Chapter Twenty-Four

Separating and Spiralling

As a frigid, icy December morning drew in, Savannah, Lauren, and Alexis huddled together in the living room. Aaron had taken himself up to bed not long after arriving home, but the girls had been unable to do so. They’d been up all night, though had done nothing beyond sitting in silence together, trying - as best as they could but with negligible success - to come to terms with Lyra’s passing. At odd times, a few words were spoken, but for hours, a fully-fledged conversation was beyond any of them. The frozen numbness within them subsided as the sun rose in the sky as though the dawn brought a modicum of safety with it, paralysing the depressing thoughts night was so adept at creating.

‘I thought… I thought she was better,’ Alexis mumbled.

‘She was,’ Savannah said. ‘Physically. We… I guess we took that for granted and expected it to make her mental state better. If only we’d realised her being back to full health would actually have a negative effect… maybe we could have done something…’

Alexis snorted. ‘We should have done something regardless. We should have made her get help. We should have… I don’t know, there must have been a million things we could have done to stop it happening. But we didn’t. We focused on our own lives and our own feelings and getting ourselves back to normal, assuming she’d snap out of it. And now, because of her selfishness and our ignorance, she’s dead. And before you start, yes, she was selfish.’

Savannah winced at the use of the word ‘dead’. ‘Alex…’

Lauren took over. She’d been less shaken by Lyra’s death and had remained to ensure Savannah and Alexis were safe and had company, as well as her sensible head. ‘Listen to me, both of you.’ She leaned forward and looked between the two of them. ‘You are not to blame, so stop it. Self-blame will get you nowhere. You couldn’t have changed anything. You did your best, both of you. How could you have done more? Lyra wouldn’t have responded to any extra efforts you put in - that doesn’t mean she was selfish, either. She didn’t respond to what you did do for her, why would she have responded to more? I assumed she’d get past this one too. You did what you could.’

‘Yeah, but…’ Savannah said. ‘What if… when I took food and stuff up to her… what if I’d made her talk to me? What if I’d stayed with her? Instead… I gave up.’

Alexis scoffed again. ‘Like that would have made a difference. She was so wrapped up in her self-pity, she wouldn’t have fucking noticed!’

Lauren snapped her head towards Alexis. ‘She was grieving, Alex. Can you imagine losing your child?’

Alexis jumped up. ‘She had three other fucking kids, in case you hadn’t noticed! But, I mean, who could blame you, she didn’t fucking notice us, so why the fuck should you?!’

‘Alexis, I get you’re hurting, but blaming Lyra is not gonna solve anything. You need to calm down.’

Alexis sneered at Lauren with her mouth open and a muscle popping in her jaw. Eventually, she sat back down, grabbing a cushion and suffocating it.

Lauren turned back to Savannah. ‘Nothing you could do would have fixed her. Nothing anyone could do would’ve fixed her. The only person it’s within your power to fix is yourself. You can’t fix anyone else. She didn’t want your help, and that’s not to take away from Lyra as a person. When someone is in that dark a place… there’s nothing you can do. You can’t force them to snap out of it. All you can do is be there as support when they’re ready. If they’re never ready… that’s not your fault and you shouldn’t hold yourselves responsible.’

A pensive silence reigned after these words. Savannah felt a fresh wave of guilt. She could have done better… but, what Lauren said made sense. By those standards, at least, Savannah had done all she could. That hurt, but in a different way. As though she’d been trapped in that corridor all along - there was never any signal from Lyra that gave Savannah any more options for getting her mother back in place of the shell she’d become… and that was entrapment in itself.

Another hour dragged by, Alexis and Savannah mulling over Lauren’s fresh perspective. When the conversation was struck up again, the mood was lighter.

As was the dawn – crisp, refreshing winter light drifted in through the window. The moon hung in the clear, baby blue sky. Savannah surveyed it through the window. A new dawn meant a new morning, which meant new opportunities. A thought which fought the darkness of her mood.

‘When you say I did all I could…’ Alexis asked, her anger abated. Her eyes darted from the floor to Savannah. ‘Does that include… y’know, what I did at the hospital?’

