Like a coiled snake I remained still as I waited for my chance. The sky was shining down in all its golden glory upon the green grass and basking within those blissful rays was a girl; one whose short hair is black as night. The back of her head is turned away from me as she eats her biscuits as she rests upon her strewn on the ground cloak.

I sneak forward as I move from tree to tree, taking every chance to stop and peek, as I made my way. Closer, closer, closer, closer, and I take a running jump at her back.

“Got you!”

I approach her she hops to her feet in turn and, with cloak in hand, looks at me with her pink eyes. I smile in triumph at finally catching the lady before, with a turn, she whips her cloak around my head and I find myself thrown to the ground.

“Big sis…” I whine as I untangle my head.

“Huh? What, you’re crying again?” The lady says with a single shake of her head. “Can’t you cut it out? I have better things to do than listen to you blubber.”

“No!” With puffed cheeks I turn my head away. “I will make you my wife!”

I feel a boot plant itself on my face as I’m thrown backwards. I spit blood as I nurse my swelling face.

“Yooughh-“ I stop talking as I begin healing my face to bring the swelling down. “You said you’d marry me if I caught you! It’s you’re fault that I’m trying; why’re you getting mad now?!”

“That was a joke.” She lets out an unladylike snort and begins walking away. “Just give up already and leave me alone.”

“You have small breasts!”

“You brat!” I receive my pummeling with relief. As long as she stayed a little longer this is fine. “What’s with that happy look? Huh?! Little weirdo let me show you a real good time!”

I squeal as I’m slammed face-first into the ground and held in an armlock. Wow, this hurts but still I won’t give up!

“Who has small breasts? C’mon say it with your filled mouth. Whose breasts are small!”

“Yours!”

She pulls my arms hard as I squeal as her boot plants itself on my face and she pushes me into the ground. This scene repeats itself several more times over the course of the next five minutes.

“Dang it!” The girl pulls harder. “What kind of prick badmouths a girl’s tits while trying to flirt?!”

With a pop my shoulder dislocated. My arm is let go and I get up to look at her. She looks startled. She quickly turns around and, without a word, starts walking away with great haste.

On her way she grabs her red cloak. It complemented her white shirt quite a bit, I thought, and I had to question how she kept them so pristine out here in the wilderness. Probably some form of magic.

“Oh, fair lady! Your rosy red lips, your beautiful pink eyes, your well sculpted cheeks, and delicate chin!” I need to let her know I’m alright. “Your graceful form, slender an-“

A rock impacts my head and I black out. When I come to its already dark out; my teacher is going to be absolutely livid. Still, as long as I can see my precious lady it’s alright! No other girl can compare to her radiance, and she will be mine! Its not like anyone else is competing… Right? Could she be seeing anyone else? Maybe the reason why she’s out here is to escape a past lover. How frightening.

With a shake of my head I banish the thought from my head. What if someone else had touched her or she’d found someone to marry? Hah, as if any married lady would have such bad manners. None of those whimsical fools have the stubbornness to pursue a beauty as strong willed as this one.

“I must hurry and win my fair lady’s heart!” I sit back and put a hand on my aching head. Head injuries are notoriously hard to heal so this headache will have to continue. “Girls like flowers, right? I’ll bring some to our next meeting!”

I’ll have to buy some off Lily. But first I must clean up this stain on my head and patch it up so no one questions me. Imagine if someone found out that I’d been beaten by a girl? The mockery would never end.

Time passes and once more the sun is shining. This time the weather is even more excellent as there’s a brisk breeze to take away from the heat of the day.

“My love!” I get up and bring up my unharmed flowers to the forefront as I roll up from off the ground and I take a knee. “Marry me!”

I’d spent a weak practicing that trick. She must be getting fond of me; this time there’s barely any bruising.

“Flowers…” She looks unimpressed as she raises an eyebrow. “Don’t you have anything better to do? I sure do.”

“They remind me of how beautiful your eyes are. A thousand years I could stare within those jewels as I ponder every inch of your lovely face and engrave it within my heart forever. A memory that would never!” I say as I get up. It didn’t work. “So, how about it?”

Her sour face is unchanged as she walks off again. Better luck next time, I guess. Someday I’ll thaw her heart and bring her home. Until then I will continue on for life is a struggle and this is one challenge I will not lose!

“Can you at least tell me your name!”

“Rowan.”

