I woke up with a start, flinching as I saw a silhouette obscured by morning sunbeams sitting near me. My hand instantly went to my sword, and I could feel Life Energy beginning to pool into my body. It would only take a thought to have the Oni - Variant mask in my hand.

As if they saw my unease, the figure slowly backed off before scampering away from where I had slept. I frowned as I sat up. It wasn’t like I wasn’t tired anymore, but I needed to wake up or else I would get left behind.

At the back of my mind, the figure’s face played within my memories. They were that small kid that I had saved from the Face Stealer. I felt a bit embarrassed when I hadn’t recognized them immediately, but I had been on edge for the nine days we had been trekking through the forest after we had left the village.

And that was an ordeal, in and of itself. We had scavenged through the wrecks, finding both supplies and bodies that seemingly hadn’t been used in the sacrificial ceremony. That didn’t really help, though. It was a gruesome gut-punch that I tried desperately not to look at. Not because it was horrific to look at, it was due to the emotions of everyone.

I had been desensitized somewhat to the truly gut-wrenching scenes before me. However, the blank stares as some villagers found people they knew or family they left behind haunted me deeply. The notion that they would never see anyone rung within my head. Every time we would try to move on, and every time one Samurai would have to gently lift the villager away.

No one spoke. It was an understood impression as we carried on. To try not to dwell on things so far out of our control. Yet, those repressed emotions were boiling, simmering at the edge of everyone’s thoughts. Though, the march itself hadn’t been too bad; we were just deathly silent with only the soft sounds of people sniffling and sobbing to break up the natural ones of the forests. The fact that we were alive despite all the things the enemy prepared was a slight miracle, really.

I was just understanding that. We were so close to dying. If things didn’t happen the way they did, I wondered if I could even run away correctly. It once again set things into perspective that I wasn’t much. I could be killed at any moment and my efforts so far were miniscule.

Normally, I would have stopped moping. A part of me knew this line of thinking was self destructive, but I didn’t care too much. Now that everything seemingly had ended, I was left with nothing but my thoughts. Thoughts that only dragged me back into a daze that interrupted my desire to really do much else other than breathe and dread the next day. Something that only continued with the march.

Even then, the only reason why I still got up was because I couldn’t sleep well anymore. I was moving on habit at this point. Get up, eat whatever animal Minamoto and Shizuka hunted, fail at conversing with Yasuda and stare into my reflection in my gifted sword.

I didn’t even recognize myself anymore. My blonde hair was matted with blood and grime, sticking to parts of my face. Dirt clung within the crevices of my face, and it was only the two blue eyes that stared back that shook me out of my trance. They weren’t red, nor were they puffy from tears like everyone else. They were just blankly staring back as if they couldn’t even spare the energy to care. Most of my wounds were healing well with Minamoto’s green ointment, but I still felt spikes of pain whenever I tried closing my wounded right hand.

I hoped it was just the broken fingers.

I didn’t talk to much of anyone after we had left the village. The villagers and Samurai obviously wouldn’t strike up a conversation with me, and for some reason, they hated me more for it. Though, I didn’t try to see it from their perspective. There wasn’t much of anything I really cared about as we trekked through the woods.

In the end, it was my fault for not paying too much attention to what was going on around me. If I had been paying attention, I would have seen one of the villager’s bristle and stare at me until late at night. I should have known that tension and minds were close to their breaking point, but I was too preoccupied with drowning in the suffocating atmosphere. In slipping into the corners of everything I had done wrong.

Because I hadn’t been paying attention, it happened one night.

One of the villagers had attacked me in my sleep, wrapping their boney fingers around my throat and squeezing. I reacted on instinct at that point. Life Energy flooded through my body and I swiftly hammered my knuckles into where I thought the attacker’s head had been.

