Tiggy thought it was very sweet of Hal to propose to her like that. She felt warm and fuzzy inside.
“Aw. I’d love to be your girlfriend.” She scooped him up in her arms again so they could hug. It felt natural for her to take him into her arms again, just like she had done when shielding him from the wrath of the witch. Tiggy liked his scent. A gentle sort of fragrance. His heart beat against hers and their cheeks touched. He has very light stubble around his jawline. He could only just reach his arms all the way around her, but his grip was very firm, so it felt dreamy…
“I wanna love and take care of you,” rumbled Tiggy.
Verena’s cheerleading squad were whispering amongst themselves:
“What is this?”
“Hal can’t get with her, surely?”
“What are you muttering about?” Verena demanded of them.
“You want to get with this creature, Fielding?” Demanded Vav.
“Careful, boy, your arrogance is showing,” said Atticus smoothly. “It would be best if you left the room now. I am the trusted guidance counsellor and cannot allow you to cause trouble.”
“Quite right,” said Verena.
00O00
That evening, the Chief Giant Slayer strode into the Meat and Cleaver inn, in the run down part of town. There was no one at the counter.
“Get out here, or I’ll burn the place down!” Yelled Chief Giant Slayer with his usual aplomb.
A stooped, bald old man came shuffling out of a back room and up to the counter. He wheezed, leering at the Chief Giant Slayer and showing discoloured teeth.
“Greetings, you rotten old goat,” said Chief Giant Slayer. “Fill a glass.”
“Ale is just one iron piece, an’ it’s good,” wheezed the inn keeper. “We pipe it in from the other inn.” He gave a cracked laugh.
“Do I look like I care?” asked Chief Giant Slayer.
Atticus entered the inn next. “Chief Giant Slayer,” he said, inclining his head. “And hello to you, Sir.” He inclined his head to the innkeeper who leered at him.
“Been skulking around in the shadows, Atticus?” asked Chief Giant Slayer. “I’ve recruited a real champion. Some hard muscle from the jungles far away north over the seas. One who puts your petty traps and misdirection to shame. Just remember how your magical centipede failed. Killing a giantess is not like swatting flies.”
“Indeed, Chief?” said Atticus. “I should like very much to meet this champion.”
At that moment, a muscle bound man with coppery skin entered the Meat and Cleaver. He grinned at them, flashing his bright white teeth. “Good evening, friends.” He shook Atticus’ hand first. “The Brave Little Tailor, I presume? I am honoured.”
“I assure you, the honour is all mine,” said Atticus.
“And Sully Heliot, Chief Giant Slayer? Am delighted.” The newcomer shook the Chief Giant Slayer’s hand as well, much to Sully’s rigidly controlled distaste.
The stranger introduced himself. “I am Kojo, and I understand you are having a problem with giants?”
“Ahem! Yes, there is a giant at large,” said Atticus. “But tell us about your adventures, Kojo. Please do.”
“Yes, get on with it,” said Sully. “Tell us why your presence here is justified.”
Kojo beamed at them. “Would be my pleasure!”
They sat around a rickety wooden table. Sully slammed his fist down. “Innkeeper! Get out the fried skunkbear toes in batter and look sharp about it!”
The aged landlord shuffled around getting the nibbles.
“Dash me some!” said Kojo. “This looks really good. In my youth, our village was stricken with famine.”
“Why would we care?” demanded Sully.
“It is all part of my tale,” said Kojo. “A boy discovered a long vine leading into the jungle. He followed it. Turned out it was no vine. It was the dreads of a giant. The giant’s name was Death. He demanded that the village send him servants in exchange for his dashing us some food. Send him servants, he said, or we would all die. Turned out he ate them servants, so Death was going to claim us all anyway. He was too big and powerful to stop, or so we thought. But I found a way. A torch to set fire to the giant’s hair and kill him without setting fire to the jungle.
“Amazing. How did you accomplish such a thing?” said Atticus.
“I’m clever with my fingers, my good friend,” said Kojo with a grin.
“You stopped Death? I doubt it,” said Sully.
“No, Death cannot be stopped,” said Kojo. “Just his eye was left. It cannot be killed. An’ every time it blinks, someone dies. Someday it’ll blink for each one of us.”
“Sounds like you’ll make short work of the giant we must fight,” said Sully. “By Atticus’ account, she does not have the cunning of Death himself. Atticus will tell you… She takes the form of a girl, but her green skin is an outward manifestation of her evil and chaotic nature.”
