Chapter 13
[http://carpersanti.net/gaea/wp-content/uploads/sites/3/2019/06/13b.png]
“The Joy of Returning to the Heart that awaits us.
The Union of two Lives and two Souls.
And thus are the Children of Fate Completed.
And the New Path that awaits them is Revealed.”
- The Prophet of Truth
----------------------------------------
Anne opened the door with a welcoming smile and a relieved expression, almost as if two runaways had finally decided to return home.
“I’m so glad you two are back! I was starting to worry,” she confessed, stepping aside to let them in, and Selena took the lead making herself completely at home.
“Oh, come on, we weren’t gone for that long,” she contested with a bright smile and Sarah followed her with a much somber expression.
“Still, leaving like that, without a single word! I was bound to worry,” the woman complained, closing the door.
“We just came back for a couple of hours. We still have a flight to catch,” Sarah coldly declared, and it was all it took for Anne to understand that something was definitely wrong.
“Fine, fine. You stay as long you need, then. Make yourselves at home. I’ll just go and pour some hot tea,” she replied, not wanting to intrude more than that, and left them by the living room door, walking away towards the kitchen.
“There, Alex. You can relax now. They did come back,” Aaran noted in his usual indifferent tone, calmly sitting on the armchair, and Selena waved happily at him.
Sarah knew something strange was going on the instant she stepped into the room. The whole compartment was drowned in darkness, as if it were night outside even though the blinds remained opened and she knew that there were still a few more minutes of daylight left, before sunset. The only source of light was the small lamp lit by the bar, dyeing the room with a soft yellow glow. And then she noticed the thick layer of darkness covering the windows and the ceiling, as if someone had coated them with black liquid rubber.
Her concerned turned towards Selena, to what she might be thinking of all the strange events she had witnessed that day, but the girl seemed to not even notice them, her gaze locked on the bundle cringing against the darkest corner, as if he wished to go unnoticed or simply disappear.
Alexis.
The pain that hammered her chest almost stole her breath away as she looked at the ball he’d folded himself into, probably too weak to even stand.
“He’s been sitting there, waiting for you,” Aaran informed her. “I told him he should go downstairs, but didn’t receive the nicest of replies. And since I thought you’d rather talk to him with him still in one piece, I decided not to insist and just made this room a bit more welcoming.”
Before Sarah’s stunned gaze, Selena crossed the room like an arrow, directly towards the unmoving bundle, and without a single moment’s hesitation, kicked him as hard as she could.
“Selena!” Sarah scolded loudly but the girl pretended not to hear her.
“I brought her back, can you hear me?” she asked angrily with a harsh tone that Sarah had never heard in her voice. “Now! If you ever make my sister cry again, I swear …!”
“Selena!” Sarah repeated her warning and the girl grew quiet, although she could clearly feel the heat of her anger. “That’s enough …”
“Your sister is right,” Aaran agreed, calmly standing up, and Sarah was lost for a moment in the simultaneously threatening and smooth way he moved. Almost like a huge predator about to attack. “I heard you were helping Anne bake some cookies right before you left?” he inquired in lighter tone and Selena turned back to face him with a bright smile, nodding eagerly. Suddenly all tension had disappeared and she was back to being the joyful teenager Sarah had always known. “How about we go and see if they came out all right?” he suggested, reaching out his hand, and Selena didn’t even hesitate, practically running to take it.
Sarah couldn’t help feeling apprehensive at how easily Selena seemed to trust such dangerous and frightening being. Because although she knew that up till then they’d been under his protection, and that she owed him her sister’s life, Aaran still invoked a heavy sensation of end, as if the mere fact of being in his presence could somehow consume her being. And yet Selena, in her childish innocence, seemed to completely ignore the dark emptiness standing right there, in front of her.
“Oh, right,” Aaran said, stopping for a second as if he’d just remembered something. “Once he stops throwing a tantrum please help him downstairs. He’s not seeing all too well,” he added as if the matter was none of his concern, and disappear out the door, taking a smiling Selena with him, almost as if she was going out to play with one of her best friends.
Sarah took a deep breath. The best thing to do was to solve that matter as soon as possible, so that they’d be back at the airport in time to grab the next flight to Las Vegas as planned. Her gaze fell on the bundle still sitting on the floor and she raised her head, strengthening her heart, locking her own emotions deep inside her and allowing her rational mind to take over.