Savannah and Lauren shared a sharp glance. The latter took a grip on the conversation. ‘Erm, yeah, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. So… can you walk me through what happened? From your point of view?’

Alexis shifted in her seat, an eyebrow raised. ‘Erm… well… I don’t know how to explain it… when I saw her, lying there in that bed… and after being told there was nothing to be done… I couldn’t accept that. I needed that to not be true… I felt helpless. I was scared, and angry, because I wanted to do something… then, when I was hugging her, this weird, warm feeling spread through my body… like my blood had warmed up twenty degrees and it all gathered in my hands… and I don’t know how, but I knew I had to push it out and make contact with mum, and it would make her better. The next thing I know, the stuff’s in her and she’s better. I was right - no surprises there.’

Savannah looked at Lauren again. ‘Is that common?’

Alexis made a face in the background. ‘Of course it isn’t, you fuckin’ doylum.’

Lauren smiled. ‘Hold on, Alex. No, it’s not. There was a Healer, god knows how long ago, we’re talking five, six hundred years? He had the ability to heal any wound without medicine or any material other than himself. Other than that, to my knowledge, it’s rarer than rare. All the healers these days need medicinal and alchemical ingredients and salves to make a difference, it’s more temperament and a skill than a power. I’ve never heard any tales of a person being able to heal someone else from the brink of death instinctively. Even more than that, doing the same to themselves when unconscious.’

Alexis gaped at them. ‘What the fuck are you two on about?! Powers, alchemical and shit? Have I stepped into one of Aaron’s shitty games?!’

Lauren smiled again. ‘Yes, sorry. This’ll be fun. So… to put it simply… this world, the life that comes with it… it’s not unique. In fact, it’s just one of many.’

Alexis rolled her eyes. ‘Well, yeah, duh, do you know how big the universe is? A year 6 science class is not what I need right now, Lauren.’

‘Yes, that’s valid, but… basically, there’s life on a load of them, in various solar systems around us. I’m part of the organisation that knits them all together and rules them. Also, magic is real. That’s the basics.’

Alexis burst out laughing. ‘Forget his games, has Aaron been sharing his cocaine with you? Because you’re either high or fucking deranged.’

Lauren sighed. ‘Look, do you want me to show you? I’ve already shown Savannah and it would be a lot easier if you came with me and let me introduce you to some particularly important friends of mine.’

‘What friends? Is that what you call your fuckin’ lines? That’s a bit fuckin’ tragic, really.’

‘She’s serious, Alex,’ Savannah interjected, her words slow. ‘She’s telling the truth. The place she wants to take you is on a planet called Archaic. It’s similar to Earth and is basically the base of those who rule the universe. Want to see it, or not?’

Alexis was pale. She held her hands out in front of her and shook her head. ‘This is fucking insane.’ She stood. ‘I’m-I’m going to bed. Hopefully, when I wake up, you’ll have fucking sobered up.’

‘We’re not high, for fuck’s sake,’ Savannah said, her tone sharpening. ‘It’s real. What we’re telling you is real, but it’ll take you a long time to get to grips with it. I’ve been involved for a fairly long time now and I still haven’t explored beyond three buildings. But… if you let us take you, things will make a lot more sense.’

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Alexis steadied herself against the door. ‘You’ve been there? Did ye’, aye? You’re trying to tell me there’s more than just Earth, you-’ She pointed at Lauren. ‘Are this super powerful bitchass, and you-’ She pointed at Savannah. ‘Are part of it too, and I-’ She pointed at her chest. ‘Can do something completely unique to me that no one in the universe has ever been able to do? Apart from that last one, which wouldn’t surprise me in the slightest -’ She gave a tight-toothed smile. ‘You’re talking a load of shite.’

‘Look, we’re telling the truth, Alexis,’ Lauren said, standing now too. ‘It’s a lot to accept, yes, but do you really think I’d lie to you at a time like this? After everything you’ve been through? I’m not that kind of person, I’m telling you the truth, and I am not high. What I am saying to you explains what you’ve been able to do. How you saved Lyra. How you saved yourself. Just… trust me. Do you trust me?’

