Content Warning: This chapter contains themes of suicide and self-harm. Reader discretion is advised.
It was raining outside, the room was quite cold despite the windows being closed. The room was dimly lit, lit by the only source of light in the room. It was the TV that was displaying the screen of a game. ‘Game Over’ was written on the screen, it was the screen that displayed the game over scene or menu of a game. I had died in the game, it was either too difficult or I just wasn’t paying much attention. I felt numb, cold and almost empty. One quote came into mind, it was from a book I read long ago when I was still a teenager. ‘Mine has been a life of much shame.’. It was from a book called ‘No Longer Human’ by Osamu Dazai. Its been so long since I read it though, I barely remember its contents. I am unsure its whether due to my own choice of ignorance or I just wasn’t able to focus at the moment.
The screen dimmed time to time, the light decreasing. My tired eyes would just blankly stare at it, unsure what to do. I haven’t slept in perhaps, weeks? I am unsure, I haven’t even bothered checking the date or time. I only watch as the sun sets and rises, playing games, eating food and soft drinks. Rarely taking showers and just waiting. What was I waiting for again? Who knows.. Who cares.. Its not like I have anything left anyways.
I dropped out of high school, left my parents after turning 18 and moved into this apartment, bought necessities like games and television. Also a laptop, my only other device except the TV and smartphone. I have been eating a lot but I seemingly haven’t built up much weight. I have no academic career, no friends, no family, no one to talk to, no job. And the one person I have been searching for all these years, doesn’t even remember me.
I stood up but immediately holding onto the wall for support as I slowly made my way to the bedroom. I slowly opened the door then immediately fell to my knees. I have been eating a lot, but I spent too much time sitting down and playing games instead of bothering to exercise. Who cares, I don’t even have a girlfriend or partners like I used to. I slowly stumbled my way to the bed, collapsing on it. Then I slowly got up on my knees as I looked up at my arrangement last week.
A rope, tied into a noose, was attached to a point where the fan was usually placed. I looked at it weakly.
“Ah… That’s right.. What I was waiting for is…”
I slowly stood up, taking the small plastic stool by the bed. I quickly placed the stool and got on top of it. The balance wasn’t steady but I was able to manage. I slowly raised my hands, gripping at the noose. I wanted one thing more than anything, the sweet release from all of this. All of this pain, all of this suffering, all of this hatred, all of this envy, all of this bullshit.
But what would my parents do if they found out? They would probably cry, sob, go into depression that their only child opted to committing suicide instead of asking them for support.
“…”
Who am I kidding? I don’t need their support. All they did was push their expectations and ideals onto me, stressing me and pressuring me. I am better off dead than going to them for support. Or so I thought. I wasn’t sure. For one, I was ready to die, but then I was also scared. Scared of dying alone, scared of leaving my family and former friends behind, scared of being considered a sour loser for taking my own life. But still, its fine. I deserve this.
“I led Kami and Reiko to suicide. I deserve to die a pathetic death…”
I muttered under my breath as I placed my head into the noose, before slightly tightening the noose around my neck and throat. A drop of sweat travelled down the side of my face, despite the cold temperature. Was this fear? I guess it is. After all, this was an act that would mark the end of my life and I would be welcoming death.
“Goodbye, the damned accursed world. I absolutely fucking hate myself.”
I said as pushed the stool away, my legs then feeling nothing beneath them. There was a moment of silence as my body stayed still in the air. For a moment I just felt nothing, then it came. The excruciating pain traveled down my whole body. At first, I didn’t feel any pain or anything, but slowly I started suffocating, the pain was unbearable and I am pretty sure my eyes were wide open and bloodshot. I started kicking my feet in the air as my hands immediately reached out for the noose, but due to some misfortune, I only ended up tightening it further.|
I am going to die, I am going to fucking die.
The thoughts raced across my mind, but at that moment, even my thoughts were a mess. My first goal was to get rid of the pain but it was too late. My body slowly started going numb as I suffocated. Within a few minutes, not even seconds, my body went completely still as tears flowed down my bloodshot eyes.
So this was the end, huh? The end of the road. I don’t mind this but… I just wish, I could have apologized to my former friends. I wish I could have apologized to Sarah or Kaz. I wish, Nessa recognized me. Oh well. It was too late now.
The moment my eyes closed, my consciousness slipped away. There was a brief silence, a calm silence as my mind was still. Huh, I never expected trip to hell would be so calm. The next instant, I heard the panting or wailing of a woman. She sounded like she was in pain, a lot of it.
