“The Free Cities are named after the deities worshipped by the demons. Supposedly. The bigger the city, the more important the deity they represent. For instance, Atharemine is the goddess of night and darkness, mother of the world. People pray to her when they have insomnia, but I dare say she doesn't answer very often. Irixil is the deity of winter, and all the crap that comes with it. They say that colds and other winter diseases are the products of Irixil's whims. I wonder what sort of god bestows gastro-enteritis upon its followers, but alright, why not. Next, Pelirise, goddess of sun. And sunburns. Strangely enough, she's also the goddess of summer, though the northerners don't see much of that up here. But then, during most years they even don't see much of the sun either.

-anonymous traveller”

* * *

Azcheron

There isn't really any need for names, he'll be dead soon enough anyway... Azcheron grumbled mentally, for he felt he had lost a battle of theatrics before it even began. This Kalithazar or whatever his name was, almost took the Saint by surprise.

A handsome bandit was something rare. A polite bandit was something new. A nice bandit was absurd. All this at the same time was unfathomable. Azcheron looked at Erin, searching for some answers, but she seemed as puzzled as him.

He sighed. Might as well act friendly and get some intel on the state of the north. We can kill them all later.

“Greeting, thief. I am Azcheron, a humble traveller, and this is my associate, Erin. We got ourselves lost in the forest and your employees were kind enough to escort us here, to safety,” he said with his best smile. Appearing naïve and vulnerable was the best way to get people to open out ! Or so Azcheron believed. He never actually tried that, he was much more comfortable with intimidating people with words, or violence, or both.

It can't hurt to try new things from time to time.

“Oh, a traveller, I see !” Kalithazar exclaimed with joy. “Are you here for sightseeing ? Or maybe as a merchant ? Northern commodities must be getting pricy in the south, with the war and whatnot... Prosperous times, I gather.”

Wouldn't it be the fishiest thing ever to say that we're just visiting ? No one would do that in the middle of a war.

“Right on point, we are indeed travelling merchants. You're quite the sharp man, Kalithazar. As expected of a thief, haha !”

“Haha !”

Other bandits started to laugh but with a glance their chief shut them up. Hmm...

Kalithazar flashed a large, warm smile. “And what is your trade ?”

This is one of these moments when I wish I was an assassin. Then I could answer something amazing like “I sell death !” before drawing a dagger from my dark robes...

Alas he had to make do with a credible cover. “Oh, anything really. We'll see what we can buy at Atharemine before going back south. Crops, beans, textile, jewels and so on. Would you recommend anything ? Or some other cities that might be of interest ?”

“I must disappoint you again. As you might guess, we suffer from poor relationships with the cities. I do not think I can provide you with information you don't already possess...”

Azcheron wasn't surprised. Whether the bandit was lying or genuinely ignorant of the cities' activities, it didn't matter that much.

“I am sure you have many tales of adventures, and every single one of which would most certainly prove interesting and entertaining ! We would be delighted to learn of the culture of... nomads.”

Kalithazar sighed and shook his head. “Hah... you certainly know how to please an ear such as mine. Come, new friend, let us drink. And have breakfast, since the sun is up.”

He clapped his hands and the bandits went to prepare a banquet of some sorts. They gathered tables and chairs, also wood for a fire, and brought meat, fruits and wine. Barrels and barrels and barrels again, more wine barrels than Azcheron ever saw in his entire life. And they all looked heavy and very much filled. Were they supposed to drink it all ?

Well... breakfast here sure has vibes of celebration, eh...

Erin and him watched as Kalithazar gave out orders to his surprising well-disciplined bandits. They even fetched zithers and flutes. Could they really play these, though ?

They don't seem surprised by what's happening...

Something was bugging him. Yes, it looked as if it was a regular occurrence to them. They knew what they were doing. It wouldn't be that surprising for bandits to hold banquets and feasts, but...

He whispered to Erin. “Be careful. It could be that they'll try to poison us or kill us while we have our guard down.”