Alexis’s posture loosened. Her mouth opened and closed three times in succession. ‘Y-yes, I trust you. But… I don’t believe you.’

Lauren placed a hand on her shoulder. ‘You will, very soon. Can you do me the courtesy of hearing me out, at least?’

Alexis sighed and turned away. She jumped onto the sofa. ‘Fine. Talk.’

‘So, what I plan to do is take you to this other world and show you the ropes,’ Lauren said, sitting back down.

Alexis looked at Lauren with mocking, wide eyes and slapped her hands to her cheeks. ‘How? You got a fucking spaceship in the back garden I don’t know about?!’

Lauren laughed, and Savannah cracked a smile. ‘No, not quite. We teleport.’

Alexis twisted to Savannah. ‘You can teleport?!’

Savannah shook her head. ‘No, Savannah can’t,’ Lauren explained. ‘Teleportation is a power only me and the fellow members of my order, The Seven, have innately. For anyone else, they have to have an object we can enchant with the power – for example, a ring, amulet, or bracelet – and Savannah hasn’t reached that point in her training. What that means is, if you don’t have an item, to teleport you have to be with someone - like myself - who can.’

Alexis giggled. ‘Oh my god, that is wild. I still smell the bullshit from here, though.’

‘If you think that’s wild, wait until we get there, your mind will be blown even more, I promise you that, even if you think it’s bullshit right now.’

‘So, what can you do, Sav? If I can heal, what’s your ‘power’?’

Savannah simply raised her hand. Gathered in her palm were swirling tendrils of shadow. They wrapped themselves around her hand, crept up her arm, and tested out the environment in a snake-like manner. Alexis shrieked.

‘What the FUCK?!’

Lauren snapped her head to Savannah. ‘Since when can you control it like that?’

Savannah shrugged. ‘It happens like, once a day and... I don’t know, I can call on it, for a few seconds. After that, I can’t touch it. I can’t feel it inside. It’s no big deal.’

Lauren gave a slow nod. ‘Hmm. I suppose we’ll see, won’t we?’

‘So, when are we going?! Can we go now? Like right now? I’d have to go and change and shower and get ready. That’s if-’ Alexis caught herself, and her tone calmed. ‘You’re not taking the piss.’

‘Yes, we can go as soon as you’re ready, because I’m not taking the piss.’

‘What about Aaron? Are we just leaving him here? Can he come with us?’

‘Oh,’ Lauren looked at Savannah. ‘No, he can’t. He can’t know about this.’

‘Why not? It… doesn’t feel right. H-He’s my twin. I can’t leave him out of something like this.’

Lauren got up and went to her. She fiddled with Alexis’s hair. ‘I get that. Savannah will be there if that’s any consolation, so you’ll at least have one of your siblings. And me, of course. Aaron can’t come with us. He’s shown no powers whatsoever and… there are rules about this sort of thing.’

‘What sort of rules? Can’t we bend them?’ Alexis jerked away from Lauren’s touch, lest her hair end up even remotely greasy.

‘We’ll be coming back and he won’t even know we left, I swear. But… there are issues with bringing humans over from Earth. Humanity has tended to reject us since the Ancient Greeks, and they favour their science over the more powerful and mysterious facets of the universe. The consequences of a human finding out about us and spreading the information… I don’t like to think about them.’

Alexis scoffed. ‘It’s not like he’d tell anyone.’

Lauren looked her dead in the eyes. ‘He would - do you honestly believe, in his current mental state, he’d keep the information to himself? Especially when high? I can’t take the risk either way. The other members of my order… hate non-magic humans and are frosty at best towards those that are magic. It’d be a personal risk as well as a professional one.’

Alexis sagged. ‘Okay, okay. I’ll leave him out of this. I’ll get over it.’

‘It’s safer this way. For us and for him.’

Alexis stood and shrugged. ‘I’ll go and get changed, then, and see what kind of trip you’re gonna take me on.’

Alexis tilted her chin up and strutted off upstairs.

Lauren turned back to Savannah wearing an exasperated expression. ‘That… wasn’t easy.’

‘I’m not surprised. I don’t really want to take her, and I’m glad we’re not taking Aaron. That world is dangerous.’