“Alexis?” she called, approaching him, and immediately all the mental preparation she’d put herself through seemed to amount to nothing.
With his arms over his knees and his head down, his body kept shivering in uncontrollable spasms. He looked small, and frail, and his pain flooded her mind.
“Alexis?” she repeated, crouching in front of him, and couldn’t stop herself from placing a hand on his head, as if he were no more than a child. Everything in him was deep suffering. And she couldn’t even begin to imagine the physical torture he was going through after exposing himself to daylight like that. Was he even conscious? “You said you’d never do it again … You didn’t keep your promise …” she whispered, caressing his soft hair, and he seemed to take a deep breath.
“I just couldn’t let you leave.”
His muffled voice startled her for a second and the wave of sadness that surrounded her left a bitter smile on her lips, or she’d end up crying again.
“Of course you could … and can,” she declared but he shook his head, stubbornly. “Alexis … let’s just end this.”
He moved hesitantly, making her pull back, and raised his head to face her.
“I thought I could, but I can’t, Sarah. Even if it’s the right thing to do … Even if it’s the best for the both of us.”
She sighed deeply and a knot squeezed her throat before his glass-like gaze.
“Alexis, you can’t see me, can you?” she asked in a murmur to mask the tears marking her voice and the absence of an answer was answer enough. “Why didn’t you cover your eyes?”
“I needed to look at you …” he replied reaching out for her, and Sarah held his hand, a shiver running down her spine at how cold and moist his skin felt. “But don’t worry. I’ll be better in no time,” he assured her with a smile, although his hand kept shaking, and Sarah lowered her head for an instant, searching for the courage that suddenly had abandoned her.
“All right, then,” she decided. “I need to take you downstairs. Can you get up?” he nodded, but when he tried to obey his legs failed him and he was back on the floor.
“Maybe it’s best if I just stay here …”
“No way!” she countered immediately, pulling him up with all her strength, forcing him to place his weight on her shoulders. “That … cloud, on the stairs. It protects you, right? Because although sunlight can’t reach you inside, some of its radiation can easily pierce porous matter like dirt,” she guessed and he smiled weakly.
“It’s not a cloud, miss scientist. It’s a shadow,” he corrected her in a light whisper and Sarah focused all her effort in making sure he stood up and that she dragged him towards the door.
“Cloud, shadow, the important thing is to put you beneath it!” she grumbled, forcing him to walk.
“I’d much rather be beneath you …” he still found the energy to reply, although his breathing was ragged and heavy and his tremors were getting worse by the second.
“Just stop it or I swear I’ll drop you!”
They stopped for a moment to catch their breaths as they reached the door. Then she dragged him down the stairs, stumbling into the darkness, the whispers echoing all around them sounding strangely sorrowful, until they finally reached the base of the staircase.
Sarah stopped again, remembering the last time she’d been there, and the wound opened in her chest seemed to hurt even more. Still she immediately put those thoughts aside, refusing to dwell in her own emotions. Having to deal with his, always too intense and disorganized, was hard enough.
Opening the door she dragged him inside, stumbling the last few paces until they reached the bed. For an instant all she could do was breathe, trying to recover from the painstaking effort that had been carrying a heavy man like him down that flight of stairs. But then she was back in that room, and she couldn’t help noticing that everything was still the way she’d left. The tray still on the floor. The bed unmade. And the candle that had magically lit itself as they came in was still the same.
She knew right there and then that she had to leave that place as soon as possible, but before she could take a single step back, his hand grabbed her by the wrist in such a quick move that it made her doubt if he really couldn’t see.
“Don’t go …”
“I have to, Alexis,” she replied, trying to pry his fingers open as bitterness filled her mouth. “And you have to let me go!”
“I can’t! Sarah, please, please just listen to what I have to say.”
She looked at him for a moment, his lost bright gaze, his face all but too pale … In any case she’d never be able to force him to release her. And, in the end, she’d returned to hear what he had to say and put an definite end on everything.
“Fine, I’ll listen. If you promise to let me go in the end,” she bargained and he seemed to hesitate, but ended up nodding in agreement. Sarah released a heavy sigh, telling herself that all she had to do was survive that talk, and sat down by his side. “So? I’m listening.”
He turned to her, like a plant following the sun, and pondered for a moment as if searching for the right words.
“I don’t want you to leave!” he finally declared and she took a deep breath.
“That’s the most childish thing I’ve ever heard.”
“But it’s the truth.”