A sickening crack echoed through the night as I regained my bearings and saw my attacker. When I had laid eyes on the man, I felt all the emotions I felt from before. The sorrow where I had empathized with their ruined lives and the pain of never seeing the ones who you loved just disappear like smoke. I had saved these people. And they…

I remembered looking for Matsumura’s sword and finding it snapped on a rock. At the same time, all the emotions that were muted and buried burst out in one moment. By the time Minamoto restrained me, the man’s arms were broken and I had been mercilessly beating his head into the ground while wearing my Oni - Variant mask. The sheer strength the mask gave me made it such that the villager’s attempts to stop me were null, and Minamoto had to restrain me till my body couldn’t hold the mask anymore.

It had been three more days since then. The villagers never met my eyes, and I had completely disregarded them. The Samurai hadn’t said anything about my outbursts since I also helped carry the still unconscious Exorcists with them, and they certainly held no love for someone who broke one of their comrade’s weapons, even if it had been given to me.

Still, after that incident, I realized that the boy who I had saved earlier had taken to sleeping near me on most nights. I had watched him. An unspoken sentence within my gaze, but every time I fell asleep after staying up and watching the night sky, the boy would always be there to stand guard over me.

I watched the boy as he moved over to where Miyasaki and some villagers were cooking a rough breakfast that was being handed out by Shizuka. The Queen herself was dirtying her dazzling robe-like dress to hand out some cooked meat. It made a bit of sense with how they sent Exorcists like Minamoto out to teach commoners, but it was still a bit odd to see someone in actual, ruling authority do something that most would consider menial. Though, maybe it was my prejudice of learning about kingdoms in the middle ages having clear distinctions.

My stomach ached as I watched them tear into their food with gusto, but I just didn’t feel the need to move today. I could eat later. I just wanted to sit at the back and wait. Wait for what? I stared up into the blue sky that was slowly being revealed to me. Clouds akin to pillow cotton drifted lazily within the sky as another question came to mind.

Just what am I waiting for here? Friends? Family? A way home? Some glimpse of greatness?

“You look lost, my friend.” I placidly turned to find Minamoto smiling at me. He paused a bit when he met my eyes, and I felt his smile drop a bit. “I want to apologize for this.”

I took in his figure. The wizened, jolly man was bowing low, but I felt rather ambivalent about it. However, one part of me yelled at me to get up and not let him bow. That Minamoto never had to apologize, especially to me. “You’re… you don’t have to apologize. There’s just a lot on my mind.”

“No, this whole situation. It was my fault. Perhaps if you were somewhere else, you wouldn’t have had to go through this… terrible situation.”

“You didn’t know.” I said automatically, and failed to meet his honest eyes. They were… too much to look into right now. “It’s me who took a lot from you, too. If anything, I guess this is just the price I have to pay.”

Minamoto sat down next to me. “You have never been in combat before this. You were a commoner in every aspect before coming here, weren’t you?”

It was a statement more than a question. Minamoto had seen me fight through a couple yokai, and even when I looked back at it, I knew I looked inexperienced. Foolish. Incompetent.

“Yes.” I whispered, feeling uncomfortable in the silence.

“That’s even more of a reason for me to apologize. I had wanted you to be eased into this, if possible. Of course, I hadn’t expected this whole thing…” he trailed off, but I knew what he was talking about. It didn’t take a genius to figure it out. We were duped the whole time, and if it wasn't for Shizuka appearing, I doubted anyone other than Minamoto had a chance for survival.

I licked my lips, smelling the cooked meat from where we sat. “Why were they after you? Is it that god?”

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Minamoto’s face darkened. “No– no, I would know if it was her. This situation has been happening in several different border regions of Niamizu. Whoever this god is, this entire thing was a huge plot that had been planned for some time, and now that they are showing their hand, I worry what could happen.”

I ignored how Minamoto glossed over why they had seemingly targeted him, but I gave pause at the massive scale of such an operation. Just the thought of more armies that we had barely survived again sent a chill down my spine.

“Should you be telling me this?” I asked, whispering. My gaze went over to the red-headed Queen.

[Shizuka Kumiho is looking at you]

The woman waved at me, grinning wide enough for me to see needle-like teeth where human molars were. I hurried to wave back, afraid she might be incensed if I ignored her.

