Previously, I had never felt this way, this anxious feeling in my heart, waiting for something promised but never coming. Did she forget? Is she okay? Is she intentionally doing this? What actually happened?

Question after question came out in my mind, and not a single answer was I got it. I didn't know if these questions would find their answers or not.

Until when should I endure this waiting, until when should this anxiety linger in my heart, until when news about her would not reach me. I don't know.

Hehe...

Do I seem a bit different? Maybe I indeed want to change.

People say, someone will change when they meet new people or a new environment. And all these recent events are new to me.

After years of being alone, unable and unwilling to make friends, often bullied, finally I found someone who could accompany and accept me. Not only from the same species like Chloe, who became my first human friend after the past few years, but also I got friends from the ghost world introduced by Desmon.

Cherry, Johnny, and Jaehyun, they are the names of my new friends. Although we only met a few times, they could accept me, especially Cherry who visited my house more frequently, even more often than Chloe.

And that's what made me jealous and anxious. How could I not, seeing Desmon —my friend— hanging out with a girl. I felt as if I was being ignored by Desmon, although I was sure he wouldn't do that. But still, when Cherry came, Desmon preferred to chat with her rather than with me or at least invite me to chat.

It also made the wait for Chloe's visit to my house, which she promised, feel more torturous and distressing. Why hasn't she come even after a week of waiting for her to show up from the time she promised?

"Still not here?" Cherry asked, sitting on the edge of my bed, leaning her head on Desmon's shoulder next to her, who was also sitting on the edge of my bed.

I felt uncomfortable seeing them both and just sat on my study chair trying not to look at them, although I still glanced a few times out of curiosity I couldn't hold forever. "Not yet, can't you find her?"

I had asked Desmon and Cherry several times to help find Chloe. And I must admit they had also searched for her, but still they couldn't find Chloe at all, even they had searched in other sectors.

"Come on, don't be feeling low all the time," Desmon convinced.

I just ignored him.

I could faintly hear Cherry and Desmon whispering to each other, I didn't know what they were actually talking about, but not long after they both left my room together, leaving me alone.

I don't know if I should be thankful for not seeing Cherry and Desmon being affectionate in front of me, which made me jealous, or I should be sad because only the two of them were left to be with me.

Yeah, for the past few days, I have been alone. My mother had to leave me because she had a business trip out of town, leaving me alone at home.

Yes, that also answers why my mother looked so happy when she met Chloe. Maybe she thought I finally had a friend, so she could reduce her worries about me a bit, thinking I wouldn't be alone at home. That also explains why my mother gave me her bank card, which I wasn't allowed to use at all before. Of course, she gave me the bank card so I could buy food or other things while she wasn't home.

I love my mother, she plans things without me knowing so that it doesn't become a burden on my mind. But I feel sorry for her if she has too much on her mind without anyone else to share the burden with.

Since Desmon and Cherry had left without me knowing where they were going, and because I was also bored alone, I thought I should try something new.

I realize my life is slowly changing. I can no longer rely on Desmon to accompany my days, he has found a new friend or partner, and I can't force him because that's his life —I mean, his death.

So, I have to start looking for friends. I have to be like Chloe, who still has many human friends even though she has the same abilities as me. I have to start changing, but where do I start?

While thinking about where to start this change, I changed my clothes. I was still confused because I had no guidance from anyone, but at least I thought I should start going out.

It didn't take me long to change clothes and check myself in the mirror to make sure there was nothing strange about me that could make me laughed at or bullied by people.

People say change can start from the smallest things. Does that mean I should start taking walks around my housing complex? Maybe that's a good idea since I already know the area, so I decided to go to the convenience store to order coffee and then go to the park.

###

The weather has been very sunny lately, although today isn't as sunny as yesterday because there are some thick clouds covering the blue sky behind them.

I did it on purpose to go out when the day was turning into dusk. I don't know why, but lately, I don't like the sunlight that's too bright. Besides being dazzling, the hot air also makes me feel uncomfortable.

According to the initial plan, I walked to the convenience store to buy coffee, but I intentionally slowed down my pace compared to usual so I could look around. Who knows if there's something interesting, right?

I arrived at the convenience store after it had passed its busy hours. When I entered the store, I could feel the silence and calm.

Strange, the store didn't have any customers at all when I entered. But maybe that's how it usually is because I never go to the store at dusk like this.

I ordered coffee and snacks without any problems at all, except for something that seemed to tickle me, the death aura. I could feel it, although faintly —maybe there was a ghost nearby.

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I ignored the death aura and quickly left the store. I think I've spent too much time dealing with the world of the dead —the ghost world— that I've forgotten my own world —the human world. So, for now, I'll start making small changes to focus more on the human world than the ghost world.

###

The park was much busier than usual when I arrived.

I could guess that there was an event going on somewhere in the park, but it definitely wasn't on the field because I entered the part of the park that was close to the field and the field was quiet with only a few teenagers playing basketball.

The main reason for my guess besides the fact that there were many more visitors to the park than usual was that they were wearing uniforms of the same color, black and gray, and some of them were even wearing or carrying the same accessories.

A concert? No way in this park, which is quite small for a music concert, unless it's a concert by a less famous musician.

The more I explored the park, the more it led me to the place where the event was taking place, the same place where Chloe had turned into a ghost. A building that was indeed intended for holding art events.

I saw many people coming out of the building, maybe the performance was over, or they didn't like the performance. The second option sounded silly to me, so I assumed the first option was more reasonable.

I stopped for a moment, unsure. Whether to continue walking through the crowd of park visitors or choose another path to take.