“It’s alright Bathy! You are almost there!”
Huh? Who the hell was that? It sounded like a guy’s voice or tone.
“Miss Bathy! You’re almost there! Just one more push!”
Then I heard the voice of a female, it wasn’t the same tone of the women who was still wailing but it sounded mature. It sounded like they were a professional and… Hold on, why do I feel like I have seen or heard something similar to this before? Almost like in my life or movies or even animes…
I felt a quick motion course through my body as I felt hands around me. I was immediately slapped on the back.
Ouwch! Talk about being mean!
The moment I opened my eyes, they were still getting adjusted to the light. During the brief time I was getting adjusted to the light. I felt liquids… Wait what? Why were there liquids in my nose or airways. Either way, something sucked out some liquids form my airway or windpipes as I finally was able to breath properly. I slowly opened my eyes as some… nurse? I guess a nurse, was holding onto to me. Strange, I weighted around at least 40 kilograms minimum. This woman would have trouble holding me.
“Miss, he is healthy! Congratulations!”
Suddenly, my views shifted the nurse placed me on a bed, then I looked around to see a woman panting as she looked at me and smiled. Huh? Why was she smiling at me anyways? I looked around and saw that nurses and a doctor were roaming about. Did I survive my attempt? Am I in the hospital? Huh, I guess I should have thought of that.
Then the a female doctor approached, looking down at me as she smiled. Then she lifted me into her arms. What’s with people now easily being able to lift me? Also, personal space lady? I quickly reached out to push the women away. Then I saw it, my hands, they were so tiny, so small. Wait… These hands look like they are of an… infant. I left out a gasp but all I heard was a baby letting out a sound.
“Waaah!”
Huh….?
*
A few weeks have passed and… I am quite puzzled. I have been put through some stuff, I am unsure what to call them. Even though my father, well, my father in the previous life was a doctor. And as to why I said ‘previous life’… Well…
“Soly! Look here! Look at papa!”
I turned to look at the man who was standing beside my bed or well, crib. He was making some funny faces or doing the ‘peek-a-boo’ thing you normally do with babies. He was quite happy and joyful. While beside him was the woman who wailing earlier. Well I say ‘earlier’ but in all honesty, it has been over a week or so. The woman looked joyful too, smiling wide as she rested her head on the man’s should. They held each other’s hands as smiled.
The tale has been illicitly lifted; should you spot it on Amazon, report the violation.
“Our baby looks so beautiful, doesn’t he?”
The woman nodded, then turning to the man.
“He must have picked up those genes from you.”
She said as they both went for a kiss. Eugh… Look, I used to read romance manga and light novels all the time but I was quite uncomfortable with seeing two individuals kiss in front of me. But anyways lets get back to the point shall we. What was happening and who was this baby they were talking about?
Well, long story short folks; I’ve been reincarnated. Yes, yes, that sounds wild and so unnatural. My original father might have also called this story ‘unnatural’ and ‘illogical’. But bear with me here. The moment I hung myself and lost my conscious, there was a brief moment of silence before I heard things again. I was pretty sure dead people can’t hear things after their body expired, unless you’re a poltergeist. But when I opened my eyes again, I was in a body of an… infant. Yes, that is quite wild but its true. I’ve been, reincarnated. And that is quite the wild revelation, even for me. And worst of all, the year is 1950. I am sure you are wondering; ‘Whats wrong about that?’.
So to keep it brief. I, ‘Hugo’, have died but then reincarnated. But isekai’d like most anime or manga. Rather… I was thrown into the past? It’s quite the mess, really. But I assure you, it will all seem normal once I figure this all out.
So, I was named ‘Solomon’ by my now parents, also cutely nicknamed ‘Soly’. And my now parents were a young couple going by the names of David and Bathsheba. I was born on May 2nd 1950. And I am the couple’s only child, at least for now. I will explain why later. The husband and I guess my now ‘father’ is David Myriad, he was rumored or said to be a mercenary. While my now mother, Bathshebda Myriad is a teacher at a school nearby. As for pets… We don’t have any, which slightly infuriated me since I was the owner of Labrador in my previous life and loved interacting with my dog! However, nothing much can be done about it.
Anyways, just after a few weeks after my ‘birth’, I instantly started roaming around the house. No, I wasn’t just locked up in a room, I in fact roamed and traversed through the house. Let me be clear, this house was almost like an ideal house for a couple who want space and proper necessitates. This house had about 3 bedrooms. One was for David and Bathsheba, one for me and lastly one for guests. It also had a pretty big living room or common area. The kitchen was quite good too, the dining area directly connected to it. The layout of the house is pretty hard to describe but it was a two-story building. It was surrounded by a small garden where plants kept and vegetables were harvested. Most of the normal necessities are downstairs, while other stuff like bedrooms, with bathrooms attached, were mostly upstairs.
