Chapter 0
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One Step
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What would you do anything in the world for?
If you had the ability to gain any one particular thing in this world, no matter how improbable, what would you choose?
Would you choose to use that ability for someone you love? Or would you use it for financial gain? Or maybe even to get supernatural powers? Or...
Would you use it for happiness?
“Please don’t talk to me anymore”
As if being snapped from a hallucination, I snapped back into reality to realize the predicament I was in.
“What... do you mean?”
I responded in a despondent voice while desperately seeking for the reason for her cold words, not caring about my disheveled appearance.
My name is Hyung Joon Soo, and in front of me stood a girl, who was my only school friend Yun Eun Ji.
It started when I first entered high school.
When I was in middle school and elementary school, I was constantly bullied and had no friends.
However, as I entered high school I desperately wanted to change that, I tried to work on my appearance, and I tried to change the way I spoke and the way I portrayed myself to other people. You could say I wore a mask?
Having done that, I managed to talk to a few people. This girl being one of them.
Overtime I became anxious about our friendship, wondering if it will truly last or if they truly care for me. Due to that I tried to understand them better.
But the more I tried to understand the people that surrounded me the more I ended up despising myself for the mistakes I made.
That’s what caused the situation that’s unfolding right now.
“What I’m saying is that you’re annoying and creepy, you hang around me too much and to be honest it’s a little unsettling.”
A cold rain befell as I listened to her speak, doing nothing but making her words colder than they already are.
Yeah, it was this feeling.
A disgusting shiver crawled up my spine as the feeling of loneliness creeped deeper into my heart.
I hate this feeling; no, it would be better to say that I despise it.
Before I could say anything else, --- quickly turned and left. Leaving me in this pouring rain.
I stood behind the school, frustrated not only at her but at myself as well.
FUCK!!!
I clenched my fists, and grit my teeth in frustration as I punched the wall next to me. My eyes watered as they teared up from hitting the wall, which only further amplified my rage.
I grew frustrated, frustrated not only at other people, but also within myself. I was someone who by all means of the word was a coward. Even when I hurt myself I can’t help but just complain.
This always happens.
I always end up messing up.
This book was originally published on Royal Road. Check it out there for the real experience.
I always end up making mistakes.
Why?
I ask myself this question every single day, desperately seeking an answer and clawing at every possible way to make myself normal, like everyone else.
I want to make friends, I want to have fun and I want to experience the joys of my youth.
I want to understand what it feels like to LOVE
AHHHHH!!!!
I scream with a primal rage, the harsh and heavy rain drowning my screams out as the cloudy and dark skies dim, as if understanding my rage.
I despise the me that can't be normal, that can't be like others, that can't love myself the way they do.
I continuously punch the wall in anger and frustration, my fist bleeding in frustration.
After seeing my fist covered in blood, the pain seeps into my body as I twist and turn in agony, which leads me to feel further frustrated.
I hated this part of myself, I hated how weak I was and how I couldn’t bear pain even for a little moment. Where every moment of suffering leads me to complain.
I feel desperate to scream as I pull at my hair, each part of my soul twisting and pulling at each other as if being continually ripped apart from fighting itself.
Soon enough, the pain from attacking myself violently overtakes my rage as I can no longer bear the pain of hurting myself. I collapse to the floor, soaking wet from the falling rain as I stared into the sky.
Its cold...
I realized the more I stood out in the bitter rain the colder it became, until eventually I cowardly decided that it was too cold to stay out there.
“Ahh… its time to go home.”
I stood up, and I gathered my feelings, as if picking them up from the floor after having had them thrown to the ground. Then I quickly left, walking home by myself in the cold rain.
As I walked I began to think to myself, about what it would be like if I had been given a second chance at life. If I could go back and try again would I have been able to make friends?
That would be nice...
I gradually approached a stoplight to cross the street, daydreaming about the kinds of things that I would do if I could travel to another world.
As I daydreamed at the stoplight, waiting to cross the street. I heard the screeching of tires to my right as I swiftly turned to identify where the noise was coming from.
The hell?!
As I turned, I saw that during the heavy rain a car had drifted along the rainwater, causing it to go out of control.