“Hum…” said Atticus, apparently lost in thought. “She is a giantess in the form of a young girl with bright green skin and fiery hair.”
“Her hair is like fire?” said Kojo, a little bemused. “I have never heard of such a thing.”
“You will see for yourself, soon enough,” said Sully. “This creature is a misbegotten mutant, spawned through a horrific act of fornication, of the kind that breed humanoid vermin. I know that the foul creature was spawned by an adventurer, but an immoral one. I have determined to put things right. I am the most virtuous Adventurer who ever lived. I have a higher destiny than any of you. Even the man who defeated Death.”
Kojo and Atticus left the Meat and Cleaver. Sully went up to the counter again. “A room for the night, in this festering hole,” he demanded of the innkeeper.
“Our rooms are the very best,” said the innkeeper with a leer. “So good that no one who stays here ever stays anywhere better again.”
The obvious double meaning gave Sully a thrill of anticipation. This would be yet another in his string of unbroken victories. No crazy person could outwit him. He could already see how events would unfold this night. As always, he would prevail. His was a higher destiny.
“The room is yours. Upstairs, whenever you are ready,” said the landlord, pointing at the rickety staircase.
He did not provide a candle, but Sully could easily find his way up in the dark. He lay down and was soon lost in dreams of a torturer threatening him with all manner of physical harm. He laughed and awoke. He was not phased to find that he had been tied to a guillotine by a series of intricate ropes and pullies. The sharp blade glinted above his neck. His hands and ankles had been bound to the bed. A rope had been thrust into his hand. Sunlight streamed through the grimy windows. The innkeeper was sitting on a stool near the bed.
“What is the meaning of this?” demanded Sully.
“We had a discussion, the seven of me,” said the innkeeper seriously. “About the meaning of the universe and whether an adventurer like you always defies the odds.”
The old fool was clearly mad.
“You’re completely cracked,” said Sully. “Not least if you suppose my path to success is not always guaranteed.”
Stolen from its rightful author, this tale is not meant to be on Amazon; report any sightings.
“We will see. Should you pull or release the rope? Take your time,” said the Innkeeper. He shuffled out of the room. Sully studied the ropes carefully. From the way they interconnected with the pullies, he could deduce that he had to release the rope. He did so and the blade raised higher. Taking hold of it, he used it to saw through the bonds around his other hand and then he was able to untie his legs. He had been right. His destiny was one of pre-ordained success. Free of the ropes he strode down the stairs. The mad Innkeeper cowered behind the counter at the sight of him. In a trice, Sully had picked him up and carried him over his shoulder back up the stairs.
“It wasn’t me,” protested the Innkeeper. “It was the other six of me who did it!”
With a mirthless laugh, Sully tied the Innkeeper to his own trap and raised the guillotine. “Even I don’t know whether you should release the rope, or pull. I think you should release it. Good luck.”
He waited downstairs until he heard the sound of the blade falling and a terrific yell. The crazy Innkeeper was no more. No matter what strange event was thrown at him, Sully always beat the odds. In high spirits, he left the Meat and Cleaver.
00O00
Verena was excited to help Tiggy prepare for her first date with her new boyfriend.
“I can’t believe it. My big sis finally has someone who appreciates her, for the great girl she is. You must look your best.”
Tiggy smiled at her. She was sitting cross-legged in their bedroom. Verena picked up her ebony hairbrush. Tiggy’s long red hair was silky smooth and cascaded down her shoulders. As Verena brushed it, it took on a bright sheen.
“You’ve got nice hair,” said Verena. “Now for the face.”
She cupped her sister’s face in her hands. “Um… lipstick.”
First she tried a red lipstick. She had to use a lot, since Tiggy’s lips were big. “Hmm… Smack your lips.”
Tiggy smacked her lips, so the glossy light red lipstick spread evenly to both her lips. Unfortunately the effect of bright red lips against bright green skin looked garish.
“No, no, no…” said Verena. “Maybe black would suit you.”
Tiggy sat placidly while Verena applied black lipstick. Tiggy’s lips sort of looked like liquorice afterwards. “No, no, still wrong,” said Verena. She tried a plum coloured lipstick next. That looked better. Verena applied purple eye shadow to her sister’s face as well. Tiggy’s resting face looked happy and calm, so that was all to the good. A shame about her green complexion.