It never hurts to be careful ! Careful is good. Careful is life, thought the hypocritical Azcheron.

Erin nodded with a half-smile. She seemed to be mocking his convenient surge of carefulness too, but she'd be wary, no doubt. She wasn't the kind of woman that'd trust bandits just because they invited you to a banquet. That was in itself the fishiest thing ever, so...

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road. If you spot it on Amazon, please report it.

And wary she was indeed. After all, just a few minutes ago all these men seemed very eager to rape her or something like that. And now they acted like they were celebrating ? Azcheron probably didn't even need to warn her.

Kalithazar showed them to their seats, and the bandits started playing music. It sounded like they actually knew how to play these instruments. This is absurd, Azcheron frowned.

“We have some boars that we killed yesterday,” the demon pointed to large plates covered with iron lids. “Will that satisfy you ?”

Azcheron nodded and waved his hand in a flustered manner. “It's an embarrassing display of hospitality. I'm not sure we're worthy of it...” I'm planning to kill you once we're done with the food, after all !

“You're my guests ! I say, my guests deserve the very best I can offer !”

“Well said ! If all bandits knew how to provide entertainment the way you do... Well, there would be more bandits in this world.”

“How so ?” Kalithazar wondered with a frozen smile.

“It's no secret that people in your profession are rather short-lived. It surely has to do with their poor display of warmth toward the rest of the world.”

“Because bandits like to kill people,” the demon shrugged. “Don't sugarcoat it. I'm no exception !”

“Yes, and the same way bandits like killing people, some people like to kill bandits.”

“...And have you ever met those people ?”

Azcheron laid back in his chair and smiled widely as he sniffed his wine, yet refrained from drinking it. “Oh, I'm well acquainted with them.”

The bandit chief gulped half his glass and stared at the Saint, who carried on. “Do not brood. It isn't all that rare for merchants to know a lot of soldiers and mercenaries, and to employ them. Don't you think ?”

“I very much think so. But there's no need to make this conversation more awkward than it already is. We bandits kill people, among them merchants and travellers, and you merchants employ sell-swords to kill bandits ! Such are the ways of the world. You would never expect people like us to drink and chat together, yet here we are.”

“Yet here we are.”

Kalithazar made his razor-sharp teeth shine under the morning sun. He then got up, raised his glass, and addressed the crowd. “To merchants and bandits !”

Cheers and laughs from the entire camp. Somebody deemed the moment proper to make a joke. “What happens when a bandit marries a merchant ? Their child becomes a smuggler, arhaharh !” More laughs, though Azcheron didn't know if it was supposed to be funny. If anyone asked him, he'd say no.

Kalithazar sat back. “Well, merchants, bandits and smugglers... We have to stick together in these times of turmoil ! All of us have it hard because of the war, don't we ?”

Earlier you were saying these were prosperous times...

Azcheron eventually raised his glass too. “I'm sure the soldiers are more troublesome to you than to us.”

“Oh, you have no idea. Just the other day, we had a skirmish with a patrol from Atharemine. And I've had men captured by that witch from the Empire. Ever heard of her ?”

“Great Sorceress Karia, yes. We've... heard a great deal about her. We passed through her encampment, and saw the charred people. Haven't we, Erin ?”

She gazed at him a moment, maybe trying to figure out why he'd reveal that, then went along. “We indeed have.”

“Speaking of which, aren't you two from the Empire ? You know these parts are dangerous for people of your... origins. You should be careful, you never know what kind of people you'll meet in the north.”

Funny to hear that from the mouth of a bandit chief whose men tried to kill us in our sleep... Azcheron kept smiling nonetheless.

“Rest assured, we know how to protect ourselves.”

“You female companion sure looks like she does.” Kalithazar squinted his eyes. “You're an interesting pair. You seem to have quite a bit of knowledge in 'protecting yourselves', quite a curious bit, for merchants... I was told three of my men have somehow mislaid their own heads in the forest.”

