They trotted to where a swarm of civvies was amassing outside of a Hungry Aztec restaurant shaped like a Mesoamerican pyramid.

'It's safe to come out, folks!’ Kazé raised her index and middle finger in a V for Victory sign. ‘The monsters have been defeated!'

'No need to thank us; just doing our jobs!' said Ralphie with a wave. Here come the groupies! she thought.

'Thank you?!’ came a female voice from out of the crowd. ‘For what?! You caused more damage than the monster!'

The words short circuited Ralphie’s brain for several moments. She searched for the speaker among the sea of faces and found a woman with an ugly bruise on her forehead glaring at her. She managed to keep her expression sweet. ‘Ma’am, I can assure you from recent personal experience that the Canine would have eaten at least one of you if we hadn’t interfered. Since everybody got away with minor injuries at worst, I’d call this a win.’    

The woman balled her hands into fists, but a man sporting a black Pizzapocalypse motorcycle helmet and a red cape moved between them. As with most superfans, Ralphie could guess his alias from his stereotypical costume. ‘Thank you, Deliveryman. It’s nice to see someone—’

Deliveryman grabbed her by the neck of her dress. His voice came as a muffled roar through his helmet: ‘You idiot! The monster was heading back to the sewers before you attacked it! This is all your fault!’

Ralphie’s face gaped back at her from the man’s reflective visor. She thought the Canine had been running at her at the time. Had she really brought about the whole superfight?

Kazé set a hand on Deliveryman’s wrist. ‘You can’t know that for sure, sir. From what I saw, the monster could have been heading for Gamer Girl or the civilians behind her. Please let go of my partner.’

Deliveryman tightened his grip on Ralphie’s dress…and then unhanded her, settling for jabbing his finger in her face. ‘You’re lucky you’re a girl, and a kid, and wearing glasses!’

A spectacled man in a lab coat barged past them. ‘Make room please. I’m a monsterologist; I need to check the creature’s condition.’

‘Good, someone from the Zoo.’ Kazé patted Ralphie on the shoulder. ‘Don’t worry, Gamer Girl; this guy should be able to convince everybody the Canine needed taking care of.’

The monsterologist stepped up to her concrete cell, peered inside the window, and frowned. ‘Oh.’

‘W-What?’ said Ralphie.

The man took off his glasses and regarded her gravely. ‘This…this is a puppy, miss.’

Ralphie felt several veins pop on her forehead. ‘You what, mate?! The mong is bigger than a car! How on God’s green Earth is that a puppy?!’

The monsterologist nodded. ‘Yes, well, what you have to remember is monsters have the tendency to vary greatly in size: some are no larger than a house cat whilst others are more reminiscent of, say, King Kong. Based on this creature’s juvenile canine features—the slight curve to its pointed ears, the shortness of its legs, the shrill pitch of its barks—in addition to its size, I estimate that this is the three month old cub of a much larger canid-type monster. Given time, it could grow to be over 100 feet tall…that is, if it survives its injuries.’ The man looked sadly at the concrete cell. ‘The way it forced itself out of the manhole…it probably washed up here along with the rest of its pack after they swam too far from Monster Island and simply got lost in the sewers. Poor fellow.’

It was unusually squeaky for its size, thought Ralphie. Oh fuck. We just beat up a puppy.

A feeble cry of pain sounded from out of the cell window.

This tale has been unlawfully obtained from Royal Road. If you discover it on Amazon, kindly report it.

The civilians booed and hissed at her and Kazé.

Seeing that not only Deliveryman but all of the superfans were joining in, Ralphie unleashed her anger. ‘What the bloody hell are you lot doing?! We’re superheroes; you’re supposed to be on our side!’ 

‘What’s your damage?’ said a platinum blonde Valley Girl. ‘Do you seriously think we’re going to, like, defend you just because of that? Barf me out!’ She gestured to her neon pink domino mask. ‘We dress like this because we dig real heroes, not super-zeroes like you!’    

‘Yeah!’ said Taximan through his car grille visor. ‘You two wrecked my cab!’

Kazé’s cheeks reddened. ‘Sorry!’

An elderly Asian man pointed a crooked finger at them. ‘That cyclone of yours obliterated my China shop!’

Kazé slapped her hands together in a prayer gesture and bowed. ‘I’m really sorry!’

A pair of redhead twins wearing skimpy party dresses over spandex body suits stepped forwards.

‘Your shockwave sprained my sister’s ankle!’ said Party Girl.