“That name…” I take a deep breath and gently let it out. “Rowan… It’s So Unwomanly! How cruel! Such a charming lady… What man could so pitilessly give such a name upon his daughter?!”

I close my eyes as I lament this cruel twist of fate. My heart can hardly stand this but even so…

“No matter your small breasts! No matter your rotten name! I will not give up on my love!”

“Quit it!” She roars at me. “I like my name!”

“How could it be?”

Another fight ensues as she tries to get me to relent but a real man never gives in on what he believes in. Not even for her will I sacrifice my integrity and allow myself to say so blatant a lie. Her breasts are small and this no one can deny.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

Such days continued for a long time. One year, then two passed by as the sun and moon ran around and around our heads. Gradually, ever so gradually, I think we manage to form a bond between the two of us.

“Hey Roro, why’re you out here?” I ask the question that had been dwelling in my heart since the beginning. “Isn’t it hard being all alone? When was the last time you’ve ever even seen anyone else?”

“I said don’t call me that.” She frowns as she turns her gaze away from the moon. Her face is red. “Rowan, my name is Rowan; say it with me and end it with these darned nicknames!”

“I refuse!” I raise my voice alongside hers. “I will not call you by that wretched name!”

I get a boot to the face for my troubles as she grabs me and begins pulling my cheeks apart. Her legs are wrapped around my neck as she holds me down. I grab at her hands and resist but, alas, she proves herself to be in possession of a man-like strength that surpasses mine.

“Quiiiiittttt iiiiittttttttt.” I say, she continues pulling. “I’mmmm Soooooorrry.”

She releases me and stands up as she looks down on me. That smug look, those eyes gleaming with satisfaction, her victorious smile…. I cannot stand it! I will not lose!

“Rory.”

I turn and kick off from the ground as she gives chase; me only barely escaping her grasping hands. I run, and she trails behind me. I laugh. It looks the roles have finally been reversed!

“To be so desired by a lady as fair as yourself!” I pause my speech to catch my breath again. “Truly my life is a blessed one!”

I run through the woods and turn slip between trees in order to escape her sight. I hide behind a tree as she runs past me. I jump and she’s a fraction too late to escape my hug as we fall on the ground. We turn and she lands on top. Can’t risk hurting her after all.

“Hahahahaha, I finally caught you!” I get an elbow to the face as she tries to wiggle free. “Happy days are ahead!”

The elbow hits me, hard this time, and my grip slackens. She gets up and gives my stomach a good stomp. I roll over and receive another kick to the gut. I wobble to my feet as I, my laughter now silenced, begin heaving beside nearby tree.

“Finally…” My breath still labored I turn towards her and once more propose. “Will you marry me?”

“Are you… Perhaps…” She looks at me with a slack expression. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have hit your head so hard. That was wrong of me.”

“The only thing of which I can fault you for is that you’ve bewitched my heart so deeply in your allure that I could not hope to see any but you.” I’ve regained my breath by this point. Her face has hardened. “Scowling doesn’t suit you.”

“I hate it, I can’t stand your crass attempts at flattery.” Her face has turned chillingly cold. “Just give up and go bother some other girl at that indigent village of yours.”

“Rory are you okay…?” Normally she isn’t so irritable. Before her anger was skin deep but now there’s something truly off… “Is my presence really so unpleasant?”

“Yes, it is. In a few weeks I plan on leaving too.” There is no hesitation or room for argument in her words. “I have better things to do than spend all my days being pestered by some delusional man.”

“Can you tell me where you’re going?” I hang my head. My hands are clenched.

“So sad to see me go?” She lets out a snort of derisive laughter. “Do you really enjoy getting beaten that much?”

“No, I don’t care for that.” I grimace slightly at my aching stomach. “But, for you, there are no lengths I would not go!”

“Hopeless, have you failed so badly to get a girl back home that you’ve resorted to chasing some stranger you found in the woods.”

“Heaven forbid!” I widen my eyes at the insult. “No, it is not that I’ve failed but that I’ve loved! None but you can set my heart alight with this raging passion! Heaven forbid that I should go and chase another while you remain so near!”

“If I leave will you find someone else?” She says. “If distance is the issue then I won’t remain long. There’ll be nothing holding you back after I’m gone.”

“Whether it be mountains or seas I will not be discouraged.” I take a deep breath. “The distance I talk about is the distance to your heart! If you truly reject me! If you truly cannot stand me then…!”