Azcheron smiled. “It's easy to lose precious belongings in the forest, more so at night. It's dark, and who knows what sort of wild beast you'll encounter...”

“True. It was careless of them anyway. Surely they didn't deserve to keep their heads.”

“I'm sure they didn't,” the Saint concluded.

Neither Azcheron nor Erin had touched their food or drinks. Eventually everyone else had finished their meal. The Saint stood up, Erin and Kalithazar followed.

“Leaving ?” the demon asked.

“Yes, I think it's time we depart. I do not wish to abuse of your hospitality, and we have to reach Atharemine today.” He glanced at Erin, who nodded. He turned his back toward the bandit to hide his smile. “But before that...”

“Yes, before that...”

As he heard Erin drawing her sword, Azcheron turned around. He was surprised to face Kalithazar and his horde of bandits, all geared up, taking out swords from the wine barrels – which were obviously not wine barrels in the first place. Kalithazar himself was pointing his blade at Azcheron's torso, though the demon was also surprised to have Erin's blade rubbing against his own neck. A deadly triangle of some sort, in which the protagonists were locked. With the crowd of armed brigands circling them.

“Now this is a rather curious twist,” the bandit chief said in a flat tone that had nothing to do with his polite, warm voice from before.

“I concur. Were you planning to kill us from the beginning ?” Azcheron wondered, not surprised.

“Of course we were. We are bandits. Though usually people in your situation are taken by surprise, making desperate expressions. That's the fun part of our little set up, and you ruined it. I guess you were also plotting our demise.”

“Of course we were. You are bandits. Your heads will fetch us a good price and some demon lord's favours. Why do you think we let your minions capture us and lead us to your camp ?”

Kalithazar sighed. “What now ? We can't very much kill each other mindlessly, can't we ?”

“I don't see why we couldn't,” Azcheron casually said. He could still cut everyone's head before the demon could even think about moving his sword. Which he couldn't anyway, because the sword would be immobilized with magic just in case.

“Well, I wouldn't want you two dying so soon.” Kalithazar smiled and looked at Erin. “Especially you. The guys want to have a go at you. Or I could save you and make you my woman, if I cared enough.”

Erin's blade moved faintly and carved a thin line through the skin of the demon's neck. A single drop of sweat rolled along his face, yet he kept smirking. Azcheron was about to behead the man when he said something surprising. Well, the only possible thing to try and save his own life, really.

“I have a proposal. A duel. I believe they solve quarrels like that where you're from ?”

“How strange of you to suggest that. What do we have to gain from that ? We could kill everyone here and be done with it.”

“I don't know how you plan to do that. Just because you know some magic and killed a couple of my guys, you think you can take my entire camp ?”

Hmm, nice bluff. If only I 'just knew some magic', then you'd have a chance...

Erin took the initiative. “What are the stakes ?” She seemed to like the idea of a duel.

“Well, if you kill me, the camp is yours. The strongest leads, that's how we do things.”

What good is a bunch of lawless dirty slobs whose heads have a bounty on it ? Well, I can see a few uses, such as an accompaniment for Kalithazar's own head, but...

“And if you win ?” Azcheron didn't really need to ask. And it wasn't as if he'd lose. He didn't intend to respect any sort of rules if he found them inconvienient.

“Once you're dead, we'll take the girl, of course.” The Saint rolled his eyes. “Ah, don't make such a face. We're bandits, that's what we do. What would people think of us if we started to treat women nicely and spare people ? Heh.”

“I admit I'm thankful to you, Kalithazar.” The demon raised a brow, waiting for Azcheron to continue. “I was confused at first, but it appears you're a real bandit, despite your charming looks. This turn of events somehow filled the gap in my heart,” he said as he put his palm on his chest.

“That's fortunate. I don't like people fighting half-heartily.”

“Oh, but he won't be the one fighting,” Erin said.

Kalithazar tilted his head. Azcheron wasn't surprised. I saw that coming the moment you asked about stakes...

She flashed a vicious smile. “I have quite a lot of frustration to vent.”