There he is, the great Max. The seeker and finder of the secrets of life, is crouching like a beaten up goblin and sobbing like a child. But don’t judge him, for you would do the same in his position. Many days have passed since he died, and he’s still stuck in that emptiness. But don’t worry. Soon he will witness a change of fate.
Day 1:
“What... Where am I? Is there any light? Where is the ground? Why am I floating? Is there anything I can touch? Can I hear a sound?”...
Fear was rising, and his heart was drumming. Except, there was no beat of his heart. It was like all his senses were turned off. The only thing left were his thoughts – nothing, but his thoughts.
Do you know how Max must’ve felt? I believe not. Try it out. Sit in a dark room on the floor with earplugs to cancel the noise. The first 10 minutes will be relaxing. The next hour starts to become uncomfortable with the noise of the mind. The mind catches up on problems, tells you how to solve what and what could happen in the future if you don’t start now, and your mind will go through all uncomfortable situations in the past, thinking about the perfect ways you could’ve reacted, inventing new stories, stories which play in the past, and stories which could play in future and in all stories you are badass and feel good. That’s the next hour.
After this, it only gets worse. Your mind gains momentum and starts to think too fast – so fast that you can’t keep track of your thoughts. Negative thought loops rise into existence. Thoughts trigger emotions, trigger thoughts, trigger emotions, thoughts, emotions, and the cycle begins.
That’s when you usually could end your experiment and direct your attention back to your daily life: going to work, watching TV, or playing games. But not Max.
Day 2:
“FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK” Max screamed in his thoughts. “Why is this happening to me? Is this hell? Is this a punishment? At least the fucking tell me what I did wrong! Hey you, I know you are there, somewhere! Just tell me why I have to go through this shit! FUCK! PLEASE! Just tell me... Please... “
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Day 3:
On the third day, he stops recognizing the meaning of the words he’s thinking. He just feels them. Like 1000 needles piercing through his heart. Except, he doesn’t feel his heart. He just feels the negative emotions piercing something, but not getting what exactly.
Day 4:
“Klealnegativichwillsterbenwarumistdaswiedasistneinwarumbinichherichwillraushierneinbittelassmichnraus...”
Day 5:
“ki?ßßßskskkskkkskskkkkttkrkkkkwwwsssbbmnmnmnccvvv”
Day 6:
On this day, his mind started to make sounds that can not be described by any language ever discovered. It was a sound of death. Not the sound of a living being, dying. It was just death. Death and suffering. No shouting, or crying, for those are the signs of life. You can not scream or cry when you are dead. Dead people make completely different noises, but there is no way for us to find out because... You know. We can’t ask the dead. But on day six, Max witnessed the sound of death, for he emitted it himself. Suffering beyond death.
Day 7:
The mind of Max was on the verge of breaking. He couldn’t withstand one more crack of his mind. Before it was too late, one last thought popped up:
The worst scenario is never the situation, but the situation AND losing your head.
It was a small thought, but big in impact. Like a clear drop, falling into a black lake, transmuting the darkness of the lake into crystal clear water. “What...” Max wondered. It was not about the meaning of this sentence, for he already knew the power of it. After all, he repeated this sentence thousands of times, in his former life, over and over again. It was one of the mental skills he grinded, to master his mind.
The sound of death vanished, and with it, the fog his mind produced. “Fuh. This is clarity. I can not control this situation right now, so why waste time with regrets and fears? It doesn’t matter how I came to be here. It doesn’t matter how long this will last. The only thing I can control is this present moment. Without this present moment, the future will not exist. And the past? The past is already written and can not be changed. There is only one use of the past. It is to learn. Everything else is useless. The mind is my tool, and I will use it wisely. I can learn from the past and predict the future. But everything with power has potential in both directions. With a knife, I can save a life in surgery, or kill a person on the street. Equal to that, my mind. Either I use it to solve this problem or to cut myself with fears and regrets. And if...”
And this continued the rest of day seven. Max didn’t generate those thoughts consciously. They were neither ordinary nor random thoughts. Those were the mental skills Max had grinded thousands upon thousands of times in his former life.
With every thought, the cracks of his mind started to heal.