Novels2Search
Freedom
Realisation

Realisation

“No way you can't use your bus pass today, they're only valid on school days.” Charlotte said, shaking her head and marveling at the new light feeling.

“No, Mum got me one that I can use on the weekends, in case I want to go swimming with my friends.” Kelly refuted, still looking for mistakes in her friend's new haircut.

“Hold on… let me see it?” Charlotte asked with a frown, holding her hand out eagerly.

Kelly reluctantly led her friend to the hastily ‘tidied’ bedroom, “It's in here.” She looked around, wishing she had tidied properly but still feeling apathetic towards the task. “Somewhere.” She muttered under her breath.

Charlotte hopped gracefully onto the high bed before jumping straight off, “OW! BLOODY HELL.” She screamed, massaging her buttock. She rummaged in the hastily made bedclothes and pulled out a fork. “What the hell Kelly?”

“Erm…probably from dinner last week. Sorry.”

Charlotte pulled the covers all the way off the bed, revealing a sheet which had been untucked and bunched up along with a completed rubix cube and about a hundred hair ties.

“Oh my god! That's feral!” She untangled the sheet revealing, to Kelly’s complete embarrassment, a half eaten sausage. “Bleugh!” Charlotte cried, jumping backwards. “Tell me that wasn't last week's dinner?”

Tears came to Kelly's eyes and she hid her face, she had to admit to herself that the depression and general malaise she had been feeling had possibly been building for a while.

“Hey, hey, it's okay. Come on.” She felt a pair of warm arms engulf her. “It doesn't matter,” Charlotte cooed to her. “Let's just tidy up, get you some nice clean sheets eh?”

She ‘hmmd’ into the crook of Charlotte's shoulder and snaked her arms around her, giving into a big sob.

They stood that way for a minute, her friend rubbing her back slowly until the crying stopped.

“I'm sorry.” She said with a snotty sniff. “Perhaps I do need those drugs.”

Charlotte sighed, “Well, I guess they must work for some people.” She extracted herself from Kelly’s arms and looked around. “Let's get this place tidy. I usually feel better when there isn't a huge weight of… this… around me.” She said, gesturing to the general vicinity.

“What did they feel like? The drugs?” Her friend asked her, wiping the tears away with her sleeve.

“Erm…dull, I guess… like, I was me but just… less so?” She started pulling the sheets off the bed, careful not to touch the desiccated sausage. “Like, it stopped the lows but kind of stopped the highs too? Does that make any sense?”

Kelly shook her head slightly.

“It was like it dulled all my feelings, good or bad, things I enjoyed weren't as fun but things I deaded were... less... I guess onerous? Is that the right word? Also, they tell you that you can get suicidal thoughts. I found that was a bit misleading. You know how you sometimes just think, wouldn't it be nice not to wake up tomorrow? Perhaps that's just me…”

“No. I… yeah, erm, sometimes.” Kelly stuttered.

“Well, normally they're just passing thoughts but when I was on antidepressants they kind of became intrusive?” She frowned, “Like, I felt they were more… god I don't know how to explain, sorry. I kind of dwelt on them, processed the idea rather than it washing away, they sort of felt like it wouldn't matter, as if the idea wasn't as abhorrent as it normally would be.” She signed heavily. “Anyway, they must work for some people otherwise they wouldn't prescribe them, if it's getting bad you should probably talk to someone, your parents at least.”

Kelly gave a wan smile, “I sort of told Mum I was feeling down. I sort of down played it though.”

“Yeah. It's hard to admit to people.” She decided that she had been standing holding the sheets for way too long and carefully rolled the disgusting sausage into Kelly's bin. “I kind of wished I hadn’t told anyone though, for ages my parents treated me like I was some fragile china or something, then when I eventually asked to stop the drugs it was like my Mum was mad at me. I don't think she was but…” She tucked the now empty sheets into the dirty wash bin by the door.

Kelly swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded before making an effort to help. The magnitude of the job felt insurmountable though.

Seeing her friend floundering, Charlotte made a suggestion, “How about you put on some music and then find a vacuum cleaner?”

Kelly gratefully pulled out her phone, putting on some pirate metal that she knew Charlotte liked. Despite her funk she found herself smiling at the lyrics to wooden leg as she left to find the hoover.