“Let’s try something else,” said Verena. She took out some makeup gold glitter and applied it to Tiggy’s nose and cheeks. “That’s loads better!” said Verena peering at her. “You look radiant.”
Tiggy beamed. “Thanks, Doll.”
Verena got a whiff of Tiggy’s awful breath when she spoke. It smelled like the bullock blood she had just drank. “Ugh! We’ve gotta do something about your breath, Tiggy,” said Verena. “Here. Try a violet mint.”
Tiggy smiled and accepted a violet mint. Then she grimaced and spat it out.
“Ah.” Verena tutted. “Not to worry, I’ve got a special dress that’ll look really pretty on you.”
The dress was a purple dress specially made to fit Tiggy’s huge frame. It came with a pair of purple gloves and shoes, also giant sized. Verena stepped back and studied the effect. The purple did complement her green skin well enough. “Pretty. You definitely don’t need heels.”
00O00
Corey had mixed feelings seeing Tiggy ready for her first ever date. Seeing her in that dress made it all real. “My great, big bundle of sugar, all grown up.”
Tiggy smiled down at him and he touched her gloved hand.
Corey thought for a moment. “Glad it’s just a date and not your wedding,” he blurted. “I’m not ready to let you go.” The thought of Tiggy growing up and moving on did make him uneasy. Was it right to feel this way?
Verena pulled a face. “Don’t embarrass her when he gets here, Dad.”
“Dad never embarrasses me,” said Tiggy soothingly.
Nadine came down at that moment. She beamed. She had one of those smiles that lit up an entire room. “Aww, Tiggy, you look so beautiful.”
“We’ve heard good things about this young man,” said Corey. “But should we show him that we’re tough? That we’re not a family to trifle with?”
“We should welcome him to our home and make him feel comfortable,” said Nadine firmly.
00O00
Hal arrived at the Harris household that evening. He knew he had chosen right this time. When things went so badly wrong with Carly and she turned out to be a raging witch, he just knew that he should have chosen the exact opposite kind of girl. One who would immediately leap to his defence instead of pouring down her wrath on him. It wasn’t his fault that he was attracted to weird girls, but he could still choose wisely. Carly was weird in the worst way. Tiggy was weird in the best way.
The stars shone in the sky. The fireflies danced around him, little points of chartreuse light.
Tiggy and Verena’s dad welcomed him to the house. The roomy entrance hall had a marbled floor and a crystal chandelier that shone with prismatic lights.
“Welcome, welcome. I am of course Tiggy’s father, but you can call me Mr Harris,” said the dad.
“Um… OK Mr Harris,” said Hal. Did this dad suppose that Hal would have called him anything other than “Mr Harris” by default? Did he think he would call him “Tiggy’s father” or something?
“I must ask how you and Tiggy met?” asked Mr Harris. “In your own words, my boy.”
“Um… Verena is the head cheerleader for our team,” said Hal, feeling a little uncomfortable. “Tiggy supports her by watching matches.”
“I tell you in confidence that Tiggy is my favourite daughter,” said Mr Harris, patting Hal on the shoulder. “Be sure to treat her right.”
“Of course, Mr Harris,” said Hal, forcing a smile.
Tiggy, Verena, and their mother came into the entrance hall. Tiggy looked striking in a purple dress that fit her tightly, showing off the shapes of her giant cleavage. The girls’ mother was a beautiful woman, with long thick dark hair, and a freckled face. She beamed at Hal. “Welcome, welcome! It’s so great to have you here! My, aren’t you looking handsome?”
She had a melodious accent. Hal wondered where she was from.
Tiggy smiled down at Hal. She had her mother’s smile, and her soft brown eyes. “Thank you so much for coming, Hal.”
Verena and Mr Harris hung back, while Hal followed Tiggy and her mother to another room, overlaid with polished oak walls. The great oak table was set for two. Tiggy’s chair was huge and throne like with stout legs. Hal’s chair had very high legs.
“Lemme help, please!” Rumbled Tiggy.
She lifted Hal onto the tall chair.
“I made a couple of steaks,” said Tiggy. “I c’n cook for us both.”
She went from the room through a pair of double doors and returned with two platters, one with a jug of apple juice and a steak that was well cooked, and one with a bowl of blood and a steak that looked raw.