Minamoto chuckled at my plight, and I forced a glare at him. “Don’t be too worried. Her majesty said all combatants should know the truth; it would serve no one if everyone was in the dark about such information. Though, even if we didn’t tell you, I am sure you would figure it out after we arrive at our destination. Survivors would begin flocking to that place eventually.”

“R- right.” I nodded, remembering the Queen’s inhuman teeth. I wanted to question it, but didn’t know if asking that would be rude. “Where are we going anyways?”

“Ah, I had forgotten to tell you. We are headed to Ikshiizu, one of the central hub cities of Toshiki. It would probably be good for you to go there, too. Ikshiizu is also known as the city of libraries.” Minamoto gestured over to the Queen. “It’s where her grandma still lives.”

“Oh,” that sounded useful. However, I pursed my lips while I recalled the first interaction with the Nurarihyon. “What about Mitsuno?”

“Mitsuno– you know about that?” Minamoto looked honestly confused about where I had heard that. “Well, I guess that city is good, too. A bit of a ways away from Ikshiizu, but if you want to travel there, I would suggest you find a good caravan. The trip there normally takes three months on foot. Where did you hear about it?”

“Uh, I just… heard it from that yokai– the Nurarihyon.”

“I see.” He refused to elaborate.

“Is something wrong with Mitsuno?” I asked quietly.

Minamoto waved his hand. “No, no, need to worry about it.”

The older man leaned forwards and stood up, drawing me into his shadow. His older features wrinkled with his smile as his white beard creased in the action. An outstretched hand took up my vision, making sure it was the only thing I saw.

“Come up, my friend. Are you feeling a bit better after a conversation?”

I paused as I took in his words. My mind was still swamped, but for a moment, I had thought about what I would do, where I would go and everything else. It was another distraction, but not an uncomfortable one. Quietly, I let Minamoto pull me up from the ground.

The older man dusted off my shoulders before he looked me in the eyes. “Do not worry about them, my friend. They are just grieving men and women; their entire lives have just been ripped away from them, and they believe you’re the only outlet they can attack. It may be presumptuous, but I feel that you can relate a bit with what they were going through.”

Could I? Randomly being taken from your own world and sent into one that actively tried to kill me was not what I could consider an exact representation of their pain. I was sure my family back home was still alive, but my relationship with them was… strained at best.

“It’s… hard.” I forced out the words, feeling like I had just been forced to fight another Oni. My thoughts tumbled in my head, but I knew this was my one chance to get them out. And I desperately wanted to believe in Minamoto. “I did so much. I tried so hard. Why are they just– just…”

“That is a bit more complicated.” Minamoto said somberly. “If I had to say, that is life. We can put all our efforts into something, give up everything for it, but even then, we can still fail. Whether it be your tools that break, your body that withers, those that you surround yourself with failing you, or just being in the wrong place at the wrong time. Life is just understanding that you are fallible.”

I laughed deprecatingly at Minamoto’s words. They sparked memories of back before I actually knew a world outside a white room. Back when I had thought that everything would just be fine, and where my fragile pride propped up my personality.

I wished I knew that before everything came falling down, but I also doubted that I would have cared to listen back then, either.

“How do you do it?” I asked instead. I knew about myself, but I wanted to know why Minamoto got past things like this. “Why are you out here, Minamoto? How can you… look at people the same if they just spit in your direction?”

Minamoto laughed at my question. “I don’t.”

Whatever expression appeared on my face was funny enough that Minamoto just broke out into a fit of chuckles again. “I apologize, my friend. You just looked so confused for a second. Truthfully, I myself am not exempt from holding my own biases. I will help people I come across– it is in my job as a wandering Exorcist, but sometimes I find myself helping some more than others. If I had to stop myself every time I recognized this, I would probably go insane. Life is too short to be hung up on the faults you find in yourself.”

Am I… doing that? I was, wasn't I. The mire I had only staved off by distracting myself with the interesting new world was creeping back up, staining my thoughts with its pull. I had so easily gotten dragged back in that even when I rationalized it, I didn’t really care.

Except, I wanted to care. Every time I looked into Matsumura’s sword, I wanted to feel something other than a pang of regret. I wanted to find a reason for living in this world. “What– what do you suggest I do?”