Before I could react or do anything else, the car came at a blindingly fast speed and crashed straight into me, swiftly knocking me to the ground.
Before I could process anything I felt a jolt of pain twinge up my entire body, my entire world got spun upside down as I lay on the floor.
Rain platters across my body as I splash onto the floor, I lay quietly staring up into the sky as pain twinges across my entire body.
What...? What just happened...?
The speed of the collision left me dumbfounded and confused, I lay on the floor attempting to understand what had just happened. It was then that sharp pains ran through my body.
Did.. Did i get hit?!
The experience I'm feeling right now doesnt feel real, but the sharp pains jolting throughout my body prove otherwise as I continue to struggle to move. Eventually, a crowd begins to form around me.
Everything hurts... so much...
Every passing second felt like hours, the warmth in my body left as a bitter cold washed over me. I could feel the fear creeping into my heart as I could feel the blood pooling into a puddle around me.
Ahh... I guess im finally dying...
Tears well up in my eyes as my life flashes before my eyes, every moment of bullying, loneliness, and sorrow creep up in my soul as I realize the pitiable way I had been living my life.
My life was horrible.
I begin to contemplate on how meaningless my life had been, what had I accomplished? What kind of social relationships had I created?
I wish I could have had a girlfriend.
As I attempt to humor myself in my last moments, I hear the sounds of an ambulance distantly wailing in the background. People are screaming so loudly around me, and the feeling of distance begins to feel greater.
Oh God, this hurts, I dont want to die, this feels so painful...
As I begin to have my dying thoughts, I grow infuriated with myself. What do you mean this hurts? Didn't I want to die? How fucking dare I have the thought of regret when I didnt even attempt to change my life.
It's cold...
As I think that I can feel my eyes closing slowly, the hazy image of the ambulance lights and the people that surround me begin to become ever more distant. Soon, I see nothing but pitch darkness.
...
Its so dark... Is this what it feels like to be dead...?
As I speak to myself, there appears to be a small glimmer of light admist this void of darkness.
Huh...? What is that? Light? What, is that heaven?
The light appears to gradually get bigger and bigger, eventually, enveloping my entire field of view. I get blinded by the enormously bright lights as a rush of cold air hits my skin.
Huh? Skin?
Wait.. This isnt right, how do I have skin? I thought I had died? Maybe this whole time ive been an immortal and just didnt test the theory? No, thats not right this is.....
A hospital room?
As the light begins to clear around me and I begin to make sense of the things surrounding me I realize that I'm actually in a hospital room, surrounded by doctors with a woman who looks to be in her twenties clutching me.
Ahhh...? Did I actually survive the crash...?
I feel greatly disoriented as I attempt to make sense of my current predicament, the strange lack of pain from having experienced a crash confuses me as I begin to try to move around to figure out what the current situation is. Then I begin to hear the woman holding me begin to speak.
Woman: He's so beautiful, my child, my very own... Kim Seon Joon....
I get disoriented and confused from everything that occurs, as I try to piece everything back together. I scramble my brain to figure out the solution as to how I find myself in this predicament.
The more my brain attempts to unscramble the situation the more I get exhausted, the confusion from the accident to the sudden hospital room leads me to feel fatigued as I begin to close my eyes to sleep.
Wait...
I snap back to reality as I fumble around in confusion, as I had neglected to realize what the woman holding me had just said, as I look up in confusion to see her directly looking at me.
Did this woman call me her child...? What does she mean...?
As I state that, i look down to see my own body, seeing that my body size had greatly reduced from what I had once remembered, my arms short and stubby as my legs appear to be just as tiny.
What the hell?? My body... Am i a baby?!
I fumble around my inner thoughts to piece everything together as a thought slowly creeps into my mind...
Wait... What if this... No could this be...?
As I begin to piece everything together, I begin to come to a conclusion that begins to make my heart pound... My body begins to shake and my ever growing excitement and happiness cant help from seeping out in my inner thoughts as a smile begins to creep across my face.
This is it...
OH HELL YEAH!!!
As I realized what had happened to me, I pump an imaginary fist into the air as I realize that this is the start of my second chance at life. No, thats not right. Its probably more accurate to say that....
This was my chance to be happy.
Chapter 0 END