She put the well done steak in front of Hal. Hal thought it could have used more finesse, but it was cooked enough. Tiggy obviously preferred her meat bloody. She put the entire thing in her mouth and chewed.
“This is wonderful, Tiggy,” said Hal politely.
Tiggy grinned. Her teeth looked bloody from the raw steak. “My friends the Dusk Fairies ‘ve planned a show for us, cos they’re glad you’re here too.”
In the back garden there was a patio of white stone that looked almost luminous, surrounded by a forest of brightly coloured flowers. There was a huge, iron bench on the patio. It was strangely warm on this patio, even though it was autumn.
“’M here, my little friends,” rumbled Tiggy. She was carrying a cloth bag, and now she upended it and poured a pile of pink seeds out onto her massive palm.
“Magic beans! Come an’ get them!” Tiggy threw the brightly coloured beans into the undergrowth.
A myriad of brightly coloured lights arose from the flowers around them and there was a chorus of tiny voices:
“Tiggy! Our friend is back! It’s her big night!”
“Lady and Gentleman! Sit. The show is about to begin.”
Hal and Tiggy sat on the bench. The Dusk Fairies were in the air all around them. They were all too bright to make out their actual forms. Hal could only see points of light, all the colours of the rainbow.
“Making up a song about Antigone… It’ll be a glorious symphony!” piped one of the fairies. Hal supposed that it was difficult to find words that rhymed with Tiggy’s name, hence that line.
The fairies swarmed together and began to make different patterns of vivid lights: stars, rainbows and sparkling fountains.
The bright sparks floated around their heads. “Tell us about yourself, Hal,” squeaked the fairies. “You can be part of the show.”
“I dunno…” said Hal, self-consciously. “Tiggy’s an actual heroine. She rescued me from a witch’s wrath. I can’t do stuff like that.”
“Do you have any heroic deed to your name? Anything you’re proud of?” piped a fairy.
“Of course he does,” said Tiggy. “He’s a great guy.”
“Then tell us,” squeaked the fairies. “Tell us a story about you. We have guessed you must have a tale or two to tell.”
“Please do,” said Tiggy, smiling down at him.
Hal looked up at her, taking in her wide brown eyes, her glossy plum coloured lips and her green face that seemed to sparkle in the fairy lights. Was there glitter in her makeup? Her interest was gratifying and he considered for a moment. “There is one tale.”
Hal began his tale:
“One day when the team and I were going for a walk in central park, I saw this strange ruby glow above us. It was just a spark, but then it made a hissing sound and flared up.”
“’Look. A fire imp!’” said Roger, my vice captain.
“The imp dived into a metal bin of dried leaves and they burst into flames. We crowded around it, admiring the crackling bonfire. Very autumnal. I always liked the smell of burning leaves on an autumn day.
“An old guy with a walking cane was going past, but now he stopped, dropped his cane and pointed at us.
“’Get away from that fire, stupid kids,’ he wheezed. He held up a badge that showed he was a park ranger. Then he hobbled off.
“Then there was a crackling noise that sounded weird. Like a cackle. The flames flared higher and formed a shining pair of claws that began chucking burning leaves onto the grass.
“’Eat the whole park. Burn it to the ground. Sssss.’ It said.
“The guys and I quickly tried to stamp out the burning leaves. Then there was a cackling sound from the burning bin and the imp chucked more leaves with its flaming claws. ‘Why bother boyssss…?’ It hissed.
“Then I thought of something. ‘Roger,’ I said, ‘get the goalkeeping gloves.’
“Asteroball goalkeeping gloves are heavy and made of insulated leather. We put these on and lifted up the bin while the others stamped out the leaves. We heaved the burning bin across the road and then chucked it in the river. That’s how we saved the park.”
“See? You’re a ‘ero,” rumbled Tiggy, smiling broadly. “You saved the park.” She put her muscular green arm around him.
Hal leaned against her. Her closeness was exciting. Should he put his arm around her? The only trouble was, his arm wasn’t long enough.
Tiggy motioned for him to sit on her lap. Hal clambered onto her knee and knelt, gripping her shoulders so they were face to face. Her skin felt sort of hot. Her large bosom was pressing into him. His heart began to beat faster.
“It’s cold kids,” squeaked the fairies. “Don’t you want to get a bit warmer?”
Was this the moment? Is that what the fairies meant? Hal gazed into her deep brown eyes. They leaned their faced together and their lips met.