Unauthorized duplication: this tale has been taken without consent. Report sightings.
“And why do you want me to stay?” she asked and he seemed unable to give her an answer, which only hurt her even more. “You and I, we belong to two completely different worlds. And I have to go back to mine.”
He lowered his head and his cold fingers squeezed her wrist.
“I know … I also know you deserve someone who loves you, someone able to give you a normal life … a normal family …” he muttered bitterly and Sarah felt her anger burn hot again.
“And there you go again!” she criticized him, raising her voice. “Presuming to know what other people want, or what’s best for them! When you don’t even know what you want for yourself!”
She felt the pain her own words had brought him and stopped herself from feeling sorry or trying to comfort him.
“I lost the right to wish for anything a long time ago …”
“Then how can you tell me that you don’t want me to go? They’re just empty words. Because as far as you’re concerned I’m nothing but a fleeting amusement. Because in truth you look at me with disgust. Because not even three hundred years, nor all the powers you may possess give you the right to play with my life! And I’ve had enough, Alexis! Just go and find yourself a new toy!”
Sarah found herself gasping for air, her heart threatening to jump out of her chest as tears escaped unauthorized from her eyes. But at least she’d managed to say all she wanted to say. And although the pain consuming her right then was truly agonizing, she was sure that had been the first time in her whole life she’d been able to express her own feelings with such clarity. And that alone helped her feel a little bit better.
He closed his eyes, his face a mask of agony, and raised her hand towards his left cheek.
Sarah followed his gesture unable to understand, blinking away the tears that blurred her vision, and practically stopped breathing when he held her index finger and unwavering traced the silver lines on his skin without fail.
“I need you to understand, Sarah …” he told her in a ragged voice as she couldn't help look in disbelief at the perfect way he drew the complex pattern made by the shiny silver. “I can feel each and every line marking my face. I can feel them as if they were flames, constantly burning,” he went on, making her finger curve near his jaw line drawing a complex spiral that extended towards his chin. “And yet your touch is like water, putting out the fire for a few moments, soothing this constant burning sensation,” he added finishing the complex drawing and opened his eyes again, although she knew he couldn’t see her. “I’ve had this mark on my face since the first time I saw you,” he confessed, finally releasing her hand, and Sarah frowned unable to understand.
“What do you mean?”
“The Silver Mark is always unique and can appear in random places,” he told her as if reciting something he’d read on a book or learned a long time ago. “Without a concrete time to manifest itself, it sometimes happens that it never appears at all, condemning the existence to an eternal life of darkness that, sooner or later, always devolve into destruction and madness. When it appears, it always appears in pairs, the same mark on two individuals, announcing the perfect match between emptiness and its essence. You are my Hridaya, Sarah.”
Sarah sat in silence for a moment, forcing her confused mind to give some measure of sense and meaning to what he’d just said.
“Hridaya…” she repeated, still dumbfounded, remembering that it wasn’t the first time she’d heard that word. Hale had called her that as well in a tone that had sounded a lot more like an insult.
“My essence …”
She jumped to her feet as his words finally made sense and quickly stepped back in order to put some distance between them. Suddenly it was as if she couldn’t breathe standing so close to him, and her mind refused to believe what he was trying to tell her.
“You have to be mistaken!” she declared vehemently. “After all, I’m just Human!”
“Yes. If you were like me you’d have a mark like mine,” he replied with apparent tranquility and Sarah took a hand to her face, as if that could prevent the sudden apparition of silver lines like his.
“I’m Human!” she insisted but he simply nodded in confirmation. “Then … then this is all a mistake.”
“That’s what I thought too, in the beginning. After all, why should I be saved when there are so many others with no hope of salvation?” he asked and she suddenly felt very small and frail.
“That’s why you brought Aaran to me …” she put it together, and once more he just nodded. “Because you hoped somehow I’d be able to help him …”
“It’s something you still can’t understand. The males of our Race are aggressive by nature. The darkness that inhabits us is much denser than that of our females. On the other hand, no shadow can exist without a light, and for that reason we all possess a small spark of light at the center of our existence. However, as time goes by, the darkness in us starts to slowly consume the light. And when it completely disappears all that’s left is a raging madness. Those who are blessed enough to find in a female the essence that can fill their emptiness are forever safe from the madness that consumes so many of our Race. Because only our Hridaya is able to maintain our light burning, feeding it and relighting it forever.”