As I roamed the house, I would often find Bathsheba or her nickname, ‘Bathy’, cooking in the kitchen. Or I would look out the window to find David, practicing with the sword and a pistol. I am not exactly sure what type of pistol it was but it was quite old looking, older than David. Okay, maybe that comment was unnecessary. But basically, he was wielding a sword in his left hand and a pistol in his right.
Pretty sure swords were outdated by this time, then again I wasn’t the best with history and geography. But something about David’s combination of weapons seemed… illogical. Most people either wield a single sword and a shield or dual swords and dual pistols. But who am I to question it? I am a cute little baby now after all.
But truth be told, something was not quite the same about this… world. Yes, industrial age was quite normal during 1950s but was it always so… steamy..? Well, what I meant was… most of the vehicles and transport look more, steam used. Like how some carriages are operated with steam piped vehicles. I can’t quite describe it properly but it looked… unique. Streets hum with life, not just the shuffle of feet but the clatter and whir of gears, the hiss of pressure valves, and the occasional spark of something I can't fully explain. It's a symphony of innovation, a constant struggle between beauty and chaos.
And everywhere I looked outside, it looked like a steam punk world but not quite. Well, I can’t be the judge of that since I never was interested in that genre back in my days… Or is it back in my future? Either way, even the outfits and looks of the people were unique. The outfits were the formal kind, most of them looked French or Victorian. And if you ask why I know, well I have had a point in my life where I heavily questioned my gender. And Gothic Victorian inspired fashion or as I like to called it, Aristocrat Gothic, was my cup of tea. Anyways, their outfits looked so good! Along with some wearing monocles or even really old… stuff or accessories.
Some were accompanied by automatons! Oh good god! This world is amazing! However, I do wonder. How did these automatons end up in the 20th century? Eh, who cares, all that matters is that they look cool!
“Soly! It’s time for dinner! Come to papa.”
I looked around to see a man, a beast, a monster, spreading his hands wide as he grabbed me, it was would have been kind of a nightmare to people with megalophobia. Anyways, I was grabbed by David and pulled into his arms, then he started kissing my forehead. I tried to push him with my teeny weeny hands but it was of no use.
David then carried me over to the dinning table, carefully seating me down on the table in front of Bathy, Bathy then smiled as she poked my cheeks then hugging me as my face fell into her chest. Most others would feel uncomfortable but me personally, some part of me… felt safe. And sleepy.
What is this feeling? Am I going back into infant-hood and embracing the love of a mother?!
Anyways, there is one thing I came to note. I had inherited the dark brown hair of Bathsheba and the purple eyes of David.
David, was tall and had broad shoulders, he looked well-built and seemed to be trained in both swordsmen ship and gun slinging or whatever you called it. He had blonde hair and purple eyes with a mole below his mouth. He had fair skin and some long fingers. Reminded me of the time I was praised for having nice long fingers and was thought to become an excellent surgeon by my previous father.
Hah! Fat chance old man, I am too much of a klutz.
Meanwhile, Bathsheba had dark brown hair like me and had normal brown eyes. She was quite pale and elegant looking. Some might consider her a daughter or member of a royal family! Anyways, she had long brown hair as stated before, with a clean face, which I seemed to have inherited. However, one of her hands were covered in severe burns, which I didn’t know why they existed.
Anyways, it was about time for dinner, when the maid served the food. Oh yeah, I forgot, there was a maid that worked during the daytime and left by dusk. She would do most of the work in the house like cleaning, taking care of things, maintaining stuff and buying groceries.
So the maid put the dishes on the table and silently stood in a corner, as if watching me. Anyways, before we began eating, David looked towards Bathsheba as he took out a cigarette.
“Hey darling, could you light this for me?”
I looked towards Bathsheba as she nodded and leaned towards David. I expected her to pull out a lighter or a match stick at any given moment, but then she just… positioned her fingertip below the cigarette burning point…?
“Ignis Minima.”
Bathsheba said those words. I tilted my head to the said like a confused pup. Then my eyes widened as a small flame sparkled and lit the cigarette. Both of them then went back to doing what they did but I, I was flabbergasted as I exclaimed a little in my baby voice as it seemed I couldn’t speak properly yet.
“W-Waaah…?”