‘How do you feel about Alexis knowing?’

Savannah shrugged. ‘I don’t like it. I wanted her to be safe. Ignorance is bliss and all that. I’m sure… given time, she’ll be more than able to handle herself. But… I won’t lie, I had hoped she’d be able to live out a long, peaceful, human life. I wanted that for both of them.’

Lauren sat down beside her and wrapped her arm around Savannah. ‘I know. We’ll keep her safe, don’t worry. It’s not like we’re any safer here, realistically.’

Savannah leant in and rested her head on her shoulder, the smell of Lauren’s cinnamon-scented hair going up her nostrils. She let herself revel in the warmth and comfort for a moment she wished would never end. The pain melted away along with her worry.

But, the moment ended far too fast. She got up, went and changed, and when Alexis was ready the three of them journeyed to Archaic.

*

Aaron couldn’t do it. He’d had enough.

Alexis would be pissed off, but she didn’t understand. He was trying to cope as best he could, in the only way he knew how. For the longest time, Aaron’s relief used to come from copious amounts of alcohol and weed. When that ceased to be enough, it was cocaine. He could stop all of them, he had convinced himself, but he had no desire to do so.

Alcohol had been his go-to for a long time, longer than even his sisters knew. Whenever Jeremy would come home piss drunk and raging, Aaron would either sneak out and meet his friends for drinks, or he’d sneak some alcohol out of the cupboard and drink in his room. No one ever noticed either way. No one ever noticed what he did. No one ever bothered to care.

Aaron flicked the joint and the embers flew off into the night. Alexis always liked to tell everyone she knew that she and Aaron were tight-knit and had been that way since birth. Aaron didn’t feel that fabled connection. When he was with her, it was more a case of tagging along than closeness. She rarely bothered to ask how he was doing. She had always been more concerned with her own life and when Aaron needed to talk to someone about something, Alexis wasn’t the person with the capabilities to respond appropriately. He got shot down, rejected, and told to ‘sack up and get on with it, the rest of us do’. Aaron loved Alexis, but she didn’t care about him… not really. If ever he drew emotion from her, it was always anger. For her to react, he had to do something she wouldn’t like; otherwise, she wouldn’t truly give a shit.

Alexis didn’t understand him. She didn’t know him. She’d never tried to spend the time getting to know him on a personal, mental, and emotional level. Their bond was superficial, and he hated that. He desperately wanted to be close to Alexis, to have that perfect twin bond… she didn’t care. All Alexis cared about was her.

Savannah was just as unapproachable but in the opposite way. She was too emotional. She was sad all the damn time. That led to an opposite type of selfishness. She was self-involved, but because she was overly focused on her own emotions, which led to ignorance. If ever she showed an interest in Aaron, it was because she was struggling and needed the support. It wasn’t a two-way street with her, either. In that respect, she was exactly the same as Alexis. ‘Leave Aaron to his own thing, he’ll probably be fine, let’s focus on my own life’ was her attitude. And he hated that.

It didn’t matter that Aaron had experienced an identical childhood to that which they did. It didn’t matter that he had been just as damaged by Jeremy’s treatment of them and Lyra. It didn’t matter that their mother’s slow slide into depression, then suicide, had destroyed him to watch, too. It didn’t matter that when the girls weren’t around, he’d gone into Lyra’s room and tried to bring her around, and when he failed to do so, he held her instead, trying to cling on to what he was losing. None of that mattered to Savannah and Alexis, because he didn’t matter.

And so, this led Aaron to his place in the world - drinking and partying away his pain.

Not that the pain ever left him. It never would.

He adored Theo. His little brother had been the most important thing in his life. Aaron understood Theo, and Theo understood him. But even that had been ripped away from him.

How was Aaron to fill that void, if not by getting into such a state he could feel nothing anymore? How was he to replace them, if not by removing himself from reality? He’d lost everything. He couldn’t cope with it. There was nothing more he could do. He couldn’t have stopped Theo’s accident, just like he couldn’t stop Lyra’s suicide. He was useless, worthless, pointless.

So, drugs it was.