It appeared, the trundling figure from my thoughts. It staggered up and over a clearing to take hold of a branch as the warping of the snow blinded my senses. The world was chalky, sickly and veiny, the sky a swallowing vantablack, pulsating with the occasional prism of color, when -
Shwik!
The bruising figure tumbled backward, collapsing to the ground.
The birch watched it as it swayed, and so did I, its chips of crystalline shedding. Decorating the coltish being as though it was part of me, but was it really?
It would call out my name. A distorted and unrecognizable, “Carla”, weaseled out of it. Lifeless, beat up. It’s used, frantic. Unconsolable, as I'd jest unknowingly. “Your brain still in there?” It was odd saying that to someone I didn't know. Was it a friend or a partner? If so, why is it invading my mind? I knew there wasn’t any real danger, but deep down I could sense the figure felt something entirely different.
I couldn’t help but think that I've lived this moment before, as I rest in Asana, legs crossed. A sanded land glass of white and green seemed to decorate both Appalachia and me with a twinkled, solemn beauty as I felt something, an indescribable dread. One which welled over like a boiling pot of water, the world shifting with it—observing my indifference, a presence all the more alluring, as the sky opened itself up finally. A world of colors growing right before my very eyes. The trees leering to follow the figure, growing as though they were alive, waiting to see what we would do next. I wasn't scared of this. I never was. It was an oddly comforting thought, knowing that now it was here. That I could end this. I could change its mind. Maybe it'd leave me alone if I tried, if I could persist here just a little longer.
"Carla?"
The figure moved to my right erratically. My focus never flinching as the sun began scorch the Earth. The snow glistening and sizzling as it melted, blaming the qualities of a midday current on its glittery, glassy bombardment.
"Lucario?"
Each vowel that came out of this things mouth was piercing, pestering. Its breathing, its aura, still that of a similar stubbornness remaining by my side. Still determined to break my focus more and more and more until its fragile demeanor slipped into impatience.
"It's freezing out here, what're you thinking?"
It fumbled with its words, its jaw sewed stiff as it was gripped by the wind which, I assume, lashed its face like a whip. The petulant nagging, the worry, it was growing, and I couldn’t stop it. I am one with nature, I repeated to myself in a mantra. It rung though my senses, it wouldn't stop. It kept shaking me with its dread that had finally spilled itself my subconscious with the snow returning, thickening now. The apparition unwavering. Our home was destroying itself from a reluctance to my stubbornness, and into a desire to remember something. A person maybe. One that I had known for years.
“...look at you. You're covered in snow - come on! Get up! You're gonna freeze!"
The snow blinded and began to part ways with my vision, waiting for my subconscious to let this thing, or person, or whatever it was to break me. The voice sounding more...human...The trees, the dirt, the sky, my breath started to suck itself inward with the snow and the Earth. It pulled me and pulled me and pulled me upwards, like a rope that had tied itself to my insides and yanked the innards out. The sky an overflow of color.
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
It was trying break me from my concentration.
No no—It couldn’t, it must be rid of this! Again, I repeat to myself; I am one! I am one! in hopes to rebel against the inevitable but it was too painful, and I couldn't resist any longer. The figure still coltish, still blackcurrant, calls back to me. My inner focus collapsing.
"Get the hell up!"
And I did, the stoicism and grace I once displayed turning into a frantic stumble, frost still amassing in fusillade. My hind legs tripped against the stump and onto the birch, driving me down with my heart, my haste, scraping my chest spike against cross frozen bark. Flaking off the nubs of snow that clung to my body, my knees anchoring me to the ground. The thought of the night, of it killing me.
"Oh, Arceus. Fuck-"
I couldn’t even bring myself to stand, shiver, or feel pain, as I looked up to the sky. It turned from a gray to an orange, then a purplish black. Painting the clouds, a canvas for a contemporary motif, as the centuries pass. Trees seethe into a deep, deep sleep, as their branches forked up the Earth, holding it there like a pedestal, tangling the powerlines of the world. It was a sharp but orderly mess. The moon a pulse of the mother who cares of us, as I lose myself...
We all belong in my own same space, we all belong. Be my own.
“Carla!” it rang out, the voice calling me back with a magnetic click.
Justin.
Immediately, I could hear the snow tap insolently overhead, without a care in the world. My name kept passing through me dully as my trainer shifted through the dark. He was wet, damp, and with a sense of urgency. I should've listened to myself. The blinding hail, the shimmering, freshly covered snow that he parts, haloed in the distance as the dark fully started to set in. Just like the reality of my situation.
What have I become?
I could see the light, obscured by the movements and figure of the smaller, thinner trees that strobe an outline of Justin’s fading aura. The light flailing those scavengers. Please Arceus, no.
Eventually though it didn’t matter though. I was in his hands now.
“Fucking hell…” he grunted. His hands dragging across the ground, the light amplifying his clumsiness as he approached closer, trying to grab the bough again.
He kept repeating to himself, “Come on - come on…” through gritted teeth, grabbing my sleeve insistently. Trying to drag my dead arm from the frozen wood. I couldn’t feel my legs; it’s stinging and stiffening. My clothes crumpled under his touch. All of his being tried to lift me by my shoulders, failing again and again and again, but he didn't care. His voice wretched in pain, trying to balance himself as I sunk oddly into a suddenness. A weightless as I was lifted, my head hovering over the ground. Twinkling brighter than I ever thought it could with diamond eyes, watching me with a curious wonder, as I do the same.
“J-Justin…” my voice raced. It wasn't even me talking, it was my subconscious. Reminding me of these decisions I couldn't change, these actions, these questions. I couldn't feel it when his knee finally buckled, toppling us over and into the snow. I didn't really remember anything. Everything was empty and it felt like the snow was finally claiming me. My body had no will, I couldn’t. I was losing myself again...
What have I become?
Everything turned itself inside out, from my body to my mind and the melting of Earth, as Justin’s head leered beside me, now a silhouette distorting the sky. His body becoming the very stump I’ve been meditating on, charred and obscured by a brightening glow and I didn't know why. I didn't even know myself sometimes. He’s trying to break me from my concentration. He couldn’t, he mustn't. I know I’m one with nature; I am one.
“I am - -”
"No." he cuts off, "I already know - I don't want to come back here again."
“That’s not what I’m trying to say.” I retorted.
“Then what?”
I could see it in his face, the way it mangles into an uncomfortable squint. Showing his checkered, repulsive smile.
For a moment, I just sat there. My stare turning into that of indifference, long before I spoke. Why hadn't he taken the hint?
“Just leave me alone, Justin.”
I closed my eyes, as I felt the wind brush up against my ears. The figure once again stood to the right of me, kneeling over as he sighs.
“Please, Carla. I don’t want you to die out here.”
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