‘On my birthday!’ said Birthday Girl.

Kazé got down on her knees, placed her hands on the ground, and started to bend over to do that Japanese full-body prostration thing. Ralphie jerked the girl back up by the neck of her chainmail and planted her hand over her mouth before she could complete the apology. Then she bared her teeth at the crowd. 'This is ridiculous! We risked our lives to save yours and you're moaning about bullshit you should have been prepared for!'

Spokeswoman spoke, the black woman’s words loudened by the trio of stage microphones protruding by thin stands from her leather collar: 'IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY AS SUPERHEROES TO RISK YOUR LIVES TO SAVE OURS—AND WITH AS LITTLE COLLATERAL DAMAGE AS POSSIBLE. THIS LEVEL OF DESTRUCTION IS UNPRECEDENTED EVEN HERE IN THE DANGER ZONE; YOU RENDERED OUR SAFETY MEASURES USELESS. YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT THE BOROUGH OF HAPPY PLACE IS PLANNING TO SUE YOU BOTH FOR SUPERHEROIC NEGLIGENCE.'

Kazé’s voice was a stifled whisper: 'I'm so sorry. We were trying to help.'

Ralphie felt herself shaking with outrage. 'You thankless bastards! You might all be dead if it wasn’t for us!’ Her headphones caught the wail of approaching police sirens. The feds were late, as usual. She wanted to stay, to give the civvies the bollocking of their lives, but she knew it would be best if she and Kazé were gone when the doughnut patrol arrived. 'Damn! Let’s get out of here, Fangirl! I'm sick of these ingrates!' Ralphie hauled Kazé up so she was carrying her bridal style and dashed away from the Danger Zone with the super speed of Sonic the Hedgehog, kicking over a dustbin on her way out.

#

Kazé peeped at the distant Danger Zone from behind a dumpster. ‘I think the police are gone now.’

‘Mmm,’ said Ralphie. She adjusted her position so that she was slouching rather than sitting against the alley wall.

Kazé kneeled beside her.

Quiet.

The wall in front of them was smeared with colourful supervillain graffiti. Ralphie couldn’t decipher most of the elaborate lettering, but there was one message within a white speech bubble written in plain comic sans: WHO’S GOING TO SAVE US FROM THE SUPERHEROES?!  

She ran her finger down the tear in the neck of her dress. ‘I can’t believe how treacherous those civvies were.’

Kazé shrugged. ‘They’ve been spoiled. The A-list superheroes solve problems so flawlessly; no one remembers the days when it was just amateurs like you and me running around.’

‘Huh. The more you give them, the more they want.’

‘I guess. We’re just going to have to get used to demanding civilians if we want to do this full-time. Me especially; I was ready to cry back there.’

‘I was ready to throw a shoryuken.’

Kazé smiled and shook her head. ‘Want to hear a joke to cheer you up?’

‘No.’

‘What’s Wonder Woman’s favourite drug?’

Determined to sulk, Ralphie kept quiet, but Kazé nudged her side. She exhaled through her nose. ‘Whaaat?’

‘Heroin!’

Ralphie smirked…snickered…giggled.

Shouting and shadows filled the alleyway. The two of them looked at each other, then crawled to the side of the dumpster. Dozens of civilians were charging down the street waving cardboard signs.

‘A demonstration?’ said Kazé.

‘Yeah,’ said Ralphie. ‘Do you think we should get involved?’

‘Why wouldn’t we?’

She cast her eyes down. ‘What if I…screw things up again…?’

Kazé cupped Ralphie’s chin in her hand and lifted her head up. Her doll-like face was gentle and kind. ‘You’re only superhuman. Yeah, you made some mistakes today, but that’s to be expected on your superhero début. All things considered, you did fine, and you can only get better from here. Just keep going and you’ll be an A-list superhero before you know it, Ralphie Hero.’  

Words failed Ralphie for seconds on end. Sometimes she forgot just how mature, intelligent, and cool her best friend really was. ‘Uh…thanks. You did pretty good too, Comikazé Maniakku.’

‘Ew. Nickname, please.’

‘My bad. Kazé.’

For a moment, they simply held each other’s gaze.

Ralphie stood up, turned towards the demonstration, and brought her fists to her hips. ‘This looks like a job for Gamer Girl! And her trusty sidekick, Fangirl!’

Kazé got to her feet and compared their difference in height with her fingers. ‘I’ve never seen a comic book cover where the sidekick was a half-foot taller than the mentor.’

Ralphie pouted.

#