By the time she returned Charlotte had made a surprisingly good dent in the mess. There were piles of things on the stripped bed, sorted into rough categories, paired shoes, toys, books and CDs and random junk. The floor was mostly visible. “Okay, start by putting some of this away, I will vacuum the floor.”

Kelly bit her lip, “Erm… some of it goes in here.” She said, opening the top drawer of her desk and displaying the embarrassing mess in there.

Charlotte laughed and shook her head before making a drawer sized gap on the bed, pulling the whole drawer out and upending it into the space. “That's okay, just sort that too.” She said with a smile, before turning up the volume to max on Kelly's Bluetooth speaker so that it was audible over the vacuum.

They spent the next half hour tidying the room, Charlotte had to head off a few cases of Kelly getting sidetracked, things like alphabetising albums and re-pairing socks but eventually they got the room to a point where it was livable. The mess wasn't as messy and didn't feel like an impossible task to sort. The bin was overflowing and the vacuum had needed to be emptied already but the entire room had been cleaned, polished and they had even flipped the mattress, mainly because Charlotte swore she could still smell sausage, even after pulling all the furniture from the walls and vacuuming underneath.

“My mum might want to talk to your mum.” Kelly said, marveling at the tidy room, “I'm fairly sure she’s going to want to swap daughters.” She had almost made a comment about her wanting Charlotte as a daughter in law but had realised how disappointingly inappropriate that was.

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Charlotte gave her a hug, “And my mum would probably say yes since the brats like you so much.” She squeezed tight before letting go, “How you feeling?”

Kelly gave herself a moment to take account of that before answering, “Better.” She said with a nod. “And I found the bus card.”

“Oh my god! I totally forgot that was why we were doing this!” She grabbed the card from Kelly and stared wide eyed at the bus pass. “Holy cow… do you realise what this means?” Her friend looked back at her with a blank expression. “You can go ANYWHERE!”

“Yeah, so?”

“Hold on, does your sister have one of these too?” She asked with an odd urgency.

“Erm… yes?”

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.” She literally bounced up and down holding the card in both hands. “Wait here!” She said and rushed out the door, accidentally slamming it in the process.

***

Charlotte knocked excitedly on Anne's door, desperate for her idea to work. The picture on the bus pass was tiny, hardly two centimeters across, if Anne's picture was slightly old she figured she might be able to pass it off as her own.

Kelly's sister called for her to come in and Charlotte threw open the door, Anne was cuddled up on her big double bed with her girlfriend watching something on a phone screen, “Can I borrow your bus pass?” She asked, not bothering with any preamble.

Anne frowned but fished her pass out from the wallet attached to the phone with one hand, her girlfriend took the plastic card from her and idly threw it across the room towards the door.

“Thanks.” Charlotte said, closing the door.

She did a little jig when she noticed the card was ancient and faded, the photograph hardly recognisable even up close, “This is going to be so awesome!” She squealed to herself as the barreled back down the hallway.

“How do you fancy a day of proper freedom?” She asked, popping her head just through the door of Kelly's room.

Her friend shrugged and warned her, “I don't have much money.”

“Money is no object!” She pronounced haughtily. “I just need your backpack for a minute.” She grabbed the bag from its place by the door and pulled her head away before popping back in and saying, “Wait right here, I'll be five minutes.”

She closed the door and raced down the hall, her new leg propelling her in a loping run. She stopped at the garage first, throwing some items she had spotted earlier into the bag before hurrying to the kitchen. She raided the fridge, throwing drinks and snacks in the bag before pulling ingredients out for sandwiches and then rummaging in the cupboards for bread and cling film.

Back at Kelly's room in no time flat she panted, “Do you have a spare swimsuit?”

Kelly fished two swimming costumes from her closet with a bemused look before leading Charlotte to the hall closet to get some towels. “So, we’re going swimming?” She asked with an amused smile.

Pleased to have at least marginally cheered her friend up she smiled, “Sort of. You'll have to wait and see!” She threw the now overstuffed bag on her shoulder and dragged her friend to Anne's door, knocking but not waiting before sticking her head in “We’re off out for a bit, when are your parents back?”

“Erm, five.” Came the slightly flustered reply.

“Cool, we should be back before then.” She said, “Don't get her pregnant.” Something hit the door as she pulled her head back, laughing.

