head.
"Hah! You better watch your phrasing!", Al replied. Seems like someone shares a sense of humor.
Goldie suppressed a sigh: "That's not what I meant. I actually - "
He wanted to mention his Indomitable Will, but Xander stopped him.
"I just meant I have a good multiplier is all."
You should really quit controlling my speech.
Then you should quit saying stupid shit. You don't want to tell untrustworthy people your skills! You might end up fighting him in the battle exam.
Battle exam, and you failed to mention this because...?
So you wouldn't throw another hissyfit. I know you don't want to fight others. Nonetheless it is absolutely necessary if you want to gain strength.
Fine I get it. I need to know how to defend myself. I also understand that they need to test our fighting strength and that having applicants fight eachother is less dangerous than bringing live monsters.
"Hello?", Alvon questioned while waving his hand across Goldie's face.
"I'm sorry can you repeat that?", Goldie answered.
"What part? I've been talking for a while."
"Everything since I stopped talking? I'm truly very sorry, my attention has the nasty habit of drifting off when it's not supposed to."
"Hah! Reminds me of my nephew. I swear that kid will ask me to explain something and then ask me to repeat myself right afterwards."
"As mentioned, I am terribly sorry."
"Oh no worries. I know you weren't purposefully disrespectful or anything. I'm just glad to have someone to talk to instead of silently moping around."
"Hey fuck you!", a random guy commented.
"Perhaps we should keep it down a little?", Goldie suggested.
"We shall indeed.", Alvon agreed.
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The two spent the next fifteen minutes talking about their hobbies, mostly Al's, and what they thought of the adventurer's exam. It turned out the doctor that Goldie paid a visit to was quite infamous in Siellous. The only doctor that touches every young man's private parts so... vigorously.
Their talk was interrupted when Alvon got called by the Overseer and Goldie returned to sitting alone. It took another twenty minutes before it was his turn.
"Thank the gods that took ages!", he exclaimed loudly.
"If you have a problem mister Jefferite, then we'd be happy to set aside some time for your complaints." the overseer spoke.
He was about to seriously suggest some improvements before he saw the overseer's eyes. She sounded and looked happy, but her gaze radiated murderous intent.
"Nevermind. I think I'll just go", he grumbled.
"No actually, I think we should just call someone else. You haven't quite calmed down from your last test it seems", she spoke in a sincere tone. "Number six instead please!"
This bitch deserves some serious punishment!
What would happen if I just stab her here?
Woah calm down mister murder-hobo. You already done fucked up by being confrontational. Do you really want to be banned from the adventurer's guild?
I guess not...
In the end Goldie just swallowed his pride and waited for another hour until he was the only person remaining.
"Alright number 26, have our nerves calmed down yet?", she spoke condescendingly.
"Of course ma'am, thank you for your consideration", he said with as much kindness he could muster.
Surprisingly he noticed a hint of regret on the Overseers face. That might have just been his imagination. He finally shuffled to the psychologist.
"Ah, so I finally get to see you mister Jefferite", said the surprisingly young man. "I can't believe someone with your mental fortitude would need extra time to calm down. Presumably Dorothea had something to do with your delay?"
"Is that the Overseer? I can't really blame her since I was acting somewhat rudely"
"Oh we both know that isn't really true. Your annoyance was not unfounded, since my colleague was absent today", the psychologist explained. "But let's let bygones be bygones. I believe it is time to discuss your results. You have no psychological problems and are averagely intelligent. Your Willpower is extremely potent, however. Have you perchance unlocked any telekinetic abilities? Perhaps that's why you've decided to become an adventurer?"
Goldie responded after Xander gave him a telepathic okay: "I already know a tiny bit of telekinetic magic. Also a bit of augmentation. I've mostly gotten by with my dagger so far."
"I see, well in any case I'd say you passed this exam with flying colors. I am looking forward to hearing of your battle results tomorrow."
"Tomorrow?", Goldie inquired.
"Yes, tomorrow. The battle tournament takes place tomorrow morning. You may sleep here or go back home if you wish. The canteen offers some free food to any applicants who wish to spend the night."
It disappointed Goldie to hear that it would be another day before the test was completely over. At least he was not forced to sit around doing nothing and got a free meal out of the whole ordeal.
"Are the prepared accommodations free of charge?"
"What made you think that?", the doctor started. "I'm afraid they cost another 50G."
Goldie's eyes widened. 50 Gold for a single night!?
"I'm just joking mister Jefferite. You need not worry."
"Ah, of course."
Goldie mustered his best smile, hoping that his internal rage had not bubbled to the surface, and left the room.