Chapter 16

Corrin

“I can barely feel you punch, man.” Quint jumps backward, face unhindered by pain despite my punch into his shoulder moments ago. “Sure you want to fight, eh?”

“You’re the one who fought me first.”

“I was testing you. You let out a little steam, we all need it. But what you’re doing is exhausting yourself.”

I roll my eyes and shake away the hallucinations in the shadows by dancing from foot to foot. I try to concentrate on my mom, on her smile and her face back when it was jolly, but all I’m left with is a ghostly white shape, leading to terrifying repetition of all that happened before and after. “Can we just fight, please.”

Quint lifts his fists. “Attack.”

I launch forward and he springs back. “Oh, come on!” I throw my hands up. “I’m working! I’m barely sleeping and you’re not even granting me the only thing that…” I trail off when Quint raises his brows. “Sorry.” I clear my throat to collect myself. “Thank you, anyway.” He stayed late to spar and I’m shouting when everyone’s asleep.

For the past two weeks in these catacombs my sense of time evaporated. Each day drags longer than the last. My mind paints ludicrous things and I can’t stop thinking about the pain I caused to other people, every little event. It feels like I’m not even in this place anymore… like I’m in my own airless cage of gunshots, blood, and screams.

On my way back I prepare to glance into Sevina’s room. As creepy as it may sound I do it to make sure she’s all right. She always sleeps in her clothing with her knees to her chest, and stays like this for the whole night, unmoving but for the rise and fall of her shoulders. Whenever I stand in the doorway I adjust my breathing to hers, focusing on it. Seeing her sleep so peacefully, like I myself never can, calms me.

To my favor she creeps into my room too from time to time. She has a pattern and visits in the evenings. Peeks in as if just to confirm I’m here. Each time my acting skills are put to the test as I try to appear like I’m in control of myself, well… tried. Now, after she woke me from my unconsciousness yesterday night, I doubt she buys my act.

She must be repulsed by me. Though her face seldom shows strong emotion, I’m certain she’s condemning me in her head every minute… every second.

With a sigh I move the curtain to her room. Empty. My chest grows heavier.

In my room I land on my fours and do ten pushups. Eleventh breaks me and I collapse on the ground, almost wishing I could pass out again so to rest. I sit on the ground, like I often do in the middle of the night, and extend my legs. I asked Terrel about leaving, but Aida was against it, so were some other men who noticed me and Sevina.

Corrin, pull yourself together.

Time slinks as I sit, until the rustling curtain makes me flinch.

“Wow,” Sevina’s voice fills with unfamiliar worry. “You look like shit.”

“I’ll do some push up’s.” I shrug.

“Have you slept?”

“No, but I was about to fall asleep.”

“In the morning?”

I gape. “It’s-it’s morning already?”

She walks in and extends me a hand. “Come on, gotta show you something.”

I grab her wrist and she pulls me to my feet. I shouldn’t have done that. She’s relying on me to protect her. All I’m doing is showing my true self—a pile of mess. What’s the point? She knows I’m a mess. She knows I’m trying to hide it.

“Are you certain it’s a good idea?” I ask when we pass the bathrooms and turn right.

“Pretty sure…Pretty certain.”

She leads into the darkness past the bathrooms, a button of a LED light in her hand. The walls around me blur and my knees wobble, but I do my best to walk straight. We climb the stairs into the building above the hideout. More confusing corridors. Piping and framework edges along the ceiling. A deep hum reverberates through me, drilling from one of the hallways.

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Air catches in my lungs and I stop. Is this humming real or is it my head? It’s real…

Corrin, they’ve come for you! It’s a trap.

“Corrin?” Sevina shines her light at me. I gasp, feeling like I’m choking, like I’m nothing— a little insignificant speckle.

She steps closer and shoves the light into her pocket. She hated me I knew it, she led me here to take her revenge! I grasp her arms, ready to protect myself—

She hugs me. “It’s okay.” She buries her face into the crook of my shoulder. Her hands touch the back of my sweaty shirt, lifting it, and her fingers send quivers along my spine.

“What are you doing?” Suddenly I’m very focused on her body pressed against mine, and her hands, caressing my back.

She takes in a deep breath, every inch of her body tense against mine. “How are you?”

I let go of her arms, perplexed. “All… all right, I think.”