“And you thought I could do this for him?!” she asked, still in disbelief, and Alexis sighed deeply.
“I thought that because you were clearly an exception to the rule that yes, maybe you’d be able to save him. Aaran is too important to all of us and only I know how much he’s well beyond his own limit …”
Sarah paced back and forth, trying to dilute the nervousness knotting her stomach while forcing her brain to rationalize what he was telling her.
“What happens to those who go … insane?” she finally asked.
“They have to be destroyed,” he simply replied and Sarah stopped to look at him, her thoughts becoming clearer by the minute.
“And you think I’m that … thing, to you? Then all this … The reason why you protected us, is because you think I’m your … Hridaya…?” she demanded, indignant, as pain pulsed even stronger through her veins, and Alexis tried to get up but his legs failed him again, forcing him to remain seated.
“No! No, Sarah … In the beginning I didn’t even believe that this mark could bind me to you!” he urgently explained. “And yes, because you’re Human! Because Araphel and Humans are two completely different Races. I thought that this was all a mistake. If I decided to protect you, if I helped you, was because I felt … guilty, for all that happened,” he hesitated and Sarah absently took a hand to her neck as if to protect it. “I just wanted to be able to return you to your everyday life. It was the least I could do, after involving you in all this mess, just because you helped me escape. I honestly believed I could do it, until the moment I felt you leave this house … I told myself it was the best solution, for the both of us …”
“You despise my entire Race!” she retorted in a heartfelt accusation. “And I can’t even begin to argue with that!”
“I started by hating one Human,” Alexis confessed allowing his dark eyelashes to semi-conceal his glassy gaze. “Little by little that hate began to grow, feeding my madness, consuming everything until there was nothing left. That was the monster you found in that place, Sarah … and that you freed into the world. And I thought that no one would be able to stop me, that all I had left was an honorable death. But you didn’t just set me free, you saved me from my insanity and helped me chain the monster deep inside me. I need you, Sarah,” he added and she stepped back until she felt the door against her back, placing her hand on the knob.
“You’re just saying that because you have that mark on your face. Because somehow it binds you to me. But there’s nothing binding me to you, Alexis,” she told him, opening the door, and he was suddenly tense, avidly searching for her with his empty gaze.
“You’re wrong! You showed me things I had never even dreamed they were possible!” he urgently said, the words all jumbled together. “You gave me parts of you without asking for anything in return! You made me feel things that I never … It’s not this mark that binds me to you. It simply tells me that I’m not wrong in what I feel when I’m near you, no matter how different we are, or how the rest of the world may see us. I need you! I want you! No matter how selfish, or unfair it may be of me, to ask you to stay by my side! Sarah …!” he called her name, reaching out his hand as if he wanted to touch her, his bright gaze wandering aimless all over the place.
Sarah took a hand to her lips to muffle a sob. Tears kept falling down her cheeks but she still didn’t want him to know she was crying. Behind her the door was still opened, and now that he was this weak, no one would be able to stop her from leaving that house and going back to her world.
She dried her tears with nervous hands.
His emotions were chaotic again; despair, fear, anxiety, pain … The same pain she’d thought to have physical origins but that now she knew it came from a much deeper place, just like her own. Staying meant leaving the world of light behind, and diving into his world with no hopes of ever being able to return. And yet, what was there left of her world without him in it? The emptiness that took over her terrified her and, leaning against the door, she closed it again.
Alexis seemed to panic at the sound of the closing door, searching her with even more eagerness, as if that could will his eyes to see.
“Sarah?” he called into the darkness, restlessly feeling the air in front of him, and as silence was his only answer, his hand lost all strength falling limp on the mattress.
It was just like Aaran had told him … In the end the choice was hers, not his as he’d dared to presume. And how could he ever hope she’d choose to stay? Sarah belonged to a world where, like her, the sun shone brightly every day. And he didn’t have the right to hold her in his world of shadows so that she’d only shine for him. She was still young, with her entire life ahead of her. And, after the way he’d treated her, he could hardly be surprised that she would want to leave him and simply forget that they’d ever met.
The feeling that something was slowly breaking inside him returned. But, this time around, he didn’t even have the strength to stand, much less to stop her from leaving. Neither the strength nor the will, he concluded with an ironic grin. His existence might as well just end right then, that he wouldn’t feel anything but a deep relieve.
