When I have a panic attack I enter into a surreal experience. I lose my sense of self, I’m unable to control my breathing, my heart races at a thousand miles an hour, and I have tunnel vision. In short, it feels like I’m dying.

What little remains of my awareness is flooded with intense dread. Initially, my attack was triggered by the fear of losing my Hanabira to the Shenrong Butchers, but now, I’m assaulted by sheer, unmitigated panic. My adrenaline is on overdrive like when an animal’s fight or flight response activates. I feel like I have to escape. From what, I don’t know, but I have to get away. Of course, I couldn’t get away from anything right now because I can’t even breathe. My chest spasms up and down as I hyperventilate. I want somebody to help me, but I’m completely alone and there’s nothing anyone could do to help me anyway. It seems like I’m going to die in this room and nobody will ever find my body.

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My panic continues to rage against me. My heart races so fast that I must be having a heart attack. I feel lightheaded. I can’t think anymore. I feel like I’m outside of my body watching myself die. My eyes close. I think. I’m not sure. Maybe I’ve fainted, but I’m not sure of that either. All I know is that the last drop of my conscious awareness drips away and I disappear.