Her hands retreat from my back, leaving cold tingles. “Come on, it’s this way.” Her voice is calm, unmarred by malice. She takes the light from her pocket and shines it at the cluster of cogs on the portable frame connected to the clump of wires. All locked in the grated cell. The hum emanates from there. “The generator. For water and electricity.” Green lights flicker on and off.

“Right.”

I jolt when her hand finds mine, but don’t let go, nor speak as I let her lead me onward. Why is she acting like this? It’s the complete opposite of what I was expecting. What on earth was she trying to do? She didn’t kill me, that’s for sure.

The other exit opens into the dim stairwell with tiny stained and cracked windows. “It’s up,” she says.

“Another exit? How did you learn?” I ask, still focused on my hand in hers.

“I looked.” We climb to the very top. “Enjoy.” She pushes the door wide open.

The morning sunlight blinds me like a floodlight. I squint, lifting my hand to my eyes and inhaling the industrial gasses.

I step forward into another realm, too bright to comprehend after the lengthy abyss.

Drapes of orange clouds slice the radiating sky, the low sun bathing the abandoned landscape in morning warmth. Traffic noise whirls across the city, accompanied by the hum of planes overhead. Construction and advertisements thrum in the distance. Everything blends into an brimming symphony of safety.

My world shifts.

I step aside and lean on the wall, sliding down. Sevina kneels beside me, her hair flurrying with the breeze, limned with crimson in the sun. Her glowing amber eyes are trained on mine. Out of elation I just stare into them. Only when she looks away, breathing in, I stir. “Sorry, I was—”

“It’s okay.” She cracks a weak smile. “You remember when your mom got you that new kite?” It did happen. She can see. I knew it but at the same time I forgot I’m an open book too. “The mansion backyard? You were five and it looked enormous, you were annoyed you had to run for so long, and all the open air…” Her voice is a balm to my ears, so soft, so unlike her. A refreshing smile curves my lips, no matter how strange it’s hearing her describe my memory to me. “And the kite? It shone all colors of neon in the night sky. You liked the gold most. The light spirals followed it’s trail, drawing all sorts of shapes in the sky, remember?”

The kite I got from my mom after visiting the National Opera House. A grand building in the middle of the city. I sat on my mom’s lap. She wore a red dress and I was in a dark child suit. I even remember the play— a holographic light show. The colors were mesmerizing. Back home I wrecked my cellphone, flinging it into the air, trying to produce the same neon effects. I was foolish back then. My mother laughed and Dan called me an outstanding idiot. Then I got the kite. It wasn’t a kite really, but a flying drone resembling it, with the same effects. I have no idea where mom got it from, presumably it was mom, because Father looked at it wryly with the corner of his eye.

“I do remember it,” I breathe, noticing tiny freckles on Sevina’s cheeks.

Her closed smile reaches her eyes. I swear it’s authentic. It’s impossible to fake this kind of a smile. “The dogs. One jumped on you.”

“Yeah, bastards. I love them, though.”

“And the panel? You liked guiding the kite with that control panel on your hand. You weren’t good. It plummeted and flew away. You chased it. Your mom caught up with you and scooped you into her arms. Her hand steered yours and the kite waved and danced.” My heart clutches. I look at the girl in front of me, letting out a soft scoff. That sort of a scoff people let out when they admit something to themselves.

“Thank you.” An abnormal mixture of elation and warmth overtakes me. I had this memory but it was locked away. I couldn’t feel the love, the affection, the joy— until now. And, boy, am I glad I got reminded in such detail. Even if Sevina added her own colors to it to make it more vivid.

“Just so you know.” Her voice is as tender as a breeze on my face. “I forgive you.”

I want to cry, to thank her till she hates me again. I have a chance! No matter what happened I’m still in the game. She supports my cause and she forgives me!

“Couldn’t do anything… sure,” I grin. “What is it you just did if not control? If not help? You can control it. You can help people.”

“I had no idea it would help.” Kneeling beside me, she studies the skyline. “I searched for a pleasant memory and came up with it logically.”

“Was your… hug in the tunnels a logical solution too?”

She glances at me, hesitating. “It was. I had to snap you out of it before you hyperventilated. It doesn’t mean—”

“Doesn’t mean anything, I know,” I smile. It could never mean anything, but what she has given me is beyond enough. She lowered a ladder into my abyss and I know if I climb it she won’t kick me down.

I breathe a laugh and it surprises her. After seeing me being eaten away for near three weeks, I must look high.

No, I am a little high.