The soft touch of a hand on his hair left him hanging and painfully aware of that brief caress. For an instant he didn’t even dare to move. Something told him that those were the first signs of the madness that had been quietly stalking him for days, threatening to swallow him whole at any instant. And yet, if that was what it was then so be it, he thought. Because right then it felt like she’d never left, as if she were standing right in front of him; it didn’t matter if it were all lies or illusions.
Only when she touched him again did he dare to raise a tentative hand to try and touch her back. His heart jumped when he found her, feeling her warm and real. Without a second thought he pulled her close, hugging her although his arms shook violently, leaning his head against her belly just to listen to her heart beat from up close.
Sarah wiped her tears again, running a hand through his hair, placing a light kiss on the top of his head. He was behaving like a child again, afraid of being left behind. And she couldn’t help wonder where the cold, scary Alexis she’d met a few days ago had disappeared to.
He raised one hand, searching for her face, and pulled her closer, making her sit on his leg. His fingers traced her nose, the shape of her eyes, the length of her eyebrows, stopping as he touched her lips.
“Sarah …” he whispered and, once more, her name in that low warm voice left her heart beating wildly.
“I’m here …”she replied and he pulled her closer, kissing her neck and the line of her jaw, until he found her lips. The hungry, desperate kiss he gave her brought her more pain than pleasure, and left her breathless as she tried to keep up with his harsh, urgent gestures. But the heat inflaming her skin wherever he touched her spread all over her body in a wave of hot desire.
His pain echoed inside her, mixing with her own since in the end they were both the same, and in that precise moment she knew she’d never be able to live without him again.
Raising her arms she hugged him, caressing his face, the same she’d hit just a few hours ago. No matter where he went, no matter what destiny awaited him, she’d still follow him.
Alexis pulled back, only enough to regain his lost breath, and leaned his forehead against hers. He could hardly believe she’d chosen to stay, and part of him still believed that all of that were mere illusions brought upon by the madness consuming him.
“You need to rest.” Her voice, soft and warm, left a smile on his lips, even as he shook his head.
“I need to make sure you’re here. That you’ll stay here.”
“Alexis. I’m not joking.” Sarah scolded him. “You’re in a miserable state. And you’re eyes …”
“They’ll be fine. Everything will be fine … Sarah …?”
“Hum?”
He just smiled and hugged her again, holding her against his chest. The wave of pure bliss that pierced through him brought new tears to her eyes and she had to try hard to go back to more serious matters.
“Alexis, really. You have to rest.” His shaking arms slowly release her.
“Stay with me …” he asked, again fearful, and she placed a kiss on his forehead.
“I’m here, with you.” He left his eyes close, as if to taste those words, and she helped him out of his overcoat. He was immediately on alert the moment she stood up and he couldn’t touch her anymore. And only relaxed again when he felt the mattress accuse the weight of someone else.
“Come here,” she encouraged him, holding his hand, and he followed her blindly until he found her lying on her side, facing him.
Holding her he pulled her closer, shaping her soft, warm body to his, and a smile stretched his lips when he felt her snuggle in search of a more comfortable position, leaning her forehead against his chest. His hands pulled her leg over his, but as Sarah thought she’d have to reprimand him again, he finally settled down with a sigh, placing a light kiss on her hair.
“Don’t worry. I promise I’ll behave …” he told her, confirming he’d captured her thoughts, and Sarah felt her cheeks grow warmer.
“Promise to sleep, that’s what you have to do.”
“How can I possible sleep with you lying so close to me? And right now I refuse to let you go,” he added and Sarah recalled what had happened the last time she’d seen him sleep.
“Get some rest, then,” she commanded, tilting her head back to look up at him and placed a hand over his glassy eyes forcing him to close them.
He didn’t move, his black hair spread over the pillow, the scent of his skin mixed with the scent of leather. He was so beautiful … so perfect.
“I’m far from perfect. In fact I’m a well of flaws.”
“Stop that and sleep!” she reprimanded him and he was motionless again, as if he’d really obeyed her command. And suddenly a cold fear took over her, making her wiggle closer to him. “Alexis?”
“Hum…?”
“Promise me that, no matter what, we’ll stay together. That you won’t send me somewhere far away, just to protect me. After everything that happened … I just don’t think I’d be able to survive …”
He hugged her close and kissed her hair.
“I belong to you, my Hridaya. I’ll die to protect you, if needed be. But I’ll never leave you again. My place is with you, forever,” he whispered and Sarah let her eyes close, reading in his feelings the unbreakable truth of his words.