I look at her with wild eyes as she’s taken aback.

“Tell me now and I’ll give up!”

I stare at her for a while and she stares back. Seconds pass, then minutes before she finally sighs and slumps her shoulders. Her eyes narrow slightly as she gazes at the ground. Her feet shuffle a bit.

“Fine, it’s just I have something else to do right now and I don’t think I’ll be able to come back.”

“Then I shall accompany you!” I stand up straight, jubilant, as my fears are proven wrong. “No matter where it be, I’ll pursue unto the ends of the earth!”

“Yeah… Can you give up instead please?” She tilts her head. “I don’t hate you, but it would trouble me greatly if you came along.”

“Where are we going anyway?” I frown and ignore her. “You ever answered my earlier question either; where are you from? It troubles me greatly to have known you for so long yet not even know your hometown.”

“They’re gathering all the mages of note, of which I am one, to slay that most vile of creatures. It that had laid claim to the northernmost parts of our glorious empire.” Rory for the first time I’ve seen her is truly impassioned. “The old ancestor himself has come forth to lead the charge and to back off now would be an insult to all those who’ve come before me. I will join him in this glorious crusade!”

“Are you a noble?”

I don’t get an answer to my question.

It looks like I’ve found myself a troublesome woman. Magecraft? Very few mages of note come from outside one of the knightly families. The occasional healer like me is pretty much the only kind you’d find amongst the common man.

The fact she’s out here reeks of politics. Not to mention how her family will react to some no-name healer trying to insert himself into whatever illustrious bloodline she may come from. But it doesn’t matter. I’ll be there for her no matter what may come.

I open my eyes as I awaken from my dreams. The warmth filling my heart drains away and I’m once more forced to face reality. Those times of joy are long gone and all that’s left for me to do is to protect our daughter. I will. No matter what comes I will get her back.

“Visai, look what I found!” My teacher comes over holding a blue-haired boy by his shirt’s collar. “He’s that one rich asshole’s brat! The Page guy who’d rose to prominence lately? Remember? I mentioned him to you during the revolution.”

“No.” The years have begun to blend together and my memory, unlike teacher’s, is still only that of a man’s; much of my life I’ve long forgotten. I can no longer keep track of new entries into the art either. “The name sounds familiar, but I wasn’t aware they’d become relevant this century.”

“Man, you really need to get out more.” With his free hand my teacher scratches his head. “Are you living under a rock?”

I frown at my teacher. It’s likely he’s using modern slang. I’ve had to take many intermissions looking into the meaning behind Senan’s words. At this point I’ve spent more time studying this then many easterners have spent studying the sages. Except in this case there’s nothing profound and it comes with an accent that makes it sound worse than if it has been said instead by a native speaker.

“Ignoring your teacher?”

“No, it is just that I’m having trouble understanding.”

“Hmm? What is it?”

“Why did you bring a child here?” I frown before deciding to bite the metaphorical bullet; my language teacher had said this, and I enjoyed the phrasing. “Also, why in the world would I be living under a rock?”

“It’s a figure of speech.” My teacher frowns as he looks at me and drops the boy. His hand is going to need treatment. “I was thinking about getting you an apprentice since you’re so slow on the uptake.”

“Uptake?”

“I’m not going to explain that to you.” Teacher sighs before continuing. “This boy should already have the basics from his asshole father and that’ll save us the trouble of starting from scratch. With a decade or two we’ll have ourselves a right and proper heir to our legacy and I’ll finally be called “grandmaster” by my cute grand disciple.”

“I never agreed to this.”

“I did.”

“That’s not how that works.”

“Are you questioning your teacher? Huh, you finally getting your spunk back kid?” My teacher gives a vicious grin as he reveals the razor sharp teeth filling his jaw. The way he makes changes to his throat and mouth without affecting his vocals never ceases to amaze me. Truly my teacher is masterful in his work. “Want me to flay your backside?”

If only his personality was better.

“Teacher, would you like me to tend to my new protégé?” I resign myself to fate. “How will he factor into my disguise?”

“Just say he’s your son.” Senan seems distracted now. “I’ll take a look at him after we finish up here. If he’s truly bad, then I’ll off him. Can’t have an incompetent next generation.”

“Off?”

“…Kill, death, murder.”

“Do you have any spare fingers?” I ask Senan. “I didn’t bring any that would fit.”

“He’ll be fine.” Senan rolls his eyes. “Barely touched him.”