I knew I had to go through the park visitors if I wanted to be more sociable, maybe I could meet some people by pretending to be friendly or at least I could feel the sensation of being in a crowd without anyone I knew and willingly, because even at school I was already in a crowd but it was because I was forced to.

But it seemed like I would try something smaller first. So I avoided the crowd and took another path.

I just walked around the park, not knowing where to go. Until finally, because I was tired of walking, I sat down near the field in the park.

For a dozens of minutes, I just watched the teenagers playing and exercising on the field while enjoying my coffee and snacks, they looked happy.

There was one teenager, small in body but I could clearly see his muscles. He challenged everyone around him to an arm wrestling match. There were some who dared to accept his challenge and some who refused his challenge. Among those who dared to accept, there were some who lost —almost all of them— but there were also some who won. Interestingly enough to me, there was no anger on their faces, they were all having fun even though they were testing each other's strength.

On the other hand, there was a group of teenagers playing basketball. A few times I saw it clearly there were some of them who were pushing, elbowing each other, and there were even some who looked emotional to the point of staring at each other and arguing. However, interestingly enough to me, after the game was over or they changed players, everything went back to normal. There was no more emotional arguing, pushing, elbowing, they didn't fight, instead they laughed and looked happy.

I know it's a normal thing that happens often anywhere in the world, either on earth or off earth, if there is life in space. I've also seen similar things in the movies I watch.

But why did seeing them directly make me feel weird? I never imagined that I could be like them, fighting with each other's emotions but in the end, they could laugh together happily and forget the past.

I've only ever —often— experienced a part of that, just the part where we fight with each other's emotions. I've fought with other people, and the most common thing that happens to me is getting beaten up without a chance to fight back. But what happens after that? We don't laugh together happily, we're still enemies, and it's even worse than before. Even though I still call them friends, I never meant to say that they are my real friends. What I mean by "friends" is people I know.

Can I be like the teenagers on the field? Playing, exercising, joking, and laughing together? I want to be like that, but I'm also scared.

I still sat in the same spot, watching the same field, with the same coffee and snacks. Though people had come and gone, the little boy who liked arm wrestling had left a while ago, the teenagers playing basketball had also been replaced by a new team, along with their spectators and other teenagers, although there were still some who continued to do what they were doing.

My coffee and snacks had actually been gone a while ago, but I still drank and ate them even though I was only pretending. I just felt weird if I was still holding the snack wrapper and coffee cup if I wasn't doing anything with them. Besides, I was too lazy to get up and throw them away.

The sun slowly lowered its head to nature's will, leaving its orange mark in the sky. I don't know how long I had been sitting there.

When it was starting to get dark, when the sun had set, when the orange had turned black, when many people had left the park to go home or go somewhere else, I just got up and threw away the trash.

After throwing away the trash, I continued on my way, not to go home or go anywhere else, but to the field. As I approached, there were still three teenagers who seemed older than me —maybe college students— who were still playing basketball.

I don't know what pushed me to approach them, I just followed my steps without thinking.

The three of them who were passing the ball back and forth stopped when the tallest one saw me approaching them. When they stopped, the ball was held by a slightly chubby teenager —whether it was because of fat or muscle or just big bones.

"Hey, can we help you?" said the tall one, his heavy breaths could be heard between his words as he panted from exhaustion after exercising.

I stopped right in front of them, "Sorry, I'm just hmm... curious."

They all stared at me with the same look.

"Cur...ious?" said the tallest one.

I blinked for a moment to give my brain time to clear again, "Hmm... I mean, hmm... can I play?" I said, waving my hands around not knowing what their function was for.

"Oh, sure. Do you want to use the court with your team or play against us?" said the tallest one who might be the spokesperson for the three of them.

"Haha..." I don't know why I laughed, really. "Hmm... I mean I play with you guys."

This time the tall one didn't answer right away, but the three of them exchanged glances. Not long after, the tall one nodded, "Sure, why not."

Just after the tall one agreed, the slightly chubby teenager who had been holding the ball threw it at me. The ball was thrown so hard and fast that it hit my stomach and made my stomach hurt.

"Sorry, are you okay?" said the slightly chubby teenager who immediately ran over to me, picked up the ball that had fallen, and then held my shoulder to help me stand up straight.

I took a deep breath, trying to think positively and hold back the pain in my stomach. "Whew... I'm fine, I wasn't ready before."

"Maybe we should just play slowly." suggested the teenager who had been silent until then.

I shook my head, "No, it's okay. I'll keep up with your playing pace."

"Are you sure?" said the slightly chubby teenager.

"Sure, I was just not ready yet," I replied.

The tallest teenager picked up the ball from the slightly chubby teenager and said, "Let's play slowly, we're tired too. By the way, what's your name?"

Before I could answer, the ball was thrown back at me. "My name is Robert."

"Nice to meet you, I'm Niel," said the tallest one at the same time as I threw the ball to the slightly chubby teenager.

The slightly chubby teenager caught the ball from me, dribbled it for a while while introducing himself, "You can call me Decka."

The ball was thrown back towards the quiet teenager. The quiet teenager caught the ball.

"My name is Frank," said the quiet teenager, who threw the ball back at me.

As soon as I got the ball, I threw it back to Niel.

We kept throwing the ball to each other randomly while chatting to get to know each other better.

Even though it was already night and darkness had filled the sky, we kept playing. And I was glad they responded well to me.

I could probably say that that day was the first day I started a new story. Socializing with humans, not ghosts. Even so, I still like ghosts, especially Desmon, my best friend.

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