“Come on, let's go commit petty larceny.” She told her friend, dragging her out of the house by her hand.

“I'm not shoplifting with you!” Kelly said in a shocked tone.

“NO! Bus pass fraud, silly!” She replied, skipping down the street towards the bus stop.

***

Despite her outward confidence, Charlotte found herself a bundle of nerves waiting for the bus, she studied the borrowed bus pass, committing every piece of information on the tiny card to memory. She knew they wouldn't likely get questioned but it didn't stop her heart racing and her hands from shaking slightly as the bus came around the corner. “Just remember, I'm Anne, your sister. Just don't get my name wrong.” She told Kelly for the third time.

“I know.” Her friend said patiently.

They flashed the passes at the driver, an older lady who glanced at her leg and then at her brightly dyed hair, “I like the hair.” She told them with a nod.

“Thanks! My sister just did it for me this morning.” She told the driver, hoping to sell the lie.

“Well done, very cute.” The lady said in praise, sparking a shy smile from Kelly.

They sat in the back, talking in hushed tones, “The leg helps. Nobody wants to call out the cripple.” Charlotte whispered.

“She hardly even noticed.” Kelly told her, conscious of her friend's own body image issues. “Anyway, I doubt even a trained policeman could tell whether that picture is you or not.”

Shrugging, Charlotte pulled her phone out and plugged in her earphones, offering one to Kelly. She pressed play on her normal playlist and Kelly jumped clean out of her seat, throwing the earbud wildly around on its cable.

“Holy crap!” Kelly said holding her heart, “I'm surprised the bus driver doesn't throw us out for disrupting the other passengers.” She said, theatrically rubbing her ear.

Charlotte laughed, exaggerating a look around the entirely empty bus and turned the volume down to as low as it could go before offering the earbud again, Kelly took it gingerly, acting as if it might bite her.

They sat mostly in silence, listening to music that Kelly would describe as a man swallowing a chainsaw.

It took half an hour for the bus to wind its way through the sleepy suburbs, picking up a total or two more passengers before Charlotte rang the bell to signal their stop.

They thanked the driver as they got off the bus and Kelly looked around in confusion, “We stopped miles from the swimming pool.” She said with a frown.

“Of course! We're not wasting our freedom passes on a boring old swimming trip, this is culture baby!” She said with a spin then grabbed Kelly's hand again to lead her through the streets.

She led her to the city museum, then insisted they use the wheelchair ramp, zigzagging and skipping the long way to the front door before doing three laps of the revolving door. They fell giggling out into the foyer and instantly felt the disapproving eyes upon them, “Oops.” Charlotte sniggered, rushing them onward to the exhibits.

They quickly quietened down, changing pace to a stately meander whilst taking in the Roman relics. It had been years since either of them had visited and the exhibits had changed almost completely since then, they wandered the halls, quietly commenting on the history presented to them, enjoying each other's company.

“Do you think they carved it before standing it up or after?” Kelly asked, looking at a complex celtic cross carved into a standing stone.

“I think they found the standing stone already there and carved their own religious icon onto it.”

“But stones don't just naturally stand on their ends.” Kelly contested.

“Nah, I mean the druids or someone stood it up, everyone forgot why and then some religious nutjob spent months carving it hundreds of years later.”

“Hmmm…” Kelly mused, not convinced. “I guess we'll never know.”

“I'm sure there’s some boffin who can like, carbon date the soil or something.” She looked at Kelly, “You’re smart, you should totally go into science and prove my theories right.”

“Nah, I'm going to make prosthetic limbs.” Kelly said dismissively. “Or robot bodies we can download our conscience into.”

“Oh that would be so cool. I could drive a wall-e robot around!”

“No, like, proper anime robots, ghost in the shell sort of thing.” Kelly said, disgusted at the thought she would put people in tiny trash compactors.

“Boring! Oh! I could totally be like big hero 6!” Charlotte teased her, holding her arms out to the sides and waddling around.

Kelly nudged her playfully with her shoulder and Charlotte swayed dramatically, inadvertently knocking a plinth containing stone age arrowheads which rocked alarmingly.

“And… that's time to go.” Charlotte said, dragging her away quickly. “Things to see, people to do, something something something.” She said trying to look nonchalant.

She didn't risk the bus this time, instead forcing Kelly to skip in lock step the two bus stops to their next destination.