“Do you have any hobbies? For me, I enjoy helping people and teaching. When I see someone learn something new, I feel a sense of joy.”

I pursed my lips, wondering what I should say. Minamoto’s hobby seemed to fit the man well, but this introspection was more for me. So, what did I like? Gaming was once something I enjoyed, but I never really got back into it after I dropped out from college. I had been training for a marathon at one point. Though, I don’t think that counted since I stopped so easily. Did I have something I even liked?

“I am not too sure. Sorry.”

“There’s nothing to feel bad about.” Minamoto said. “I just said that because having something to do can take your mind off of things. They can keep you grounded when everything else feels like its slipping from you.”

“I guess I can think about them later.”

“No.” Minamoto said, roughly grabbing my shoulders. “Even if you think of nothing right now, you should continue to move forward. You will find something eventually if you don’t give up.”

“And, what if I don’t?”

Minamoto offered a weak smile as I pulled his own words back on him. “Then, why did you save the boy before?”

“Didn’t I already say? What does it even matter, anyways?”

Minamoto sighed heavily. “If you really must have some impetus, how about you try to practice with this for me?”

I looked at the man quizzically, but then I saw what he was gesturing towards. His right hand came up like he was grabbing something between his pointer finger and thumb. Shards of blue and red light seemed to spill out from his hand. They fit together, attaching to themselves as if someone had ripped a piece of paper up and then reversed the entire process.

Soon, a crystalline rectangle was pinched between Minamoto’s fingers as he held it out to me. I blinked owlishly at the scene, wondering just what was going on. It certainly took my mind off of other matters as I tenderly tapped the rectangle with my pointer finger. Sure enough, a screen popped up in front of my face like what happened with skill jades.

[Life-Death Soul Weaving (Grade 3)]

I shivered at the title given to it. This was unlike skill jades, and I doubted this was anything other than a technique talisman. However, I was beginning to understand a system that came with what came out of where. Normally, you could only find a skill jade related to the monster you obtained it from, so that must mean that the technique talisman should hold the same properties.

And considering technique talismans came from dungeons, it didn’t take me long to figure out where this one had come from.

“I- I can’t take this.” I stuttered, feeling horrified at the implications of this ability. If it was any other time, I probably would have jumped for joy at the addition to my [status] menu, but this one seemed to tie into the horrors that were still fresh on my mind. Of the souls stitched together in order to fuel some abominable ceremony.

[Do you want to absorb technique talisman “Life-Death Soul Weaving (Grade 3)” into your soul slot?]

[Yes/No]

Minamoto shook his head, pushing the technique talisman into my hands. “Originally, even I didn’t want to give this to you. Despite how much help it could provide for you in the last fight, I didn’t know if I should give you such a technique. However, you said it yourself, you moved for your friends. You helped a boy you didn’t even know all because you knew I wouldn’t enjoy watching him die.”

“That was… that’s different.”

“Maybe to you. To me, I think it’s enough of a reason to give this to you.” he said and finally, I relented and took the crystalline rectangle into my hands. It was an odd mix of cold and warm, so it caught me a bit off-guard.

I sighed, feeling it in my hands. “I don’t know if I can really learn this.”

“Then, prove to yourself that you can.” Minamoto said with a smile, and I was getting the impression that he had expected this entire conversation. He was too ready for me to reject everything like I wanted to.

I shook my head and tucked the technique talisman into my shirt. Instead of feeling annoyed at Minamoto’s motivational speech, some warmth began spreading out from my chest where the technique talisman met my chest. It had been some time since someone spent so much effort on me. Honestly, I didn’t know how to act.

Hiding my thoughts, I said. “That’s such a cheesy line. I am cringing from listening to it.”

Minamoto patted my shoulder with a laugh as we walked over to where the Queen was still giving out food. Despite my reluctance, Minamoto’s words kept repeating in my head long after we started back up on our journey. I had no idea how long the trip to Ikshiizu was going to take, but I followed everyone, moving forwards slowly.

First off, it was time to finally make a list.