Friendly Neighborhood

A bang echoed throughout the neighborhood. On the ground, Tyler's stalker laid breathless on the ground. Half of her hair was glued to her head, while a quarter of her skull was halfway across the yard, it looked more like a hairball than bone.

Heavy steps thwomped around his picket fence, as Tyler tried to hide the body. Before he could move so much as a blanket, Jim's boisterous voice stopped him in his tracks. "Hey! Tyler! Why didn't you invite me to some gun shooting-Holy Cripe!"

The kid tried to raise his voice but nothing came out. Jim ran across the street and banged on a neighbor's door. 

The blond shivered like he was naked in a blizzard. The accident, it was supposed to be an easy job. He could've made a break for it, if only his legs would listen to his commands.

In mere moments, Jim and Randy, one big and small, the other short and fit. The latter in particular was an off-duty officer, inspecting the body and the crime scene the same way an artist would inspect their child's crayon drawing. His chiseled face serious at first, then it became a goofy smile.

"Tyler, you mind telling me the full story boy," Randy was in a regular civilian t-shirt and jeans. Spitting blue chew on the ground, nonchalantly. A blueberry smell stained his clothes more heavily than booze on an alcoholic.

"Officer Randy," Tyler's greasy and pimply face glistened like a river as his back become more straight than a ruler. "Thi-this nutjob! Was stalking me, she threatened to cut of my skin and wear it like a jacket! What I did was in self-defense!"

"Huh, self-defense you say," tobacco jumped from his mouth as he kneeled to carefully study the knife bare handed. Ignoring the gleaming revolver that the teen was holding. "If memory serves me right, this is your grandpappy's knife that you used when we were huntin', ain't that right Jim?"

The husky man grabbed his glasses, as he studied the knife more like a grandparent learning a computer. "Yup! I'd bet my life on it, that's his knife."

"Boy, you mind tellin' me how this broad got a hold of your knife when you shot her in self-defense?" The officer asked nonplussed at the crime scene.

"I...She...She snuck into my house and stole my knife!" The murderer thought up on the spot.

"So, she snuck into your house, sliced the palms of both of her hands? Jim, how would you rank that lie of his?" Randy puffed out his bottom lip with his hands clasped.

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"D+ at best," his double chin jiggled as he shook his head in disappointment. "Tyler, my own daughter could think up something more clever."

"Tyler, this has to be the sloppiest kill I have ever seen, for god sake, how far away did she live?" Randy kicked the dead adolescent woman, judging by that hit, he could guess she weighed around 120.

"Two blocks, maybe?" The teen rubbed his neck in embarrassment. 

"Gyziz, Jim can you grab me a carpet?" Wordlessly, the large man jogged to his house. "All in all, everyone's first kill is sloppy, but man, why didn't you cover her mouth and use the knife. Your in a town! In broad daylight! You numbskull, she lived 'round here! What if a stranger drove by and saw this?!"

"I tried Randy! I swear I tried," the hormonal kid crossed his arms and pouted, "She fought back hard and stole my knife!"

"It's alright, it's alright," the ginger cop placed his hand on the kid's shoulder, "we all make mistakes on our first kill, you just need to learn from your mistakes and improve."

"Yeah Tyler," Jim chirped in with a wholesome chuckle, while wrapping the girl's body, "My first kill was my second wife, Jyerl, she was messing around with a few guys, man, you should've seen my walls after that night, I tried to clean it instead of replacing it, boy, I'll never make that mistake again."

"That's right, the blood was stained on your shoes for two weeks" Randy bounced his pointer finger in fond remembrance, "Mine was a guy I went to school with, him and I were goin' after the same chick, forgot her name, boy was she to kill for. Anyways, long story short, I drowned the kid in a toilet and threw a lit cigarette on the floor burning down the bathroom in school."

Both of the guys were radiated a disturbing positivity. Shoving the heavy carpet in a garbage bag. "Hey Tyler, you mind helpin' clean up your mess?"

Blushing, the teen scrambled to open the trash bag. Struggling to open the statically glued plastic. The older men couldn't hold back another fit of laughter as seven minutes had passed.

"So, what've you learned?" Randy said with a passive smile.

"Choose a better place and be more silent," the teen scratched the back of his head.

"Tyler, you can use whatever you want to put down your prey," Jim snapped on a rubber glove as he moved a chunk of the victim's skull. "Just choose your prey far away from home and pick an isolated place."

"Give the kid a break, you kill in your house every other weekend," the ginger began to lift the cadaver. 

"Guilty as charged, officer" the man bellowed with laughter.

"Attention Office Goodman, there has been a shooting in your area, respond," Randy's radio shouted from the side of his belt loop.

"You sure you've learned your lesson, boy?" His head came at a slight tilt, as he shot more blue tobacco.

"Scout targets farther away from home," the teen's long golden locks covered his eyes when he stood at attention. 

"And…" the bigger man rolled one of his hands in anticipation.

"Pick a better spot to kill in," he said with slight enthusiasm. 

"Officer Randy Goodman here, Old man Harvey was takin' care of a nasty racoon, nothin' to worry about," he said coolly, as he let go of the radio. "Alright Tyler, time to learn how to dispose of an unwanted body."

"You guys are good neighbors" Tyler flashed his teeth with a large smile, as he helped Randy and Jim carry her body.

"Ol' Migiligan will get a kick outta this, that old codger has the largest kill count in the neighborhood," Randy muttered.

"What can we say, it's a good neighborhood," Jim patted the kid's back like a proud father.